Spiritual Womb

Have downloaded payslips of my previous company.
Watching life of some tribals in travel trendz. Muddy faces of those kids. With Malaria and their parents take them to spirit curer. They draw trees, animals on mud..with two hands clearing the mud and starting to draw. I too made such houses in sand sometime. I couldn't recall when. I wish I had some one, some of my village friend who remember all of what I want to remember. Poor or rich all the kids in villages play same games. Village games. I in this world of cities wishing to understand but not comfortable with.
I have seen people like me living, creating something else, something interesting in this world, creative and my mind asks me with its all emotions what is that creativeness I want to give to make my life easy in this cities. These cities wants you to offer something in order to make you happy or easy to live with. I am happy for all the people in that race to offer it something. They are at least trying to give something. I am also giving. My frustration! Telling with kind words to my heart that, it only hurts when I think of myself. It doesn't hurt at all if we think from others perspective for themselves. Believe, trust, remember always you are only you...not all of others. Just you!
Last time I was in flight to Delhi, I had this strange feeling. To eat nachos. Cheese nachos! It was morning flight and at 7a.m eating nachos was so unhealthy as per my mind. I still was hungry and nothing else in menu interested me. I asked for Cheese nachos and she gave me jalapeno flavor or something and I cursed like it was some generic medical shop, where they replace your tablets with other alternative based on the availability. Oh my science!

Filled four page PF withdrawal form in last one week and every time I take a pen and fill each information on each day, I start feeling like I am some big man sitting at old age and claiming some pensions or something. Yeah I dunno why that feeling was. I want to ask someone to try the same and see if they feel so.


My room mate asked me few days back, what I am going to do with that ginger shampoo I bought from body shop. I told her that I am gonna save it. She reminded me of the eye allergy I got upon using it. I told her that happened in winter, so I want to check how the shampoo will work in summer, so I better save till then. Poor she...he he..like her reaction..shock, surprise...some look someone give to a weird scientist. Then I got this in mind..am I really gonna try. Ha ha...

Sugar street I am still reading. Kamal has becoming my favorite and I started liking him as the story moved. Conversations are the best way to pass the historical knowledge and olden lifestyle. I want to have a spiritual friend with whom I can talk some philosophy that comes to my mind so often and be like a silent wave in a womb. Many friends are giving babies..no wonder I use womb to describe philosophy. I strongly like something in a person. I strongly hate something in the same person. Neither I want to change any nor I want the person to change any. What does I want from people!
When my ideas and thoughts are easily understood and I am never treated as alien then I only am called a person that everyone finds easy and likeable. There is honest and unsentimental heart inside.

Eras will pass away and I would think of something and say this is life..nothing much is really important!!

I wil post it!

Not so odd feeling to watch movie alone in a theater.
Except that I was a boy it would have been much easier...to make up people's mind that lonely bum roaming around..but thankfully I booked last minute ticket and made sure I am sitting alone after an empty row. Not to be safe, just to avoid passengers with popcorn.
Thanks to my extra enthusiasm on that day, otherwise how I would miss harper and madeleine..thanks to geographic channel. They made me remember my old past which I now hardly could remember. Those old days when I wrote everyday a letter and posted in the post box in front of temple and prayed every time to reach safely. Ha ha...once my friend raji, when I asked her to post the letter for me..she also did the same..she told me later in college. I felt safe that day that the letter will reach. I did grow up so much to take them so quite enough that they do not even make minute impact on the present life. I had to accept in this life that I would never have loved writing so much except for them. I was creative, I had fallen in love with words, I do remember opening dictionary and going through each page especially the page starting with letter "B" and finding some precious word in that. And then, it continued..I happened to follow the same for quite some years..may be till last two years...not so creative..but much more emotional, much easily conveying feelings..then only I realised...I was always alone and far from the people I loved all the time...all the time...even now..ha ha. Never mind I got this blog. But I still love writing to show some love in letters..mm..When two people create a world, through an imaginary way and could get lost in to that through letters..they often can easily get away to worldly tensions and just be two small frogs in their small letter pond...I still don't understand how and when painful elements arise and bite the relationships..especially the most loving ones. Better we all know to fall in love again and again with our loving ones. Though this glittery world around shows those colorful boats in front, the boat that takes you home and waits for you may not necessarily be as fascinating as you dream of, but surely its all worth it. Wait for your boat and also make sure you try those colorful boats for a short distance..because you only appreciate things better later for one million reasons. One million reason! it is so funny! I sometimes feel this number are just like money...even when I want to describe something in numbers..they sound like money and the more big I tend to write the more worried I feel. May be there is number phobia with me.

I then opened my notebooks, I kept collecting unnecessarily spending my excess but never enough salary. All books are empty except for 2 or 3 pages. Some with scribbling of huts, river, fishes, some lines drawn in some mood..I dont remember when.

To whom should I write a letter? Who would want me to write? Who would wait for one?..
m..........mm.....ahhh...haaa!

Then I write with same enthusiasm bending into the book. I look lovely!

Abstract kind of thoughts
Again
Cold as brain damager
Lost count on degrees they only drop everyday
Yet another day
Spoke to Pip and kissing him goodnight
I turned into loneliness back, dark sack!
My CV infront
Weirdly they show me two souls
Did they die for this?
I live with it now
I can live without it too
Guilt kills me till today
Every minute may be
I am going home in week
Two pongals went quickly after you slept in mud
But I still freshly think of my drawings with muggu infront of our house
On pongal
I stand less confidently after seeing other kids muggu
And you come and stare at it for so much time
With mesmerising eyes
Do you think how your daughter has grown?
And you say you want to take a photo and send it to news paper next day
My datura flower drawing was such a blissfull thing for you
I want it all mom
come back
tonight
just tonight
get up and come
 

K & Q - Forever!!

Its like a BIG STOP for all the questions in mind and start for all fresh new life that is ahead!
What a lovely day..what a lovely night..
Angels must have all landed at once on to earth to tell me this news..
May be while returning back their homes..they showered this Christmas gift on me...

<3 br="br">

Never Washed

A bit cranky from sometime. Now its gone.
Have been obsessed with body shop products, body scrub, body polish, nail cream, face foam..peppermint leg gel, horse chestnut cream..so much to make me feel good. Its nice to know I started liking myself so much again..ha ha again and again. To make me happy I remembered all that I have to do. Each one's strengths needs to be awaken many times in their one life. Each one's I tell you. Otherwise they are often mistook as 'Once I used to be, Once I used to do'. Someone who know you can always make you realize those lovely qualities or strengths of yours. I kept my head towards right side inside my comforter and it took me sometime to realize that a tear drop has just dropped from my eye. Though I was thinking something usual, my mind has not still forgotten to think of those days of her absence. Those strings in mind always crawl towards her thoughts bringing those single painless drops from my eyes..like same how I started to write something else and started of something.

