పడవ

ఆట  పడవ 

పోతావా తనతో 

గాలి  వాన  దూరానా 

నిదే తుంపర్ల  నావ 

మానను  ముంచునే 

మర్రిచేట్టువా  నువ్వు 

మరిచేదవా 

నువ్వు  కాగితమని 

నీకు  నీటి మీద 

ఇంత  మోజేందుకే 

చిన్ననాటి చెలిమి వలె 

ని  జ్ఞాపకం 

అ  బురద  నీటిలో 

నిన్ను ఎన్నిసార్లు ఈదమని  వదిలానో 

రెండో పడవ 

చేయటానికి వచ్చునే 

నా మనసు చెప్పింది 

కాగితమే అది కూడా మునుగునని 

నే నిలిచా చూస్తూ కదలని  పడవ   వంక.... 

Love

Planned are those moments spent not in love.

A person’s heart is not always in a condition to both give love and also take love.

It can do both in complete balanced conditions.

May be in perfect (I don’t like to use perfect, may be ‘complete’ is apt) relationship both of them know to balance this, and they also might be good at understanding when the other person is in the state of receiving love (and not in giving state of mind). It takes lot of understanding between couples to reach this balance… And the tougher part is how they maintain it as years pass by, when the needs change, when they have kids and when they grow old. Sometimes one might totally forget to give back when deeply enjoying the love given. It is the toughest of all I guess, may be it is the odd part, I still have to figure out this.

I think in a relationship two persons should be very good friends. This is old line but I have new definition in my thoughts. Sometimes there comes this question, ‘What am I getting if I be with you?” Nothing to be in shock, but it is fair to ask yourself sometimes this question. That is when you know the other person is in receiving state (I leave it to people to understand this, as I can simplify only to this level). So my point is, when I mean friends, both of them have first their own individual lives. They always have this individual life going on, and at times giving your partner chance to be part of your individual life, at times when you think he/she will enjoy what you are doing, at times you think your friends can be his/her friends, at times where that trip you want to go alone might make you feel to share with him/her and at times when you think problems can be shared and relieved sharing with him/her. Just like friends, only difference is you remember them first and you decide to share all (may not be all) these experiences of life with them. That is what I think the other person expects from you. You can answer that question of what you get from other person when you have a beautiful individual life. The need to be confident, with good friends around and enjoying your own single life comes there.

Not necessarily you want to do all this to get an amazing life partner, I recommend all of you at all ages of their life to practice this. Be confident, do what you want to do (especially all those which you think you can do when you are by yourself) and keep that crowd around you happy. Nothing else matters!

Do I sound like Oprah now :P?

Marathon Today!

Before starting about the experience, here is my promise to myself that I will participate any marathon around hereafter. I have seen a peacock, many camels and many many humans who tried to spend their Sunday differently. The marathon took place away from city, near to a small village where I guess people use the road that we walked with very difficulty, as their daily route of transportation. There were large stones, thorn plants and dusty mud like soft bed slipping shoe into it on the way to the starting point to marathon. The organizers had built a small hut shed, made of clay and bamboos and properly shaded with grass on top of hut.

We were four and packed was not only water but also so much enthusiasm. I also carried some thoughts to post something in my blog which might interest me. Till we reached the place, my focus couldn’t come back from those villages we passed on the way. Those houses, cowsheds, olden cots in front of the houses with old men sitting and relaxing, crops and farm houses…all made me think of my village. My village! Could something replace this in my life? I really want something to replace this, something which makes me want to go every time. I stopped thinking of it for a while and tried to forget those broken dreams. I don’t like to call them broken dreams, rather they are unfulfilled dreams. May be I am a living devil.

Weather was unlike Gurgaon at 6a.m, the pot is not yet boiled…I mean the Sun was yet to boil us, so we had light breezes coming our way. Though it was dusty, whenever we got onto better road, we immediately opened car windows to get the breeze. Fresh air can be sold in kilos at gurgaon. I think even I am ready to buy. My friend was having more than good time, driving the village roads, with less or no vehicles passing by.

Once we reached, one group was gathered to start the marathon. Some cheerleaders (males though) were shouting and clapping to encourage us to start. One among us was in 10km run, so he ran ahead of us and we couldn’t meet him till last. And everyone were on their own. Many people were part of it, most them where in their 30’s and to my shock there were many women, a lot married who came along with their kids. Seeing people crossing by me, and thinking about them, I was distracted with some noises. How negative I can think of to write distracted when I heard birds chirping. It was a nice feeling. Till I finish 5km, I told to myself not to stop or rest in between. People were not talking much to each other, in spite of it being a fun run than a competition. After 2.5Km we have to take a U-turn and get come back to the starting point. I started walking after U-turn for a while. And there came those cools guys with cameras. They were official photographers for the event and cheered up people capturing if not missed moments. And I have to tell you that really made me run much better. Every half kilometer when I see the photographer from far, I start running, thinking I have to run while I am on photo. Finally, came back to the end point without a single stop anywhere.

They arranged parathas for all of them, which were made in the hut in front of us. They were tasty.  There I was sitting at an open window in the hut which has no doors anywhere and seeing at the people opening the breezers and beer bottles.  These were provided by organizers. That was all a shock for me. I thought this run will remind everyone about their health and I ended up thinking people are much more than I thought into fun. Never mind, judging doesn’t bring much. If only there was one person who stood strong among the people organizing by not supporting this alcohol thing in the early morning pleasant marathon reminding how important health is, then…? If only!!

I will attend again yet another marathon, with the hope to see different things.

Against something is a gene again. We too took some photos. On return journey a camel was walking opposite to the car and we stopped a while to see it. I thought if it is free like this always and if these were like other animals like street dogs and cats free to live and walk without owners. May be not!

As we entered the city, I felt good and when I felt so, I pitied my mind for being happy for this. Life has its own beauty. Sometimes you enjoy which you daily crib about.

Just two hours back I did all this. Lot more to do on this Sunday morning. Good morning chirpy birds!!!

Coffee Bar

I could add the title before even starting writing, my room is like some coffee bar.
With a new book (I dunno how often I buy new books, that has become a habit more than a hobby) on my lap I thought of adding my bucket list. Such a nice day to think what is still pending in my life to do. I thought it would be like big list. But it wasn't easy. I first thought of the list of animals I wanted. First came horse (after dreamer movie I really want to have one) and then one big dog (should be almost my height) and ..my all time favorites rabbit, turtle, squirrel and fishes. May be I want a monkey too (if I wont marry a monkey :P) to keep some fun in life. By the way, I should keep my list secret, everyone copies these days from me :D

I was thinking this early morning, may be men and women are hanging on opposite sides in the earth (assuming globe) and in between there is a magnet (all physics experts are requested not to comment). When they come close they get attached and get so closer like two iron pieces on either side of magnet and when they go far they might be hanging in their own zones with that magnetic waves or whatever. It might be tough to get into another magnetic zone, may be it is repulsive at times. After all earth is so big, how many zones one has to hit to find the right iron piece.

Motivating Weather and Social Realities-Gurgaon Mood Changers!

Back at gym, a girl asked me a fine question when I came out of steam, ‘Are you from Hyderabad?” I just hated her analysis on me and the exact way she guessed something like that. I said yes and didn’t try to ask how she knew. Instead, I asked if she was from Hyderabad too. Then, she said she worked there before and can recognize people from there by face. More smart than me. But then, I thought time to make new friends, and she could make an impression at the first minute by asking a question like that, unlike many women who can suppress or less care to ask that. Then with a series of nice questions, I told her I would meet her after kickboxing class Monday and we can go sopping. She confirmed saying, ‘I hope you will not kick me’. After all, I have to come there everyday and I would really get bored without friends. But why have I become so choosy. May be my friends made me like this. All those whole bunch of old good friends, who make it tough for new list of friends. Standards ah! Never mind, they have there own way, like the one who got me at gym. From the place where the row of treadmills is located, we can see many employees passing by, in their most stylish clothes everyday. Thankfully, they cannot see us. My office is above the gym and I like the thought that above my head my colleagues are working hard and filling fat in their available empty cells. Yeah cell!

