I call it life..!

After rubbing that small swollen, itchy, little hard flaky bumps on my always revolving head…literally hair..I got up from bed and dipped the portions of my head in oil. It says “repair damage”. I don’t have damaged hair...looks like this is the one, causing one. That was not a bump or wound in the hair…they are grown as symbol of my mysterious intelligence. Yeah myseterious…it looks like it is growing..as my salary grows timely..atleast whenever I want…but that brain has proven less of its intelligence. Now coming to my head..take the literal meaning..I remember saints in olden days…their hair after remaining untouched for ages..it becomes hard and I am sure they had bumps like this. J Now you got me. I am in the starting phase of those saints..soon I will become one. I sit in office whole day..not in that romantic fancy mood in the office..never touch my hair…and I it remains as it is whole day and night after it is brushed once in the morning before I lazily kick off to the 21 days office..yeah the remaining 9 days are so..(oh my maths!) I lie down on the flowery blanket covered bed and never brush my hair…in between..I fight with roomies at times..but never it goes to a point she pulls my hair and we get all super cat fight..sadly even she never touches my hair…the head massage I took for 3 continuous weeks, made me bored of her same routine way and not so exciting..and then I gave up on that…finally I got this small falky bumps on head..which for sure is not dandruff..but something that needs regular combing and less sleeping ..oh em gee…oh em peee ;)

Today I went to Galleria market..it is a shopping place with all the shops you found in shopping mall..but this one is unlike mall exists in linear house like structures and not a big building..it got only two floors and multiple blocks..I kind of like getting lost in to those blocks and come out of it with the memory of remembering particular shops…

Thank god me and him both are Air conditioner haters..I don’t understand how this stupid thing works..if I keep it on, it makes me feel like I should off..gets all cold..if I turn it off then the hot weather challenges my hotness :P What is the need of it to keep it in minimum.. I better use fan..so it is just like me in the office..

Again and again on the way back from office I ask myself..what is that one thing man could not find. What is that one thing that I can do without any stress and earn as much as I get with this complete pain in ass job. What is that..???  Oh let me turn on the AC..actually I now a feeling that all the travelers and people who goes to this hilly places and spend their time relaxing are the replicas of olden days saints or may be some of them have their tribal ancestral genes so strong..that it brings to forest and for god sake they have facebook now..otherwise we would never experience their vivid energies in roaming around..I think MS word still doesn’t know about facebook..it is asking to separate to ‘face book’..I donno about face..but it surely worked in making us forget about books..My sugar street book almost lay dead on my bed, desk, cupboard..on some exciting days even in my hug sling bag…I lazily love that book…for it is full of misery and a deep understanding of the Islamic religion…and struggle of a writer ..writing in spite of he knows that it might of interest to a different set of people alone.

Blaming my mood swings in last two days..I hurt few sweet souls around me…that two or three tiny ml of hormones does so much in each women’s life every month..that they either forget to realize they act so due to hormones and blame all the worst is caused by them and lose that bit confidence they gained in the rest of the days…its better all the women know about it and be aware when you are behaving so.

You don’t have to control yourself all. But try not to behave extreme…and that can be done only when you are aware of it…chee..I am talking so girly :O

While getting ready for bed..especially when no-roomie days..I get all sincere. I brush my teeth..keep the book in this location..check my nails, fill the bottle full and before hitting bed.. on the way back from one last visit to bathroom…I check the room for any cockroaches..and kill them properly...basically murder make me sleep I guess…ha ha..and then lie on bed..reach out for mobile and then hate a minute the time differences in each country and keep it aside silently and jump into miraculous sleepy gel in the brain..that takes me to dreams by passing through wires of my thoughts..though very far..connecting the years back like it was a super telephone and brings me back all of it for a while..just for a while…all the things that I never want to lose..never…they come to be bought back every day..and I call it life!

ఎంత దూరం !

మళ్ళి ఉదయించింది ఆకాశం
మరి కొంచం మెత్తగా, రాత్రి వెన్నల తోట లాలి మత్తులో నుంచి రానంటూ
కాస్తా వెలుగు నాక్కావాలని అడిగితే 
ఒక వెచ్చటి కిరణంతో నా నుదుటి తాకిన
సూర్యునికి
నే ఇస్తానివాళ ..
వెన్నెలను కాదనే అన్ని ముద్దులు

మెలకువ

చాలా రోజుల తర్వాత గీతాంజలి సినిమా చూడాలనిపించింది
మొత్తం చూసా
ఎపుడో కానీ ఇంత ఓపికగా సినిమా మొత్తం చూడను
సున్నితంగా అనిపించింది మనసు
కొంచం ఎక్కువగానే
మనషులకు బాష అనేది లేకుంటే బాగుండనిపించింది
ప్రేమ మూగగా బాగుంటుంది
మాట్లాడకున్నా, మాట్లాడినా ప్రేమ అర్థమవతుంది
మనషులు బతికివున్నా లేకున్నా కూడా అంతేనేమో..
ప్రేమ అర్థమవతుంది...
ఈ మాయ ప్రపంచంలో
ఎంత నలిగిపోతున్నామంతా
మనసుల  తపన ఎవరికి కావును
నోరు తెరిచి మాట్లాడని వాడు వోడిన వడైపోయే
కళ్ళు మూసి గట్టిగ శ్వాస తీసుకుంటే
జీవితం లో ఎక్కడ సోమరి అవుతామో అని అందరికి దిగులు
ఎవర్రూ  ఆపరు
నువ్వే ఆగు
ఆగి నిలుచొని చూడు
ఎలా తయారయిందో ఈ పిచ్చి లోకం
పడుకుంటే వచ్చేనా ఈనాడైన ఓ తియ్యని కల






 

silent obscurity

Blue skirt with pink, purple flowers and green leaves
As many colors those many thoughts
Life gives it all these only to women
I empahsise that among same age of both genders, women are more matured
Oh I stopped enjoying conversations with my female friends too if they are younger than me
This love for maturity is a tricky gene passed from generations
It comes to all of them
We all move in life in different phases
A phase where you are is not a phase the other one is
You might have gone through the same in past or may experience it in future
But not every time the phase might match
I am in confusion
Love, fun, relationship, commitment, tolerance, quietness
Just to live this one life
ha ha

Rabindranath Tagore

 I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power,---that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.

But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders.

 

Practice regular breathing
Think of yourself
Let others live at their own pace
Close eyes and sleep before office
You only will close them again after many hours
Last night it was after 20 odd hours I closed them
Thoughts are like joints
They are connected
They are endless
Sometimes things can go devasting
How you bring them in place is a matter of your health and sleepless hours
Listening ears are always taken for granted
Everywhere
Patience is tested
Everytime
Life is questionable
Every single minute
Silence

Sunady Monday

Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.”
― Ernest Hemingway

It is true!
Why I don't live at all when I am not with you?