Village, Office, PG, some malls around.. being one small part, life has some meaning with love in heart. A chance to love. Sometimes we do not crave to take love, but to give love. This might also be fundamental, but I agree all these things are illogical. I don't understand how logical mind doesn't catch these things. Actually good for me. I don't care if it is logical or illogical as far as it keeps my mind in peace. And then, I have to tell my mind when it is alone, that it is happy. I have to tell it, not always worry about any painful thing that might come up, that might hurt this little heart. I have to tell it, I can deal with all of it. My lips smile and I forget that thoughts and get back to my phone.

I first planned to write about Jammu visit last weekend and as it turned out to be one of the scariest and painful trip of my life, I just don't want its space in my blog. To keep in simple words, if I had to stay another day more than three, I would have turned god hater. I better be a non-believer. Trips are also about people you are with. I remembered my Nepal trip all through the journey. Nepal was one of the best place I visited. I enjoyed my journey to Pokhara from Nepal so much, that I can recall many houses, landscapes, waterfalls, schoolkids..lake adjoining thick mountain with full of chirpy noises from one kind of birds..lot more. The only think that made me curious all through my journey is the thought of being close to some country which we always here as our enemy. The thought how people living there are dealing with that pressure everyday. May be they ignore it most of the time..may be not..may be it is beyond my thoughts. However, I lived just like a perfect beggar for two days, eating only food available, lying on a 2inch common wooden table where all the world without home is sleeping and beating myself with himalayan freezing cold in a never washed rented blanket....I am sure no one want to hear more...!

This tataphoton plus customer care lady calls me in the morning and asks if I want to change to post paid. In deep sleep, I told her 'first of all prepaid is working bullshit, gmail opens after an hour and I stopped recharging prepaid itself, why the hell should I take post paid?'. Taking a moment she hung the phone loudly..may be she just bashed the receiver on to something. But, I liked it. So much, that she had an attitude. She can say all bullshit like, sorry for that ma'am, we will look into it..and non-sense. She just hung..like it.

OKay my new ant-dandruff ginger hair spa shampoo is waiting..time to be fresh and get out my lazy mind out of this bed...

Arugu

I am surprised to know that I have feeling for stones. Yeah stones. I think we all does have. I tried recalling some stones which I came across in life. I am doing this from yesterday night. Finding me mad...really it was interesting. First thing I remembered was a stone in the center of my village (botrayi). It is a small stone in the centre of the road, which is almost very close to the bus stop in my village where I generally take bus to school. It has a small curve on one side and the whole village offer prayers to it on all important occasions like weddings, festivals and even on deaths. I have feelings associated with it..surely.
I thought of more..a big horizontal slab of stone (Arugu) without uniform shape and one edge protruding a little out infront on my home..infact inside our house fencing was so important and so much favourite of mine. I remember from the time my mother was feeding me food sitting on it and we playing jumping from it, and once or twice snakes were under it, and they moved the slab to kill them and again kept it back...my clothes were washed by maid on it, in summer we dried rice papads on it, I have billion memories associated with it. I love that stone. It is still there, may be this time when I go home I will hug it :)
And then, yeah I have now so many stones in mind...I wondered if I get to have same memories in this modern building with uniform shapes and sizes, may be I will bring these stones from my village wherever I go <3 p="p">
I suddenly remembered me, my mom, my sister sleeping on that arugu with both daughters legs on her. Angel she is!

Change is coincidence

If you think that your pure awesomeness can bring change in someone someday, you are wrong. You cannot change any person. If you lost and found someone that is just a coincidence. If you think your manager or some one around is trying to change you or you are trying to change them stop fooling yourself. Its a fools game because it is purely COINCIDENCE. That is not that you changed them or they changed you. It is that they just happened to be around when you were busy thinking you changed them. No one changes themselves to suit your needs or wants. They change because they think it is better for them. And my mind taught one good lesson to myself that is no person in this world want to live this entire life with your problems and issues. Everyone wants to live happily. What I want, what I should be in future, how my needs are changing with time..what I want  what defines me...I have abundant thoughts and idea to keep me happy always. I am master in soothing myself when some absences pains. I want to say woman can get vulnerable at times but should never get weak. Use your eyes on people. Strong always. Never let them weak. Woman do not have to torn their hearts. Don't be in places where there is lot of Drama. Just get out of there. Drama brings stress. And then, practical thoughts are warm coffee effects.

Smart layered woolens, tall leather boots, skinny jeans, pressed pony tail with cute pins, yeah I have been collecting these things for winter over here. Sometimes suddenly I feel blogging has become impersonal to me..no mind paid on others opinions on my writings. Listening to Beyonce 'rather be with you'.

sometimes when I blog something in my blog I dont want people to read. Inner lives are very sacred. I struggle to protect it. There is something in being a person and a person who writes. May be BALANCE.

Bumps..push the thought away!

Red nail paint on my foot nails is making my feet appear fairer. After showing my feet twice to my roommate I tightened the nail polish nozzle.

Yesterday night I took someone and put in some secret place, somewhere inside heart that can’t get hurt. I always faced bump roads by believing that I can see the best in each one I meet and rather seeing the person, I try to see the best. I think I enjoy my optimism more all the time in everything.

I saw some pigeons flying today from office. Everyday same things, some friends, tea, coming alone to a place and trying to forget work for few minutes and once out of office not feeling like going to hostel, walking slowly, talking on phone, this laptop, no book, no other serious thoughts, just sleeping as if world is all at peace and being happy how uncertain things came real…shy…thoughts…days are passing…quickly…without much purpose…with much love than ever…so much sleep...least bothered about future…neither mine nor yours…thinking I am some song someone is singing so melodiously to world…though it frightens me thinking of losing people…but for now I decided to relax…after all that little innocent heart we all got…life was short to me. I am safe now. Yes Optimistic as always!

tooo many I's

I never realized that I love winters. It came to my mind suddenly all the cold weather bought happiness. Here in Delhi, winter just started. I am out all the time trying to not miss a bit of it.
I think winter brings kind of subtle, humble and calm soothing mind in people. Everyone are quiet enjoying or feeling the same cold in their bones and talking as much less as they can and making gestures more often. Friends were all wearing good jackets and I was there with just a t-shirt on. I liked one jacket, so cool one...it was above 3k I guess. May be I will buy it soon.
I saw this sky fall movie...there I found one line...liked it....’I will not leave when you want me to. I will leave when the job is done'. I suddenly remembered my office and thought I should not leave my work half done any day. Bull shit I thought. Too good I...ha ha... will remember lines for much better things...

