Past Present Future

After restless moves on bed, I woke up to write something if it would make me feel easy

Had bad headache after ‘teri meri kahani’…I summarize the movie as: A movie that decided human average lifespan is 50-52, as the hero and heroine reborn every 50yrs to unite again.. Crap!!

Here it is not working in one life only…and he shows same person in every life. All fake.

Yeah it was a sick movie and was again one tiring day though was fun meeting new people always.

After 2 or 3 years life would be something new and different. Things change. For good, for bad! Mostly for good, because bad is always behind good and we better see its other side. And Love! Doesn’t have any shape these days. My motivation to write had been taken up by climate. I am waiting badly for some rain now and some cold breezes to make me remember any nice things that might have come up anytime to my mind. I think I am a great at motivating myself…in past how I depend on people for this! In fact now I feel I am the best…and people’s influences doesn’t work much on me these days...as I stopped taking anyone as my role model. I don’t see like that anyone anymore. Standing on your feet and shout to yourself every single time...’You are your role model..because role model's do make mistake in life and you cannot change them..but you can always change yourself'!

Well that is new these days…but I don’t talk much…and there are times when people started asking me to talk. In office too… I started talking only when I know that I might make sense. Am I afraid or am I wanting to make an impact on each word I say… I go silently sit at my desk and work like I am programmed to do so…like a robot. I don’t feel like going home till the work gets completed. Yeah abnormal to me or with me…but all the people around me are being programmed...in fact well programmed with all this long ago. I don’t want to spend my money…not even on myself. I kept worried from few days about this if I am becoming miser. All your well wishers say it is good to be miser but I think somehow I am acting against my genes. This miser kind of word doesn’t exist in my parent’s dictionary. May be genes too change! One of my friend say’s that I have learnt this habit because the people surrounding me are so. I don’t agree with that much because I once lived with a girl during college for two years, who was miser than any human I saw so far and I never changed myself like her. But I like her always…after all two years of life we shared. The point is where this thing came from…hmm…

Past Present Future

In a communication session at office…trainer told my tenses are wrong...she said I use more of past tense when I have to use present. I told her thanks for noticing. But, I really wanted to tell that…that is how I am living…always in past…thinking of the good times and not even talking about present and may be I can never talk in future tense. Well, she appreciates my thoughtful conversations always and all my assignments…she once told me ‘your thoughts make me feel like a rebel’…Like I give a damn about people’s praises around which generally come for the sake of saying...I just kept quite. Yeah quiet!

Know Forest Rules~

Relative but not similar!

In Gurgaon, when you are outside your house, you should always know one thing. You are entering into forest zone, where people like animals (I respect them a lot, but to make my point understandable I write so) see you. Actually they are not bad animals, they see because we are so civilized that we do not know how to deal with them. Likewise, when we go out here fully dressed, they see us like some new objects and on top of that, we go in to their forest, and ignore them. Surely some thing that hurts them. So, we have these cars and vehicles which will not allow us to open a window at the site of those animals. And we protect ourselves from them all the time. It surely triggers one day or the other day, let them get down and walk on the road, we will catch them. Yes, no wonder they do that, and we all cry they rape in Gurgaon. Its we, who are triggering all of this. We are raping their minds everyday creating lot of frustration.

When I came here, many people scared me. Surprisingly even I was worried for a while, though I was very confident that I can deal with people anywhere. I removed the objects of gold from body and wore simple clothes, whenever in doubt of people covered myself with shawl and kept quiet. But, I want to understand them. To make my life easy and their life easy.

The cab guy when I asked to take left to enter into the society where I live, he suddenly said in hindi, with sarcastic tone, we guys don’t know how all live in this much big places… I was a bit worried and then said, not many must be having their own house, and many must be on rent. I think he felt better, he said Oh ok. They are unhappy more not that they don’t have them, but because, we all are showing them off so much and make them feel more undeserving. But, the civilized people are too busy to understand and care for their worries. So, life sounds hap hazard here, and on top of that weather doesn’t support any. However, my experiment to understand this gave me many insights.