I forgot them. I liked drawing ‘cell’ always. Making a big round and drawing organelles inside in the exact way it is in the book initially. I was the one in the class to tell that we can keep the organelles wherever we want. And I knew they won’t be like the way they are in the text book picture. I hope I have not written this already in my blog. One day in my Masters, I woke up in the morning and took a book, in the last page, drew the dream of replication (it is a pathway that happens in cell). I drew some images and then went to ask my lecturers on the same day and asked if that dream would be possible. I asked and shown that representation to many I remember. I thought the process in my book was wrong and mine was right. I got answers to them in IISc, that all the processes are not right, and they are assumed by someone, which are being confirmed or said wrong by someone or the other like me later. And my assumptions might also be right. But then, I always feel great when I think of this. Like some big scientist some process came to dream and shown me a different way of it. Now, I don’t say this to anyone. May be I should tell.

Saving thoughts of the month,

Recharge your internet with a basic plan, very basic and use it limited. Now I write my post on a word document offline and upload it after it is done. Not only saving but, laptop is going to be with me few more weeks only so it was better to recharge basic.

And gym has automatically reduced my food expenses. However, I didn’t end up drinking lassi’s, they are the only way to cool down the body in this hot weather. This morning in rickshaw with hot flames passing my stole covered face, made me think, that I should earn so much that, this heat should stop outside my vehicle.

Motivating weather!!

Sensitive to social realities! The issues in gurgaon are sensitive. Cultural ethics have not reached even the roads; forget about houses and people’s mind. In front of the office building at 9pm, weekday, you may find people mostly cabdrivers, sitting on top of their cars holding a tall beer or something else. I am not surprised, have been preparing to see much more weird things here. For two rupees change a tollgate, a guy shot the employee sitting at toll. I might have heard these things in many places in India, but the sensitivity of the matter is to be questioned. People’s magnificent minds have not been pushed to reach their next levels here. What should I do for them? My question in silence has become my everyday time pass. Will I pass my time till I leave from here? Is everyone doing same?

  

How often we give up?

Having an imagination of clear thoughts cannot always lay route to the clear words.

Loads of interrupted solid valuable lessons passed my mind recently. I have to say I forgot to capture them; nevertheless I end up giving a conclusion that whatever I write now is the latest of those thoughts and would cover all the maturity that other thoughts bought me.

In the experience of leading an undisturbed life recently, I realized that when I was young I was ready to take up risks. In order to keep less confusion in life I started learning to be proper and am always trying to figure out ways to make things perfect and I realize I am missing one big element of life in this course. The part of keeping life less stressful is fine, but what about totally giving up on some things to avoid or smoothen your daily life? Is it not less challenging? Figured out this or gave a damn, either case I decided to live life at the edge, taking the necessary risks that show to the world what I taught to myself.

An hour and a half past the day started with one new thought. If hope is a good thing and having ‘no hope’ is also a good thing. If hope keeps you going, having ‘no hope’ also keeps you going. If hope gives you happiness it’s the same with ‘no hope’. But one thing that hope can bring and the other counter part cannot is ‘the person’.

Optimism till death!! Uneven methodology in creating required dose of happiness for a sound sleep!

Yeah sleepy! Goodnight and Wonderful No-Hope Counter Part Dreams!

Hero's in one's Life

Tender World

Ok this was for today.
I am worried if I sometimes write something that is too judgmental and then the next minute I realize, a long way of life I lived to think of people who judge me. Not only me, I have met enough people who give damn about judging.

Last Sunday was a completely new experience for me. A whole day spent with 4yr old baby girl and 2yr old boy. I am glad I made friends with some cute family and with those lovely two kids. I never realized I would be out that day taking more than expected lessons.

After playing sometime at their house, we went to a temple and in the car the girl kid was very excited to sit on me. I dressed her, and pleated her small tender hair and arranged puppy pins, so that they wont come up. She was such a sweet one, never shook during the whole hair tidying process. And in the car, when I was brushing her hair with my finger, she was relaxing enjoying herself on me, with her two legs on the front seat. I lost into the thoughts, which you can imagine..about my future. I suddenly realized she was talking to me and when I asked her about it, she took my hand and kept it on her hair...So much love I got on her, with that small act, she wanted me to brush hair with my fingers. I did the same holding her more and more close.

Its been so long I hugged someone. Made my heart free. I slept in the whole way home holding her and my friend beside me offered her shoulder to sleep.

I have seen the whole day the mother of those kids. She made me realize what it is to deal with a family. And she tried every minute to make best for her children and her husband. And to my shock, she comes to the same office like me and works at same pace like me. Just before we were leaving out of the house, she cooked few Idly in minutes and packed so that kids might be hungry in between. She knew the kids. She knew how to make her husband laugh in keeping herself occupied with kids. It was not just responsibility, it was more of love which is keeping her climbing.

May be it is much more than that. I think women finds solitude in doing somethings at some age. The best way of enjoying for her was keeping everyone happy around her. May be she fails to do it at times but she never quit. Yes she never quit!

I wake up in the mornings to read this book 'Green Well years'. It is a book on the author's childhood stories in the temple city, Madurai. I don't want to finish the book, so I read only few pages a day and then think about it whole day. Childhood is such a precious thing. And along with this, I bought another book 'Compromise'. Title sounds interesting, but the actual reason to buy it was my shock that people really know how to deal with it and probably I will share my ideas once I read it. I saw a beautiful dress this Saturday in the mall and then I came out and bought this two books. The dress was 6k, but it was something just meant for me...he he..I felt like this at many shops though :) And then, I had to buy this books to make me feel better for not buying the dress. Back there my sister is all excited about her trip to Gangtok and I who couldn't make it for the trip have readily sent my interest to the 5km marathon with some of my team mates. It is the first time I am participating in something like this and I am super duper excited. 

How random?

For all those beautiful girls
I found something very interesting today
May be if I found the same after few years I would surely regret
There is a style that everyone of you carry and would want to experiment with
I mean here with clothes, styling your hair, wearing some kind of shoe or any external thing
This style part of all of us doenst have any co relation with our age, state of mind.
You might agree with age, but not state of mind. Let me come to that after talking about age.
Irrespective of what age we are, we can always wear whatever we wish to. Clothes have nothing to do with age. In fact, you might want to try all the weird or funky clothes very soon before you even think about the age.
And yes state of mind..
Soon after some series of sad happenings in people's lives, they generally give up on everything, everything!
They realize some time later, may be after few years, they have changed after that incident.
But trust me guys there is no need of that change. The style you have and want to have is just gonna stay with you forever.You have to make that happen. And then only you will realize how beautiful you are, you will be always.

I would regret if I don't write it, though many know this.
Somehow, my blog says to me, what I am.
I love that fact.

