lovely breezes...

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik

I love these words.

My opened dairy has these words..written in my college days. Below which I have written.."I donno which is faithful hand".

Years past quickly...I learnt that I do have a faithful hand...

Reasons to get married are simple in this world. I was looking for complex... I guess.

At 23 feeling breezes alone is not painful.....as I know its gonna end.

.................................................

A New Experience awaiting..

I am leaving my sweet hostel and moving to an Isolated IBAB new campus, gonna miss my roommates, reliance fresh, Bus stop where I have regular faces with confused smile, lengthy traffic jams which a hundreds times made me feel "get down and run from the bus, or else you will never reach office"..and when the driver is not having the spirit of competing with the traffic..I call him Lazy Bug..and often thinks, before getting down the busy, I should tell him," this is the worst driving I have ever seen"..I lose my temper in this buses..but I never express it..I convince with the fact that many feels the same..But now in the new place, I am gonna stay few feet away from office..I will walk..I will reach in minutes...Now I will miss the Buses, my time pass in buses...watching so many dresses, straight noses, hair styles, hand bags, listening funny gossip, peeping into books people read (just curious what is making them read while standing in the sweating crowd of bus)...my happiness when I see someone I know in the bus....

My evening walk with roommates to a chai shop..before reaching to hold
a cup of tea, we catch a plate panipuri..and then turn to tea..and there
we start our gossip..for hours n hours.." please can I call you later,
we are speaking actually"..our usual response to avoid people from
disturbing us...I can imagine a lil of my life after marriage..with
my neighbours.

Bangalore is very soothing experience for me..yesterday just before it
was going to rain..I took a walk on the roads.. two streets away from
my hostel..I feel the weather as it is, as it want me to. I was looking
at the houses and thinking ..why don't people come out at this time
and enjoy what nature is giving to us..

I changed many places in this four years at Bangalore, each one was a
very different experience..but I never missed this much while leaving
any place...I think it is about people what makes us like something...

Realize- nonsense

I realize,

I am not talented but I am enthusiastic.

Being a village gal, I enjoy giving a walk on the civilized roads.

My mom a coffee addict. I follow.

A touch will bring back ___ years past to present..a year is not a big deal!

I like the part of analyzing the difference..in life it sucks, in job ..my work made simple..

Core of me..has strong belief on Indian marriage system..I was crazy about western culture ..until I realize this..

Regular gossip has established ..as part of a women life.

We can watch romantic movies in bulk suddenly..know how?? One of my roomie is newly in love- we benefit seeing romantic movie very often, of his choice.

I never know I love my Nose so much until I got a kitten bite on it.:))

Job-Chappal Story

We see somethings real..A young girl walked out of a huge building without chappal.She went there to attend an interview. She used to work for a small firm and all her aims and goals bought her into that huge building. She walked out without chappal after interview and when the gate keeper asked her, what happened to your chappal..she said with lots of excitement, " I got Job, My chappal broke after it..it doesn't matter much for me, I am in happiness of Job, I will walk home like this" ..She travelled two hours in bus and came to my room, in fact she is my roommate. She was a graduate who dreams of solving all the problems of relatives not only parents. I was inspired by her Job-chappal story.

I am no more called Village granny

Village girls..u should know something about them..those innocent buds. Even I was one at one point of time.. I am glad if people considers me still so..anyways now when I meet any girl, any middle aged woman, any old woman..I find them with tender hearts. U don see those harsh things that easily ..we guys manage in cities..They do the best in their life. For me it pains that I am no more going to belong to that Village girl or woman or granny...I am not gonna be those lucky mother who gives 5 paise to her daughter, for allowing her to kill a head louse on her head.. I charged a lot for my mom for doing this..almost used to end up taking 5 rupees once she cleans my head...It would be a surprise for me to be kicked out of this life and thrown in that tiny spot of my village in map..I am struck here in between "don stop anywhere" and "stop it's nowhere"..A two day visit to my home only makes me realize what I miss in my life.. I doubt if I think living is some thing to say like..."I used to live once upon a time"...