I kept this new nail paint
But not so happy as I cant show you...am I a saint?

I tie my hair with this colorful band
and why do I miss you pampering my hair with your hand?

Street corner new shop
I went to buy new top
I saw a boy t-shirt and then you pop
Am I a kid with lollipop?

My sister went to barbeque nation
I am planning always for my April vacation
We both are what a combination!

I like it when you call me mental
You rather are sentimental, eating always continental
And dreaming parental :P

I am sleeping now
my roomie saying meuw
ok she said bow :P

B!ndu: life and love

VeerJara and Rehna Hai tere dil mei..were today's hot things to mind. Nice movies. The music of RHTDM was resonating in my ear all the day. From morning I have been thinking about the same movie. Madhavan was kind of cute, with that lil dark chin he got, though the villain scenes didn't suit him well. One thing that clicked to my mind was, in a scene once hero and heroine meets at a lonely bench in front of the beach in some outskirts of the town. Then when they had were broke up, one went and sat at that exact place alone and the other one watches from far. Isn't that so loving? Though I got so practical in my life, I suddenly found that so close to me. So loving. How I imagine such kind of pure and empathetic love. I remember my old days of confusion in choosing mad love over practicality. Anyway I don't want to talk about it. It went on for years. And then, I am happy today :)

In a pair,
one knows how to love
the other knows how to live
they know how good they are for each other

I had fearing of living when I had to choose love
I have fear of fading love when I had to choose life
But the positive side of all of this was
I had the element of love in me

It is not easy to put these things in words. I think 27 years could make you feeling less by now if you are alone, especially without parents. I feel proud I could spare some for my future generations and my beautiful life ahead. Sometimes, it is journey that is important and sometimes it is just only the destination but, I always remember to myself that I am true to myself.

Living Never Pause

Quite sometime passed that I wrote. I kind of was a bit worried about something all these days and looks like the strings of mind have loosened a little, though I really was not able to figure out why I was worried. Have seen 'kai po che' movie today. In movies I go through emotions at times so real, will feel some characters in depth of me. Yeah..this crap often happens. Movie was good..I like the kid Ali. Always quite and focused! Something makes everyone focused. What is that to me? I thought about it in the movie. Even now. I am only focused while shopping :P oh..no jokes..
Actually nothing is going to change. I am in some kind of world, a dreamy phase and thinking that some big change is going come in life. How sweet of me to think so, but nevertheless, good to realize to catch the roots tight and keep with what I have intact. And then, one or two highly motivated people are actually disturbing me these days, making me remember that great living and great motivation I had for my life. How did it pass away! Did anyone notice? I certainly did not.

On the first day of my new school in 2nd class, I remember few things. Sisters (teachers are called so) gave me a cute story book and I was seeing the pages. Last week in a book sales, I bought such kind of animal story books with colorful paintings and little stories. I started reading them in the night before sleep. Oh..I have only one more left, I want to read more.

I still don't understand this money thing. All papers. Like I get bored of things soon and easily, looks like I got bored of money long back. Only once I was happy when I draw butterflies, hut, fishes, trees, flowers, chocolates, balloons and write the names in springs and decorate them..

Once in search of lotus flowers I went to so many small ponds around my village. I thought lotus is the king flower. In the shiva temple adjacent to the water canal, I saw few lotus flowers and always managed to get one in hand and feel proud. Bindu, that small little girl was proud with anything, every small thing.

I am confident, I will discover my interest and define myself as complete.

You are on game

I feel I am walking on a small bird wall surrounding a huge well. So careful life has gotten.
I know my sister would be laughing at this line. Probably in next few lines. She talks about my english in blog. I hardly concentrate on it. It is unlike office mails...I can scribble myself. And then, the reason for that carefulness is only to not to make few mistakes. Just not again!

Its been 18 hrs I have not lied down on bed. I still stick to this computer as lizard to wall. I want to talk a lot about 'confidence' today.

That very word brings in emotions in me. Arises the character, discipline and self-respect in me. If being confidence is showing up to the world that you have confidence, then being silent with confidence is above that to me. Agree or not, but it takes lot of courage to remain silent. But I question to myself when is that a person should be showing his/her confidence..is it necessary to show..the necessity of showing confidence comes from the lack of confidence in opposite person. Then, it is asked my the opposite person to show some confidence. You are on a game then..in fact a poppet show. I should be send to forests. Because I know all of you and most of the world agree with this. Never mind I still have to survive and will survive and my confidence comes from love and I will have to preserve it all my life.


May be I know less about confidence. Ha ha...I must be appearing less confident in knowing more about confidence.

Perhaps I should sleep. My roommate always says..I speak very weird before hitting my bed...Oh..she will come back tomorrow..such a relief..

In between my fingers the cold is like jandu balm on nose... :P

Spiritual Womb

Have downloaded payslips of my previous company.
Watching life of some tribals in travel trendz. Muddy faces of those kids. With Malaria and their parents take them to spirit curer. They draw trees, animals on mud..with two hands clearing the mud and starting to draw. I too made such houses in sand sometime. I couldn't recall when. I wish I had some one, some of my village friend who remember all of what I want to remember. Poor or rich all the kids in villages play same games. Village games. I in this world of cities wishing to understand but not comfortable with.
I have seen people like me living, creating something else, something interesting in this world, creative and my mind asks me with its all emotions what is that creativeness I want to give to make my life easy in this cities. These cities wants you to offer something in order to make you happy or easy to live with. I am happy for all the people in that race to offer it something. They are at least trying to give something. I am also giving. My frustration! Telling with kind words to my heart that, it only hurts when I think of myself. It doesn't hurt at all if we think from others perspective for themselves. Believe, trust, remember always you are only you...not all of others. Just you!
Last time I was in flight to Delhi, I had this strange feeling. To eat nachos. Cheese nachos! It was morning flight and at 7a.m eating nachos was so unhealthy as per my mind. I still was hungry and nothing else in menu interested me. I asked for Cheese nachos and she gave me jalapeno flavor or something and I cursed like it was some generic medical shop, where they replace your tablets with other alternative based on the availability. Oh my science!

Filled four page PF withdrawal form in last one week and every time I take a pen and fill each information on each day, I start feeling like I am some big man sitting at old age and claiming some pensions or something. Yeah I dunno why that feeling was. I want to ask someone to try the same and see if they feel so.


My room mate asked me few days back, what I am going to do with that ginger shampoo I bought from body shop. I told her that I am gonna save it. She reminded me of the eye allergy I got upon using it. I told her that happened in winter, so I want to check how the shampoo will work in summer, so I better save till then. Poor she...he he..like her reaction..shock, surprise...some look someone give to a weird scientist. Then I got this in mind..am I really gonna try. Ha ha...