Just close to my apartment, there is shopping mall and some vegetable shops outside. You can call malls here are the most secluded places, hardly people go and they are everywhere like small shops on road. Every half kilometer you have an alcohol shop and we have two such shops around this mall. It was 7p.m, I know that it was very unsafe to walk on road. Wearing my formal pant and a simple t-shirt, I walked out of my society, not carrying any purse, only a mobile and some money in hand. I got out of society and reached main road. There was no one around, no sign of auto. I saw a sharing auto from far and tried stopping, but they saw me like something new and in shock, donno they didn’t stop. I wanted to go to nearby shop to buy charger for my mobile. I decided to walk. After crossing one wine shop, I was scared and was thinking if I am being stupid, was that wrong thing to come out at that time. But, now that there was no option, I walked, when some bike was going beside me, I thought they might pull me and was also imagining what if a car comes and stop beside me. Now I saw some crowd far, and walked towards them, showing no sign of fear on face, or in my walk. Once I reached the shop, I found no girl around…but many men walking here and there. I saw a woman coming back from her work, looked like she works in some construction place, her clothes were muddy. No one where seeing her. People after sometime stopped seeing at me, but where surely wondering how come this human entered forest.

How do I prove to them that they are also human?

But after that day, my fear on this people reduced to a huge extent. I feel they need some one like them around them. Like when I go to my village, I wear the clothes acceptable to them, not that I cannot show off or wear what I like, but to respect them and be one of them. To receive the love they can give when they feel I am one of them.

The destructing causes of human like jealous, frustration, stress are abundant at this place. Over the years this things are going to change but the root causes will affect the quality of living on a huge basis, disturbing the mankind’s whole purpose.

It not that bad to live in a challenging place like this! You need a movement to make people more calm and more serene. I think we need collective movements. It can change.

I got a dream this early morning..a romantic one I should say, and it triggered some new thoughts in mind.
I started researching them from morning and know what to do. I was reading about human hormones and conditions that avail them the opportunity of dreaming romantic things. What are the conditions that triggers mind to think like that...to even get a fancy thought like that. And I asked all the questions on this Google to find what is this obsession on a single person at a single time...and I want all of you to know this too...I am astonished I found some video like this which answered many of my questions this morning gave me..
Check below video...

by the way u wanna know my dream? :P

I am no bird
Then why do I need a cage
I am not poor with brain
Then why do I need looks
I am a girl
Then why do I need to be a geek
I know to write
Then why should I be upset when something hurts
I know there is this sky
Then why should I keep my thoughts flooded on earth
I felt you near
Then why should I sail the world

Oh Baker...you really convinced me :P

and more this week.....

and...
I know to love
Then why do I not need you

You all know this!

Basic instincts of human have reached to an extinct that no longer people are using them to survival alone but also for the best survival. Brains have reached to an unbalanced level of usage by many that, once I thought we use brain only to deal very complicated issues in life. As generations are moving ahead giving the maximum stress to brain, this in turn is affecting the rhythm of heart and followed by all possible human complications.

The sole purpose of living is to be kind to others. Often we all forget this. Forgetting this has leaded us to life with the word ‘stress’.

Stress is something that becomes heavier as u hold. It is like a small book when hold for few hours it gives some pain, and when you hold for a day it will become heavier and heavier. The point is at the end of the day it is still the small book. The longer it is hold the heavier it became. And all problems in life need to be sorted by breaking them in to bits. If you want to hold many books and stand for days, it is just going to be miserable. In order to beat stress, the alternative way man has chosen is being alone. The less people around, the less complications and the less stress to deal with. But we humans are not made for this. We are made to deal with the stress by sharing and receiving acts of kindness, by helping others to relieve their heavy weights of stress and in turn receiving the same from them. Some nice people say, keep helping without expectations. Though it is a right statement where many people believe in helping each other, it doesn’t make sense in the current world. Does people who want to share and help each other doesn’t belong to this stress attacked generation? What is the condition of the world when everyone is stressed and no one wants to share anyone’s stress and everyone wants to be alone? Are we chasing ourselves to hit this zone?