Not yet Anchored ME..

Did you ever write something when you are angry, irritated ? The words come out sharply as the way you are, much true and unstoppable..I am in one such condition while writing this..things won't work all the time of one's wish..... in spite of being known this..a graph is plotted showing peak levels of irritation in mind..my energy to be neutral at this moment is hibernating in some cells..At least for tomorrow I hope them to bring my normal behavior back.. I want to see my Happy tom morrow..
In case someone is wondering where is all this going - it is not really going anywhere. It will not get anywhere anytime, which is pretty much how one's life is at the moment.
A cup of coffee will make much difference to come out of that circled trap..and start at that string where it is closed..at least at the end to restart..
And in fact there is no END.

Fire Alarm!

Just few minutes back there was a fire alarm in the office. It is a huge building and I always guess all the people will be outside once they hear the alarm, and I immediately keep my purse in pocket, mobile in another pocket and try to remember if there is something valuable in my bag...and I know I love my bag, but it looks awkward to carry it and move out of office before the fire alarm got confirmed. After all, the bag was the only thing I took from my first salary..it was painful to leave it... Once I entered out of my cabin, outside the office I can see only two people standing, two scientists. I realized one thing, few months back there were fire alarms like this twice and even that moment I saw the same two people whom I saw today. We three come out of office once we listen the alarm. Everyone had different reasons, we all silently exchanged smiles...and when they announced nothing to worry...we were back to our desks....
Alarm-Alert-is not for three of us!

Those two things always Inspires me

My Scientist with whom I work says me those interesting inventions.... the story of a frog, how it heals its wounds instead of being in dirty pond, years back those tedious hours spent by Scientists counting amino acid sequences, knocks the door of my mind and says.."You enjoy research, you should think of becoming Scientist"...........
The single sentence before starting of any character in any book..."I dedicate it to......" , raises my passion to write deeply, in highly detailed form,touching with words......not as a hobby ..but as a profession of writing always....and dedicate it to someone I love so much. These feelings will say me "You are here to write".........
I love to think about both of them. They make me happy, they make me work , they make me laugh.

Can I make a Story on this day

I like a story.
When we have a great memory, gathering all those past can make marvelous stories.
A girl I know has such memory I guess.....she was telling this story of her...which is my favorite of all..
A silent village ..early in the morning! Suddenly there was noise of people running to get water which comes only once in a day....Then she opened her eyes..that small little girl who is sleeping inside blanket..suddenly remembered something....she came out of her lazy sleep..and started running to her neighbours house....No wonder! She ran for that boy. That boy came from town to his grandpa house for holidays...and she wants to play with him. She finds him chubby with that round cheeks and clever (as he said previous day that he saw skeleton in his school and she hasn't seen it in her school)...He was a city boy, she was village girl..she was fascinated with his school stories.
And now she came to his house with her friends to play with him under that tree. That was a Badam tree...which she always thought, it should be in front of her house, instead of her neighbours house. All children were in front of their house in search of badam fruits..along with her..that made her think to have a tree like that....
She played under that tree.."Mom, Dad, and children" game. She was acting as mom, the boy from town as dad and all remaining friends as their children. She says she remembers this game, as if she played yesterday..she loves it..especially that day with that special boy...some unknown feeling remained with her after that....
He left once the holidays are over...from then when she remembered him.....she ran to his grandpa and asked "when he will come again"...he never came again to that place in her childhood..but she never forgot him..when someone speaks about him or his family she remembers him...She likes someone first time in her life so much.
She wonders always if the boy knows how strongly that day stood in her mind...and how he became hero for her at a very small age.
It means a lot to her.

March! Special month for any Woman..