Sugar street I am still reading. Kamal has becoming my favorite and I started liking him as the story moved. Conversations are the best way to pass the historical knowledge and olden lifestyle. I want to have a spiritual friend with whom I can talk some philosophy that comes to my mind so often and be like a silent wave in a womb. Many friends are giving babies..no wonder I use womb to describe philosophy. I strongly like something in a person. I strongly hate something in the same person. Neither I want to change any nor I want the person to change any. What does I want from people!
When my ideas and thoughts are easily understood and I am never treated as alien then I only am called a person that everyone finds easy and likeable. There is honest and unsentimental heart inside.

Eras will pass away and I would think of something and say this is life..nothing much is really important!!

I wil post it!

Not so odd feeling to watch movie alone in a theater.
Except that I was a boy it would have been much easier...to make up people's mind that lonely bum roaming around..but thankfully I booked last minute ticket and made sure I am sitting alone after an empty row. Not to be safe, just to avoid passengers with popcorn.
Thanks to my extra enthusiasm on that day, otherwise how I would miss harper and madeleine..thanks to geographic channel. They made me remember my old past which I now hardly could remember. Those old days when I wrote everyday a letter and posted in the post box in front of temple and prayed every time to reach safely. Ha ha...once my friend raji, when I asked her to post the letter for me..she also did the same..she told me later in college. I felt safe that day that the letter will reach. I did grow up so much to take them so quite enough that they do not even make minute impact on the present life. I had to accept in this life that I would never have loved writing so much except for them. I was creative, I had fallen in love with words, I do remember opening dictionary and going through each page especially the page starting with letter "B" and finding some precious word in that. And then, it continued..I happened to follow the same for quite some years..may be till last two years...not so creative..but much more emotional, much easily conveying feelings..then only I realised...I was always alone and far from the people I loved all the time...all the time...even now..ha ha. Never mind I got this blog. But I still love writing to show some love in letters..mm..When two people create a world, through an imaginary way and could get lost in to that through letters..they often can easily get away to worldly tensions and just be two small frogs in their small letter pond...I still don't understand how and when painful elements arise and bite the relationships..especially the most loving ones. Better we all know to fall in love again and again with our loving ones. Though this glittery world around shows those colorful boats in front, the boat that takes you home and waits for you may not necessarily be as fascinating as you dream of, but surely its all worth it. Wait for your boat and also make sure you try those colorful boats for a short distance..because you only appreciate things better later for one million reasons. One million reason! it is so funny! I sometimes feel this number are just like money...even when I want to describe something in numbers..they sound like money and the more big I tend to write the more worried I feel. May be there is number phobia with me.

I then opened my notebooks, I kept collecting unnecessarily spending my excess but never enough salary. All books are empty except for 2 or 3 pages. Some with scribbling of huts, river, fishes, some lines drawn in some mood..I dont remember when.

To whom should I write a letter? Who would want me to write? Who would wait for one?..
m..........mm.....ahhh...haaa!

Then I write with same enthusiasm bending into the book. I look lovely!

Abstract kind of thoughts
Again
Cold as brain damager
Lost count on degrees they only drop everyday
Yet another day
Spoke to Pip and kissing him goodnight
I turned into loneliness back, dark sack!
My CV infront
Weirdly they show me two souls
Did they die for this?
I live with it now
I can live without it too
Guilt kills me till today
Every minute may be
I am going home in week
Two pongals went quickly after you slept in mud
But I still freshly think of my drawings with muggu infront of our house
On pongal
I stand less confidently after seeing other kids muggu
And you come and stare at it for so much time
With mesmerising eyes
Do you think how your daughter has grown?
And you say you want to take a photo and send it to news paper next day
My datura flower drawing was such a blissfull thing for you
I want it all mom
come back
tonight
just tonight
get up and come
 

K & Q - Forever!!

Its like a BIG STOP for all the questions in mind and start for all fresh new life that is ahead!
What a lovely day..what a lovely night..
Angels must have all landed at once on to earth to tell me this news..
May be while returning back their homes..they showered this Christmas gift on me...

<3 br="br">

Never Washed

A bit cranky from sometime. Now its gone.
Have been obsessed with body shop products, body scrub, body polish, nail cream, face foam..peppermint leg gel, horse chestnut cream..so much to make me feel good. Its nice to know I started liking myself so much again..ha ha again and again. To make me happy I remembered all that I have to do. Each one's strengths needs to be awaken many times in their one life. Each one's I tell you. Otherwise they are often mistook as 'Once I used to be, Once I used to do'. Someone who know you can always make you realize those lovely qualities or strengths of yours. I kept my head towards right side inside my comforter and it took me sometime to realize that a tear drop has just dropped from my eye. Though I was thinking something usual, my mind has not still forgotten to think of those days of her absence. Those strings in mind always crawl towards her thoughts bringing those single painless drops from my eyes..like same how I started to write something else and started of something.

Village, Office, PG, some malls around.. being one small part, life has some meaning with love in heart. A chance to love. Sometimes we do not crave to take love, but to give love. This might also be fundamental, but I agree all these things are illogical. I don't understand how logical mind doesn't catch these things. Actually good for me. I don't care if it is logical or illogical as far as it keeps my mind in peace. And then, I have to tell my mind when it is alone, that it is happy. I have to tell it, not always worry about any painful thing that might come up, that might hurt this little heart. I have to tell it, I can deal with all of it. My lips smile and I forget that thoughts and get back to my phone.

I first planned to write about Jammu visit last weekend and as it turned out to be one of the scariest and painful trip of my life, I just don't want its space in my blog. To keep in simple words, if I had to stay another day more than three, I would have turned god hater. I better be a non-believer. Trips are also about people you are with. I remembered my Nepal trip all through the journey. Nepal was one of the best place I visited. I enjoyed my journey to Pokhara from Nepal so much, that I can recall many houses, landscapes, waterfalls, schoolkids..lake adjoining thick mountain with full of chirpy noises from one kind of birds..lot more. The only think that made me curious all through my journey is the thought of being close to some country which we always here as our enemy. The thought how people living there are dealing with that pressure everyday. May be they ignore it most of the time..may be not..may be it is beyond my thoughts. However, I lived just like a perfect beggar for two days, eating only food available, lying on a 2inch common wooden table where all the world without home is sleeping and beating myself with himalayan freezing cold in a never washed rented blanket....I am sure no one want to hear more...!

This tataphoton plus customer care lady calls me in the morning and asks if I want to change to post paid. In deep sleep, I told her 'first of all prepaid is working bullshit, gmail opens after an hour and I stopped recharging prepaid itself, why the hell should I take post paid?'. Taking a moment she hung the phone loudly..may be she just bashed the receiver on to something. But, I liked it. So much, that she had an attitude. She can say all bullshit like, sorry for that ma'am, we will look into it..and non-sense. She just hung..like it.

OKay my new ant-dandruff ginger hair spa shampoo is waiting..time to be fresh and get out my lazy mind out of this bed...