When I went with my father to see our crops I see the canal flowing with full of water, and in summer afternoons when I go to play with water, I see the canal inside the village, and when I go to the beside villages I see the same canal flowing along with me. This I never realized but gave me a sense of continuity. I liked seeing lotus flowers in that water, though I always know they are meant to decorate god, I use to found them sexy with long petals and pink color, always in water floating between green leaves with water droplets. I think I was trying to be sexy from childhood, I had lotus petals in my books and on each petal my name written…they smelled good too….what else we want :P

In villages not only humans are ready to share their stress but also the composed nature. Those leaves which move with breeze may take along with them some of our stress air.

After the school, we use to catch some flies and tie them to a thread and run along with them…who remembered all those beatings from teachers that day school gave…were we beating the stress of school by doing this..? How are school children dealing with this now?

Stress is waiting with something in its store for each one of us. The way it needs to be dealt is well understood and established long ago, we only forget them though we know.

A memory of Teenage..

On a rainy day, after school, clear sky, teenage, I think 9th standard, I remember walking alone to the bus stop.
That town was new to me. My previous school was also in the same town but it was in outskirts and I never really needed to walk on those streets which I started walking after changing school.

Scared on men, especially college going guys. Use to watch the shops, especially clothe shops which displayed nice salwars..colorful were they. Just as I was about to reach the bus stop there was a shop with a white salwar having green sleeves with white dots. I hardly had any salwars and dreamt so much of having that white and green one. Everyday I saw, never missed. And one day, when some aunt gave me 500 rupees, I told my mom I will buy that dress. I bought it to wear every saturday to school....I still remember feeling shy in that dress first time, with duppatta on me, very girly feeling, I donno what it was..and then I also remember one of my classmate telling me 'I like you in white and green dress' :P

And one day in the English class, where my Principal was the teacher, I happened to sleep. I was wearing the same dress. We were sitting on the floor and I kept my elbow to the ground and hand below chin and slept sitting.

My classmates no one woke me, English teacher left the class after his period, though he noticed me he didn't try to wake me. And my classmates went on a break and came back, and I was still sleeping in the same position. Then came the maths sir, his name was Amir and he was taller than the class door and had to bend his head to get in to class. Very strict but he knew so much maths. I didn't wake up even when he came in. Then one guy..he was the shortest guy in class, he suddenly pulled my hand and I I fell down hitting head to floor. I woke up in shock and realized what happened, and was very hurt that my classmates didn't woke me and were having fun show throughout the time I was in sleep. That day I got my life's first painful slap from math's sir. I used to cry for weeks whenever I remembered this...But then, I scored decent in my maths only because of him...

I sometimes feel I never changed even a bit from many years. My village has taken me in to its heart and protected my innocence and love. Those dark eyelids of my mother's eyes sometimes still come in my dreams very clear.

Why are we running in this world...does any one even know that clearly!

నువ్వు వెనక ఉన్నావని మేగమునకైన తెలుసునా...
అంతలా దాక్కుంటే,
అనుక్షణం ఆకశం వైపు ఆశగా చూసే నాకు
నీ  మనసు తెల్లదనం కనపడేదేలా...

మబ్బులు మాయమయిన రోజు
ఆకుల నడుమ
నా పెదవి నువ్వు కనిపించిన ఆనందాన్ని చూపే
నిమిషాన
అందమయిన ని మనసు నాకోసం ఈ ఆకశం పై పరచావా ...

నిను చూస్తూ .....

Am I ready to do this? I think so..mmmmh

May 25, 2012

Pumping my thoughts in to the world!