ఏకాంతం

ఏకాంతం వింతగా 

వద్దు అనేంతగా 

సాయంకాలం నా వైపు రెండోసారి చూసిన తర్వాత

నవ్వుకున్న నేను చాలాకాలం తర్వాత  

సర్దుకుంటూ నా పై వాలిన జుట్టును 

మర్చిపోయా ఓ క్షణం నా ఒట్టును

ఈడుస్తూ నడిచా కొంత దూరం 

మోస్తూ కొంత భారం 

ఉంటుందేమో రాత

అనే గీత 

నాలోని చిలిపితనం 

మరిచెంత పిచ్చితనం 

రాలేని గెలుపు

ని తలపు

People want you to do useful stuff all the time.
Thats why they ask you to grow up.
Do not misunderstand them for they are taking away your childishness or WHATEVER!
Ok. I read somewhere writing in bold something means you are actually yelling.
Anyways, this post purely goes for one small change I decided to make in my profile i.e 'About me'.
And yeah I don't have to yell about it, but it means a lot. A LOT ;)

Almost four years back I wrote this line,
"I think myself sweet, honest and innocent. I take things in the most happy and amused way"

I just changed the word innocent to matured. A relevant substitution to the changing times. A must needed compliment I give for my swelling thoughts.

A mind that works, always get its stake of respect and all the honor. It is wonderful to know, that people know to give respect to your acts of mind. Actually may be that is all we have to prove to get that piece of cake, I mean respect.

-

One colleague got black grapes in his box the other day and in them I got a jamoon fruit (black plum). I can remember its sceintific name (Syzgium cumini) too. Less compliments to me and more to my great biology teacher Alwyn Sir in 8th standard. And then, though I tried to convince that was a jamoon my colleagues were arguing it was a grape.

I went to the desk. Sitting there for a minute came that thought.

I saw a black plum (sounds much easy to call) seed in the bus, somewhere between seats and as soon as I reached home, asked my mom, if I can go to the house of my relatives who live a bit far from my house. It was evening and she knew why I generally go there. I didn't take any friends especially who can climb trees faster than me. Once I reached their house, politely I asked if they have some of those fruits (generally they pluck everyday). I know what to do next, I said I will try to find one if they are finished at home. They said fine, as one of their daughter was mom's classmate. I went on climbing tree, and when found one, ate it there itself, they were not ripe, still I ate. I can get down normally from the tree but I jump from so much height. 

I remember their house only for those fruits.

My parents have been famous for their acts of kindness and courage.

To my wonder both were. One was more sensible. The other has been a kid at heart till the death. Never wanted to know the bad in the world. 

My sister and me know very well and warn each other when we are not living the way my mother asked us to. When we laugh on phone at some things happening around, that is when I knew, we cherish the values of my mother. So internally! A warmth feeling of her surrounds me with the thought.

New office is very similar to new relationship.
Initially they create new expectations from either side and any one of them realize his/her standards should rise to match the other one. So, then starts this journey, people name it interesting phase. Because once you reach a saturation point, where you don't have anything more to learn you look for new job. Sadly, relationships work with slight difference after this point. You end up with tragedies and melodramas, which are basically bought to fancy the relationships further. People move to new jobs, they make great careers. People don't move to new relationships, they also make great lives. The last two statements are written very positively. Sometimes, they can be opposite.

However, my point is, do a person have to go through a interesting phase of job and relationship at a time. If he/she has to work hard both in career and relationships, how is his/her life gonna appear. May be they always beat head at office and after office. And I can't stop noticing but, it is worth going through whatever phase an office gives, new learning, new people etc. But in contrast, the relationships offer you some great challenges. And you can't make a CV out of it if you are well experienced, you can only make one much more smart step next time.

I am still in the process of learning how humans are making relationships work. I however, could not possibly find the reason for their well-being if I start enjoying one. So, I think this is the time to look more into them and learn as much as I can.

Human craving for something that will never be their own is very high. A high percentage of brain can drain in this process of craving. It takes one's simple logic moment to work with it. But craving kills all of it. The longevity of your character builds with the narrow focus on the craving which can alter your shadow. A vision of multiple thoughts can maximize your self control muscle strength.

Keep your mental muscles in good shape.

A reason to say Good Night!

Oops I am so blank now. Was flooded with thoughts some time back.
Yeah what I want to talk was about these girls and their brain usage.
I am curious these days that how often girls use their brains. The logical side of them is shut most of the time.
And the emotional side of them works round the clock shutting the so ever opening logical doors.
What is this emotional side? Do we really need it?
Yes I guess so, according to those old generations, woman with emotional side are found attractive, more feminine exactly.
The point is, how long. How long is the question of modern woman, who think logic is taking away their so called personal lives. May be these woman better live in the sun unseen world. I literally mean it. Because it is so very long that, the minute you stop using it, it starts using you. No better way to illustrate it, I bet you should try it. Once. It is worth it. ;) Moreover, you can give lectures to people like me.

And I realize that sometimes office can be a totally a different experience. I feel like I just started working, like a fresher all over again. May be the way they teach me things is making me think so. I am trained for every small thing. Being organised! Yeah I use this again. Looks like this will never leave me till it teaches me what it wants. Hopefully this time it gotta stuck with me for quite long time, because, not one but more than half a dozen people are trying to make me learn this. Not to mention but, that 'not one' is someone I really miss. So, then I have this reminders every where, in my calender, my phone, my inbox, pop-ups, post-it...I know what is so much remember? Yes! there are lot of things that my lil mind is stuffed with. Oh why is it lil now. My big mind is stuffed with!! Fantastically I desired for some awards over here. Yep you heard me right :) I have changed. So much that I dream them at times :P

Hee hee

Then, I ran over my excel sheet and strangely found that its been 12 days in this month and I haven't spend single penny on me, except those daily lunch expenses. I kept a watch on expenses but this is lil too way of my expectations. Nice though! And this weekend, girls are going on strike by not buying anything from anywhere in this place. How nice, I got another reason to not spend!

I watch this English serial everyday in TV. More than an hour, which fortunately even my roomie got interested with. And while watching we enjoy conversing on whatever they wear and talk, and that is when I remember those two gals..one is sitting in Bangalore and the other in Australia. On a week day, after dinner, we put blanket on the floor in the hall and put the TV on. And then, laptop is on, on the other side. Both sides movies are playing and we hold our hands and shout at scenes, simultaneously watching both, with some jokes and my loud laughs we go to sleep so late. We never used to discuss these things on the next day, probably we know we will discuss it on a day like this.

mmm.

Though I am a bit afraid of the cold weather, I am very excited about the planned Kashmir trip. I want to see those trees I studied in 7th or 8th standard 'Kashmiru pattana vishistatha' . Wow..I will see them all soon. And also excited to see all those Kashmir classmates of mine from Bangalore.

And I have a tip for all those gals, who get often emotional. Just when you think you are hitting that zone, turn off your lights and sleep off to enter into peaceful world. Goodnight all!

I saw sky totally dark at 5pm in the evening today. I came and stood in the same old place on the 6th floor of a tall building. A small place from where you can see everything outside including a circular fly over and red and white lights of cars as they pass in either directions. Standing there, everyday I miss something for sometime and today I didn't feel like that. Seeing the sky with full of clouds, clouds like they were once in my village, I felt easy. Easy to bare today's pain. People keep coming to that place, where I was standing and were all excited that it will rain. I felt like talking to everyone who were passing by. With some I tried.
Desperation is Strategic Way, in some terms.
I hear lot of things like this, these days.
And then, I miss my house in village. My old house. For years we had a wooden roof, which come from long trees. Among them two of the wooden sticks (I dunno what we call them, but they are huge..as huge as they can kill some one when fallen from that height), had cracks on them. My parents where always worried that they will fall on us. And we have to sleep under them every night as we don't have much place around. I remember they both were fighting to sleep under that cracked wood and I after I grew enough to understand the issue, started fighting for sleeping under the same crack. Ha ha..may be I thought it is fun to die like that. But never they allowed us. Sometimes, I used to think that if the roof fall on all four of us, there will be nothing. Same thing once happened near my village and everyone except one gal was no more. She used to go to school still. I gave her place in the bus whenever I see her standing. I thought we can come to school even without parents. How funny!! You can do anything. Anything can be achieved or you can also fall how deep down you want to. Possible!