Arugu

I am surprised to know that I have feeling for stones. Yeah stones. I think we all does have. I tried recalling some stones which I came across in life. I am doing this from yesterday night. Finding me mad...really it was interesting. First thing I remembered was a stone in the center of my village (botrayi). It is a small stone in the centre of the road, which is almost very close to the bus stop in my village where I generally take bus to school. It has a small curve on one side and the whole village offer prayers to it on all important occasions like weddings, festivals and even on deaths. I have feelings associated with it..surely.
I thought of more..a big horizontal slab of stone (Arugu) without uniform shape and one edge protruding a little out infront on my home..infact inside our house fencing was so important and so much favourite of mine. I remember from the time my mother was feeding me food sitting on it and we playing jumping from it, and once or twice snakes were under it, and they moved the slab to kill them and again kept it back...my clothes were washed by maid on it, in summer we dried rice papads on it, I have billion memories associated with it. I love that stone. It is still there, may be this time when I go home I will hug it :)
And then, yeah I have now so many stones in mind...I wondered if I get to have same memories in this modern building with uniform shapes and sizes, may be I will bring these stones from my village wherever I go <3 p="p">
I suddenly remembered me, my mom, my sister sleeping on that arugu with both daughters legs on her. Angel she is!

Change is coincidence

If you think that your pure awesomeness can bring change in someone someday, you are wrong. You cannot change any person. If you lost and found someone that is just a coincidence. If you think your manager or some one around is trying to change you or you are trying to change them stop fooling yourself. Its a fools game because it is purely COINCIDENCE. That is not that you changed them or they changed you. It is that they just happened to be around when you were busy thinking you changed them. No one changes themselves to suit your needs or wants. They change because they think it is better for them. And my mind taught one good lesson to myself that is no person in this world want to live this entire life with your problems and issues. Everyone wants to live happily. What I want, what I should be in future, how my needs are changing with time..what I want  what defines me...I have abundant thoughts and idea to keep me happy always. I am master in soothing myself when some absences pains. I want to say woman can get vulnerable at times but should never get weak. Use your eyes on people. Strong always. Never let them weak. Woman do not have to torn their hearts. Don't be in places where there is lot of Drama. Just get out of there. Drama brings stress. And then, practical thoughts are warm coffee effects.

Smart layered woolens, tall leather boots, skinny jeans, pressed pony tail with cute pins, yeah I have been collecting these things for winter over here. Sometimes suddenly I feel blogging has become impersonal to me..no mind paid on others opinions on my writings. Listening to Beyonce 'rather be with you'.

sometimes when I blog something in my blog I dont want people to read. Inner lives are very sacred. I struggle to protect it. There is something in being a person and a person who writes. May be BALANCE.

Bumps..push the thought away!

Red nail paint on my foot nails is making my feet appear fairer. After showing my feet twice to my roommate I tightened the nail polish nozzle.

Yesterday night I took someone and put in some secret place, somewhere inside heart that can’t get hurt. I always faced bump roads by believing that I can see the best in each one I meet and rather seeing the person, I try to see the best. I think I enjoy my optimism more all the time in everything.

I saw some pigeons flying today from office. Everyday same things, some friends, tea, coming alone to a place and trying to forget work for few minutes and once out of office not feeling like going to hostel, walking slowly, talking on phone, this laptop, no book, no other serious thoughts, just sleeping as if world is all at peace and being happy how uncertain things came real…shy…thoughts…days are passing…quickly…without much purpose…with much love than ever…so much sleep...least bothered about future…neither mine nor yours…thinking I am some song someone is singing so melodiously to world…though it frightens me thinking of losing people…but for now I decided to relax…after all that little innocent heart we all got…life was short to me. I am safe now. Yes Optimistic as always!

tooo many I's

I never realized that I love winters. It came to my mind suddenly all the cold weather bought happiness. Here in Delhi, winter just started. I am out all the time trying to not miss a bit of it.
I think winter brings kind of subtle, humble and calm soothing mind in people. Everyone are quiet enjoying or feeling the same cold in their bones and talking as much less as they can and making gestures more often. Friends were all wearing good jackets and I was there with just a t-shirt on. I liked one jacket, so cool one...it was above 3k I guess. May be I will buy it soon.
I saw this sky fall movie...there I found one line...liked it....’I will not leave when you want me to. I will leave when the job is done'. I suddenly remembered my office and thought I should not leave my work half done any day. Bull shit I thought. Too good I...ha ha... will remember lines for much better things...

Back then I remembered my Masters days all of a sudden and my most smart behavior. Never listening to anyone and always was able to convince any of the classmate or lecturer on anything. I never agreed anyone smarter than me, not even thought so. I was well known for my cool attitude and unshakable breaveness. I feel head to toe proud feling when I think of the way I used to walk from third floor of the class to down floor with bouncing loose hair, knowing that my seniors and classmates all are down standing...watching..And don't even let me remember me more, I have billion stories. Ha...so cute to remember them. And when it is cold, I always liked drawing some pathways of biochemistry and some flagella structures drinking tea in the world's smallest glass. I keep a day or two for practicing drawing and did them religiously two days, after which I ask my roommates to ask me any diagram in the whole text book and I used to draw them on board without seeing, with the parts of the diagrams. Many times my observation skills surprised myself but later I realize sometimes, except I should be in some intelligence offices, otherwise that is not some skill set used for the job I currently do. Never mind!

I am so waiting for next week this time to be with my sister and it was surely long 7 months and first time in my life I have not seen her this long. It is surely a great feeling to be sister to someone whom you have kept your life as an open book. We will keep you proud mom.
When you know bundles of happiness are on the way, coming next week...so many butterflies comes to stomach. Its sooooo nice feeling...

 

Plenty of Dates

What do you think about this..let me know..may be someone reply?
Discipline and balance both are myths. Everyone should come out of them.
However, I decided after involving lot of too very intelligent thoughts of mine, on how to wake up early every morning.
Wait, I think only people who will stick with me all the time read otherwise, you will be of no help to me. Ok no problem read, its free world.
Ah!
"Coffee Dates Every Morning?"
I respect my fear of not waking up early. And I want to deal it very sweetly with some peoples sweet help. And I know I need this help all my life. I will have so many coffee dates, may be I might dissappoint sometimes not waking up, may be I will end up making so many freinds and my coffee saga continues till I am having nose.

Will you take me for coffee date every morning?
 

I go alone for tea when I remember you both

There is beauty added to things that we long for.
We generally fail in daily life, sometimes too often and sometimes a bit less
Then I realised, I anyways fail too often, then why not fail a little less stresssfully, a little less expensively. It motivates me to bring back the situations, not totally but a little better.
But I have become strong believer of failure. I quite get along with it very well. It not only does teach things but keeps life interesting. Knowing how to come out of some problem makes it a bit inviting to another problem. However, changes have slowly started in my life too. The one thing I think more often these days is, why people get influenced of others so easily. I feel like stopping randomly and asking where is your will power, what are your prioirities, why do you get along with everyone's thoughts. Though I agree that some people are influential, but I do agree that a very strong person unknowingly falls into follish influences. It is something serious and can change the situations around.