Appears quite fancy the thought. Is it actually possible for anyone to get rid of their thoughts? Yeah get rid! When you write them for getting opinion of others or influence any, it is called actually writing on a purpose. Now, when I write I call it sometimes to get rid of my continuous thoughts which in a process build unnecessary maturity in me, which I actually hate many times. There is an excuse for writing memories which I call to preserve those moments. The reason I am trying to interpret these types of writing is, on one Sunday I came up with a thought that actually didn’t stop till today.

I finished with the argument with myself that day that on how many weekends I am going to pass my time. I got to do something really serious (fun with stupidity of my own), so then I came up with researching a topic every week and write about it.

I thought of various topics…

Things that passed my mind are like...

‘Beauty! How much it is adored? Gender! What is the reality?’

‘Where are we Indian woman standing in choosing the right relationship?’

‘Does woman’s entry into new life of marriage and kids pass the cloud of her dream away?

‘I hesitate to write the word ‘sex’! Why?’

‘Expectations! How are we dealing with this?’

‘Phase of Excitement Phase!’

Many more knock my stuffed skull everyday (just want no one to copy those above titles as their book titles :P)

I finally knew this is what I got to do to keep me busy. It not only helps me to understand me better, it also helps me talk to as many people around, with as many weird topics I want to. I am hoping to meet great people on this way or at least weird’s one’s who has like me joined in the course of never ending learning’s by keeping their very own life at stake. And my first hope is people will discuss things openly. Otherwise, more than opinions I could fill only my perception to the thoughts I get. However, this study will unfold few of those questions my mind encountered when I was busy moving from a rough phase of life to this myself.

‘Myself is such a classic thing’!

Yes I write the above also.

పడవ

ఆట  పడవ 

పోతావా తనతో 

గాలి  వాన  దూరానా 

నిదే తుంపర్ల  నావ 

మానను  ముంచునే 

మర్రిచేట్టువా  నువ్వు 

మరిచేదవా 

నువ్వు  కాగితమని 

నీకు  నీటి మీద 

ఇంత  మోజేందుకే 

చిన్ననాటి చెలిమి వలె 

ని  జ్ఞాపకం 

అ  బురద  నీటిలో 

నిన్ను ఎన్నిసార్లు ఈదమని  వదిలానో 

రెండో పడవ 

చేయటానికి వచ్చునే 

నా మనసు చెప్పింది 

కాగితమే అది కూడా మునుగునని 

నే నిలిచా చూస్తూ కదలని  పడవ   వంక.... 

Love

Planned are those moments spent not in love.

A person’s heart is not always in a condition to both give love and also take love.

It can do both in complete balanced conditions.

May be in perfect (I don’t like to use perfect, may be ‘complete’ is apt) relationship both of them know to balance this, and they also might be good at understanding when the other person is in the state of receiving love (and not in giving state of mind). It takes lot of understanding between couples to reach this balance… And the tougher part is how they maintain it as years pass by, when the needs change, when they have kids and when they grow old. Sometimes one might totally forget to give back when deeply enjoying the love given. It is the toughest of all I guess, may be it is the odd part, I still have to figure out this.

I think in a relationship two persons should be very good friends. This is old line but I have new definition in my thoughts. Sometimes there comes this question, ‘What am I getting if I be with you?” Nothing to be in shock, but it is fair to ask yourself sometimes this question. That is when you know the other person is in receiving state (I leave it to people to understand this, as I can simplify only to this level). So my point is, when I mean friends, both of them have first their own individual lives. They always have this individual life going on, and at times giving your partner chance to be part of your individual life, at times when you think he/she will enjoy what you are doing, at times you think your friends can be his/her friends, at times where that trip you want to go alone might make you feel to share with him/her and at times when you think problems can be shared and relieved sharing with him/her. Just like friends, only difference is you remember them first and you decide to share all (may not be all) these experiences of life with them. That is what I think the other person expects from you. You can answer that question of what you get from other person when you have a beautiful individual life. The need to be confident, with good friends around and enjoying your own single life comes there.