Back then I remembered my Masters days all of a sudden and my most smart behavior. Never listening to anyone and always was able to convince any of the classmate or lecturer on anything. I never agreed anyone smarter than me, not even thought so. I was well known for my cool attitude and unshakable breaveness. I feel head to toe proud feling when I think of the way I used to walk from third floor of the class to down floor with bouncing loose hair, knowing that my seniors and classmates all are down standing...watching..And don't even let me remember me more, I have billion stories. Ha...so cute to remember them. And when it is cold, I always liked drawing some pathways of biochemistry and some flagella structures drinking tea in the world's smallest glass. I keep a day or two for practicing drawing and did them religiously two days, after which I ask my roommates to ask me any diagram in the whole text book and I used to draw them on board without seeing, with the parts of the diagrams. Many times my observation skills surprised myself but later I realize sometimes, except I should be in some intelligence offices, otherwise that is not some skill set used for the job I currently do. Never mind!

I am so waiting for next week this time to be with my sister and it was surely long 7 months and first time in my life I have not seen her this long. It is surely a great feeling to be sister to someone whom you have kept your life as an open book. We will keep you proud mom.
When you know bundles of happiness are on the way, coming next week...so many butterflies comes to stomach. Its sooooo nice feeling...

 

Plenty of Dates

What do you think about this..let me know..may be someone reply?
Discipline and balance both are myths. Everyone should come out of them.
However, I decided after involving lot of too very intelligent thoughts of mine, on how to wake up early every morning.
Wait, I think only people who will stick with me all the time read otherwise, you will be of no help to me. Ok no problem read, its free world.
Ah!
"Coffee Dates Every Morning?"
I respect my fear of not waking up early. And I want to deal it very sweetly with some peoples sweet help. And I know I need this help all my life. I will have so many coffee dates, may be I might dissappoint sometimes not waking up, may be I will end up making so many freinds and my coffee saga continues till I am having nose.

Will you take me for coffee date every morning?
 

I go alone for tea when I remember you both

There is beauty added to things that we long for.
We generally fail in daily life, sometimes too often and sometimes a bit less
Then I realised, I anyways fail too often, then why not fail a little less stresssfully, a little less expensively. It motivates me to bring back the situations, not totally but a little better.
But I have become strong believer of failure. I quite get along with it very well. It not only does teach things but keeps life interesting. Knowing how to come out of some problem makes it a bit inviting to another problem. However, changes have slowly started in my life too. The one thing I think more often these days is, why people get influenced of others so easily. I feel like stopping randomly and asking where is your will power, what are your prioirities, why do you get along with everyone's thoughts. Though I agree that some people are influential, but I do agree that a very strong person unknowingly falls into follish influences. It is something serious and can change the situations around.

A person should love wholeheartedly. It is a nice feeling. That slow beat of heart is a good exercise for our longetivity. And that two friends of mine, as I told to one of my collegue are my eyes (I know its too much of dialogue.. I keep remembering them many times in a day, especially when I go to tea alone. I miss the tea time with them at Kundanalli gate..hm

Very excited about winter. My roomie explained so much that its so.. scary. But, when I sat on terrace and felt a bit of cold, I found it romantic. Thinking it gets more cold is more n more romantic..like some new feeling I give to my body ;)





 

Na...h Cold

Loud was my sneeze and the steps I sat have asked me to give them rest
I want to blog today, because I feel a bit excited about new learning’s.
I donno if I learnt or I just realized.
People are cold.
Cold with thoughts. I would translate it to selfish or ruthless.
Was I too? I thought may be yes sometimes, may be many times
I do regret for that. But sometimes it is late.
I get hurt and I think of beautiful things first, may be my childhood, some small games I enjoyed playing, at times about remember few nice things of teenage and think it’s all beautiful.
Why I get hurt? Why should I? Why should anyone?
People think they can chase others life
Today nothing happened to me, or in my personal life, but these thoughts are making me no sleep.
I am afraid will this coldness pass with generations.
Unclear things are always nice to me. I like them and find something interesting in them
Too dramatically whole people around me are in an illusion that things should be clear, crystal clear and focused...whatever.
How much are they afraid that unclear things might raise unclear thoughts, though weird, much cold, yet fascinating to human brains...cowards!
And these dead stones without feelings can be piled as a 'master piece of garbage' in cemetery and let the cold play the funeral.
Kill your thoughts, kill the papers u write, kill the feeling you hid in blood waste
Neither afraid nor cared about burnt paper future
The only thing the world has to prepare them is 'Loneliness'

 

Life don't move so fast. People's head move fast and suddenly they realise that life is still the same when they stop. Run, Run, Run. I am here walking slowly along with life and when you get tired, come back. Come back fast! You reached very far running. The slow you come the distance you have to travel is long and we will meet at life's pace. I too ran once and looked back to find two deaths in a row and an empty house. Nothing I gain and realised why run? The fun I had while running did not and could not fill any of the life's gap.
It is an experience not worth anyone's time in this small life. Beat it yourself!

20km, 2 rupees, 20 paise, 7th class, 12 bananas, 30 minutes-Dad!

Africa was a mystery to my mind. And I never got to read about it. But sometimes, you ought to read by force. Then only I got to know about it, in more detailed.
We always like to say to people or try to potray the problems we went through are toughest than any and no one can understand them. My eyes went blind for a minute when I saw and read about poverty in Africa. Poverty is something else. I always thought what I went through is the most tough of all. I do not even know the pinch of poverty. Yet I turn out to be smart dealing with small problems in life and those people die dealing with worst form of poverty.

My next two days are well planned and I am supposed to be sleeping to get up by 9a.m and go to Rebel movie. Morning shows are comparably cheap and these days I starting preferring those shows by sacrificing  a bit of weekend sleep. And then donno the reason exactly, though all people predict one reason, I am so happy from last two days. Its been quite so longg long time I see myself like this. For myself, I find new. All these ten people I forward this must be laughing at this line. I know.

And then, I bought a temptations run and raisin choclate and had it listening to some old telugu song and thinking of my father's teenage. He once told me, when he was young, he along with his friends in village used to take their bicycles and cycle about 20km to reach nearby town. It is actually not so big one though :P They all had only 2 rupees each and with that, they used to go to a movie, after which eat 'Ugaani Bajji' and come back by night to their village and they still had 20 paise or so, which he never told what he did, but now I assume, he must have spent on buying 'beedi's. Too bad of me, but I knew my father used to smoke from his 7th class, hiding himself under a stone in a well. And his teacher sometimes send some students to bring him to school and he always escape. Donno why he was so keen on seeing us study and work, though we both were girl kids, I never heard him saying he wanted a boy neither he appeared unsatistied having us. Always he was proud of us and celebrated each of our small achievements, be it be small birthday ocassion. Once, when I was kid, I ate 12 bananas in the bus in 30 minutes, and he told this his entire life to everyone so proudly. I think I never will see such innocence in my life again.