And today I remember all these death things. Because my close friend, my first friend on this earth, swati, we were friends from Nursery to 2nd class, passed away along with her husband in a road accident on highway, the last I saw her was when she was writing her 12th standard physics record, in a place 'Tharthuru' near my village. I thought why did she take maths, when I took biology, I thought we both were so same. She left her only son who is born recently on this planet to live on his own. The day went thinking about her and her cute cheeks which I always admired. I miss her. 

Where r u?

A selfish pocket
A pocket for twinkling eyes
Mud removed for fishes
Eyes cried for known truth
A picture to see in real
Tree of your own
A mind you always dream for
Once those cherished are your values

With a Rough Tone I Say...

I never felt anytime this way.
That I have to be smart while talking to normal people around. Oh Yes we have to. It is Delhi.
There was this girl in the cab who was raising her voice towards me, when I was showing directions to the cab driver. It was late and on top of that I hardly know any directions to my guest house. And now this girl complains about my left and right directions. It was 10 p.m already and I was in no mood to fight with her, moreover I started feeling sorry for her, thinking she might be staying far and I was frustrating her with my directions. The cab rushed with speed and I carefully tried to remember turn to my block. For a while everyone where quite and suddenly I started feeling the real gurgaon around..that tense in people to reach home as soon as possible before nothing happens.
The jokes in office where, 'you can keep your gold chain with project manager or deputy manager, otherwise you will lose', 'are you planning to live in U block then, you better plan to buy another laptop, as u will lose the current one soon'...not funny ah!!
I see, people give importance to the way they dress. So much, that a simple bee like me would be not considered among their list of talking people. He he..that sounds funny now.
I decided not to change, not to leave my simplicity for a while, till I totally understand the whole system over here. I just don't want to end up learning something stupid and later I cannot maintain.
I dunno what can be done to the places like this...which are called unsafe. I still didn't get the real feel of unsafe word here. But we get to learn to survive at worst situations..especially girls will learn to take care of  themselves every minute. This is another pressure all the time though.
Apart from that, I got my work today and colleagues are so very excited about my IISc life, I got tired of explaining them same things. And one more shocking thing was, more than 70 percent of office is married. Both male and female population gets married by the age of 25.
In the rest room, I saw my face in mirror and beside me two too much fair girls stood painting their faces to get into the cabs to be back home. I suddenly felt I am so dark. Then, again thought, if I am thinking like this, what is the condition of a normal person, who will take anything very seriously. Uff! Stopped that thought right that moment.
I was wondering what all the things I am thinking and bothering. There was a moment today when I felt, all these is just for another one and half year..later I will move to southern part. But then, I decided to enjoy every minute of this one and half year.
Adapting is tough, but changing is easy. When you adapt, you are not leaving your strong views on yourself, when you change you change those views.
Every time, when I say a strong word in office, with that rough tone in voice, I ask myself where did I learn this from..I am enjoying the way I am dealing with new work and new people.
I got the shirt today from Ironing, one which is kept there in my suitcase from almost an year after it was gifted. Tomorrow I will wear it.
These days I dunno what I miss exactly, but I miss something. Thats fine. It is better not to know. I am happy this way.

Logic of Love- Be Dumb

In New Delhi. I think the name sounds majestic and somewhat modest, may be it is the way I imagined it so far.
A new place always gives you new thoughts and new hopes, a whole new perspective of yourself.
All of sudden the issues you fight for everyday changes and the new issues takes much longer time to settle in.
I think it is all about people in the world we are currently surrounded with.
First day in the company guest house was a bit exciting than today, now that its been three days over here, I got bored of this four walls and unnecessarily comforting facilities around. In the morning I was thinking that, people who travel a lot must be used to this kind of comforts and have high benchmarks for their living manners. Things like this never end. Luxury is a fashion, a rich fashion to comfort your mind that always things there is something else more in this world. Nothing is there here. Only you create those dreamland.
I think there are creative and destructive people when talking about dreamland. When you create an imaginable story for your future or for any person; a smart fellow creates in a logical way, a dumb fellow creates it illogical. But the happiest is always the dumb one. I can bet on this I say.
A logical guy is the one who is careful in the entire process of creating the dreamland. Breaking this dreamland ends with just a simple logic too. In creating dreamland with logic, the invested is the time wasted in that person's life, as significant moments in all those creation is missed in logic. The moments grabbed are artificially created and then the closing phase is much more easy. I am sure they have logic for this too if we ask them for.
A dumb one; sorry I like to call it that way, because illogical people are called so in this less understood world..yeah a dumb one on the other hand takes wrong steps throughout the process, creates a complicated dreamland while choosing between right and wrong, which ends up in pain and confusion during the end phase.


People in this world generally worry with issues on relationships just by being illogical. Its good. Please keep worrying. The real essence lies there. Logic will end you with  creating thousands of dream lands and you waste your life in the whole process of creating.


Love and logic never goes together. It flops and fails if you try so. Always!!!,
People who think they are balancing both DOESN'T EXIST.

A challenging dark day
A woman of thoughts
A mind disturbed
A truth of depth
A touch of pain
A memory of road
A ghost
A worthy acceptance
A vanished darkness
-Bindu

Marigold

At school, I remember there was a small rain water stagnate place behind our bus stop

At nights before sleeping I think how far the paper boat I made that evening after school must have traveled..

I used to think if it drowned with any bullock cart's wheel, I will again make new one next morning..

Back in school, I remember how I used to feel seeing those tiny feet of small children from kindergarten. I used to get so much love on them. I like the hand kerchiefs they hung on their front pockets of shirts.

I remember when the bus stops at the school, how I run to the nearby farm to pour the remaining water from my water bottle to the plants..

After it rained, with that moist weather, black clouds around the school, eyelids twinkling with water drops, mud hands washed in rain water to appear like frozen fingers, I see the house in farm opposite to the school...I thought you have to be rich to live like that..may be I was wrong...you have to choose to live there not earn..

There was a love shaped small water pond on the way to home, that was a mark for me to know how far I reached home. I sometimes not see the pond, thinking someone might think of me bad seeing love shaped things..

In bus, I see so carefully towards the road standing beside the driver. Most of them were friends to all of us. I tell him when a squirrel or salamander is passing by, so that he will not stamp on it. And if I see any of them already dead on road, I say about it to mom and my friends in school.

And in rainy season, I had this love for marigold flowers, they were so beautiful with long petals, changing colors and small stems, so delicate plants. On Sunday, in the cycle I hire for an hour, I go around the village seeing everyone's garden if they have those plants and I ask them to give me one with nice color. I think I liked yellow those days. And I come home rushing to plant them in our garden. It used to get all the attention one can give to anyone on earth. I kiss the plant when it gives flower. When the flower withers, I take its seeds, dry and sprinkle them at same place.

What?

A wonder worm entered my mind in last few hours
It made me remember something that I exactly can't recall
But all of a sudden, I jump with new energy
Hey you spark!!
You are wonderful!
Sometimes I have to kick you so hard to remember who you are...
.....took long time ah...
never late
and never far
your life is such a beautiful one
I got you on hold
Play!!!

Window opened with night wind

Feeling sleepy
How would it be to imagine being the child of a living mother
I actually forgot how it feels after forcing myself to stop thinking about it
There lay my village in those dark this night
Rahman has lot of sad melody songs...they are trying to keep me awake
She comes to bus stop everyday to hold me tight first and take my bag and walk me home
I wonder she sat whole afternoon thinking how I must be studying, sleeping, laughing in school
She must have missed me
Someone missing you long back is dunno for some reason strength for me
A human heart is soft, actions are strong, thoughts are strong
My days are fantastic. How dare I say that...ha ha.. I love myself so much.
I have been reading Rabindranath Tagore poetry from morning
I deleted those favorite poet sites bookmarked in my office computer few days back
Poetry brings so much comfort to mind
I change my shift to avoid morning thoughts
Now there aren't making me very weak
I feel sleepy
My home in my village
My mom in my mind
My love in my heart

My dreams in this world

I only want my world to filled with small simple things, how I know to be happy for any small things that come in my life, every person I meet the way I feel everyone is special in this world, not to run with people, run only with my slow moving thought foot, stop showing to the world the egoism that is expressed to resemble the existence of one.

