Logic of Love- Be Dumb

In New Delhi. I think the name sounds majestic and somewhat modest, may be it is the way I imagined it so far.
A new place always gives you new thoughts and new hopes, a whole new perspective of yourself.
All of sudden the issues you fight for everyday changes and the new issues takes much longer time to settle in.
I think it is all about people in the world we are currently surrounded with.
First day in the company guest house was a bit exciting than today, now that its been three days over here, I got bored of this four walls and unnecessarily comforting facilities around. In the morning I was thinking that, people who travel a lot must be used to this kind of comforts and have high benchmarks for their living manners. Things like this never end. Luxury is a fashion, a rich fashion to comfort your mind that always things there is something else more in this world. Nothing is there here. Only you create those dreamland.
I think there are creative and destructive people when talking about dreamland. When you create an imaginable story for your future or for any person; a smart fellow creates in a logical way, a dumb fellow creates it illogical. But the happiest is always the dumb one. I can bet on this I say.
A logical guy is the one who is careful in the entire process of creating the dreamland. Breaking this dreamland ends with just a simple logic too. In creating dreamland with logic, the invested is the time wasted in that person's life, as significant moments in all those creation is missed in logic. The moments grabbed are artificially created and then the closing phase is much more easy. I am sure they have logic for this too if we ask them for.
A dumb one; sorry I like to call it that way, because illogical people are called so in this less understood world..yeah a dumb one on the other hand takes wrong steps throughout the process, creates a complicated dreamland while choosing between right and wrong, which ends up in pain and confusion during the end phase.


People in this world generally worry with issues on relationships just by being illogical. Its good. Please keep worrying. The real essence lies there. Logic will end you with  creating thousands of dream lands and you waste your life in the whole process of creating.


Love and logic never goes together. It flops and fails if you try so. Always!!!,
People who think they are balancing both DOESN'T EXIST.

A challenging dark day
A woman of thoughts
A mind disturbed
A truth of depth
A touch of pain
A memory of road
A ghost
A worthy acceptance
A vanished darkness
-Bindu

Marigold

At school, I remember there was a small rain water stagnate place behind our bus stop

At nights before sleeping I think how far the paper boat I made that evening after school must have traveled..

I used to think if it drowned with any bullock cart's wheel, I will again make new one next morning..

Back in school, I remember how I used to feel seeing those tiny feet of small children from kindergarten. I used to get so much love on them. I like the hand kerchiefs they hung on their front pockets of shirts.

I remember when the bus stops at the school, how I run to the nearby farm to pour the remaining water from my water bottle to the plants..

After it rained, with that moist weather, black clouds around the school, eyelids twinkling with water drops, mud hands washed in rain water to appear like frozen fingers, I see the house in farm opposite to the school...I thought you have to be rich to live like that..may be I was wrong...you have to choose to live there not earn..

There was a love shaped small water pond on the way to home, that was a mark for me to know how far I reached home. I sometimes not see the pond, thinking someone might think of me bad seeing love shaped things..

In bus, I see so carefully towards the road standing beside the driver. Most of them were friends to all of us. I tell him when a squirrel or salamander is passing by, so that he will not stamp on it. And if I see any of them already dead on road, I say about it to mom and my friends in school.

And in rainy season, I had this love for marigold flowers, they were so beautiful with long petals, changing colors and small stems, so delicate plants. On Sunday, in the cycle I hire for an hour, I go around the village seeing everyone's garden if they have those plants and I ask them to give me one with nice color. I think I liked yellow those days. And I come home rushing to plant them in our garden. It used to get all the attention one can give to anyone on earth. I kiss the plant when it gives flower. When the flower withers, I take its seeds, dry and sprinkle them at same place.

What?

A wonder worm entered my mind in last few hours
It made me remember something that I exactly can't recall
But all of a sudden, I jump with new energy
Hey you spark!!
You are wonderful!
Sometimes I have to kick you so hard to remember who you are...
.....took long time ah...
never late
and never far
your life is such a beautiful one
I got you on hold
Play!!!

Window opened with night wind

Feeling sleepy
How would it be to imagine being the child of a living mother
I actually forgot how it feels after forcing myself to stop thinking about it
There lay my village in those dark this night
Rahman has lot of sad melody songs...they are trying to keep me awake
She comes to bus stop everyday to hold me tight first and take my bag and walk me home
I wonder she sat whole afternoon thinking how I must be studying, sleeping, laughing in school
She must have missed me
Someone missing you long back is dunno for some reason strength for me
A human heart is soft, actions are strong, thoughts are strong
My days are fantastic. How dare I say that...ha ha.. I love myself so much.
I have been reading Rabindranath Tagore poetry from morning
I deleted those favorite poet sites bookmarked in my office computer few days back
Poetry brings so much comfort to mind
I change my shift to avoid morning thoughts
Now there aren't making me very weak
I feel sleepy
My home in my village
My mom in my mind
My love in my heart

My dreams in this world

I only want my world to filled with small simple things, how I know to be happy for any small things that come in my life, every person I meet the way I feel everyone is special in this world, not to run with people, run only with my slow moving thought foot, stop showing to the world the egoism that is expressed to resemble the existence of one.

I wonder what you would be doing now!
You must be sleeping facing towards those farms where you stood once talking to me
I used to dream how I would live there sometime

Songs are bringing the high I wanted
High
So high in love
A fantastic feeling that comes only very rarely to someone
Though people call it sad

I started enjoying it
Being high in love
Thank god my thoughts cannot be stopped
I bought something from shop today for you
Spent three hours to select something for you

Life isn't harsh on anyone
It only thinks we are harsh on it

My eyes hurt, I slept only 4 hours everyday from last three days
When I sleep my dad who comes home late feeds me fruits, I eat them when I am asleep.
Does he think I ate less or may be he thinks he cant wait till tomorrow to see me eating
May be that was making happy
I still remember the way you mix curd rice and place in mom's plate and ours. We sit on the table and you both feed us all the food.
Food is made of love..may be that's why it never tastes the same

Along with your blood and nerves, you both passed a feeling so bright into me, that tells me, reminds me always 'You had the best parents'....love you both everyday

Replacing you with a leaf

A minute to be another day.
I was waiting for this time.
Time to be alone.
Wanted to spend with myself after the trip.
Think peacefully where I am heading to.
No one in this world want to waste their time.
It makes perfect sense when I think like this.
Anyone can go far from you for this reason.
The reality is that, I always realize things after losing.
May be I never lose anything.
Life moves on.
I just need some food, small job and strength to fight basic issues.
Knowing the fact all the major issues already passed makes me feel a bit better.
I can always create some problems for myself though, I currently am in no mood.
Do not know how people find this new year, but life has dramatically changed for me this year.
Trying to forget or not focus on somethings lets you to focus on some other things.
I want to buy some really important things this year.
A laptop, a small vehicle for myself, a nice writing table and live in a nice apartment with beautiful view.
I was very happy to stay in tall building watching from one big window.
Each window opened in front of me a new world.
I also want to visit some scenic places this year. Full of greenery and pleasant breezes.
I dream these days lying on a green grass in a silent place, with my handbag aside, closed eyes, listening to birds..soon falling asleep and wake up to see bright moon flashing on my face saying 'its a pleasant night'..I turn aside and look at the far trees, dark clouds pretending to be invisible, smearing a leaf beside me.
Some people's presence cannot be replaced by anything but nature.
May be that's why I like dreaming this.