 

నిద్రపోవాలి

మీదికి  వచ్చాయి 
ఆకుల నడుమ నుంచి దూరుతూ గాలి మెలికలు 

నే పడుకుని ఉన్నా 
ఆకాశానికి భూమికి అతి దగ్గరలో 
 
నా చూట్టు నల్లటి మట్టి 
దాని వాసన
 
దోమతెర ఒక వారగా తెరిచి 
చిన్నగా నా ముఖం చేను వైపు,  ఆకశం వైపు చూసా 
 
ఇంటి దగ్గర చాలాసేపు ఏడ్చి వచ్చా చేనుకు 
బాబాయి తో పాటు కావలి కోసం 
 
కొన్ని దయ్యం కథలు గుర్తుకు వచ్చి 
వెంటనే మూసేస దోమతెర 
దయ్యం అందులోకి రాలేద నుకున్నానేమో 
కళ్ళు గట్టిగ మూసేసా 
 
పడుకున్నానేమో 
మళ్లి అలా చేయలనివుంది ఇవాళ 
 
మా చేనులో 
మా వూరిలో 
మా ఆకాశం వైపు చూస్తూ 
కంటి నిండా నిద్రపోవాలి 
 
 

Cute Notebooks!

I got this new netbook as a surprise gift from my sister and I write this first post in it with so much luxury of having my own device where I can save something for long. More than anything it is appearing to me as a secret friend next to my dairies and cute covered notebooks. My handwriting has lost its beauty without practice just like me, people tell me that I look more pretty from last few weeks and then I think you gain back somethings when you think they have value in life.

My questions on individualism have not revolutionised in me rather they have moved to some corner part of my heart and now I start saying I have soft corner to Ayn Randism. How bullshit!!

I am still surrounded by people with extreme emotionalim and other with extreme logical tendencies in life. I get confused dealing with these both kind of people and to my surprise I dont belong to any of them but always prefer to have them around. Both kind of people bring some insecurities in life. For that matter anyone can get into this insecurities trap just by being in madness on anything. Like corruption in modern world, society is also suffering from fear of love. In modern world, love has became a project and people act calculatively, the more given the more expected..just like an client deliverable. If my mom would have been so, I would never had that memory of tightly holding her and sleeping when I got typhoid in college. Those days love was a moment. When their loved ones are in pain, the moment not spent with them is the momest wasted in their lifes. Hm, I am talking about 'good old days'!!

This city after six months turns to be not bad for me. I am waiting for winter now. Though it appears to be scary with people's narration of cold, I want to check the same. And this new chai shop I go, reminds me of my earlier chai shops in bangalore and hyderabad and same time those friends. Metro has became another favorite thing, where I can see so many girls, their dresses, their chappals and the books they read. Girly ah!!

'Sugar Street' book I bought from Nepal, has beautiful words to push me into deep thoughts. I always remember good things about past, that is another gift of my mind. I couldnt avoid my thoughts from office in last few weeks, in spite of great happenings in my life and I questioned all my friends around on forgetting office matters in home. Nothing helped and even for that matter 'Sugar Street' did less. But I forced myself into it. It is beautiful to read words. I am developing this new love for literature and sometimes I read a paragraph with half apple head and I try intensly to read again. Egypt must be a nice place. I would visit sometime. And 'Good Well Years' book had left me with such a beautiful child like feeling. I correlate all naughty things of childhood with that.

Why would someone on this earth spend so much on me when I myself think so much to spend on me? My sister must be either mad or the one from 'good old days'.

　

What is so likeable in all of them in the world is some degree of respect you would want to pay to them with their qualities if simplicity in natural and ordinary matters.
People never think of their ideals when hey are deciding what is practically attainable.
I ask them all what purpose is served by ideals if it is a practice guide thrown under shelf
On a single step of slightest degree of difference will make a decision more real.

Lazy for title

How can something smell so suddenly?
I was reading seriously and suddenly noticed some rotten egg smell in my room. I dunno whom to tell now and I write. Please don't read..it is for myself!

I think this is coming from outside otherwise how can it come so suddenly. I sprayed perfume all over the room..I did it as I see it in an ad these days...forgot the name.. something that people spray just before guests visit..but what is this smell? Like detective I checked all cupboards, fridge, under the bed and opened window too. It is smelling bad outside too. I wish now I had a roommate to engage myself, at least to give more ideas to detect the smell. Once there was a power cut whole night, then I could wake the girls in next room to company me..now I cannot tell, it smells in my room..please come and stay with me.

Last Saturday, I happened to attend my first party in Delhi. On a roof top..candles lit around the wall...with twenty bewildered bachelors..some Spanish women with their notable dresses. After rejecting the invitation for couple of times, I gave a thought to give it a try. May be I should know what they are..and could be..when the clouds reached the road beside the house, making the whole sky dark, people opened their beer cans and vodka bottles...with cheerful mood and lot of excitement. Three of them passed bottles to me and I said I don't like the taste. Gave a damn if people thought me escapist, but it was not new for them to hear things like this. Like in mute some questions I could hear, I tried to answer to myself. My mind was fading, losing and just came the thought of my beautiful evening in Bangalore. Like a place which is untouched by human civilization, my heart is preserved with those memories..untouched! That day I wore a white trouser and my old top of college days and walked while it is drizzling to the nearby cafe from hostel. I was excited to see the expression on his face. My heart was on my feet.

Spent many hours drinking strawberry shakes....like last time in my village..it was alive and soothing..he etched on my mind. I went into my cocoon when the crowd around me went for another drink. After the initial introductions people have made their choice of friends and choice of groups and started socializing. I think it is called so. I who sat in between four walls for four months ventured out thinking life will not come to me if I sit with talking walls. Yeah they talk to me to tell get out. Like fishing in pond, people are moving from one person to another..when they found a fish in one pond, they go to another..how many fishes?

I thanked my manager for the first time..as many people around here not ask 'where do you work?' but 'what is your position?' and I realized why they have this fancy designations at my office..anyways coming to party...it was just about to start and I saw the time and said goodbye to all and left the place. As I walked at 9.30p.m on Delhi road alone to reach metro station 100mts away..I realized I was not there in the party..though physically I was standing but my mind was far away. In metro I starred at each girl and tried to figure out how they would reach their homes this late..I hoped silently that they knew to be safe.

People nod to your opinions only when you stick to some rules in forming your opinions. Such a bullshit driven mass. Opinions come from experiences and rules are unnecessarily created to avoid random opinions. So, it is not wrong to have any kind of opinion and learn to say cut the crap when some one talk rules. I was wondering these days what do they call a gal who is called 'sex columnist' in India? Probably they call her a girl from family of bad moral and ethical values or someone who needs counselling to live in India..or ..are we changing...SATC made me wonder if there are any one like Carrie in India.

My fodder for today seems to be over, I feel hungry and this room stopped stinking..I donno if room's do have smell as one of their sense..I would want to shut my senses for now..night night...don't let the bedbugs bite..