I wonder what you would be doing now!
You must be sleeping facing towards those farms where you stood once talking to me
I used to dream how I would live there sometime

Songs are bringing the high I wanted
High
So high in love
A fantastic feeling that comes only very rarely to someone
Though people call it sad

I started enjoying it
Being high in love
Thank god my thoughts cannot be stopped
I bought something from shop today for you
Spent three hours to select something for you

Life isn't harsh on anyone
It only thinks we are harsh on it

My eyes hurt, I slept only 4 hours everyday from last three days
When I sleep my dad who comes home late feeds me fruits, I eat them when I am asleep.
Does he think I ate less or may be he thinks he cant wait till tomorrow to see me eating
May be that was making happy
I still remember the way you mix curd rice and place in mom's plate and ours. We sit on the table and you both feed us all the food.
Food is made of love..may be that's why it never tastes the same

Along with your blood and nerves, you both passed a feeling so bright into me, that tells me, reminds me always 'You had the best parents'....love you both everyday

Replacing you with a leaf

A minute to be another day.
I was waiting for this time.
Time to be alone.
Wanted to spend with myself after the trip.
Think peacefully where I am heading to.
No one in this world want to waste their time.
It makes perfect sense when I think like this.
Anyone can go far from you for this reason.
The reality is that, I always realize things after losing.
May be I never lose anything.
Life moves on.
I just need some food, small job and strength to fight basic issues.
Knowing the fact all the major issues already passed makes me feel a bit better.
I can always create some problems for myself though, I currently am in no mood.
Do not know how people find this new year, but life has dramatically changed for me this year.
Trying to forget or not focus on somethings lets you to focus on some other things.
I want to buy some really important things this year.
A laptop, a small vehicle for myself, a nice writing table and live in a nice apartment with beautiful view.
I was very happy to stay in tall building watching from one big window.
Each window opened in front of me a new world.
I also want to visit some scenic places this year. Full of greenery and pleasant breezes.
I dream these days lying on a green grass in a silent place, with my handbag aside, closed eyes, listening to birds..soon falling asleep and wake up to see bright moon flashing on my face saying 'its a pleasant night'..I turn aside and look at the far trees, dark clouds pretending to be invisible, smearing a leaf beside me.
Some people's presence cannot be replaced by anything but nature.
May be that's why I like dreaming this.

Day and night it was not to pass time
it was a serious thought
i dont want anyone to understand this probably
i pity girls in this world today
for the first time
may be or the last time
i got back the confidence for a minute
there are hell lot of issues and problems a gal can worry about
how do all of them live
may be they never know
how scary the world is
everyday is tough
i hate my things that all fallen around me
i sat in the bus yesterday travelling back from the village
i see all the people moving along with the bus
i imagine them all with just bones sitting in there and jumping
thats all we all are
i run away when problems come very close to me
after running some distance..i bring back some brave thoughts and run back
will i win the race this way
its tough
tougher than i never expected
one thing i know now
the more i go back the more distance i have to travel back to the destination
only thing i m glad is that
i still have courage to run back and catch that fast moving train
give me a hand to get in

Dusted Pollen Travelling All The Way To Reach You

When not in this world, you only have to think you are being thought by someone

A matter of memory

Why take more pain.

Years are never short...only pain is long..

Happiness is just like a pimple in your teenage..

Age! leaves you with cheated heart

Factors that are influencing most at a moment are the most repulsive one's at other moment

Such an inflexible one is your mind when you look deep into it

Otherwise you care less, it care less

Ends are dusted pollen meant to grow when fallen on something real

Wind takes them to there destinations

Do they have a choice or do they really care where they are falling
The world is going to grow its seed no matter where it falls
Winters are moody
I went out searching for room heaters last year
As dew on a glass
I touched those drops of memories...delicate, misty, soft, fresh..
You know how I feel
I wish I was a bird which can fly anywhere without permissions

Hey Brain!

Mind
It wont happen
You cant do it
Never you were born to do it
Nor grown to do it
You can only make and take certain steps
Future is all bullshit
I might die the next minute
You might be free of thoughts any minute
I asked each nerve ending to stop passing each thought to you
They reciprocate so loud and I again ask same question to each nerve
I gave up
You hired something called sleep
And I wont allow it to reach you
How troubled you are being with me!
In spite of all this
I want you to read others mind
Do you think you can read there nerve endings?
You cant I know that
And I still force you
How insane me!
I am trying so hard to find you a company
When I get you one
You can stop your work
I will ask the other mind to help you
You may relax!
I will promise you to get one of such kind
My brain!!

Socrates says it is the ulcer of soul!

I came to visit my sister in Kolkata two days back. Doing things different from what I got used to do in my one year at Hyderabad.

I visited places like Victoria memorial, Howrah Bridge, Park Street. We took a long walk on Howrah Bridge; people were carrying giant bags and baskets on their shoulders and walking fast. I can feel that rush in their feet, caused due to the pain on shoulder. Their hands were properly toned. When did I last feel that pain? Did I ever feel?  I sit in that air conditioned office with less work and expect to earn what these people earn in whole year, in just one month. I go to gym to burn my fat, to tone my body, while these people work so hard to fill their stomach and get toned. World is really cheating everyone!

I guess Christopher Ryan’s book changed my perspective towards people. When a driver drives fast, when he thinks of competing with the other guy, I think of the chapter he mentions about ‘jealousy’. Everything started with this one word. Whole human destruction!

" The jealous know nothing, suspect much, and fear everything"
-Curt Goetz

Sadly we think, convince, and satisfy ourselves saying that our current lifestyle is much better than our past civilisations. May be we are totally wrong in our thought system. They were much happier those days. I am convinced!  Remember last time you saw an old movie and thought how sweet those days were, how innocent those girls looked, how marvellous those song lyrics were…Yes! We all like old things and we do like modern things, because we think modern life brings us happiness in more easy and shortest route.

I have been doing this from some time. I observe people much carefully to find what the common aspects that people are jealous on were. Not many things came into light in my understanding. It has been a quite a good number sample analysis from my side, which includes huge set of my colleagues, some of the close friends and people I get to meet every day (shopkeeper, dhobi, auto drivers, workers in office, receptionists). I was noticing them and trying to see if they are jealous of something in their life. If yes, then what was it? Why was it so important to be jealous? Are we humans bound to that particular thing so much, that we have to be jealous?

I got a courier one day in office and the receptionist begged me to open the cover in front of him. It was not compulsory but he was curious. I asked him that stupid question that minute. If he also wanted to get some courier one day? He kept quite. By the time I opened and he saw that there was a book in it, his face shown lack of interest. I asked him what he was expecting to be in the courier. He was smiling and said may be some card and chocolate kind of gifts. My god, I was shocked. If there were something really like that I would not even think of opening it in front of him. He missed that common sense, but gave me good info. People are jealous on other’s happiness. Most of them are living with the same issue. Happiness in terms of luxury, love, and other benefits. They end up sad and start up with jealousy.