Not necessarily you want to do all this to get an amazing life partner, I recommend all of you at all ages of their life to practice this. Be confident, do what you want to do (especially all those which you think you can do when you are by yourself) and keep that crowd around you happy. Nothing else matters!

Do I sound like Oprah now :P?

Marathon Today!

Before starting about the experience, here is my promise to myself that I will participate any marathon around hereafter. I have seen a peacock, many camels and many many humans who tried to spend their Sunday differently. The marathon took place away from city, near to a small village where I guess people use the road that we walked with very difficulty, as their daily route of transportation. There were large stones, thorn plants and dusty mud like soft bed slipping shoe into it on the way to the starting point to marathon. The organizers had built a small hut shed, made of clay and bamboos and properly shaded with grass on top of hut.

We were four and packed was not only water but also so much enthusiasm. I also carried some thoughts to post something in my blog which might interest me. Till we reached the place, my focus couldn’t come back from those villages we passed on the way. Those houses, cowsheds, olden cots in front of the houses with old men sitting and relaxing, crops and farm houses…all made me think of my village. My village! Could something replace this in my life? I really want something to replace this, something which makes me want to go every time. I stopped thinking of it for a while and tried to forget those broken dreams. I don’t like to call them broken dreams, rather they are unfulfilled dreams. May be I am a living devil.

Weather was unlike Gurgaon at 6a.m, the pot is not yet boiled…I mean the Sun was yet to boil us, so we had light breezes coming our way. Though it was dusty, whenever we got onto better road, we immediately opened car windows to get the breeze. Fresh air can be sold in kilos at gurgaon. I think even I am ready to buy. My friend was having more than good time, driving the village roads, with less or no vehicles passing by.

Once we reached, one group was gathered to start the marathon. Some cheerleaders (males though) were shouting and clapping to encourage us to start. One among us was in 10km run, so he ran ahead of us and we couldn’t meet him till last. And everyone were on their own. Many people were part of it, most them where in their 30’s and to my shock there were many women, a lot married who came along with their kids. Seeing people crossing by me, and thinking about them, I was distracted with some noises. How negative I can think of to write distracted when I heard birds chirping. It was a nice feeling. Till I finish 5km, I told to myself not to stop or rest in between. People were not talking much to each other, in spite of it being a fun run than a competition. After 2.5Km we have to take a U-turn and get come back to the starting point. I started walking after U-turn for a while. And there came those cools guys with cameras. They were official photographers for the event and cheered up people capturing if not missed moments. And I have to tell you that really made me run much better. Every half kilometer when I see the photographer from far, I start running, thinking I have to run while I am on photo. Finally, came back to the end point without a single stop anywhere.

They arranged parathas for all of them, which were made in the hut in front of us. They were tasty.  There I was sitting at an open window in the hut which has no doors anywhere and seeing at the people opening the breezers and beer bottles.  These were provided by organizers. That was all a shock for me. I thought this run will remind everyone about their health and I ended up thinking people are much more than I thought into fun. Never mind, judging doesn’t bring much. If only there was one person who stood strong among the people organizing by not supporting this alcohol thing in the early morning pleasant marathon reminding how important health is, then…? If only!!

I will attend again yet another marathon, with the hope to see different things.

Against something is a gene again. We too took some photos. On return journey a camel was walking opposite to the car and we stopped a while to see it. I thought if it is free like this always and if these were like other animals like street dogs and cats free to live and walk without owners. May be not!

As we entered the city, I felt good and when I felt so, I pitied my mind for being happy for this. Life has its own beauty. Sometimes you enjoy which you daily crib about.

Just two hours back I did all this. Lot more to do on this Sunday morning. Good morning chirpy birds!!!