A person should love wholeheartedly. It is a nice feeling. That slow beat of heart is a good exercise for our longetivity. And that two friends of mine, as I told to one of my collegue are my eyes (I know its too much of dialogue.. I keep remembering them many times in a day, especially when I go to tea alone. I miss the tea time with them at Kundanalli gate..hm

Very excited about winter. My roomie explained so much that its so.. scary. But, when I sat on terrace and felt a bit of cold, I found it romantic. Thinking it gets more cold is more n more romantic..like some new feeling I give to my body ;)





 

Na...h Cold

Loud was my sneeze and the steps I sat have asked me to give them rest
I want to blog today, because I feel a bit excited about new learning’s.
I donno if I learnt or I just realized.
People are cold.
Cold with thoughts. I would translate it to selfish or ruthless.
Was I too? I thought may be yes sometimes, may be many times
I do regret for that. But sometimes it is late.
I get hurt and I think of beautiful things first, may be my childhood, some small games I enjoyed playing, at times about remember few nice things of teenage and think it’s all beautiful.
Why I get hurt? Why should I? Why should anyone?
People think they can chase others life
Today nothing happened to me, or in my personal life, but these thoughts are making me no sleep.
I am afraid will this coldness pass with generations.
Unclear things are always nice to me. I like them and find something interesting in them
Too dramatically whole people around me are in an illusion that things should be clear, crystal clear and focused...whatever.
How much are they afraid that unclear things might raise unclear thoughts, though weird, much cold, yet fascinating to human brains...cowards!
And these dead stones without feelings can be piled as a 'master piece of garbage' in cemetery and let the cold play the funeral.
Kill your thoughts, kill the papers u write, kill the feeling you hid in blood waste
Neither afraid nor cared about burnt paper future
The only thing the world has to prepare them is 'Loneliness'

 

Life don't move so fast. People's head move fast and suddenly they realise that life is still the same when they stop. Run, Run, Run. I am here walking slowly along with life and when you get tired, come back. Come back fast! You reached very far running. The slow you come the distance you have to travel is long and we will meet at life's pace. I too ran once and looked back to find two deaths in a row and an empty house. Nothing I gain and realised why run? The fun I had while running did not and could not fill any of the life's gap.
It is an experience not worth anyone's time in this small life. Beat it yourself!

20km, 2 rupees, 20 paise, 7th class, 12 bananas, 30 minutes-Dad!

Africa was a mystery to my mind. And I never got to read about it. But sometimes, you ought to read by force. Then only I got to know about it, in more detailed.
We always like to say to people or try to potray the problems we went through are toughest than any and no one can understand them. My eyes went blind for a minute when I saw and read about poverty in Africa. Poverty is something else. I always thought what I went through is the most tough of all. I do not even know the pinch of poverty. Yet I turn out to be smart dealing with small problems in life and those people die dealing with worst form of poverty.

My next two days are well planned and I am supposed to be sleeping to get up by 9a.m and go to Rebel movie. Morning shows are comparably cheap and these days I starting preferring those shows by sacrificing  a bit of weekend sleep. And then donno the reason exactly, though all people predict one reason, I am so happy from last two days. Its been quite so longg long time I see myself like this. For myself, I find new. All these ten people I forward this must be laughing at this line. I know.

And then, I bought a temptations run and raisin choclate and had it listening to some old telugu song and thinking of my father's teenage. He once told me, when he was young, he along with his friends in village used to take their bicycles and cycle about 20km to reach nearby town. It is actually not so big one though :P They all had only 2 rupees each and with that, they used to go to a movie, after which eat 'Ugaani Bajji' and come back by night to their village and they still had 20 paise or so, which he never told what he did, but now I assume, he must have spent on buying 'beedi's. Too bad of me, but I knew my father used to smoke from his 7th class, hiding himself under a stone in a well. And his teacher sometimes send some students to bring him to school and he always escape. Donno why he was so keen on seeing us study and work, though we both were girl kids, I never heard him saying he wanted a boy neither he appeared unsatistied having us. Always he was proud of us and celebrated each of our small achievements, be it be small birthday ocassion. Once, when I was kid, I ate 12 bananas in the bus in 30 minutes, and he told this his entire life to everyone so proudly. I think I never will see such innocence in my life again.

 

నిద్రపోవాలి

మీదికి  వచ్చాయి 
ఆకుల నడుమ నుంచి దూరుతూ గాలి మెలికలు 

నే పడుకుని ఉన్నా 
ఆకాశానికి భూమికి అతి దగ్గరలో 
 
నా చూట్టు నల్లటి మట్టి 
దాని వాసన
 
దోమతెర ఒక వారగా తెరిచి 
చిన్నగా నా ముఖం చేను వైపు,  ఆకశం వైపు చూసా 
 
ఇంటి దగ్గర చాలాసేపు ఏడ్చి వచ్చా చేనుకు 
బాబాయి తో పాటు కావలి కోసం 
 
కొన్ని దయ్యం కథలు గుర్తుకు వచ్చి 
వెంటనే మూసేస దోమతెర 
దయ్యం అందులోకి రాలేద నుకున్నానేమో 
కళ్ళు గట్టిగ మూసేసా 
 
పడుకున్నానేమో 
మళ్లి అలా చేయలనివుంది ఇవాళ 
 
మా చేనులో 
మా వూరిలో 
మా ఆకాశం వైపు చూస్తూ 
కంటి నిండా నిద్రపోవాలి 
 
 

Cute Notebooks!

I got this new netbook as a surprise gift from my sister and I write this first post in it with so much luxury of having my own device where I can save something for long. More than anything it is appearing to me as a secret friend next to my dairies and cute covered notebooks. My handwriting has lost its beauty without practice just like me, people tell me that I look more pretty from last few weeks and then I think you gain back somethings when you think they have value in life.

My questions on individualism have not revolutionised in me rather they have moved to some corner part of my heart and now I start saying I have soft corner to Ayn Randism. How bullshit!!

I am still surrounded by people with extreme emotionalim and other with extreme logical tendencies in life. I get confused dealing with these both kind of people and to my surprise I dont belong to any of them but always prefer to have them around. Both kind of people bring some insecurities in life. For that matter anyone can get into this insecurities trap just by being in madness on anything. Like corruption in modern world, society is also suffering from fear of love. In modern world, love has became a project and people act calculatively, the more given the more expected..just like an client deliverable. If my mom would have been so, I would never had that memory of tightly holding her and sleeping when I got typhoid in college. Those days love was a moment. When their loved ones are in pain, the moment not spent with them is the momest wasted in their lifes. Hm, I am talking about 'good old days'!!