Shopkeeper in front of my house hates most of the people who walk into that shop. I promised myself many times not to go to his shop. But my laziness forces me to go to nearby shop. However never talk anything more than what u want in his shop. Not even any expression. One day he shown me a Bru coffee sachet and said some price for it. I said “what!!! This is small packet; it must be less than that price”. He just took it so seriously, he was yelling at me ‘if you want buy..buy..otherwise go, this is my price, my shop’ and what not…he said so many. I felt very upset, thought of not reacting anymore. I asked him, why he was so upset, while  paying money. He still was upset. He said ‘my shop is not like 9 to 6 job, I have to work from early morning to late night, and I have to handle people like you so many. I cannot explain the Bru rate so many times.’ He was jealous that my life was easy. May be I thought he too want to be lazy like me. People are jealous on laziness. Remember people saying ‘Man you are so lucky...you got rich dad’, ‘How nice you don’t have work in office...this is life’, ‘You stay with your parents….how lucky you get to eat home food’…People are lazy! They envy whoever is lazy than them. They try to do something to satisfy that ego point. That something is the root cause for destruction.

I don’t know the best way to lead life. But I surely know jealousy will lead us nowhere. We end up as ‘progressing incapable total justifiers of The Great Human Destruction’.

I have been arguing on various topics every day after reading this evolution book. It is taking me to extremes of human and I get worried my mere existence might be questionable one day. Knowing humans and their emotions better will make us lead much peaceful life by being more open to their extreme and normal behaviours. Frustration, jealousy, anger...these kind of sequential words would not trouble you more if we consider other person as other person. He or she is just other person. Never yours/ you are never anyone’s. This is that simple. Accept it or not.  Life is complex only when you cross this level. Sadly we all push into this phase early or late with the word called ‘Marriage’. I don’t know, I might also end up doing this, but the principle remains constant. You only owe your life. Getting happiness out of it is your sole decision.

Right books can change your life..

hrudayama

prema nijanga vuntundha?
yekkuva anandam vasthe hrudayam pani cheyadha?
yendhukintha sunnitham e manasu?
bathakatam intha kastama?
neetho matladalani anipisthundi

What does she do on Sunday?

My friend woke me two days back early in the morning. She rarely calls me.
My bachelors college mate. She discontinued in her 2nd year to get married.
I was upset on her for few days for quitting studies in between.
She called me that day morning and requested me to wake up.
I asked her what is the matter.
She said she need a help.
I was sure, she was in some problem.
"My son's teacher asked him to write an essay on what his mom does on Sundays, can you help me saying sentences in English?"
I said OK. When I was done with translation along with some spellings, she thanked me and hung the phone.
Enough work for my brain that morning. What not went through my mind. Guilt, anger, hopelessness.

Diamonds..Pearls..

AM I looking dull??
No I guess
I wore nice silky top today for sometime
Not so dull
I came early from office
Surely not dull
Bought chicken to cook
Of course I am not dull then
No radiant words-energy is absent
I repeat the same again
If I am dull
Diamond thoughts as I dig
Mud filled madness
When did diamonds lose their value
Should I myself clean the mud on them
I was not a pearl to come from those soft cushioned shells
When I am alone I can imagine people sitting in some distance to me
And seeing at me
I hate them all ..whom I can see like that

Men & Their Strange Food Habits :)

I was sitting in the cafeteria this afternoon, at one corner table along with my team mates eating my lunch.

I was the only girl and all of them where guys at that table.

Remaining girls in team are in either girls groups or paired up with some particular guys..

I sit with these guys group who talk much about politics, some graphs and few of them imitating girl voices..

They are funny mostly..but when all these wont tickle my laughing buds, I stare at the crowd around me...

I covered all the girls in the office, I know which one wears which ear rings for particular dress and I know who is wearing new anklet that day.. I am so updated you can say..

The second thing that makes me curious in canteen is the boys with lunch boxes.

I have done a cupful of analysis on this, still learning more..

Age: Below 23

These guys don't bring any boxes. They are more in the phase of exploring food, they might take some more time to realize what they are eating outside is not healthy. However, there are few guys who bring a decent box sent by their mom's. I consider them as the one's who either spent many years in hostel and just returned hometown to work or they have a strict mom who is particular to carry the box. I am in favor of the last category in this group...who falls into lower middle class and willing to send some money to their parents, so they get up in the morning and cook some food or they have a small family in town who cooks and he don't have an option of eating outside often.

Just before marriage or newly married:

This is the most commonly seen group in the canteen.They are also most confused group. I saw on one Friday a guy keeping his big lunch bag on table, took out a small colorful tube from that bag and poured something on his hands..It took me a minute to realize that he used hand sanitizer before eating. Then he opened Maaza bottle which he purchased from the canteen (may be he thinks his food tastes better with Maaza around) and poured it in a Tupperware glass he bought form home. He was kind enough to offer the adjacent guy some Maaza. No shame the other fellow drank almost everything..anyways then this guys took out nice lunch bag with three small boxes in it..he took three spoons and placed on each box. I didn't understand his logic..may be he don't  like to use single spoon for three different dishes..mm mm..how does it matter..he puts everything in his single mouth.. lil too much hygienic habits...

And then, on the other day, I saw this guy who brings a box and starts distributing it to all the girls around..then only I realized why this guy is flocked with so many girls all the time..what a trick..easy one ah...

And there is unique set which I shouldn't forget..they are health conscious guys..who goes to gym at times..thinks they have got nice body..they bring boiled eggs in their boxes..I saw a guy eating 4 eggs one afternoon and I even saw more than 4 girls watching him in @#@)#$*. I dunno..what these guys feel..he he..they can eat those eggs at their desks itself and on top of that they catch these diet cokes..I am sure they wont get the girl nor the body..useless try..at least not something that can be tried in office..

There are few happy souls in this group, they are newly wed uncles :P  They bring lovely boxes with some cooked and uncooked dishes (you have to understand that his wife might be new to kitchen)..but still happy to get rid of daily canteen food..and they start speaking about the box and share it with someone around and make them feel bad about what they are eating. However, these are the only happy souls in this category..vote goes to them.

Married souls

I appreciate this group for their consistent and patience to carry their boxes everyday. Cheers to their early waking wives. But sadly the secret these ladies sitting at home doesn't know is, their husbands don't eat those love packed boxes daily.

One day, I saw a man, must be in his 40s, opened a box, I think there is some vegetable dish in it..he saw it for some time..almost with hatred on his face, kept it aside and went to canteen took a chicken curry and happily ate.

Day dreamers come here... this batch tries to remember their below 30 aged weekends and they open their boxes along with coco cola bottle beside..poor uncles must be missing their parties. I at least feel so. Sad for them.

Finally, I don't want to talk more about some sophisticated boxes of managers. They eat food and read 'India today' kind of books beside..sitting alone on one center table. They must be eating some maid packed food for sure. It would be perfectly filled with all the items that he likes. I ignore this batch...they dunno how to spoil their healths and appetite. Coco cola batch stands happy in this group..

Girls: Anything that can be understood and analyzed is written in detail above. I don't try to know or think of girls food habits. Its too complicated.If you know please tell me :)

Tired of People

After beating myself with work so long..

I sat a minute calm..

Experimenting by wandering or doing something to find right format of relaxing

Suddenly I try to became an empty wagon on a busy road..

I have an empty mind but words are in the mouth

Nerves are bribing me to take rest..

Forgive me all the people who love me..

I am so very tired..

You guys pls keep with yourself all your intricate problems

I am always looking for my own escape..

May be out of the world or too high that no one is looking for..

Living on the margin is my style and like this I am always ready to live or die..