Coffee Bar

I could add the title before even starting writing, my room is like some coffee bar.
With a new book (I dunno how often I buy new books, that has become a habit more than a hobby) on my lap I thought of adding my bucket list. Such a nice day to think what is still pending in my life to do. I thought it would be like big list. But it wasn't easy. I first thought of the list of animals I wanted. First came horse (after dreamer movie I really want to have one) and then one big dog (should be almost my height) and ..my all time favorites rabbit, turtle, squirrel and fishes. May be I want a monkey too (if I wont marry a monkey :P) to keep some fun in life. By the way, I should keep my list secret, everyone copies these days from me :D

I was thinking this early morning, may be men and women are hanging on opposite sides in the earth (assuming globe) and in between there is a magnet (all physics experts are requested not to comment). When they come close they get attached and get so closer like two iron pieces on either side of magnet and when they go far they might be hanging in their own zones with that magnetic waves or whatever. It might be tough to get into another magnetic zone, may be it is repulsive at times. After all earth is so big, how many zones one has to hit to find the right iron piece.

Motivating Weather and Social Realities-Gurgaon Mood Changers!

Back at gym, a girl asked me a fine question when I came out of steam, ‘Are you from Hyderabad?” I just hated her analysis on me and the exact way she guessed something like that. I said yes and didn’t try to ask how she knew. Instead, I asked if she was from Hyderabad too. Then, she said she worked there before and can recognize people from there by face. More smart than me. But then, I thought time to make new friends, and she could make an impression at the first minute by asking a question like that, unlike many women who can suppress or less care to ask that. Then with a series of nice questions, I told her I would meet her after kickboxing class Monday and we can go sopping. She confirmed saying, ‘I hope you will not kick me’. After all, I have to come there everyday and I would really get bored without friends. But why have I become so choosy. May be my friends made me like this. All those whole bunch of old good friends, who make it tough for new list of friends. Standards ah! Never mind, they have there own way, like the one who got me at gym. From the place where the row of treadmills is located, we can see many employees passing by, in their most stylish clothes everyday. Thankfully, they cannot see us. My office is above the gym and I like the thought that above my head my colleagues are working hard and filling fat in their available empty cells. Yeah cell!

I forgot them. I liked drawing ‘cell’ always. Making a big round and drawing organelles inside in the exact way it is in the book initially. I was the one in the class to tell that we can keep the organelles wherever we want. And I knew they won’t be like the way they are in the text book picture. I hope I have not written this already in my blog. One day in my Masters, I woke up in the morning and took a book, in the last page, drew the dream of replication (it is a pathway that happens in cell). I drew some images and then went to ask my lecturers on the same day and asked if that dream would be possible. I asked and shown that representation to many I remember. I thought the process in my book was wrong and mine was right. I got answers to them in IISc, that all the processes are not right, and they are assumed by someone, which are being confirmed or said wrong by someone or the other like me later. And my assumptions might also be right. But then, I always feel great when I think of this. Like some big scientist some process came to dream and shown me a different way of it. Now, I don’t say this to anyone. May be I should tell.

Saving thoughts of the month,

Recharge your internet with a basic plan, very basic and use it limited. Now I write my post on a word document offline and upload it after it is done. Not only saving but, laptop is going to be with me few more weeks only so it was better to recharge basic.

And gym has automatically reduced my food expenses. However, I didn’t end up drinking lassi’s, they are the only way to cool down the body in this hot weather. This morning in rickshaw with hot flames passing my stole covered face, made me think, that I should earn so much that, this heat should stop outside my vehicle.

Motivating weather!!

Sensitive to social realities! The issues in gurgaon are sensitive. Cultural ethics have not reached even the roads; forget about houses and people’s mind. In front of the office building at 9pm, weekday, you may find people mostly cabdrivers, sitting on top of their cars holding a tall beer or something else. I am not surprised, have been preparing to see much more weird things here. For two rupees change a tollgate, a guy shot the employee sitting at toll. I might have heard these things in many places in India, but the sensitivity of the matter is to be questioned. People’s magnificent minds have not been pushed to reach their next levels here. What should I do for them? My question in silence has become my everyday time pass. Will I pass my time till I leave from here? Is everyone doing same?