This city after six months turns to be not bad for me. I am waiting for winter now. Though it appears to be scary with people's narration of cold, I want to check the same. And this new chai shop I go, reminds me of my earlier chai shops in bangalore and hyderabad and same time those friends. Metro has became another favorite thing, where I can see so many girls, their dresses, their chappals and the books they read. Girly ah!!

'Sugar Street' book I bought from Nepal, has beautiful words to push me into deep thoughts. I always remember good things about past, that is another gift of my mind. I couldnt avoid my thoughts from office in last few weeks, in spite of great happenings in my life and I questioned all my friends around on forgetting office matters in home. Nothing helped and even for that matter 'Sugar Street' did less. But I forced myself into it. It is beautiful to read words. I am developing this new love for literature and sometimes I read a paragraph with half apple head and I try intensly to read again. Egypt must be a nice place. I would visit sometime. And 'Good Well Years' book had left me with such a beautiful child like feeling. I correlate all naughty things of childhood with that.

Why would someone on this earth spend so much on me when I myself think so much to spend on me? My sister must be either mad or the one from 'good old days'.

　

What is so likeable in all of them in the world is some degree of respect you would want to pay to them with their qualities if simplicity in natural and ordinary matters.
People never think of their ideals when hey are deciding what is practically attainable.
I ask them all what purpose is served by ideals if it is a practice guide thrown under shelf
On a single step of slightest degree of difference will make a decision more real.

Lazy for title

How can something smell so suddenly?
I was reading seriously and suddenly noticed some rotten egg smell in my room. I dunno whom to tell now and I write. Please don't read..it is for myself!

I think this is coming from outside otherwise how can it come so suddenly. I sprayed perfume all over the room..I did it as I see it in an ad these days...forgot the name.. something that people spray just before guests visit..but what is this smell? Like detective I checked all cupboards, fridge, under the bed and opened window too. It is smelling bad outside too. I wish now I had a roommate to engage myself, at least to give more ideas to detect the smell. Once there was a power cut whole night, then I could wake the girls in next room to company me..now I cannot tell, it smells in my room..please come and stay with me.

Last Saturday, I happened to attend my first party in Delhi. On a roof top..candles lit around the wall...with twenty bewildered bachelors..some Spanish women with their notable dresses. After rejecting the invitation for couple of times, I gave a thought to give it a try. May be I should know what they are..and could be..when the clouds reached the road beside the house, making the whole sky dark, people opened their beer cans and vodka bottles...with cheerful mood and lot of excitement. Three of them passed bottles to me and I said I don't like the taste. Gave a damn if people thought me escapist, but it was not new for them to hear things like this. Like in mute some questions I could hear, I tried to answer to myself. My mind was fading, losing and just came the thought of my beautiful evening in Bangalore. Like a place which is untouched by human civilization, my heart is preserved with those memories..untouched! That day I wore a white trouser and my old top of college days and walked while it is drizzling to the nearby cafe from hostel. I was excited to see the expression on his face. My heart was on my feet.

Spent many hours drinking strawberry shakes....like last time in my village..it was alive and soothing..he etched on my mind. I went into my cocoon when the crowd around me went for another drink. After the initial introductions people have made their choice of friends and choice of groups and started socializing. I think it is called so. I who sat in between four walls for four months ventured out thinking life will not come to me if I sit with talking walls. Yeah they talk to me to tell get out. Like fishing in pond, people are moving from one person to another..when they found a fish in one pond, they go to another..how many fishes?

I thanked my manager for the first time..as many people around here not ask 'where do you work?' but 'what is your position?' and I realized why they have this fancy designations at my office..anyways coming to party...it was just about to start and I saw the time and said goodbye to all and left the place. As I walked at 9.30p.m on Delhi road alone to reach metro station 100mts away..I realized I was not there in the party..though physically I was standing but my mind was far away. In metro I starred at each girl and tried to figure out how they would reach their homes this late..I hoped silently that they knew to be safe.

People nod to your opinions only when you stick to some rules in forming your opinions. Such a bullshit driven mass. Opinions come from experiences and rules are unnecessarily created to avoid random opinions. So, it is not wrong to have any kind of opinion and learn to say cut the crap when some one talk rules. I was wondering these days what do they call a gal who is called 'sex columnist' in India? Probably they call her a girl from family of bad moral and ethical values or someone who needs counselling to live in India..or ..are we changing...SATC made me wonder if there are any one like Carrie in India.

My fodder for today seems to be over, I feel hungry and this room stopped stinking..I donno if room's do have smell as one of their sense..I would want to shut my senses for now..night night...don't let the bedbugs bite..

I lost Race...You better soon!!

The country is still suffering from rulers.
I dunno what it is exactly called bureaucratic or something like ruling..but everyone want to command others.
The one who does it smartly is called leader and the one who is ruled by them is called stupid..most of the times. Fact is there are no leaders and stupids in this crazy freaking world. It is just a survival tip. A better survival tip!! And a race in which you are hung to the tail of a mad donkey which is running without any direction. A mad donkey is someone who is commanding you.
Everyone plans on you. Play with your mind. You give chance to them to play because you think you will get something out of it. In case if you are trying to get a lesson from others by giving a chance to them to play, you are an easy prey. And never join the word 'love' in this streamline. Such a deadly combo, that can never be resolved.

Contradictory! Love is such a beautiful thing, it surely does deserve a separate line to talk from the above things. It is something wordless at times. It is like a moment to be stolen. Always know that a one who plays the above game on you will keep playing that game. It never stops. And Love is different from this. There is no learning from people who are called leaders and people who portray them self as one. You only learn a better survival tip from them..may be few tips. But you will not learn love, you will not earn love and you don't plan to give love. What is the need of living hundred years learning how to survive? Live your life! Always adore what you have and take the love when people are giving. The donkey's race will never end!

నువ్వు చందమామ ఎపుడయ్యావో..

 చంద్రుడి మధ్యలో ఆకాశం ఉన్నట్టు అనిపించింది 

మొదటిసారి కొన్ని నెలల తరువాత  చల్లటి గాలి వీచింది..


చిన్న చిన్న మేగపు ముక్కలు చంద్రుని చూట్టుత చాప పరుచుకున్నాయి 
కథ చెబుతాడెమో చందమామ...


నీటి లోపలి అందాలు నీటిలో వాటికే తెలుసునేమో 
ఆకాశం తర్వాత అందాలన్నీనీకు మాత్రమే తెలుసు కదా...


కలిసిన రెండు హృదయాల మధ్య భంధం ఎంత దృడంగా ఉంటుంది కదా 
నీకులాగే ఆ హృదయాలకు మాత్రమే తెలుసునేమో వాటి నిజమయిన అందo... 