Day and night it was not to pass time
it was a serious thought
i dont want anyone to understand this probably
i pity girls in this world today
for the first time
may be or the last time
i got back the confidence for a minute
there are hell lot of issues and problems a gal can worry about
how do all of them live
may be they never know
how scary the world is
everyday is tough
i hate my things that all fallen around me
i sat in the bus yesterday travelling back from the village
i see all the people moving along with the bus
i imagine them all with just bones sitting in there and jumping
thats all we all are
i run away when problems come very close to me
after running some distance..i bring back some brave thoughts and run back
will i win the race this way
its tough
tougher than i never expected
one thing i know now
the more i go back the more distance i have to travel back to the destination
only thing i m glad is that
i still have courage to run back and catch that fast moving train
give me a hand to get in

Dusted Pollen Travelling All The Way To Reach You

When not in this world, you only have to think you are being thought by someone

A matter of memory

Why take more pain.

Years are never short...only pain is long..

Happiness is just like a pimple in your teenage..

Age! leaves you with cheated heart

Factors that are influencing most at a moment are the most repulsive one's at other moment

Such an inflexible one is your mind when you look deep into it

Otherwise you care less, it care less

Ends are dusted pollen meant to grow when fallen on something real

Wind takes them to there destinations

Do they have a choice or do they really care where they are falling
The world is going to grow its seed no matter where it falls
Winters are moody
I went out searching for room heaters last year
As dew on a glass
I touched those drops of memories...delicate, misty, soft, fresh..
You know how I feel
I wish I was a bird which can fly anywhere without permissions

Hey Brain!

Mind
It wont happen
You cant do it
Never you were born to do it
Nor grown to do it
You can only make and take certain steps
Future is all bullshit
I might die the next minute
You might be free of thoughts any minute
I asked each nerve ending to stop passing each thought to you
They reciprocate so loud and I again ask same question to each nerve
I gave up
You hired something called sleep
And I wont allow it to reach you
How troubled you are being with me!
In spite of all this
I want you to read others mind
Do you think you can read there nerve endings?
You cant I know that
And I still force you
How insane me!
I am trying so hard to find you a company
When I get you one
You can stop your work
I will ask the other mind to help you
You may relax!
I will promise you to get one of such kind
My brain!!

Socrates says it is the ulcer of soul!

I came to visit my sister in Kolkata two days back. Doing things different from what I got used to do in my one year at Hyderabad.

I visited places like Victoria memorial, Howrah Bridge, Park Street. We took a long walk on Howrah Bridge; people were carrying giant bags and baskets on their shoulders and walking fast. I can feel that rush in their feet, caused due to the pain on shoulder. Their hands were properly toned. When did I last feel that pain? Did I ever feel?  I sit in that air conditioned office with less work and expect to earn what these people earn in whole year, in just one month. I go to gym to burn my fat, to tone my body, while these people work so hard to fill their stomach and get toned. World is really cheating everyone!

I guess Christopher Ryan’s book changed my perspective towards people. When a driver drives fast, when he thinks of competing with the other guy, I think of the chapter he mentions about ‘jealousy’. Everything started with this one word. Whole human destruction!

" The jealous know nothing, suspect much, and fear everything"
-Curt Goetz

Sadly we think, convince, and satisfy ourselves saying that our current lifestyle is much better than our past civilisations. May be we are totally wrong in our thought system. They were much happier those days. I am convinced!  Remember last time you saw an old movie and thought how sweet those days were, how innocent those girls looked, how marvellous those song lyrics were…Yes! We all like old things and we do like modern things, because we think modern life brings us happiness in more easy and shortest route.

I have been doing this from some time. I observe people much carefully to find what the common aspects that people are jealous on were. Not many things came into light in my understanding. It has been a quite a good number sample analysis from my side, which includes huge set of my colleagues, some of the close friends and people I get to meet every day (shopkeeper, dhobi, auto drivers, workers in office, receptionists). I was noticing them and trying to see if they are jealous of something in their life. If yes, then what was it? Why was it so important to be jealous? Are we humans bound to that particular thing so much, that we have to be jealous?

I got a courier one day in office and the receptionist begged me to open the cover in front of him. It was not compulsory but he was curious. I asked him that stupid question that minute. If he also wanted to get some courier one day? He kept quite. By the time I opened and he saw that there was a book in it, his face shown lack of interest. I asked him what he was expecting to be in the courier. He was smiling and said may be some card and chocolate kind of gifts. My god, I was shocked. If there were something really like that I would not even think of opening it in front of him. He missed that common sense, but gave me good info. People are jealous on other’s happiness. Most of them are living with the same issue. Happiness in terms of luxury, love, and other benefits. They end up sad and start up with jealousy.

Shopkeeper in front of my house hates most of the people who walk into that shop. I promised myself many times not to go to his shop. But my laziness forces me to go to nearby shop. However never talk anything more than what u want in his shop. Not even any expression. One day he shown me a Bru coffee sachet and said some price for it. I said “what!!! This is small packet; it must be less than that price”. He just took it so seriously, he was yelling at me ‘if you want buy..buy..otherwise go, this is my price, my shop’ and what not…he said so many. I felt very upset, thought of not reacting anymore. I asked him, why he was so upset, while  paying money. He still was upset. He said ‘my shop is not like 9 to 6 job, I have to work from early morning to late night, and I have to handle people like you so many. I cannot explain the Bru rate so many times.’ He was jealous that my life was easy. May be I thought he too want to be lazy like me. People are jealous on laziness. Remember people saying ‘Man you are so lucky...you got rich dad’, ‘How nice you don’t have work in office...this is life’, ‘You stay with your parents….how lucky you get to eat home food’…People are lazy! They envy whoever is lazy than them. They try to do something to satisfy that ego point. That something is the root cause for destruction.

I don’t know the best way to lead life. But I surely know jealousy will lead us nowhere. We end up as ‘progressing incapable total justifiers of The Great Human Destruction’.

I have been arguing on various topics every day after reading this evolution book. It is taking me to extremes of human and I get worried my mere existence might be questionable one day. Knowing humans and their emotions better will make us lead much peaceful life by being more open to their extreme and normal behaviours. Frustration, jealousy, anger...these kind of sequential words would not trouble you more if we consider other person as other person. He or she is just other person. Never yours/ you are never anyone’s. This is that simple. Accept it or not.  Life is complex only when you cross this level. Sadly we all push into this phase early or late with the word called ‘Marriage’. I don’t know, I might also end up doing this, but the principle remains constant. You only owe your life. Getting happiness out of it is your sole decision.

Right books can change your life..

hrudayama

prema nijanga vuntundha?
yekkuva anandam vasthe hrudayam pani cheyadha?
yendhukintha sunnitham e manasu?
bathakatam intha kastama?
neetho matladalani anipisthundi

What does she do on Sunday?

My friend woke me two days back early in the morning. She rarely calls me.
My bachelors college mate. She discontinued in her 2nd year to get married.
I was upset on her for few days for quitting studies in between.
She called me that day morning and requested me to wake up.
I asked her what is the matter.
She said she need a help.
I was sure, she was in some problem.
"My son's teacher asked him to write an essay on what his mom does on Sundays, can you help me saying sentences in English?"
I said OK. When I was done with translation along with some spellings, she thanked me and hung the phone.
Enough work for my brain that morning. What not went through my mind. Guilt, anger, hopelessness.

Diamonds..Pearls..

AM I looking dull??
No I guess
I wore nice silky top today for sometime
Not so dull
I came early from office
Surely not dull
Bought chicken to cook
Of course I am not dull then
No radiant words-energy is absent
I repeat the same again
If I am dull
Diamond thoughts as I dig
Mud filled madness
When did diamonds lose their value
Should I myself clean the mud on them
I was not a pearl to come from those soft cushioned shells
When I am alone I can imagine people sitting in some distance to me
And seeing at me
I hate them all ..whom I can see like that

Men & Their Strange Food Habits :)

I was sitting in the cafeteria this afternoon, at one corner table along with my team mates eating my lunch.