  

How often we give up?

Having an imagination of clear thoughts cannot always lay route to the clear words.

Loads of interrupted solid valuable lessons passed my mind recently. I have to say I forgot to capture them; nevertheless I end up giving a conclusion that whatever I write now is the latest of those thoughts and would cover all the maturity that other thoughts bought me.

In the experience of leading an undisturbed life recently, I realized that when I was young I was ready to take up risks. In order to keep less confusion in life I started learning to be proper and am always trying to figure out ways to make things perfect and I realize I am missing one big element of life in this course. The part of keeping life less stressful is fine, but what about totally giving up on some things to avoid or smoothen your daily life? Is it not less challenging? Figured out this or gave a damn, either case I decided to live life at the edge, taking the necessary risks that show to the world what I taught to myself.

An hour and a half past the day started with one new thought. If hope is a good thing and having ‘no hope’ is also a good thing. If hope keeps you going, having ‘no hope’ also keeps you going. If hope gives you happiness it’s the same with ‘no hope’. But one thing that hope can bring and the other counter part cannot is ‘the person’.

Optimism till death!! Uneven methodology in creating required dose of happiness for a sound sleep!

Yeah sleepy! Goodnight and Wonderful No-Hope Counter Part Dreams!

Hero's in one's Life

Tender World

Ok this was for today.
I am worried if I sometimes write something that is too judgmental and then the next minute I realize, a long way of life I lived to think of people who judge me. Not only me, I have met enough people who give damn about judging.

Last Sunday was a completely new experience for me. A whole day spent with 4yr old baby girl and 2yr old boy. I am glad I made friends with some cute family and with those lovely two kids. I never realized I would be out that day taking more than expected lessons.

After playing sometime at their house, we went to a temple and in the car the girl kid was very excited to sit on me. I dressed her, and pleated her small tender hair and arranged puppy pins, so that they wont come up. She was such a sweet one, never shook during the whole hair tidying process. And in the car, when I was brushing her hair with my finger, she was relaxing enjoying herself on me, with her two legs on the front seat. I lost into the thoughts, which you can imagine..about my future. I suddenly realized she was talking to me and when I asked her about it, she took my hand and kept it on her hair...So much love I got on her, with that small act, she wanted me to brush hair with my fingers. I did the same holding her more and more close.

Its been so long I hugged someone. Made my heart free. I slept in the whole way home holding her and my friend beside me offered her shoulder to sleep.

I have seen the whole day the mother of those kids. She made me realize what it is to deal with a family. And she tried every minute to make best for her children and her husband. And to my shock, she comes to the same office like me and works at same pace like me. Just before we were leaving out of the house, she cooked few Idly in minutes and packed so that kids might be hungry in between. She knew the kids. She knew how to make her husband laugh in keeping herself occupied with kids. It was not just responsibility, it was more of love which is keeping her climbing.

May be it is much more than that. I think women finds solitude in doing somethings at some age. The best way of enjoying for her was keeping everyone happy around her. May be she fails to do it at times but she never quit. Yes she never quit!

I wake up in the mornings to read this book 'Green Well years'. It is a book on the author's childhood stories in the temple city, Madurai. I don't want to finish the book, so I read only few pages a day and then think about it whole day. Childhood is such a precious thing. And along with this, I bought another book 'Compromise'. Title sounds interesting, but the actual reason to buy it was my shock that people really know how to deal with it and probably I will share my ideas once I read it. I saw a beautiful dress this Saturday in the mall and then I came out and bought this two books. The dress was 6k, but it was something just meant for me...he he..I felt like this at many shops though :) And then, I had to buy this books to make me feel better for not buying the dress. Back there my sister is all excited about her trip to Gangtok and I who couldn't make it for the trip have readily sent my interest to the 5km marathon with some of my team mates. It is the first time I am participating in something like this and I am super duper excited. 