నీకు ఇవాళ  ఒక విశయం చెబుదామనుకున్నా కాని 
సాలె గూడులా నా మదిని అల్లుకపోయి నువ్వే ఒక విశేషమయ్యావు...


నెమ్మదిగా నా సమయాన్ని నీ వడిలో చేర్చుకొని 
ఆ  కధలేవో జోకొడుతూ చెప్పవా 


నే నిద్దురపోతా....

Past Present Future

After restless moves on bed, I woke up to write something if it would make me feel easy

Had bad headache after ‘teri meri kahani’…I summarize the movie as: A movie that decided human average lifespan is 50-52, as the hero and heroine reborn every 50yrs to unite again.. Crap!!

Here it is not working in one life only…and he shows same person in every life. All fake.

Yeah it was a sick movie and was again one tiring day though was fun meeting new people always.

After 2 or 3 years life would be something new and different. Things change. For good, for bad! Mostly for good, because bad is always behind good and we better see its other side. And Love! Doesn’t have any shape these days. My motivation to write had been taken up by climate. I am waiting badly for some rain now and some cold breezes to make me remember any nice things that might have come up anytime to my mind. I think I am a great at motivating myself…in past how I depend on people for this! In fact now I feel I am the best…and people’s influences doesn’t work much on me these days...as I stopped taking anyone as my role model. I don’t see like that anyone anymore. Standing on your feet and shout to yourself every single time...’You are your role model..because role model's do make mistake in life and you cannot change them..but you can always change yourself'!

Well that is new these days…but I don’t talk much…and there are times when people started asking me to talk. In office too… I started talking only when I know that I might make sense. Am I afraid or am I wanting to make an impact on each word I say… I go silently sit at my desk and work like I am programmed to do so…like a robot. I don’t feel like going home till the work gets completed. Yeah abnormal to me or with me…but all the people around me are being programmed...in fact well programmed with all this long ago. I don’t want to spend my money…not even on myself. I kept worried from few days about this if I am becoming miser. All your well wishers say it is good to be miser but I think somehow I am acting against my genes. This miser kind of word doesn’t exist in my parent’s dictionary. May be genes too change! One of my friend say’s that I have learnt this habit because the people surrounding me are so. I don’t agree with that much because I once lived with a girl during college for two years, who was miser than any human I saw so far and I never changed myself like her. But I like her always…after all two years of life we shared. The point is where this thing came from…hmm…

Past Present Future

In a communication session at office…trainer told my tenses are wrong...she said I use more of past tense when I have to use present. I told her thanks for noticing. But, I really wanted to tell that…that is how I am living…always in past…thinking of the good times and not even talking about present and may be I can never talk in future tense. Well, she appreciates my thoughtful conversations always and all my assignments…she once told me ‘your thoughts make me feel like a rebel’…Like I give a damn about people’s praises around which generally come for the sake of saying...I just kept quite. Yeah quiet!

Know Forest Rules~

Relative but not similar!

In Gurgaon, when you are outside your house, you should always know one thing. You are entering into forest zone, where people like animals (I respect them a lot, but to make my point understandable I write so) see you. Actually they are not bad animals, they see because we are so civilized that we do not know how to deal with them. Likewise, when we go out here fully dressed, they see us like some new objects and on top of that, we go in to their forest, and ignore them. Surely some thing that hurts them. So, we have these cars and vehicles which will not allow us to open a window at the site of those animals. And we protect ourselves from them all the time. It surely triggers one day or the other day, let them get down and walk on the road, we will catch them. Yes, no wonder they do that, and we all cry they rape in Gurgaon. Its we, who are triggering all of this. We are raping their minds everyday creating lot of frustration.

When I came here, many people scared me. Surprisingly even I was worried for a while, though I was very confident that I can deal with people anywhere. I removed the objects of gold from body and wore simple clothes, whenever in doubt of people covered myself with shawl and kept quiet. But, I want to understand them. To make my life easy and their life easy.

The cab guy when I asked to take left to enter into the society where I live, he suddenly said in hindi, with sarcastic tone, we guys don’t know how all live in this much big places… I was a bit worried and then said, not many must be having their own house, and many must be on rent. I think he felt better, he said Oh ok. They are unhappy more not that they don’t have them, but because, we all are showing them off so much and make them feel more undeserving. But, the civilized people are too busy to understand and care for their worries. So, life sounds hap hazard here, and on top of that weather doesn’t support any. However, my experiment to understand this gave me many insights.

Just close to my apartment, there is shopping mall and some vegetable shops outside. You can call malls here are the most secluded places, hardly people go and they are everywhere like small shops on road. Every half kilometer you have an alcohol shop and we have two such shops around this mall. It was 7p.m, I know that it was very unsafe to walk on road. Wearing my formal pant and a simple t-shirt, I walked out of my society, not carrying any purse, only a mobile and some money in hand. I got out of society and reached main road. There was no one around, no sign of auto. I saw a sharing auto from far and tried stopping, but they saw me like something new and in shock, donno they didn’t stop. I wanted to go to nearby shop to buy charger for my mobile. I decided to walk. After crossing one wine shop, I was scared and was thinking if I am being stupid, was that wrong thing to come out at that time. But, now that there was no option, I walked, when some bike was going beside me, I thought they might pull me and was also imagining what if a car comes and stop beside me. Now I saw some crowd far, and walked towards them, showing no sign of fear on face, or in my walk. Once I reached the shop, I found no girl around…but many men walking here and there. I saw a woman coming back from her work, looked like she works in some construction place, her clothes were muddy. No one where seeing her. People after sometime stopped seeing at me, but where surely wondering how come this human entered forest.

How do I prove to them that they are also human?

But after that day, my fear on this people reduced to a huge extent. I feel they need some one like them around them. Like when I go to my village, I wear the clothes acceptable to them, not that I cannot show off or wear what I like, but to respect them and be one of them. To receive the love they can give when they feel I am one of them.

The destructing causes of human like jealous, frustration, stress are abundant at this place. Over the years this things are going to change but the root causes will affect the quality of living on a huge basis, disturbing the mankind’s whole purpose.

It not that bad to live in a challenging place like this! You need a movement to make people more calm and more serene. I think we need collective movements. It can change.

I got a dream this early morning..a romantic one I should say, and it triggered some new thoughts in mind.
I started researching them from morning and know what to do. I was reading about human hormones and conditions that avail them the opportunity of dreaming romantic things. What are the conditions that triggers mind to think like that...to even get a fancy thought like that. And I asked all the questions on this Google to find what is this obsession on a single person at a single time...and I want all of you to know this too...I am astonished I found some video like this which answered many of my questions this morning gave me..
Check below video...

by the way u wanna know my dream? :P

I am no bird
Then why do I need a cage
I am not poor with brain
Then why do I need looks
I am a girl
Then why do I need to be a geek
I know to write
Then why should I be upset when something hurts
I know there is this sky
Then why should I keep my thoughts flooded on earth
I felt you near
Then why should I sail the world

Oh Baker...you really convinced me :P

and more this week.....

and...
I know to love
Then why do I not need you

You all know this!