I was the only girl and all of them where guys at that table.

Remaining girls in team are in either girls groups or paired up with some particular guys..

I sit with these guys group who talk much about politics, some graphs and few of them imitating girl voices..

They are funny mostly..but when all these wont tickle my laughing buds, I stare at the crowd around me...

I covered all the girls in the office, I know which one wears which ear rings for particular dress and I know who is wearing new anklet that day.. I am so updated you can say..

The second thing that makes me curious in canteen is the boys with lunch boxes.

I have done a cupful of analysis on this, still learning more..

Age: Below 23

These guys don't bring any boxes. They are more in the phase of exploring food, they might take some more time to realize what they are eating outside is not healthy. However, there are few guys who bring a decent box sent by their mom's. I consider them as the one's who either spent many years in hostel and just returned hometown to work or they have a strict mom who is particular to carry the box. I am in favor of the last category in this group...who falls into lower middle class and willing to send some money to their parents, so they get up in the morning and cook some food or they have a small family in town who cooks and he don't have an option of eating outside often.

Just before marriage or newly married:

This is the most commonly seen group in the canteen.They are also most confused group. I saw on one Friday a guy keeping his big lunch bag on table, took out a small colorful tube from that bag and poured something on his hands..It took me a minute to realize that he used hand sanitizer before eating. Then he opened Maaza bottle which he purchased from the canteen (may be he thinks his food tastes better with Maaza around) and poured it in a Tupperware glass he bought form home. He was kind enough to offer the adjacent guy some Maaza. No shame the other fellow drank almost everything..anyways then this guys took out nice lunch bag with three small boxes in it..he took three spoons and placed on each box. I didn't understand his logic..may be he don't  like to use single spoon for three different dishes..mm mm..how does it matter..he puts everything in his single mouth.. lil too much hygienic habits...

And then, on the other day, I saw this guy who brings a box and starts distributing it to all the girls around..then only I realized why this guy is flocked with so many girls all the time..what a trick..easy one ah...

And there is unique set which I shouldn't forget..they are health conscious guys..who goes to gym at times..thinks they have got nice body..they bring boiled eggs in their boxes..I saw a guy eating 4 eggs one afternoon and I even saw more than 4 girls watching him in @#@)#$*. I dunno..what these guys feel..he he..they can eat those eggs at their desks itself and on top of that they catch these diet cokes..I am sure they wont get the girl nor the body..useless try..at least not something that can be tried in office..

There are few happy souls in this group, they are newly wed uncles :P  They bring lovely boxes with some cooked and uncooked dishes (you have to understand that his wife might be new to kitchen)..but still happy to get rid of daily canteen food..and they start speaking about the box and share it with someone around and make them feel bad about what they are eating. However, these are the only happy souls in this category..vote goes to them.

Married souls

I appreciate this group for their consistent and patience to carry their boxes everyday. Cheers to their early waking wives. But sadly the secret these ladies sitting at home doesn't know is, their husbands don't eat those love packed boxes daily.

One day, I saw a man, must be in his 40s, opened a box, I think there is some vegetable dish in it..he saw it for some time..almost with hatred on his face, kept it aside and went to canteen took a chicken curry and happily ate.

Day dreamers come here... this batch tries to remember their below 30 aged weekends and they open their boxes along with coco cola bottle beside..poor uncles must be missing their parties. I at least feel so. Sad for them.

Finally, I don't want to talk more about some sophisticated boxes of managers. They eat food and read 'India today' kind of books beside..sitting alone on one center table. They must be eating some maid packed food for sure. It would be perfectly filled with all the items that he likes. I ignore this batch...they dunno how to spoil their healths and appetite. Coco cola batch stands happy in this group..

Girls: Anything that can be understood and analyzed is written in detail above. I don't try to know or think of girls food habits. Its too complicated.If you know please tell me :)

Tired of People

After beating myself with work so long..

I sat a minute calm..

Experimenting by wandering or doing something to find right format of relaxing

Suddenly I try to became an empty wagon on a busy road..

I have an empty mind but words are in the mouth

Nerves are bribing me to take rest..

Forgive me all the people who love me..

I am so very tired..

You guys pls keep with yourself all your intricate problems

I am always looking for my own escape..

May be out of the world or too high that no one is looking for..

Living on the margin is my style and like this I am always ready to live or die..

Are you not bored to live like the one everyone wants you to be
People's double life's makes me nervous
Take off your masks
Am I taking the path that no one is taking
Feeling like something has stolen my appetite
I sleep everyday to wake up whenever I want
People in this world are so adamant to accept honesty
I wonder why I want to treat myself so good
Sweet words never bring faith on people...know to filter those words
I cannot live with inflexible people..they make me behave more weird
I wear this big watch and have no polite ears at times
I want people around me and then feel alone between them
May be this is rare
Not everyone has same thing to do together
I am bored..people doesn't interest me soon
Faded fear, dead dreams and dull road..no knots to tie my mind
Well. I guess it is fine to be disturbed. Lessons come only then
Hero to Zero and Zero to hero..its just the way I want to put things
Should I make all this as a poem or write up..is this what we are living for
The years, I am living, after you are gone, need remedy every second
Mom, you have turned my obsession from that day...I don' t regret it any time
You left me to die everyday

Last Friday Morning

Morning 9.16 a.m
I stared at the lines on my blanket
Might be making my mind for this Friday
I calm down closing my eyes slowly
I had no stress in the whole week but I am in good mood in the weekend
Where should I go this weekend?
My throat is stuck with infection
I took a cough lozen before anything in the morning
I thought about my body inside, how it feels to have something like that in the morning
I pity it
May be it wants all fresh fruits and vegetables inside like how enjoy greenery outside
I rushed to the flower pot outside the house
They died!! That two plants. I bought them with so much difficulty
I am the culprit. I wish someone arrests me for this. I really wish so
Guilt didn't stay with me long, so shameless me. I went into the house back and tried to sleep again
Just want to forget what happened in the morning
While sitting in auto to reach office saw a school bus
I checked time..it is 9.55a.m
Can't say in these cities when children goes to school...may be it is also like office..they go in shifts or whenever they want to...
I wanted to get into the bus and hold the window and peep outside
Am I lost. I feel very uncomfortable while writing somethings
I dunno when I developed hatred to wait for lift and food in cafeteria...even to walk alone when it is raining!
mm..

Tillu

swethaaa

swetha ne perulone vundi latha
nuvve najeevithamlo mukyamaina katha
yeppataiki dhachuko nannu nelo devatha
naku telusu ne manusu suthi metha

Cleaning Spiders Today

I just got this new dairy (cute one ah:)) few days back..an empty book with green hut cover on it.
Have been scribbling in it some poems that are randomly bursting out of my high velocity mind....(NEVER LOOK BACK :D)
Its going to be hell lot of work in the next few weeks at office..
I still got enrolled in special aerobic classes at gym..
I was thinking at gym today that, I should write about a typical gym and people, their habits in gym.
And then I wonder how many people go to gym...not many ah! Otherwise, there can't just be 3 to 4 gyms in a techie crowded area.

Looks like my blog got some spiders on it...heee its been long time I visited it :)
I wish I know this computer stuff to repair...I wish I know what was the drive that my sister asked me to clean and reinsert into CPU...I took a month to do it. Finally, when I opened my gmails and face book...you should see my expression. They also got spiders :D It took an hour to filter all the replies for my Ph.D applications. No great news yet..mm

Meanwhile the most crazy thing that is keeping me busy these days is writing poems..
I am writing them everywhere...in office, lunch time, in auto, at home full time...
;) I feel like I am making sweets(poems) for festival (life is like a festival everyday)...