Are you not bored to live like the one everyone wants you to be
People's double life's makes me nervous
Take off your masks
Am I taking the path that no one is taking
Feeling like something has stolen my appetite
I sleep everyday to wake up whenever I want
People in this world are so adamant to accept honesty
I wonder why I want to treat myself so good
Sweet words never bring faith on people...know to filter those words
I cannot live with inflexible people..they make me behave more weird
I wear this big watch and have no polite ears at times
I want people around me and then feel alone between them
May be this is rare
Not everyone has same thing to do together
I am bored..people doesn't interest me soon
Faded fear, dead dreams and dull road..no knots to tie my mind
Well. I guess it is fine to be disturbed. Lessons come only then
Hero to Zero and Zero to hero..its just the way I want to put things
Should I make all this as a poem or write up..is this what we are living for
The years, I am living, after you are gone, need remedy every second
Mom, you have turned my obsession from that day...I don' t regret it any time
You left me to die everyday

Last Friday Morning

Morning 9.16 a.m
I stared at the lines on my blanket
Might be making my mind for this Friday
I calm down closing my eyes slowly
I had no stress in the whole week but I am in good mood in the weekend
Where should I go this weekend?
My throat is stuck with infection
I took a cough lozen before anything in the morning
I thought about my body inside, how it feels to have something like that in the morning
I pity it
May be it wants all fresh fruits and vegetables inside like how enjoy greenery outside
I rushed to the flower pot outside the house
They died!! That two plants. I bought them with so much difficulty
I am the culprit. I wish someone arrests me for this. I really wish so
Guilt didn't stay with me long, so shameless me. I went into the house back and tried to sleep again
Just want to forget what happened in the morning
While sitting in auto to reach office saw a school bus
I checked time..it is 9.55a.m
Can't say in these cities when children goes to school...may be it is also like office..they go in shifts or whenever they want to...
I wanted to get into the bus and hold the window and peep outside
Am I lost. I feel very uncomfortable while writing somethings
I dunno when I developed hatred to wait for lift and food in cafeteria...even to walk alone when it is raining!
mm..

Tillu

swethaaa

swetha ne perulone vundi latha
nuvve najeevithamlo mukyamaina katha
yeppataiki dhachuko nannu nelo devatha
naku telusu ne manusu suthi metha

Cleaning Spiders Today

I just got this new dairy (cute one ah:)) few days back..an empty book with green hut cover on it.
Have been scribbling in it some poems that are randomly bursting out of my high velocity mind....(NEVER LOOK BACK :D)
Its going to be hell lot of work in the next few weeks at office..
I still got enrolled in special aerobic classes at gym..
I was thinking at gym today that, I should write about a typical gym and people, their habits in gym.
And then I wonder how many people go to gym...not many ah! Otherwise, there can't just be 3 to 4 gyms in a techie crowded area.

Looks like my blog got some spiders on it...heee its been long time I visited it :)
I wish I know this computer stuff to repair...I wish I know what was the drive that my sister asked me to clean and reinsert into CPU...I took a month to do it. Finally, when I opened my gmails and face book...you should see my expression. They also got spiders :D It took an hour to filter all the replies for my Ph.D applications. No great news yet..mm

Meanwhile the most crazy thing that is keeping me busy these days is writing poems..
I am writing them everywhere...in office, lunch time, in auto, at home full time...
;) I feel like I am making sweets(poems) for festival (life is like a festival everyday)...

I was trying to remember dad's death day today. When mom was there she used to remind me of it...Now she is not there, I dunno whom to ask.
They both come in my dreams still. Previous day night I dream that she is still alive. I wake up in the morning and thought how great I am. I was proud that I can imagine her so neatly moving in my dream, talking to me and hugging me. What else I want. I would sleep forever for this.

 Orhan Pamuk's "Snow" is taking me to sleep these days. Its a scary novel for me. Too much english is scary sometimes..I read and read the same line and then in between I sleep. Nice logic to get u sleep..more powerful than any soporific medicine. Note this Insomniacs! Buy Snow book thats it!

And hyderabad has got some interesting news as summer is almost in the verge of closing its shop. People over here are buying mangoes everyday as if all mango trees will stop producing them next day. They see at them on the road as  if lovers see one last time at each other before leaving...summer is leaving! I also bought lot of mangoes today :P I was also one of those people :)

And then our team at office is in full swing these days..they started exploring many places around...they even went to zoo last week.. I am planning to buy a rabbit soon. I think I like rabbits after seeing one at my friend's place. Someone said.."Don't buy rabbits...they die soon and you will be hurt" 
Ha ha...

Oh...Those guys are so much show off..

I kept reading a lot these days
I read so much about 'opinions' column by yahoo bloggers
They aren't awesome but pretty good for a starter like me
They try to correlate stuff like zero and Facebook, TV serials and Indians, and interestingly auto-drivers with vampires. I read them alternatively after every hour one post and try to argue in myself on how they have misinterpreted and how well I can do with that topic.
Oh...Those guys are so much show off..
ha ha..I am also so much show off you see :)
Gonna sleep..this week is packed up with lot of plans :D

Oh well I am here
You know why I am writing today
Because I want to see this tomorrow and laugh at it
Totally gone case isn't it
I am exhausted out of shouting and laughing
These are the best days going on in my life
So much fun everyday
When you are having so much fun you can easily ignore all your little problems around and concentrate better on big problems
Look at me I give fundas now
Single's life is just classic..I am enjoying it

You too have fun guys..juzzzz rockkkkk

Tough Times Make You Tough Girls, Be Proud of Them!

Well
My mind enlightened today
I am in the edge of reaching wisdom
Felt great after sending my sister to new place
Proud that I manged well all the travel and accommodation
Not missing her..infact I dont want to miss her
Again Thanks to all my friends
I do all crap and they listen..love you guys
If there are angels you must be them
Now sitting at home..I feel good being alone
A feeling of missing someone is good..
Alone feeling makes me remind my sister and makes me long for her
Today I felt like an elder sister with responsibility

It was one of the day that I would remember whole life!

Meanwhile I collected some lines which some of them told me today...thanks to them for saying all this..they helps

"ee prapamcham lo entha mandhi mothers leru... fathers leru?
u r better than many...
as gud as any..."


"its just in ur head...
just a month cannot change wt u think about a 25 yr life...
think wt u have achieved...
many look up to u..."



"many wud be happy to have wt u have..."


"see u dont want 100 ppl to believe u..
u want only one..
first stop bothering about them...
they will be of no help.."


"Do u think that... a tank which has lost some water... wud instantly be full again?
it takes time...such a stupid thing takes time..
then this wud surely take time."


"dont behave like a damsel in distress... u r much better than that...
believe in urself.. and things will come to u...
ppl with much worse problems are living with much more hope...
dont change ur attitude like the wind...
have u forgotten... wt u got through...
and wt u have become...
does a 1 month change everything?


"so stop beating urself up...
its just a phase..."


"mujhe sukh na chaahiye, mujhe dukh na chaahiye...
mujhe sukh aur dukh ka milan chaahiye...
sad is part of life...
pull urself up..."


 "see u know all these...its nothing new...
controlling urself is the key..."



"really.. skills etc is all bullshit...
ovetime u get them...
but learning about urself... is the key to success..
and the difference btn good and gr8..."


"see...
it wud bother you for sometime...
but life doesnt stop...
thats the beauty of it..."

Gone out for a date :P

Gonna meet my sweety preethy today..uff after long time.
she asked me "are u really gonna meet?"...he he i guess she doesn't know how much I am dying to meet...
I sometimes wish shilpa is also here...we three were crazy...
I have to tell her today..how much hurt I was on her marriage day..I was feeling so bad that she will go to Australia and I hardly get to see her...and share so many things...our tempo matches all the time..if it wont match we don't care about that stupid tempo...we are far beyond that..

..........

There was power cut when I wrote the above and now I came back after meeting preethy...had fantastic time..see this pic of ours :)

heeee...this post is dedicated to u preetho...

Mom

Cant believe I am back here to speak to myself. Mom and dad are no more sad memories. They are my strengths. Mom the only thing now I feel so personal and sensitive is you, that is why i didn't come back to this blog.