I lost Race...You better soon!!

The country is still suffering from rulers.
I dunno what it is exactly called bureaucratic or something like ruling..but everyone want to command others.
The one who does it smartly is called leader and the one who is ruled by them is called stupid..most of the times. Fact is there are no leaders and stupids in this crazy freaking world. It is just a survival tip. A better survival tip!! And a race in which you are hung to the tail of a mad donkey which is running without any direction. A mad donkey is someone who is commanding you.
Everyone plans on you. Play with your mind. You give chance to them to play because you think you will get something out of it. In case if you are trying to get a lesson from others by giving a chance to them to play, you are an easy prey. And never join the word 'love' in this streamline. Such a deadly combo, that can never be resolved.

Contradictory! Love is such a beautiful thing, it surely does deserve a separate line to talk from the above things. It is something wordless at times. It is like a moment to be stolen. Always know that a one who plays the above game on you will keep playing that game. It never stops. And Love is different from this. There is no learning from people who are called leaders and people who portray them self as one. You only learn a better survival tip from them..may be few tips. But you will not learn love, you will not earn love and you don't plan to give love. What is the need of living hundred years learning how to survive? Live your life! Always adore what you have and take the love when people are giving. The donkey's race will never end!

నువ్వు చందమామ ఎపుడయ్యావో..

 చంద్రుడి మధ్యలో ఆకాశం ఉన్నట్టు అనిపించింది 

మొదటిసారి కొన్ని నెలల తరువాత  చల్లటి గాలి వీచింది..


చిన్న చిన్న మేగపు ముక్కలు చంద్రుని చూట్టుత చాప పరుచుకున్నాయి 
కథ చెబుతాడెమో చందమామ...


నీటి లోపలి అందాలు నీటిలో వాటికే తెలుసునేమో 
ఆకాశం తర్వాత అందాలన్నీనీకు మాత్రమే తెలుసు కదా...


కలిసిన రెండు హృదయాల మధ్య భంధం ఎంత దృడంగా ఉంటుంది కదా 
నీకులాగే ఆ హృదయాలకు మాత్రమే తెలుసునేమో వాటి నిజమయిన అందo... 


నీకు ఇవాళ  ఒక విశయం చెబుదామనుకున్నా కాని 
సాలె గూడులా నా మదిని అల్లుకపోయి నువ్వే ఒక విశేషమయ్యావు...


నెమ్మదిగా నా సమయాన్ని నీ వడిలో చేర్చుకొని 
ఆ  కధలేవో జోకొడుతూ చెప్పవా 


నే నిద్దురపోతా....

Past Present Future

After restless moves on bed, I woke up to write something if it would make me feel easy

Had bad headache after ‘teri meri kahani’…I summarize the movie as: A movie that decided human average lifespan is 50-52, as the hero and heroine reborn every 50yrs to unite again.. Crap!!

Here it is not working in one life only…and he shows same person in every life. All fake.

Yeah it was a sick movie and was again one tiring day though was fun meeting new people always.

After 2 or 3 years life would be something new and different. Things change. For good, for bad! Mostly for good, because bad is always behind good and we better see its other side. And Love! Doesn’t have any shape these days. My motivation to write had been taken up by climate. I am waiting badly for some rain now and some cold breezes to make me remember any nice things that might have come up anytime to my mind. I think I am a great at motivating myself…in past how I depend on people for this! In fact now I feel I am the best…and people’s influences doesn’t work much on me these days...as I stopped taking anyone as my role model. I don’t see like that anyone anymore. Standing on your feet and shout to yourself every single time...’You are your role model..because role model's do make mistake in life and you cannot change them..but you can always change yourself'!

Well that is new these days…but I don’t talk much…and there are times when people started asking me to talk. In office too… I started talking only when I know that I might make sense. Am I afraid or am I wanting to make an impact on each word I say… I go silently sit at my desk and work like I am programmed to do so…like a robot. I don’t feel like going home till the work gets completed. Yeah abnormal to me or with me…but all the people around me are being programmed...in fact well programmed with all this long ago. I don’t want to spend my money…not even on myself. I kept worried from few days about this if I am becoming miser. All your well wishers say it is good to be miser but I think somehow I am acting against my genes. This miser kind of word doesn’t exist in my parent’s dictionary. May be genes too change! One of my friend say’s that I have learnt this habit because the people surrounding me are so. I don’t agree with that much because I once lived with a girl during college for two years, who was miser than any human I saw so far and I never changed myself like her. But I like her always…after all two years of life we shared. The point is where this thing came from…hmm…

Past Present Future

In a communication session at office…trainer told my tenses are wrong...she said I use more of past tense when I have to use present. I told her thanks for noticing. But, I really wanted to tell that…that is how I am living…always in past…thinking of the good times and not even talking about present and may be I can never talk in future tense. Well, she appreciates my thoughtful conversations always and all my assignments…she once told me ‘your thoughts make me feel like a rebel’…Like I give a damn about people’s praises around which generally come for the sake of saying...I just kept quite. Yeah quiet!

Know Forest Rules~

Relative but not similar!

In Gurgaon, when you are outside your house, you should always know one thing. You are entering into forest zone, where people like animals (I respect them a lot, but to make my point understandable I write so) see you. Actually they are not bad animals, they see because we are so civilized that we do not know how to deal with them. Likewise, when we go out here fully dressed, they see us like some new objects and on top of that, we go in to their forest, and ignore them. Surely some thing that hurts them. So, we have these cars and vehicles which will not allow us to open a window at the site of those animals. And we protect ourselves from them all the time. It surely triggers one day or the other day, let them get down and walk on the road, we will catch them. Yes, no wonder they do that, and we all cry they rape in Gurgaon. Its we, who are triggering all of this. We are raping their minds everyday creating lot of frustration.

When I came here, many people scared me. Surprisingly even I was worried for a while, though I was very confident that I can deal with people anywhere. I removed the objects of gold from body and wore simple clothes, whenever in doubt of people covered myself with shawl and kept quiet. But, I want to understand them. To make my life easy and their life easy.

The cab guy when I asked to take left to enter into the society where I live, he suddenly said in hindi, with sarcastic tone, we guys don’t know how all live in this much big places… I was a bit worried and then said, not many must be having their own house, and many must be on rent. I think he felt better, he said Oh ok. They are unhappy more not that they don’t have them, but because, we all are showing them off so much and make them feel more undeserving. But, the civilized people are too busy to understand and care for their worries. So, life sounds hap hazard here, and on top of that weather doesn’t support any. However, my experiment to understand this gave me many insights.