I was trying to remember dad's death day today. When mom was there she used to remind me of it...Now she is not there, I dunno whom to ask.
They both come in my dreams still. Previous day night I dream that she is still alive. I wake up in the morning and thought how great I am. I was proud that I can imagine her so neatly moving in my dream, talking to me and hugging me. What else I want. I would sleep forever for this.

 Orhan Pamuk's "Snow" is taking me to sleep these days. Its a scary novel for me. Too much english is scary sometimes..I read and read the same line and then in between I sleep. Nice logic to get u sleep..more powerful than any soporific medicine. Note this Insomniacs! Buy Snow book thats it!

And hyderabad has got some interesting news as summer is almost in the verge of closing its shop. People over here are buying mangoes everyday as if all mango trees will stop producing them next day. They see at them on the road as  if lovers see one last time at each other before leaving...summer is leaving! I also bought lot of mangoes today :P I was also one of those people :)

And then our team at office is in full swing these days..they started exploring many places around...they even went to zoo last week.. I am planning to buy a rabbit soon. I think I like rabbits after seeing one at my friend's place. Someone said.."Don't buy rabbits...they die soon and you will be hurt" 
Ha ha...

Oh...Those guys are so much show off..

I kept reading a lot these days
I read so much about 'opinions' column by yahoo bloggers
They aren't awesome but pretty good for a starter like me
They try to correlate stuff like zero and Facebook, TV serials and Indians, and interestingly auto-drivers with vampires. I read them alternatively after every hour one post and try to argue in myself on how they have misinterpreted and how well I can do with that topic.
Oh...Those guys are so much show off..
ha ha..I am also so much show off you see :)
Gonna sleep..this week is packed up with lot of plans :D

Oh well I am here
You know why I am writing today
Because I want to see this tomorrow and laugh at it
Totally gone case isn't it
I am exhausted out of shouting and laughing
These are the best days going on in my life
So much fun everyday
When you are having so much fun you can easily ignore all your little problems around and concentrate better on big problems
Look at me I give fundas now
Single's life is just classic..I am enjoying it

You too have fun guys..juzzzz rockkkkk

Tough Times Make You Tough Girls, Be Proud of Them!

Well
My mind enlightened today
I am in the edge of reaching wisdom
Felt great after sending my sister to new place
Proud that I manged well all the travel and accommodation
Not missing her..infact I dont want to miss her
Again Thanks to all my friends
I do all crap and they listen..love you guys
If there are angels you must be them
Now sitting at home..I feel good being alone
A feeling of missing someone is good..
Alone feeling makes me remind my sister and makes me long for her
Today I felt like an elder sister with responsibility

It was one of the day that I would remember whole life!

Meanwhile I collected some lines which some of them told me today...thanks to them for saying all this..they helps

"ee prapamcham lo entha mandhi mothers leru... fathers leru?
u r better than many...
as gud as any..."


"its just in ur head...
just a month cannot change wt u think about a 25 yr life...
think wt u have achieved...
many look up to u..."



"many wud be happy to have wt u have..."


"see u dont want 100 ppl to believe u..
u want only one..
first stop bothering about them...
they will be of no help.."


"Do u think that... a tank which has lost some water... wud instantly be full again?
it takes time...such a stupid thing takes time..
then this wud surely take time."


"dont behave like a damsel in distress... u r much better than that...
believe in urself.. and things will come to u...
ppl with much worse problems are living with much more hope...
dont change ur attitude like the wind...
have u forgotten... wt u got through...
and wt u have become...
does a 1 month change everything?


"so stop beating urself up...
its just a phase..."


"mujhe sukh na chaahiye, mujhe dukh na chaahiye...
mujhe sukh aur dukh ka milan chaahiye...
sad is part of life...
pull urself up..."


 "see u know all these...its nothing new...
controlling urself is the key..."



"really.. skills etc is all bullshit...
ovetime u get them...
but learning about urself... is the key to success..
and the difference btn good and gr8..."


"see...
it wud bother you for sometime...
but life doesnt stop...
thats the beauty of it..."

Gone out for a date :P

Gonna meet my sweety preethy today..uff after long time.
she asked me "are u really gonna meet?"...he he i guess she doesn't know how much I am dying to meet...
I sometimes wish shilpa is also here...we three were crazy...
I have to tell her today..how much hurt I was on her marriage day..I was feeling so bad that she will go to Australia and I hardly get to see her...and share so many things...our tempo matches all the time..if it wont match we don't care about that stupid tempo...we are far beyond that..

..........

There was power cut when I wrote the above and now I came back after meeting preethy...had fantastic time..see this pic of ours :)

heeee...this post is dedicated to u preetho...

Mom

Cant believe I am back here to speak to myself. Mom and dad are no more sad memories. They are my strengths. Mom the only thing now I feel so personal and sensitive is you, that is why i didn't come back to this blog.

There are many reasons why I am again writing. I wish I had you to share all of them.I miss sharing each and everything with you. Tears are touching my lips when I write this. There are lot of things happening in our lives mom...I love you

Its my year -->

Oh lot of things changed here in blog...they are trying hard to make me write :P its been some time..oh no..its been long time I wrote..lot of things happened ha..I cant believe my 1 year at IISc is ending in next 2 days..doesn't matter where I am heading to..but I treasure the feeling I got at this place. A year I heard, discussed, learn t of all the things which are imaginary for me. I thought people here live in small world of there own..but I came to know in that small world they created biggest possible world and they can do imaginary stuff possible.

Putting together a year, It was damn boring if I compare to my previous years. Mostly focusing on career, family..ohh its horrible if I am not writing the word 'Love' here...hmm..yup it was on gear but you see the other things dominated. W aah..I am making scene now writing a year as if some president who compiles his month or year...doesn't matter again..it was great year for my career..it took new path..falling into mainstream..I was very confused what I would do after Biotechnology masters..now after 3yrs I fallen in place. Now you know I have first few pages for my future biography :P (I wont ever write one till I decide telling all truths :P)

Beside all this, my daily problems with bus drivers, conductors & auto drivers never stopped. I couldn't change them, and they couldn't change me. But I tried and kept trying. I think 2 days back again another conductor yelled at me for asking to give the ticket by paying the right amount of money. He just gave back half the money I gave to him and left without giving me ticket. The other half goes into his pocket and I don't get ticket. This is happening from many months, with many conductors..hmmm..and then I call them back, and give the money again and ask for my ticket..that is where it hurts his ego and he tries to show by yelling on me. I yell back saying 'what is your problem to give ticket by taking money?'...you know all this didn't work. I tried talking to people in bus whenever I get chance that it is wrong to follow this process..surprisingly some are happy to pay less and not take ticket...

Who knows they might think me mad for doing this..

In-spite of all, I tried to neutralize all the stuff around me..and fix my fast moving mind to go in slow pace.

Before starting another phase of life, its nice to remember all my well wishers, friends(pillars), and loved ones.

Love you all so much.
B!ndu

Updates:):P:?

I saw Nights in Rodanthe movie some time back. There was huge storm and rain in the movie in background during most part of the movie. I got a question in mind, why does people live in such a dangerous place? I again thought may be because they like the calmness after storm, or may be they don't fear for death...I dunno!!

Its been two weeks and I am able to think much better and clearer. When I write this I feel so funny as if I am a patient with some disease of 'no clarity'. I understand that I am lucky enough to get the best in spite of all my learning's.

I have no idea still what I will do in future especially when it comes to my career. I am now busy goggling the word 'Industrial Economics' all the time, actually "what is Economics?"...Let me see how I am gonna end up with it!