Basic instincts of human have reached to an extinct that no longer people are using them to survival alone but also for the best survival. Brains have reached to an unbalanced level of usage by many that, once I thought we use brain only to deal very complicated issues in life. As generations are moving ahead giving the maximum stress to brain, this in turn is affecting the rhythm of heart and followed by all possible human complications.

The sole purpose of living is to be kind to others. Often we all forget this. Forgetting this has leaded us to life with the word ‘stress’.

Stress is something that becomes heavier as u hold. It is like a small book when hold for few hours it gives some pain, and when you hold for a day it will become heavier and heavier. The point is at the end of the day it is still the small book. The longer it is hold the heavier it became. And all problems in life need to be sorted by breaking them in to bits. If you want to hold many books and stand for days, it is just going to be miserable. In order to beat stress, the alternative way man has chosen is being alone. The less people around, the less complications and the less stress to deal with. But we humans are not made for this. We are made to deal with the stress by sharing and receiving acts of kindness, by helping others to relieve their heavy weights of stress and in turn receiving the same from them. Some nice people say, keep helping without expectations. Though it is a right statement where many people believe in helping each other, it doesn’t make sense in the current world. Does people who want to share and help each other doesn’t belong to this stress attacked generation? What is the condition of the world when everyone is stressed and no one wants to share anyone’s stress and everyone wants to be alone? Are we chasing ourselves to hit this zone?

When I went with my father to see our crops I see the canal flowing with full of water, and in summer afternoons when I go to play with water, I see the canal inside the village, and when I go to the beside villages I see the same canal flowing along with me. This I never realized but gave me a sense of continuity. I liked seeing lotus flowers in that water, though I always know they are meant to decorate god, I use to found them sexy with long petals and pink color, always in water floating between green leaves with water droplets. I think I was trying to be sexy from childhood, I had lotus petals in my books and on each petal my name written…they smelled good too….what else we want :P

In villages not only humans are ready to share their stress but also the composed nature. Those leaves which move with breeze may take along with them some of our stress air.

After the school, we use to catch some flies and tie them to a thread and run along with them…who remembered all those beatings from teachers that day school gave…were we beating the stress of school by doing this..? How are school children dealing with this now?

Stress is waiting with something in its store for each one of us. The way it needs to be dealt is well understood and established long ago, we only forget them though we know.

A memory of Teenage..

On a rainy day, after school, clear sky, teenage, I think 9th standard, I remember walking alone to the bus stop.
That town was new to me. My previous school was also in the same town but it was in outskirts and I never really needed to walk on those streets which I started walking after changing school.

Scared on men, especially college going guys. Use to watch the shops, especially clothe shops which displayed nice salwars..colorful were they. Just as I was about to reach the bus stop there was a shop with a white salwar having green sleeves with white dots. I hardly had any salwars and dreamt so much of having that white and green one. Everyday I saw, never missed. And one day, when some aunt gave me 500 rupees, I told my mom I will buy that dress. I bought it to wear every saturday to school....I still remember feeling shy in that dress first time, with duppatta on me, very girly feeling, I donno what it was..and then I also remember one of my classmate telling me 'I like you in white and green dress' :P

And one day in the English class, where my Principal was the teacher, I happened to sleep. I was wearing the same dress. We were sitting on the floor and I kept my elbow to the ground and hand below chin and slept sitting.

My classmates no one woke me, English teacher left the class after his period, though he noticed me he didn't try to wake me. And my classmates went on a break and came back, and I was still sleeping in the same position. Then came the maths sir, his name was Amir and he was taller than the class door and had to bend his head to get in to class. Very strict but he knew so much maths. I didn't wake up even when he came in. Then one guy..he was the shortest guy in class, he suddenly pulled my hand and I I fell down hitting head to floor. I woke up in shock and realized what happened, and was very hurt that my classmates didn't woke me and were having fun show throughout the time I was in sleep. That day I got my life's first painful slap from math's sir. I used to cry for weeks whenever I remembered this...But then, I scored decent in my maths only because of him...

I sometimes feel I never changed even a bit from many years. My village has taken me in to its heart and protected my innocence and love. Those dark eyelids of my mother's eyes sometimes still come in my dreams very clear.

Why are we running in this world...does any one even know that clearly!

నువ్వు వెనక ఉన్నావని మేగమునకైన తెలుసునా...
అంతలా దాక్కుంటే,
అనుక్షణం ఆకశం వైపు ఆశగా చూసే నాకు
నీ  మనసు తెల్లదనం కనపడేదేలా...

మబ్బులు మాయమయిన రోజు
ఆకుల నడుమ
నా పెదవి నువ్వు కనిపించిన ఆనందాన్ని చూపే
నిమిషాన
అందమయిన ని మనసు నాకోసం ఈ ఆకశం పై పరచావా ...

నిను చూస్తూ .....

Am I ready to do this? I think so..mmmmh

May 25, 2012

Pumping my thoughts in to the world!

Appears quite fancy the thought. Is it actually possible for anyone to get rid of their thoughts? Yeah get rid! When you write them for getting opinion of others or influence any, it is called actually writing on a purpose. Now, when I write I call it sometimes to get rid of my continuous thoughts which in a process build unnecessary maturity in me, which I actually hate many times. There is an excuse for writing memories which I call to preserve those moments. The reason I am trying to interpret these types of writing is, on one Sunday I came up with a thought that actually didn’t stop till today.

I finished with the argument with myself that day that on how many weekends I am going to pass my time. I got to do something really serious (fun with stupidity of my own), so then I came up with researching a topic every week and write about it.

I thought of various topics…

Things that passed my mind are like...

‘Beauty! How much it is adored? Gender! What is the reality?’

‘Where are we Indian woman standing in choosing the right relationship?’

‘Does woman’s entry into new life of marriage and kids pass the cloud of her dream away?

‘I hesitate to write the word ‘sex’! Why?’

‘Expectations! How are we dealing with this?’

‘Phase of Excitement Phase!’

Many more knock my stuffed skull everyday (just want no one to copy those above titles as their book titles :P)

I finally knew this is what I got to do to keep me busy. It not only helps me to understand me better, it also helps me talk to as many people around, with as many weird topics I want to. I am hoping to meet great people on this way or at least weird’s one’s who has like me joined in the course of never ending learning’s by keeping their very own life at stake. And my first hope is people will discuss things openly. Otherwise, more than opinions I could fill only my perception to the thoughts I get. However, this study will unfold few of those questions my mind encountered when I was busy moving from a rough phase of life to this myself.

‘Myself is such a classic thing’!

Yes I write the above also.