Just close to my apartment, there is shopping mall and some vegetable shops outside. You can call malls here are the most secluded places, hardly people go and they are everywhere like small shops on road. Every half kilometer you have an alcohol shop and we have two such shops around this mall. It was 7p.m, I know that it was very unsafe to walk on road. Wearing my formal pant and a simple t-shirt, I walked out of my society, not carrying any purse, only a mobile and some money in hand. I got out of society and reached main road. There was no one around, no sign of auto. I saw a sharing auto from far and tried stopping, but they saw me like something new and in shock, donno they didn’t stop. I wanted to go to nearby shop to buy charger for my mobile. I decided to walk. After crossing one wine shop, I was scared and was thinking if I am being stupid, was that wrong thing to come out at that time. But, now that there was no option, I walked, when some bike was going beside me, I thought they might pull me and was also imagining what if a car comes and stop beside me. Now I saw some crowd far, and walked towards them, showing no sign of fear on face, or in my walk. Once I reached the shop, I found no girl around…but many men walking here and there. I saw a woman coming back from her work, looked like she works in some construction place, her clothes were muddy. No one where seeing her. People after sometime stopped seeing at me, but where surely wondering how come this human entered forest.

How do I prove to them that they are also human?

But after that day, my fear on this people reduced to a huge extent. I feel they need some one like them around them. Like when I go to my village, I wear the clothes acceptable to them, not that I cannot show off or wear what I like, but to respect them and be one of them. To receive the love they can give when they feel I am one of them.

The destructing causes of human like jealous, frustration, stress are abundant at this place. Over the years this things are going to change but the root causes will affect the quality of living on a huge basis, disturbing the mankind’s whole purpose.

It not that bad to live in a challenging place like this! You need a movement to make people more calm and more serene. I think we need collective movements. It can change.

I got a dream this early morning..a romantic one I should say, and it triggered some new thoughts in mind.
I started researching them from morning and know what to do. I was reading about human hormones and conditions that avail them the opportunity of dreaming romantic things. What are the conditions that triggers mind to think like that...to even get a fancy thought like that. And I asked all the questions on this Google to find what is this obsession on a single person at a single time...and I want all of you to know this too...I am astonished I found some video like this which answered many of my questions this morning gave me..
Check below video...

by the way u wanna know my dream? :P

I am no bird
Then why do I need a cage
I am not poor with brain
Then why do I need looks
I am a girl
Then why do I need to be a geek
I know to write
Then why should I be upset when something hurts
I know there is this sky
Then why should I keep my thoughts flooded on earth
I felt you near
Then why should I sail the world

Oh Baker...you really convinced me :P

and more this week.....

and...
I know to love
Then why do I not need you

You all know this!

Basic instincts of human have reached to an extinct that no longer people are using them to survival alone but also for the best survival. Brains have reached to an unbalanced level of usage by many that, once I thought we use brain only to deal very complicated issues in life. As generations are moving ahead giving the maximum stress to brain, this in turn is affecting the rhythm of heart and followed by all possible human complications.

The sole purpose of living is to be kind to others. Often we all forget this. Forgetting this has leaded us to life with the word ‘stress’.

Stress is something that becomes heavier as u hold. It is like a small book when hold for few hours it gives some pain, and when you hold for a day it will become heavier and heavier. The point is at the end of the day it is still the small book. The longer it is hold the heavier it became. And all problems in life need to be sorted by breaking them in to bits. If you want to hold many books and stand for days, it is just going to be miserable. In order to beat stress, the alternative way man has chosen is being alone. The less people around, the less complications and the less stress to deal with. But we humans are not made for this. We are made to deal with the stress by sharing and receiving acts of kindness, by helping others to relieve their heavy weights of stress and in turn receiving the same from them. Some nice people say, keep helping without expectations. Though it is a right statement where many people believe in helping each other, it doesn’t make sense in the current world. Does people who want to share and help each other doesn’t belong to this stress attacked generation? What is the condition of the world when everyone is stressed and no one wants to share anyone’s stress and everyone wants to be alone? Are we chasing ourselves to hit this zone?

When I went with my father to see our crops I see the canal flowing with full of water, and in summer afternoons when I go to play with water, I see the canal inside the village, and when I go to the beside villages I see the same canal flowing along with me. This I never realized but gave me a sense of continuity. I liked seeing lotus flowers in that water, though I always know they are meant to decorate god, I use to found them sexy with long petals and pink color, always in water floating between green leaves with water droplets. I think I was trying to be sexy from childhood, I had lotus petals in my books and on each petal my name written…they smelled good too….what else we want :P

In villages not only humans are ready to share their stress but also the composed nature. Those leaves which move with breeze may take along with them some of our stress air.

After the school, we use to catch some flies and tie them to a thread and run along with them…who remembered all those beatings from teachers that day school gave…were we beating the stress of school by doing this..? How are school children dealing with this now?

Stress is waiting with something in its store for each one of us. The way it needs to be dealt is well understood and established long ago, we only forget them though we know.

A memory of Teenage..

On a rainy day, after school, clear sky, teenage, I think 9th standard, I remember walking alone to the bus stop.
That town was new to me. My previous school was also in the same town but it was in outskirts and I never really needed to walk on those streets which I started walking after changing school.

Scared on men, especially college going guys. Use to watch the shops, especially clothe shops which displayed nice salwars..colorful were they. Just as I was about to reach the bus stop there was a shop with a white salwar having green sleeves with white dots. I hardly had any salwars and dreamt so much of having that white and green one. Everyday I saw, never missed. And one day, when some aunt gave me 500 rupees, I told my mom I will buy that dress. I bought it to wear every saturday to school....I still remember feeling shy in that dress first time, with duppatta on me, very girly feeling, I donno what it was..and then I also remember one of my classmate telling me 'I like you in white and green dress' :P

And one day in the English class, where my Principal was the teacher, I happened to sleep. I was wearing the same dress. We were sitting on the floor and I kept my elbow to the ground and hand below chin and slept sitting.

My classmates no one woke me, English teacher left the class after his period, though he noticed me he didn't try to wake me. And my classmates went on a break and came back, and I was still sleeping in the same position. Then came the maths sir, his name was Amir and he was taller than the class door and had to bend his head to get in to class. Very strict but he knew so much maths. I didn't wake up even when he came in. Then one guy..he was the shortest guy in class, he suddenly pulled my hand and I I fell down hitting head to floor. I woke up in shock and realized what happened, and was very hurt that my classmates didn't woke me and were having fun show throughout the time I was in sleep. That day I got my life's first painful slap from math's sir. I used to cry for weeks whenever I remembered this...But then, I scored decent in my maths only because of him...

I sometimes feel I never changed even a bit from many years. My village has taken me in to its heart and protected my innocence and love. Those dark eyelids of my mother's eyes sometimes still come in my dreams very clear.

Why are we running in this world...does any one even know that clearly!

నువ్వు వెనక ఉన్నావని మేగమునకైన తెలుసునా...
అంతలా దాక్కుంటే,
అనుక్షణం ఆకశం వైపు ఆశగా చూసే నాకు
నీ  మనసు తెల్లదనం కనపడేదేలా...