And yeah I am reading one fantastic book. It is 'Only the Paranoid Survive: How to Exploit the Crisis Points That Challenge Every Company'. This is my third book of CEO's. First one being 'Losing my virginity' by Richard Branson. Something very interesting exists in the books of CEO's. A problem & A solution. This is the books of CEO's about. No matter how interesting they take you through the book, first thing we need to fix before reading is, we are gonna read lot of problems and there wont be any obvious answer for any of the problem. It is always diplomatic. Who knows if I am taking it that way!

My sister said she sent me some surprise gift...I am waiting :)And I took one new mobile for my mom last week...I was so much proud :P

How are my updates?????????????????????????????/

tickling tickling :P

My tears were short lived and I soon fell asleep. Let me just make clear...my tears were after seeing Dear John movie :) I had a wonderful time watching it. My fabulous mind went to those fabulous memories. You can create unique experience in one's life just by doing something usual but with love. I woke up that morning outside my house, looking at the clean and new sunlight on my face. My mom came and gave a big hug when I was still on bed and asked me if I want to sleep more. I said 'yes' and went inside the house and slept again. This time I wont sleep generally. I keep listening to my mom, granny and people in the kitchen. It feels so good. Again I try to close eyes and focus on my beautiful dream. Why wont I dream in such peaceful place..my home! I dream of walking on a lonely road with him at night towards a cafe day in the corner of street...and speak about people somewhere who crush their cars, and those special little details that brought together of us..me not seeing into his eyes...hm..may be this is my first dream date..feeling lil shy and confused if it was right to walk on road at that time, still walking because may be I wont get back that day, it was a feeling mixed with excitement, adventure and somewhere budding love. No walls for this dream, it was silent heart tickling love. My mom again came to me and gave another hug and kiss and woke me!

Unfair world!

I was never so messed up like today in my life. In life we give up something’s, which we want. It is very unfair.
I tried to think sitting calmly with innumerable questions in mind. I hardly know answers for any. I just keep thinking because I don’t like the fact that ‘time solves everything’.
I went down to tea stall and had tea. I felt alone.
I didn’t miss anyone. I missed myself, my previous self.
Maturity is no fun. It takes all the fun.

T. S 3 mins

what is life's greatest treasure?
its nothing but pressure to think about the treasure..

What fills me with emotion?
your one moment thought..contagious

Sweet peace?
you aren't kid anymore..

Comfy, cozy?
keep dreaming till you get wrinkles..

Safe and study life?
I didnt get :( Did ya?

you are lost feeling...

You passed in my mind, when I was eating today at noon.
Mango trees in my campus are filled with annual flowering and I kept moving to them and smelt the fresh, soft, newly formed shimmering mango leaves. They again reminded me of you.
From you my mind went to our mango farm..
You took me and all the cousins in the bullock cart there..
I read in so many weekly magazines, stories of young people sitting under mango tree, eating raw mangoes with salt, and reading some story books...enjoying..
I dreamed of doing like that.
That day when you took me I remember.. I did the same in my own farm, while you went in search of insects harming trees.
Our mango farm was overflowing with mangoes..
We children played, jumped from trees, ate as many mangoes we want, packed a few to take home, and sat back in bullock cart which you drove. Did I ever thought I will miss you one day.
How wonderful relation it was..I wont get back that feeling. Its lost dad.

Master Piece

Days changed in her life. Sarcastic isn't it.
Who knows whether they changed for better or worst and who cares when a gossip is out in spite of what the hell in one's life is going.

Basically I am in a thoughtful mood though I am writing frustrating words, so you may consider this one.

Focus, clarity and blah ..how many people in this world are having? If it is something born in person...I would avoid them in jealousy :P

All big things have a special locus in mind. I used to go to vegetable market in my village which is functional only once in a week i.e on Tuesday. I get ready well and go there, as that was a place where cousins, relatives, a group of my mom's friends, meet and help in choosing good vegetables for a vegetable illiterate (me). And all these people go back home and discuss about each one whom they met in the market. This was the weekly social gathering of whole village for a purpose, but I enjoyed it in many ways. I loved to observe when people bargain, when any shopkeeper gives an extra tomato or ladies finger I enjoy how people show victory on their faces and I would probably make a big story at home if it happens to me. When I was below 5 th standard, I used to search in the same market for something else. They were nothing but match boxes.

Even though I studied in a classic English medium school in town, my friends were all in the village who play with match box covers, custard apple seeds, marbles and many games with sticks. So my favorite game was matching "match box covers". I needed different types of match boxes with hero faces, dog, cat, pen marks on them. To collect them I used to wake up early in the morning and go to the market, underneath some small bunk shaped shops and look for empty thrown match boxes, then tear the corners and start playing in the evening. Mom hates this game, as I roam around collecting match boxes on roads. Everyday I played this game wonderfully and won box full of match box covers. One fine day my mom who was upset with my behavior from a long time, thrown my achievements in cooking fire. I didn't eat that day. I didn't play again with those master pieces.

"2" s can change India :P

I wanted to leave early. Just like that, to relax for some time in front of hostel common TV and sip some tea, and have conversation with the cook about today's menu..if in good mood ask the recipe. At 5.30 p.m leaving from lab is like doing biggest sin in my life, although my whole day went with just browsing all possible time passing sites. " Everyday doesn't come under working day"..I say this to myself when I don't have any work. Looking for my bag on the table, and also peeping a lil into boss room, I slowly walked out.

I stopped looking for the seats in the bus after the day one lady forcefully pushed me from the foot board on to road, as she found my little presence may bus burst. Fine I never get any place to sit. Today also the same. But I was in high spirits, I didn't care about it. On the way planned about what to do this evening.

As I walked form the bus stop towards hostel, I recalled if I have to buy anything form the shops outside. I relaxed. No need. My purse was already empty except for few basic rupees.

Just gave a thought ..will I need a recharge, at least ten rupees. Mm..yeah I will need today. In good mood people rush in mind. I love sharing happiness. Thanking Vodafone for understanding my basic rupees condition in mind, went ahead.

Watching TV become tiresome when remote doesn't work. I felt I am shedding my calories changing channels. Gave up anyways, came to room.

I have to execute the plan now. Damn!..she is sleeping..my roommate who is leaving the hostel in a day forever and who bought a new book in to the room just previous day. I have only a day to somehow ask it form her and read it completely and give it back to her. I dunno whether she would be ready to give or not..after all her new book.."2 states" by chetan bhagat.

I saw the book on her table. Books are irressistable sometimes..especially when I remembered how I finished "Five point someone" in some hours, I couldn't wait anymore. I have to wait till she wakes up. As I sat many things went in my mind.

Yeah there exists book addiction..

Finally got up and took the book. I think she understand how desperate I was to read it...she said nothing after she woke up.

Book was great, although I don't want to write reviews of books in my blog, I find "2 states" as a must read for a change in Indian marriage system.

Meanwhile being visiting IIMA a couple of times, it was very easy to picture the scenes the novel was describing.

Like "2 states" , I guess we need a book "2 religions" for better India.

Stone laughs aloud!

When he saw that stone inside a bush in some corner, he loved it.
He doesn't know to shape it. He never want to give it a shape.
He started giving love. Silently stone enjoyed the pleasure of being loved.
It was shaped in years.

"People shaped me, in their day to day life. Situations shaped me, your love shaped my heart, in that dead stone" the stone's words to that boy.

Polishing of stone!
He is different person now. A new stone owner.
Stone needs polishing. I think it needs some thing that keeps it busy whole life.

Love? stone laughs aloud!
!!
After all it is just a stone..