How random?

For all those beautiful girls
I found something very interesting today
May be if I found the same after few years I would surely regret
There is a style that everyone of you carry and would want to experiment with
I mean here with clothes, styling your hair, wearing some kind of shoe or any external thing
This style part of all of us doenst have any co relation with our age, state of mind.
You might agree with age, but not state of mind. Let me come to that after talking about age.
Irrespective of what age we are, we can always wear whatever we wish to. Clothes have nothing to do with age. In fact, you might want to try all the weird or funky clothes very soon before you even think about the age.
And yes state of mind..
Soon after some series of sad happenings in people's lives, they generally give up on everything, everything!
They realize some time later, may be after few years, they have changed after that incident.
But trust me guys there is no need of that change. The style you have and want to have is just gonna stay with you forever.You have to make that happen. And then only you will realize how beautiful you are, you will be always.

I would regret if I don't write it, though many know this.
Somehow, my blog says to me, what I am.
I love that fact.

ఏకాంతం

ఏకాంతం వింతగా 

వద్దు అనేంతగా 

సాయంకాలం నా వైపు రెండోసారి చూసిన తర్వాత

నవ్వుకున్న నేను చాలాకాలం తర్వాత  

సర్దుకుంటూ నా పై వాలిన జుట్టును 

మర్చిపోయా ఓ క్షణం నా ఒట్టును

ఈడుస్తూ నడిచా కొంత దూరం 

మోస్తూ కొంత భారం 

ఉంటుందేమో రాత

అనే గీత 

నాలోని చిలిపితనం 

మరిచెంత పిచ్చితనం 

రాలేని గెలుపు

ని తలపు

People want you to do useful stuff all the time.
Thats why they ask you to grow up.
Do not misunderstand them for they are taking away your childishness or WHATEVER!
Ok. I read somewhere writing in bold something means you are actually yelling.
Anyways, this post purely goes for one small change I decided to make in my profile i.e 'About me'.
And yeah I don't have to yell about it, but it means a lot. A LOT ;)

Almost four years back I wrote this line,
"I think myself sweet, honest and innocent. I take things in the most happy and amused way"

I just changed the word innocent to matured. A relevant substitution to the changing times. A must needed compliment I give for my swelling thoughts.

A mind that works, always get its stake of respect and all the honor. It is wonderful to know, that people know to give respect to your acts of mind. Actually may be that is all we have to prove to get that piece of cake, I mean respect.

-

One colleague got black grapes in his box the other day and in them I got a jamoon fruit (black plum). I can remember its sceintific name (Syzgium cumini) too. Less compliments to me and more to my great biology teacher Alwyn Sir in 8th standard. And then, though I tried to convince that was a jamoon my colleagues were arguing it was a grape.

I went to the desk. Sitting there for a minute came that thought.

I saw a black plum (sounds much easy to call) seed in the bus, somewhere between seats and as soon as I reached home, asked my mom, if I can go to the house of my relatives who live a bit far from my house. It was evening and she knew why I generally go there. I didn't take any friends especially who can climb trees faster than me. Once I reached their house, politely I asked if they have some of those fruits (generally they pluck everyday). I know what to do next, I said I will try to find one if they are finished at home. They said fine, as one of their daughter was mom's classmate. I went on climbing tree, and when found one, ate it there itself, they were not ripe, still I ate. I can get down normally from the tree but I jump from so much height. 

I remember their house only for those fruits.

My parents have been famous for their acts of kindness and courage.

To my wonder both were. One was more sensible. The other has been a kid at heart till the death. Never wanted to know the bad in the world. 

My sister and me know very well and warn each other when we are not living the way my mother asked us to. When we laugh on phone at some things happening around, that is when I knew, we cherish the values of my mother. So internally! A warmth feeling of her surrounds me with the thought.