మబ్బులు మాయమయిన రోజు
ఆకుల నడుమ
నా పెదవి నువ్వు కనిపించిన ఆనందాన్ని చూపే
నిమిషాన
అందమయిన ని మనసు నాకోసం ఈ ఆకశం పై పరచావా ...

నిను చూస్తూ .....

Am I ready to do this? I think so..mmmmh

May 25, 2012

Pumping my thoughts in to the world!

Appears quite fancy the thought. Is it actually possible for anyone to get rid of their thoughts? Yeah get rid! When you write them for getting opinion of others or influence any, it is called actually writing on a purpose. Now, when I write I call it sometimes to get rid of my continuous thoughts which in a process build unnecessary maturity in me, which I actually hate many times. There is an excuse for writing memories which I call to preserve those moments. The reason I am trying to interpret these types of writing is, on one Sunday I came up with a thought that actually didn’t stop till today.

I finished with the argument with myself that day that on how many weekends I am going to pass my time. I got to do something really serious (fun with stupidity of my own), so then I came up with researching a topic every week and write about it.

I thought of various topics…

Things that passed my mind are like...

‘Beauty! How much it is adored? Gender! What is the reality?’

‘Where are we Indian woman standing in choosing the right relationship?’

‘Does woman’s entry into new life of marriage and kids pass the cloud of her dream away?

‘I hesitate to write the word ‘sex’! Why?’

‘Expectations! How are we dealing with this?’

‘Phase of Excitement Phase!’

Many more knock my stuffed skull everyday (just want no one to copy those above titles as their book titles :P)

I finally knew this is what I got to do to keep me busy. It not only helps me to understand me better, it also helps me talk to as many people around, with as many weird topics I want to. I am hoping to meet great people on this way or at least weird’s one’s who has like me joined in the course of never ending learning’s by keeping their very own life at stake. And my first hope is people will discuss things openly. Otherwise, more than opinions I could fill only my perception to the thoughts I get. However, this study will unfold few of those questions my mind encountered when I was busy moving from a rough phase of life to this myself.

‘Myself is such a classic thing’!

Yes I write the above also.

పడవ

ఆట  పడవ 

పోతావా తనతో 

గాలి  వాన  దూరానా 

నిదే తుంపర్ల  నావ 

మానను  ముంచునే 

మర్రిచేట్టువా  నువ్వు 

మరిచేదవా 

నువ్వు  కాగితమని 

నీకు  నీటి మీద 

ఇంత  మోజేందుకే 

చిన్ననాటి చెలిమి వలె 

ని  జ్ఞాపకం 

అ  బురద  నీటిలో 

నిన్ను ఎన్నిసార్లు ఈదమని  వదిలానో 

రెండో పడవ 

చేయటానికి వచ్చునే 

నా మనసు చెప్పింది 

కాగితమే అది కూడా మునుగునని 

నే నిలిచా చూస్తూ కదలని  పడవ   వంక.... 

Love

Planned are those moments spent not in love.

A person’s heart is not always in a condition to both give love and also take love.

It can do both in complete balanced conditions.

May be in perfect (I don’t like to use perfect, may be ‘complete’ is apt) relationship both of them know to balance this, and they also might be good at understanding when the other person is in the state of receiving love (and not in giving state of mind). It takes lot of understanding between couples to reach this balance… And the tougher part is how they maintain it as years pass by, when the needs change, when they have kids and when they grow old. Sometimes one might totally forget to give back when deeply enjoying the love given. It is the toughest of all I guess, may be it is the odd part, I still have to figure out this.

I think in a relationship two persons should be very good friends. This is old line but I have new definition in my thoughts. Sometimes there comes this question, ‘What am I getting if I be with you?” Nothing to be in shock, but it is fair to ask yourself sometimes this question. That is when you know the other person is in receiving state (I leave it to people to understand this, as I can simplify only to this level). So my point is, when I mean friends, both of them have first their own individual lives. They always have this individual life going on, and at times giving your partner chance to be part of your individual life, at times when you think he/she will enjoy what you are doing, at times you think your friends can be his/her friends, at times where that trip you want to go alone might make you feel to share with him/her and at times when you think problems can be shared and relieved sharing with him/her. Just like friends, only difference is you remember them first and you decide to share all (may not be all) these experiences of life with them. That is what I think the other person expects from you. You can answer that question of what you get from other person when you have a beautiful individual life. The need to be confident, with good friends around and enjoying your own single life comes there.

Not necessarily you want to do all this to get an amazing life partner, I recommend all of you at all ages of their life to practice this. Be confident, do what you want to do (especially all those which you think you can do when you are by yourself) and keep that crowd around you happy. Nothing else matters!

Do I sound like Oprah now :P?

Marathon Today!

Before starting about the experience, here is my promise to myself that I will participate any marathon around hereafter. I have seen a peacock, many camels and many many humans who tried to spend their Sunday differently. The marathon took place away from city, near to a small village where I guess people use the road that we walked with very difficulty, as their daily route of transportation. There were large stones, thorn plants and dusty mud like soft bed slipping shoe into it on the way to the starting point to marathon. The organizers had built a small hut shed, made of clay and bamboos and properly shaded with grass on top of hut.

We were four and packed was not only water but also so much enthusiasm. I also carried some thoughts to post something in my blog which might interest me. Till we reached the place, my focus couldn’t come back from those villages we passed on the way. Those houses, cowsheds, olden cots in front of the houses with old men sitting and relaxing, crops and farm houses…all made me think of my village. My village! Could something replace this in my life? I really want something to replace this, something which makes me want to go every time. I stopped thinking of it for a while and tried to forget those broken dreams. I don’t like to call them broken dreams, rather they are unfulfilled dreams. May be I am a living devil.

Weather was unlike Gurgaon at 6a.m, the pot is not yet boiled…I mean the Sun was yet to boil us, so we had light breezes coming our way. Though it was dusty, whenever we got onto better road, we immediately opened car windows to get the breeze. Fresh air can be sold in kilos at gurgaon. I think even I am ready to buy. My friend was having more than good time, driving the village roads, with less or no vehicles passing by.

Once we reached, one group was gathered to start the marathon. Some cheerleaders (males though) were shouting and clapping to encourage us to start. One among us was in 10km run, so he ran ahead of us and we couldn’t meet him till last. And everyone were on their own. Many people were part of it, most them where in their 30’s and to my shock there were many women, a lot married who came along with their kids. Seeing people crossing by me, and thinking about them, I was distracted with some noises. How negative I can think of to write distracted when I heard birds chirping. It was a nice feeling. Till I finish 5km, I told to myself not to stop or rest in between. People were not talking much to each other, in spite of it being a fun run than a competition. After 2.5Km we have to take a U-turn and get come back to the starting point. I started walking after U-turn for a while. And there came those cools guys with cameras. They were official photographers for the event and cheered up people capturing if not missed moments. And I have to tell you that really made me run much better. Every half kilometer when I see the photographer from far, I start running, thinking I have to run while I am on photo. Finally, came back to the end point without a single stop anywhere.