My frog..is "Well" "not Well" ?

Em in hurry..why am I hooked here? I have a light heart to lift heavy burdens.

You know guys I planned to write about village small girls and the way they learn dance without trainers, and I really have a sad frogs story. Both the things I thought on two different days, early in the morning. And its very common I think a lot of things to add to my blog and hardly I put something out.

Frog love story was ending a lil sad, Village small children learning dance ended with inspiration.

Those frogs out of their beautiful little wells, into rivers or bigger water accumulations are the most unhappy ones. If in a pair of frogs..which were deeply in love, one moving out of well and one staying in the well is painful. I feel humans do transform like this and those little frogs who want to stay still in well's are destined to live there. Anyway I am against this story at times, but this is the truth.

This small children in my village, each from different schools, know different types of dances. Girls who go to town for school learn modern dance steps, while who study in my village itself dances on pretty cool folk songs. That day I just gathered a group of girls, may be for my entertainment and their interest to show me their talents..we all gathered. TO my surprise, Whenever a girl from village school starts dancing, the girl from town school also joins her and they both danced flawless, I could not spot their coordination. The same thing repeated when town girl danced, the village girl joined her with perfect coordination. I couldn't control asking them how they all know all the dances, in spite of being from different schools. They said, after coming back from school, the girl who goes to town to school, teaches what she learnt to other girls in village and in turn she also learn form village girls.

Perfect!

How keen they were in learning! A thought went for few days in my mind. I still love to think their ways of learning. They all are same in heart, village brings you this.

I am proud to belong there.

blank

Blank mind sits in front of a Blank paper
hand is opposite to mind..runs slow
They are not bits and pieces, out of love..
not even sentences out of fear..
they just don't come out of my mind to hand
because I stopped noticing!
In love my hand worked quick..
I never think while writing..
they are lovely words.
do u wanna read them?
people miss things!
girls hide them in their very dairies
I will show u soon,
when the world is Blank!

Pic Courtesy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jesper_hauge/2986401054/

with pen!

Yeah things are going on well I guess...
Cool job...lovely campus, lot of events, cancer clubs, seminars with prior snacks, enormous roof as soon as we step out of lab to refresh, chit chat, and murmur on mobile. On the same roof under a huge tree with orange flowers is our favorite lunch spot.

I was last night occupied with the thoughts of "background". Not those filmy backgrounds, it is about any individual's background, I mean a proper settled theme. At a certain age every person builds a theme in life, like gets grip on some values to practice in their lifetime, some passion to teach their younger ones which they feel very useful, tough times making them feel worth facing, stop thinking what is hard work really mean, able to recognize kindness, patience and fear in people, and a clear picture of certain distance in future. Just this is called background, which I was thinking and remaining all is falling into places accordingly.

And there I go with a small announcement, very informal but really my new thing I want you all to know.
I have taken a step forth with the thought of writing a Novel. My paper and pen are set.
I am in love with it.

Thanks for all your support for making me think, I can do this. With all your love and wishes moving ahead!

Balancing the mixture :)

With a pinch of time I got during recent days..I find myself engrossed in some orkut scraps..I don't remember that I have a blog and many of my feelings left unsaid, but always wanted to put them in a shape. And now I am at Indian Institute of Sciences, a land of trees, tall trees that I find myself as Lilliput. I am enjoying the feeling of new place, may be it has turned very soon a Lil routine but loving it anyway.

After finishing work..giving a walk slowly in the campus towards bus stop..looking for snakes in those bushes around..its like a evening walk in a park...I started calling the campus as forest.

I observed many things as I moved around everyday..I thought of putting them as secrets for sometime, to explore more. In new places there exists a confusion, whether to employ the ways of previous working or start with brand new ideas. I dunno how I am making it anyways, but the confusion does exist.

Getting into crowded buses, saying "no flu patients today in bus". And a lady with swine flu mask was sleeping in her seat yesterday, I saw her mask is out of the place falling on her neck. And she sleeps..happily in no dreams of swine flu.

People in this place are quite friendly, they have long hair, plaited evenly, with some nice smelling flowers. Young girls with a few chemistry or physics books (Like me they find these subjects tough I guess) and a head phone playing Kannada songs in FM, and conductors scared to touch any lady as they do in high locality going buses, where people are less questioning and busy moving. Here I am sure minimum three hands raises to beat him.

And again in new hostel, with just two more roomies, quite peaceful. I was thinking of some words to describe the feeling of mixture feelings, which I feel now. Whatever it is, I am just balanced, during all these happenings, which was great learning in recent days.

is this forever

Come to my dreams everyday
and I will be very fine all the day
Kindness! Dad when did u teach me this?
you don't answer me
I learnt it that day
My heart sinks when I think of your forehead,
haunting...never felt anything like that..
I touched your hair softly thinking to get any tiny hair fallen
to keep it as your precious last thing to see forever
I got one..hugging it in my hand I walked to funeral..
It is in my little purse along with your phone book and some of your scribbled papers
I never dared to open them after u
You stood once when I was leaving..at one moment I realized you was waiting for my kiss on that cheek
how many I kissed you on that day dad..you might be happiest when I did it to alive you..

Silk- Colorful- a tiny bit of History

My father along with my uncle once planned to start silkworm farming. It was more common those days. I was in my 8 Th standard, I guess. We had a new building in construction stage which was very near to my house where they planned to start Silk farming. I remember my dad calling me and showing those tiny eggs of silk worm..very tiny ones..I wanted to squash them, as they looked like lice egg (nits). Dad was telling they will grow very big if we give them food. From that day onwards, everyday evening after school, I run to that new building and see how much big they have grown. Sometimes when dad used to serve mulberry leaves (food of silk worms), I used to stand beside and ask him, "If you get any mulberry fruits in that leaves, give them to me, don't give to insects". When I go there with my friends..He was asking us to carry round wooden baskets of leaves into silkworm room in pairs. You should have understood one thing.. My show off..about silk worms to all my friends. I show them how they eat, move, slowly..I take them into my hands and show my guts :)..In school my stories followed everyday, till my dad took them to Bangalore to sell them. I remember they were worried about improper cocoon formation..Before dad took them, I took a small cocoon and placed it in a match box, I thought butterfly will come out of it.

I suddenly remembered all those today. I was traveling from my friends place to office, I have to cross a junction, which is named as " Silk Board" which is given after "Central Silk Board" located nearby.

That was in my Masters, when I got randomly chosen seminar topic on, "Advantages of Biotechnology in Sericulture", those silkworms came again into big picture.

I was fascinated to hear the history of silkworms..I controlled myself telling about the story while seminar as it is something to say in gene level..But I, at last told the story. Because I wanted to say.

You know silk is first discovered by Chinese people and secretly maintained for 2000 years. Many stories came out those days, that silk is made of leaves, soil layers, some plants...Its discovery was made a nice story.

One fine morning Chinese king came back form hunting and shouted in the palace, "My dear Princess! I want some refreshing drink". Those days tea is brewed under trees in palace garden. Queen was standing there while tea was made. Suddenly! In the vessel of boiling water, they saw glittering threads. Queen asked to take them out and observed its shiny nature. She was fascinated by that new thing. They came to know about the cocoons on the tree. She started sticking that shiny thread on her gowns. Then slowly they found more cocoons, and very soon they made silk gowns, veils, so on..And then rules came out in China. Any Chinese speak anything about silk is sentenced to death. It was symbol of royalty.
Once, a person from Japan came to China and stole a few maids who know about silk, few cocoons and plants where they grow. After that Japanese started producing silk too.

I find it interesting. All of them enjoyed listening to it.