There are many reasons why I am again writing. I wish I had you to share all of them.I miss sharing each and everything with you. Tears are touching my lips when I write this. There are lot of things happening in our lives mom...I love you

Its my year -->

Oh lot of things changed here in blog...they are trying hard to make me write :P its been some time..oh no..its been long time I wrote..lot of things happened ha..I cant believe my 1 year at IISc is ending in next 2 days..doesn't matter where I am heading to..but I treasure the feeling I got at this place. A year I heard, discussed, learn t of all the things which are imaginary for me. I thought people here live in small world of there own..but I came to know in that small world they created biggest possible world and they can do imaginary stuff possible.

Putting together a year, It was damn boring if I compare to my previous years. Mostly focusing on career, family..ohh its horrible if I am not writing the word 'Love' here...hmm..yup it was on gear but you see the other things dominated. W aah..I am making scene now writing a year as if some president who compiles his month or year...doesn't matter again..it was great year for my career..it took new path..falling into mainstream..I was very confused what I would do after Biotechnology masters..now after 3yrs I fallen in place. Now you know I have first few pages for my future biography :P (I wont ever write one till I decide telling all truths :P)

Beside all this, my daily problems with bus drivers, conductors & auto drivers never stopped. I couldn't change them, and they couldn't change me. But I tried and kept trying. I think 2 days back again another conductor yelled at me for asking to give the ticket by paying the right amount of money. He just gave back half the money I gave to him and left without giving me ticket. The other half goes into his pocket and I don't get ticket. This is happening from many months, with many conductors..hmmm..and then I call them back, and give the money again and ask for my ticket..that is where it hurts his ego and he tries to show by yelling on me. I yell back saying 'what is your problem to give ticket by taking money?'...you know all this didn't work. I tried talking to people in bus whenever I get chance that it is wrong to follow this process..surprisingly some are happy to pay less and not take ticket...

Who knows they might think me mad for doing this..

In-spite of all, I tried to neutralize all the stuff around me..and fix my fast moving mind to go in slow pace.

Before starting another phase of life, its nice to remember all my well wishers, friends(pillars), and loved ones.

Love you all so much.
B!ndu

Updates:):P:?

I saw Nights in Rodanthe movie some time back. There was huge storm and rain in the movie in background during most part of the movie. I got a question in mind, why does people live in such a dangerous place? I again thought may be because they like the calmness after storm, or may be they don't fear for death...I dunno!!

Its been two weeks and I am able to think much better and clearer. When I write this I feel so funny as if I am a patient with some disease of 'no clarity'. I understand that I am lucky enough to get the best in spite of all my learning's.

I have no idea still what I will do in future especially when it comes to my career. I am now busy goggling the word 'Industrial Economics' all the time, actually "what is Economics?"...Let me see how I am gonna end up with it!

And yeah I am reading one fantastic book. It is 'Only the Paranoid Survive: How to Exploit the Crisis Points That Challenge Every Company'. This is my third book of CEO's. First one being 'Losing my virginity' by Richard Branson. Something very interesting exists in the books of CEO's. A problem & A solution. This is the books of CEO's about. No matter how interesting they take you through the book, first thing we need to fix before reading is, we are gonna read lot of problems and there wont be any obvious answer for any of the problem. It is always diplomatic. Who knows if I am taking it that way!

My sister said she sent me some surprise gift...I am waiting :)And I took one new mobile for my mom last week...I was so much proud :P

How are my updates?????????????????????????????/

tickling tickling :P

My tears were short lived and I soon fell asleep. Let me just make clear...my tears were after seeing Dear John movie :) I had a wonderful time watching it. My fabulous mind went to those fabulous memories. You can create unique experience in one's life just by doing something usual but with love. I woke up that morning outside my house, looking at the clean and new sunlight on my face. My mom came and gave a big hug when I was still on bed and asked me if I want to sleep more. I said 'yes' and went inside the house and slept again. This time I wont sleep generally. I keep listening to my mom, granny and people in the kitchen. It feels so good. Again I try to close eyes and focus on my beautiful dream. Why wont I dream in such peaceful place..my home! I dream of walking on a lonely road with him at night towards a cafe day in the corner of street...and speak about people somewhere who crush their cars, and those special little details that brought together of us..me not seeing into his eyes...hm..may be this is my first dream date..feeling lil shy and confused if it was right to walk on road at that time, still walking because may be I wont get back that day, it was a feeling mixed with excitement, adventure and somewhere budding love. No walls for this dream, it was silent heart tickling love. My mom again came to me and gave another hug and kiss and woke me!

Unfair world!

I was never so messed up like today in my life. In life we give up something’s, which we want. It is very unfair.
I tried to think sitting calmly with innumerable questions in mind. I hardly know answers for any. I just keep thinking because I don’t like the fact that ‘time solves everything’.
I went down to tea stall and had tea. I felt alone.
I didn’t miss anyone. I missed myself, my previous self.
Maturity is no fun. It takes all the fun.

T. S 3 mins

what is life's greatest treasure?
its nothing but pressure to think about the treasure..

What fills me with emotion?
your one moment thought..contagious

Sweet peace?
you aren't kid anymore..

Comfy, cozy?
keep dreaming till you get wrinkles..

Safe and study life?
I didnt get :( Did ya?

you are lost feeling...

You passed in my mind, when I was eating today at noon.
Mango trees in my campus are filled with annual flowering and I kept moving to them and smelt the fresh, soft, newly formed shimmering mango leaves. They again reminded me of you.
From you my mind went to our mango farm..
You took me and all the cousins in the bullock cart there..
I read in so many weekly magazines, stories of young people sitting under mango tree, eating raw mangoes with salt, and reading some story books...enjoying..
I dreamed of doing like that.
That day when you took me I remember.. I did the same in my own farm, while you went in search of insects harming trees.
Our mango farm was overflowing with mangoes..
We children played, jumped from trees, ate as many mangoes we want, packed a few to take home, and sat back in bullock cart which you drove. Did I ever thought I will miss you one day.
How wonderful relation it was..I wont get back that feeling. Its lost dad.

Master Piece

Days changed in her life. Sarcastic isn't it.
Who knows whether they changed for better or worst and who cares when a gossip is out in spite of what the hell in one's life is going.

Basically I am in a thoughtful mood though I am writing frustrating words, so you may consider this one.

Focus, clarity and blah ..how many people in this world are having? If it is something born in person...I would avoid them in jealousy :P

All big things have a special locus in mind. I used to go to vegetable market in my village which is functional only once in a week i.e on Tuesday. I get ready well and go there, as that was a place where cousins, relatives, a group of my mom's friends, meet and help in choosing good vegetables for a vegetable illiterate (me). And all these people go back home and discuss about each one whom they met in the market. This was the weekly social gathering of whole village for a purpose, but I enjoyed it in many ways. I loved to observe when people bargain, when any shopkeeper gives an extra tomato or ladies finger I enjoy how people show victory on their faces and I would probably make a big story at home if it happens to me. When I was below 5 th standard, I used to search in the same market for something else. They were nothing but match boxes.

Even though I studied in a classic English medium school in town, my friends were all in the village who play with match box covers, custard apple seeds, marbles and many games with sticks. So my favorite game was matching "match box covers". I needed different types of match boxes with hero faces, dog, cat, pen marks on them. To collect them I used to wake up early in the morning and go to the market, underneath some small bunk shaped shops and look for empty thrown match boxes, then tear the corners and start playing in the evening. Mom hates this game, as I roam around collecting match boxes on roads. Everyday I played this game wonderfully and won box full of match box covers. One fine day my mom who was upset with my behavior from a long time, thrown my achievements in cooking fire. I didn't eat that day. I didn't play again with those master pieces.