They arranged parathas for all of them, which were made in the hut in front of us. They were tasty.  There I was sitting at an open window in the hut which has no doors anywhere and seeing at the people opening the breezers and beer bottles.  These were provided by organizers. That was all a shock for me. I thought this run will remind everyone about their health and I ended up thinking people are much more than I thought into fun. Never mind, judging doesn’t bring much. If only there was one person who stood strong among the people organizing by not supporting this alcohol thing in the early morning pleasant marathon reminding how important health is, then…? If only!!

I will attend again yet another marathon, with the hope to see different things.

Against something is a gene again. We too took some photos. On return journey a camel was walking opposite to the car and we stopped a while to see it. I thought if it is free like this always and if these were like other animals like street dogs and cats free to live and walk without owners. May be not!

As we entered the city, I felt good and when I felt so, I pitied my mind for being happy for this. Life has its own beauty. Sometimes you enjoy which you daily crib about.

Just two hours back I did all this. Lot more to do on this Sunday morning. Good morning chirpy birds!!!

Coffee Bar

I could add the title before even starting writing, my room is like some coffee bar.
With a new book (I dunno how often I buy new books, that has become a habit more than a hobby) on my lap I thought of adding my bucket list. Such a nice day to think what is still pending in my life to do. I thought it would be like big list. But it wasn't easy. I first thought of the list of animals I wanted. First came horse (after dreamer movie I really want to have one) and then one big dog (should be almost my height) and ..my all time favorites rabbit, turtle, squirrel and fishes. May be I want a monkey too (if I wont marry a monkey :P) to keep some fun in life. By the way, I should keep my list secret, everyone copies these days from me :D

I was thinking this early morning, may be men and women are hanging on opposite sides in the earth (assuming globe) and in between there is a magnet (all physics experts are requested not to comment). When they come close they get attached and get so closer like two iron pieces on either side of magnet and when they go far they might be hanging in their own zones with that magnetic waves or whatever. It might be tough to get into another magnetic zone, may be it is repulsive at times. After all earth is so big, how many zones one has to hit to find the right iron piece.

Motivating Weather and Social Realities-Gurgaon Mood Changers!

Back at gym, a girl asked me a fine question when I came out of steam, ‘Are you from Hyderabad?” I just hated her analysis on me and the exact way she guessed something like that. I said yes and didn’t try to ask how she knew. Instead, I asked if she was from Hyderabad too. Then, she said she worked there before and can recognize people from there by face. More smart than me. But then, I thought time to make new friends, and she could make an impression at the first minute by asking a question like that, unlike many women who can suppress or less care to ask that. Then with a series of nice questions, I told her I would meet her after kickboxing class Monday and we can go sopping. She confirmed saying, ‘I hope you will not kick me’. After all, I have to come there everyday and I would really get bored without friends. But why have I become so choosy. May be my friends made me like this. All those whole bunch of old good friends, who make it tough for new list of friends. Standards ah! Never mind, they have there own way, like the one who got me at gym. From the place where the row of treadmills is located, we can see many employees passing by, in their most stylish clothes everyday. Thankfully, they cannot see us. My office is above the gym and I like the thought that above my head my colleagues are working hard and filling fat in their available empty cells. Yeah cell!

I forgot them. I liked drawing ‘cell’ always. Making a big round and drawing organelles inside in the exact way it is in the book initially. I was the one in the class to tell that we can keep the organelles wherever we want. And I knew they won’t be like the way they are in the text book picture. I hope I have not written this already in my blog. One day in my Masters, I woke up in the morning and took a book, in the last page, drew the dream of replication (it is a pathway that happens in cell). I drew some images and then went to ask my lecturers on the same day and asked if that dream would be possible. I asked and shown that representation to many I remember. I thought the process in my book was wrong and mine was right. I got answers to them in IISc, that all the processes are not right, and they are assumed by someone, which are being confirmed or said wrong by someone or the other like me later. And my assumptions might also be right. But then, I always feel great when I think of this. Like some big scientist some process came to dream and shown me a different way of it. Now, I don’t say this to anyone. May be I should tell.

Saving thoughts of the month,

Recharge your internet with a basic plan, very basic and use it limited. Now I write my post on a word document offline and upload it after it is done. Not only saving but, laptop is going to be with me few more weeks only so it was better to recharge basic.

And gym has automatically reduced my food expenses. However, I didn’t end up drinking lassi’s, they are the only way to cool down the body in this hot weather. This morning in rickshaw with hot flames passing my stole covered face, made me think, that I should earn so much that, this heat should stop outside my vehicle.

Motivating weather!!

Sensitive to social realities! The issues in gurgaon are sensitive. Cultural ethics have not reached even the roads; forget about houses and people’s mind. In front of the office building at 9pm, weekday, you may find people mostly cabdrivers, sitting on top of their cars holding a tall beer or something else. I am not surprised, have been preparing to see much more weird things here. For two rupees change a tollgate, a guy shot the employee sitting at toll. I might have heard these things in many places in India, but the sensitivity of the matter is to be questioned. People’s magnificent minds have not been pushed to reach their next levels here. What should I do for them? My question in silence has become my everyday time pass. Will I pass my time till I leave from here? Is everyone doing same?

  

How often we give up?

Having an imagination of clear thoughts cannot always lay route to the clear words.

Loads of interrupted solid valuable lessons passed my mind recently. I have to say I forgot to capture them; nevertheless I end up giving a conclusion that whatever I write now is the latest of those thoughts and would cover all the maturity that other thoughts bought me.

In the experience of leading an undisturbed life recently, I realized that when I was young I was ready to take up risks. In order to keep less confusion in life I started learning to be proper and am always trying to figure out ways to make things perfect and I realize I am missing one big element of life in this course. The part of keeping life less stressful is fine, but what about totally giving up on some things to avoid or smoothen your daily life? Is it not less challenging? Figured out this or gave a damn, either case I decided to live life at the edge, taking the necessary risks that show to the world what I taught to myself.

An hour and a half past the day started with one new thought. If hope is a good thing and having ‘no hope’ is also a good thing. If hope keeps you going, having ‘no hope’ also keeps you going. If hope gives you happiness it’s the same with ‘no hope’. But one thing that hope can bring and the other counter part cannot is ‘the person’.

Optimism till death!! Uneven methodology in creating required dose of happiness for a sound sleep!

Yeah sleepy! Goodnight and Wonderful No-Hope Counter Part Dreams!

Hero's in one's Life