We then speak about genetic engineering, and how silkworm genes are modified to produce more thick, fat cocoons. And I came to know, they started using the strongest silk produced using Biotechnology techniques in making Parachutes..

Silkworms have made me remember those colorful days!

Love Again

I am flying with my thoughts. Someone caught me and said why do you rush, we can sit and talk.
Feels better ha..
A long talk on phone with my friend..I am happy she calls me so frequently after I left my hostel. She miss talking to me. I am a big chatter box!

I again would like to speak today about “Falling in Love again and again”, which I spoken in my first post of this Blog.

Its quite normal and we all react in different ways. Especially girls pull this matter a lil too long and boys.. they limit the discussion. May be you can say me wrong , its my assumption.

Some of them think it as a big mistake, but I believe, it is as normal as we use our bathroom everyday.

If you agree that you don't suppress your love anytime, then you will surely agree you have fallen in love again and I do say you will fall in love again and again!

I feel we need to be open and let everyone choose their soul mates.

Under this sky, let me call it an Umbrella, I love the space that is left for a person, to share the rain and hot summer.

I love to listen those innocent buddies proudly arise and say “I am in Love again, Accept it!”

Love, Leadership , Entrepreneurship!
Last night I knew there is no definition to mean them. They are just there..as words and we do use them often, as they sound to be ultimate expressions..

how complex works ...

I had a stressful day. Still I do feel so.
Its about a Recommendation Letter.
I do not know how to ask someone to write good or whatever about me, or at least write about me. If a friend, Its different thing..I saw many friends asking each other to write testimonials..but its not quite OK to ask someone very elder than you, even though how close the relationship is, for a reference or recommendation letter..Mom never taught me this. I will not teach my children too. For me it is wrong.
Some rules, may be values which are inbuilt does all this.
But they doesn't work today.
Some tension covered my day. I struggled to do this. I want to relax and never think about this after today. I know it is not gonna end very soon , being in a research field, I have to get used to this..to move from one scientist to another, where my interest lies..or where the opportunity is.

I don't understand how people turn very complex quickly, its like going through many painful situations and coming to complex behavior. I mean to say its tough for me going through all these..I don't know how everyone learn things. May be I don't want to learn.

And I know it is boys who can teach girls to face hard situations. They actually teaches them softly. Boys teaches girls!

Daddy

I am always trying to communicate with you dad, I hope you can hear me.
As much as I think you in my whole mind, that much close you are, I can feel it dad..
My life is not the same as u saw
I dont beleive in souls, but a huge part of mine went along with you
How huge is known when I swim with our family, without knowing how to swim..
Your smile is shaking my nerves
I recollect every single moment, every day, my memory die for doing this..
Without any warning, any clue,any last kiss you suddenly asleep under that mud which I had seen first time
A recurring nightmare Dad, where to hide this..

Bi-Cycle-Adventurous vehicle

I had a problem of pocket money during summer holidays. If it is school, my pocket fills with dad's 10 rupees note..which he asks me to share along with sister, Mom's 2 or 3 rupees and never I had something saved in school bag, I don't need to save..I used get everyday my pocket full.

That is in summer my real problem starts..in the afternoon...Sometimes when I ask money to mom..for my bi-cycle rent(2 rupees per hour for small cycle) ..she sends me to ask grandma.
Its tough you know, to get money from granny's..my granny has a wheat, rice , chilly powder flouring mill..and I enter there, at the door entrance I sneeze loudly with all those hot chilly flavor passing in my nose..then I go stand beside her..for a long time..just looking at her..I want her to ask me , what I wanted..she never asks me..then I will call her "Jeji..rendrupayalisthava?.. panundi"( Granny..will u give me 2 rupees? I have some work)..as usual she says she don't have money..then I will show her money bag which she hides in her Saree edge and asks again to give...she won't...I take the stick form her hand with which she removes the stuck wheat powder in the mill and do the same work as she does..TO IMPRESS HER :P ...After every 2 minutes I will remind her about my 2 rupees..

I run to the cycle shop..with proud smile of earning 2 rupees..

With Cycle in hand..I go to the friends...we all go on cycle ride to the far fields crossing bus roads, bullock cart ways, and a small underground passage of a water dam.. holding cycle up on shoulders..and there we are to collect regi pandlu (pandlu means fruits), mulberry pandlu..and anything to eat, play..We find the big regi trees which are adjacent to hollow wells..and all of us come to one side of tree and pick the stones..start throwing on the tree..after 10 or 12 stones, one by one.. fruits start falling down..we all shout, "now stop throwing the stones", "One nice fruit fallen down", "That corner one near that big stone is mine, I am telling you all first only", "I am going down of tree, stop throwing stones", "Heyyy you don't shake the tree, the stones struck on the tree will suddenly fall"....its adventures for me...mom doesn't know what we all do here..no one tells at home..we finish eating of fruits before going home..on the roads..sometimes we stop at a place and clear good ones and keep it for mom or some one who praises us for bringing them..I remember I was so good at taking good fruits from my sister and some boys too:P ..they were sweet at giving!

Same Or Not Same??

If we are more liberal, more weird are our relationships- Sigmund Freud. I know about him Yesterday.
I got it, I know many examples to make me convince this. But today I know the reason, than knowing examples..i.e, “Liberal”.

Sticking and letting ..A fight of my age.
I stick today..I suppose..try to stick..
It is not independent to be..to be liberal..which is quite fine when I don't bother anyone. But when I know my purpose, I stand there to complete them ..then I don think of being liberal.
Now my question is, when does a Man thinks or wants to be Liberal?

Right n wrong,
logical n illogical,
sense n doesn't make sense,
practical n not being practical..

Distinguishing these few things was something I learned from an year.
But being liberal n ____ ??? I don't know. I thought being liberal is something which will never stops..
We fight to protect our independent nature..away from restrictions..but I wonder, Independent and Liberal are same.

World Plays-On LOVE!

Nothing more surprising that a boy is following a girl. And we also come across a girl who is behind a boy.

Let us come to something different. Boy and girl are in love. They were not normal..

Before moving more, Shall we name them, to make our story a nice tale..

For boy let me choose a name from my school days English text
book..hmm..Jack..nooo..Henry...hm..na..hey "Pip"..how is it???
OK gal now..No more guessing..I will name her "allie"..she is a major character in "Notebook"..a novel/film...a happy girl and a happy woman..

Yes we move to the story..

He is tying the shoe lace..
Allie stays very close by to his place, they both stay in the same acre of land (in farm words)..
Pip moved out of his house, with a book in hand..walking on the road..a left turn and then a straight road...
HE SAW HER!
Allie..walking in a pink dress with a cover in her hand..in her own world..never know he is behind somewhere..

Pip didn't try to give her a call nor shouted to stop..he messaged..

"I saw an angel walking in pink dress".

Allie saw it a little late. Never replied back..She blushed...

It was not "A day", but "Everyday"...She sees at that left turn in a day ..till her eye needs him.

Never he appeared..and allie thinks Pip is lucky to see her that day..and she is not..

Almost a month past..in that same acre of land..they live..they never met..she waited distracting all the views in her life..to see only him...

Pip loves her.

They both know a language. Always they meet they move their language to miles ahead..when they don't meet their language puts them stable!

They, in this world for each other..Wait!.... World plays..months, years..these are stupid.

Part closed!

Back to Archive!

It was yesterday..I again came back to college life ..into a hostel.

10 years of hostel life. Not a silly thing to leave. A lot of people, lot of learning, now a lot of teaching at times..

My room accommodates 3 people. 1 is yet to come. Last night, I woke up suddenly around 4 o clock, and saw a tree in front of my room, it just came to my mind, I am in new place. I don't see any tree in my previous place..not even think what I see. It is all new from morning to night ..

Hostel is like a collection. My point of collection mean very simple. It includes armful of fiction, non-fiction novels, true stories happened, in present generation..some pen drives jump form room to room to share that romantic movie..bucket full of gossips (even if water is not available), snacks bought from hometowns...

In girls hostel (especially in colleges) the most exciting thing will be, running to be first in every place, from bathroom to bed..a competitive air everywhere..I realized, I never said, “its boring, to sit simply” during college. Time runs rather than flows..

I can say people in love will miss some kind of hostel life by sticking to their very cell phones. Singles always have more to do here.

A transition from college to office and then again from office to hostel made me mature. Now its fine whoever my roommate is, I am excited to share my room with new people, starting with new adjustments..I don't always want to be cheered up anywhere but when I'm feeling stupid, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. I am far from the feelings of self-hatred and shame, feelings like guilty when I disappoint people, hurt when someone misunderstands me, expecting too much from myself and life, fearing being abandoned. So ..it is just easy to be anywhere. At this point, it's nice to remember the strength of a few long-gone friendships. And It's time to release these things and make space for new people, new ideas, new possibilities.

At night “Little Rascals” ..movie..made my sleep start with happy face. Movie full of small kids. A small boy ALFA ALFA in love with a little girl..a comedy movie. Children does comedy roles naturally. Before bed, I was wondering what if my little son in future comes and says “ Mom! I am in love with a girl”. You know I will hug him and kiss for saying so sweet thing...may be I will be proud of him.

Yes! I forgot to say about Library. Common guys.. I am not gonna say about kind of books...but about weight of books. We were asked to help in arranging the Library. We unpacked the boxes of books and arranged in Library. Very fat books, Very very fat books..left my fingers with cramps..but I could never really touched so many books otherwise..I was watching at the cover pages, while arranging some journals into racks...Once it occurred, I should read all these books. It is fat idea you know..for a person like me who is a free reader rather than a research reader...But exploring library is not yet adulterated for me..it is a great pleasure to gather information.

Open to know about my likes....in this new place and expand my love for writing!

a lil future for fun :)

I touched my hair around 100 times from morning..and was admiring people who create shampoos..they kill my hair with chemicals..but still I use them for the feel they give..even while writing this ..I touched my hair twice..Suddenly I remembered..once I read in a book about describing personalities.. in that they say...people who touch their hair repeatedly feels themselves as very beautiful in looks...I stop my hand for a minute. But...you know..it is wrong....it is shampoo...nothing else makes u touch the hair. If dove people reads this..they will arrest me...for copying their famous ad... :)..

After a movie is released, they sometimes show us making of the movie, removed songs from the movies, removed dialogues, scenes..etc..Yesterday in TV... I saw an ad of a new movie "Pyaar Impossible" , which is still in making stage...and they have a website created, to show their making...amazing idea of course!..but I was wondering in future what more amazing things will come up...may be " a website where u can be a scene chooser of a movie, and include your selected scenes from a list of scenes in the movie and buy the CD" , " a website where u can change any of your favorite hero and heroine in the present hero, heroine's place..may be not respectively also..(wink wink) and watch the movie" ..anything may happen. That day I will watch all devil movies keeping my favorite actresses..WOW!! how nice to watch Arundathi( a Telugu devil movie) with Julia Roberts as Actress..

Its free here..to write anything and everything..Yes! this blogs are pretty free for all of us....

They dig n dig the soil..and explore those computers and struggle for years to know what it is... and come out reading a page like this..they will know we had some thing called shampoo, TV, Movie, Heroine, Devil, CD, wink wink etc.......hey I am speaking about our future...like how we dig for ancient sculptures, our future digging for our information in these blogs...

fun!!

lovely breezes...

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik

I love these words.

My opened dairy has these words..written in my college days. Below which I have written.."I donno which is faithful hand".

Years past quickly...I learnt that I do have a faithful hand...

Reasons to get married are simple in this world. I was looking for complex... I guess.

At 23 feeling breezes alone is not painful.....as I know its gonna end.

.................................................

A New Experience awaiting..

I am leaving my sweet hostel and moving to an Isolated IBAB new campus, gonna miss my roommates, reliance fresh, Bus stop where I have regular faces with confused smile, lengthy traffic jams which a hundreds times made me feel "get down and run from the bus, or else you will never reach office"..and when the driver is not having the spirit of competing with the traffic..I call him Lazy Bug..and often thinks, before getting down the busy, I should tell him," this is the worst driving I have ever seen"..I lose my temper in this buses..but I never express it..I convince with the fact that many feels the same..But now in the new place, I am gonna stay few feet away from office..I will walk..I will reach in minutes...Now I will miss the Buses, my time pass in buses...watching so many dresses, straight noses, hair styles, hand bags, listening funny gossip, peeping into books people read (just curious what is making them read while standing in the sweating crowd of bus)...my happiness when I see someone I know in the bus....

My evening walk with roommates to a chai shop..before reaching to hold
a cup of tea, we catch a plate panipuri..and then turn to tea..and there
we start our gossip..for hours n hours.." please can I call you later,
we are speaking actually"..our usual response to avoid people from
disturbing us...I can imagine a lil of my life after marriage..with
my neighbours.

Bangalore is very soothing experience for me..yesterday just before it
was going to rain..I took a walk on the roads.. two streets away from
my hostel..I feel the weather as it is, as it want me to. I was looking
at the houses and thinking ..why don't people come out at this time
and enjoy what nature is giving to us..

I changed many places in this four years at Bangalore, each one was a
very different experience..but I never missed this much while leaving
any place...I think it is about people what makes us like something...

Realize- nonsense

I realize,

I am not talented but I am enthusiastic.

Being a village gal, I enjoy giving a walk on the civilized roads.

My mom a coffee addict. I follow.

A touch will bring back ___ years past to present..a year is not a big deal!

I like the part of analyzing the difference..in life it sucks, in job ..my work made simple..

Core of me..has strong belief on Indian marriage system..I was crazy about western culture ..until I realize this..

Regular gossip has established ..as part of a women life.

We can watch romantic movies in bulk suddenly..know how?? One of my roomie is newly in love- we benefit seeing romantic movie very often, of his choice.

I never know I love my Nose so much until I got a kitten bite on it.:))

Job-Chappal Story

We see somethings real..A young girl walked out of a huge building without chappal.She went there to attend an interview. She used to work for a small firm and all her aims and goals bought her into that huge building. She walked out without chappal after interview and when the gate keeper asked her, what happened to your chappal..she said with lots of excitement, " I got Job, My chappal broke after it..it doesn't matter much for me, I am in happiness of Job, I will walk home like this" ..She travelled two hours in bus and came to my room, in fact she is my roommate. She was a graduate who dreams of solving all the problems of relatives not only parents. I was inspired by her Job-chappal story.

I am no more called Village granny

Village girls..u should know something about them..those innocent buds. Even I was one at one point of time.. I am glad if people considers me still so..anyways now when I meet any girl, any middle aged woman, any old woman..I find them with tender hearts. U don see those harsh things that easily ..we guys manage in cities..They do the best in their life. For me it pains that I am no more going to belong to that Village girl or woman or granny...I am not gonna be those lucky mother who gives 5 paise to her daughter, for allowing her to kill a head louse on her head.. I charged a lot for my mom for doing this..almost used to end up taking 5 rupees once she cleans my head...It would be a surprise for me to be kicked out of this life and thrown in that tiny spot of my village in map..I am struck here in between "don stop anywhere" and "stop it's nowhere"..A two day visit to my home only makes me realize what I miss in my life.. I doubt if I think living is some thing to say like..."I used to live once upon a time"...