March 8th "International Day of Woman" , a day of Woman! Last day many TV channels were focusing on Women rights, issues on sex workers, many movies of olden times ..on problems faced by woman...my mobile full of ''Happy Women's Day" messages..what not..
On 9th of March it appears to be the day of the man!! No one speaks of all those yesterday. I am just an Instant Feminist. Not fighting for rights here. But it sounds something odd..

And Holi makes this month more colorful.... my hostel owner already requested all gals , not to give him trouble of whitewashing....and at office we have a surprise holiday for tommorrow....

For me it is the most special month. Well, it is my birthday, there are also some other birthdays too...Its amazing to think about this month..I love March!

FABULOUS find!!

I find old letters so enchanting. They hold these pieces of time and allow us to glimpse into someone else's life. .....
If it is whitewashing of my house....its a celebration time for me. I am behind my mom asking if she found something of my previous years. Once she shown me bunch of letters wrote by my aunt, my relatives, and one was written by me, when I was in second standard. My uncle helped me writing it. Mom preserved it for me. I was on cloud nine, and wondered how I wrote it..I still wonder! I preserved letters from that day of all my dear ones..One day I wanna give them and make them feel how I felt...

I am hoping that one day someone will treasure the little bits that we leave behind...

SHYYY......me

He he...kissing sister infront of everyone was something new for me at the age of 12. It was my birthday, photographer is ready wid camera, all my friends around me, i happily cut the cake, then my mom was there wid tough task...she asked my sister to kiss on my cheek and asked the photographer to click. We almost took three chances to do it...i was blushing with shy, my sister was so stubborn n saying..'I won't kiss her'' if she behaves like this. I know only to fight wid her, it was funny ..she kissing me at that time...Finally it was over. In childhood I never used to like that photo....my shy face exactly!!

It is so loving photo today and mom ...u rock for doing this!

Summer Happinessss!!!!!!!!

We hardly had 6 hours fan moving at my village, whatever season it is..After half day school in summer, mom catches me n my sis at bus stop n puts us inside the home..she almost locks the door..to avoid sunstroke. It was something very hurting, I feel I am wasting whole afternoon without playing, without hiring a cycle n going around village for roadside fruits, or a canal to bath, or in some corner streets...where many children gather and play hide n seek..I beg my mom to send me..I acts as if I slept beside her n tried to escape quietly..failed always..finally she sends me at evening..n I play. I love summer at school n home too..even now when I think of ''half day school'', my heart is bouncing wid happiness..

EVERY little.......

Every little thing I know, every little thing I learn, all those every little things are precious!! I cherish them for happening in my life. Every other minute is different. That is how we create memories...

Friendship today...

After I completed my bachelors, I happened to give an entrance test for pursuing Masters. My brother took me to the examination centre. He found me talking to some of my classmates after exam. While going back to home he told me ''You will get more friends from now,who are going to stay forever with u in happiness n sorrow, and going to be your true friends". For the first time I realised, friendship is something beautiful, when he said so nicely.
My question on true friendship started then, and many times when I come close to any friend, I ask myself, ''does it mean true friendship''. Answers were nowhere...
Without questioning myself I know about it today.. can feel the pleasant and true friendship from many friends.
I feel for their happiness n pain...as they do!

Silent background song follows...

It was a sunny afternoon,I was a child, my mom sent me to my uncle's home near my village. They were a big family and played a set of songs frequently in their house. Those songs when I hear at anytime after that meet....a slow motion of that sunny afternoon and their family appears in my mind. My sister was practicing a song for some competition and I can clearly remember that day when I hear the song. I noticed a kind of songs that are in movies in particular season reflects the people behaviour those times. And we tend to remember the person or a family when listening to some songs. I have so many songs for so many persons in my life.....I dedicate those songs following me to specific persons...

This day comes in everyone's life

''This day comes in everyone's life''..and accept it! This was a sentence said by my friend who was riding me to bus station after I got call from home, to come immediately. That one sentence made me realise that my father is no more. Thanks to my friend. It was a difficult situation and a strong statement of this kind..helps.
In this six months after his death, I dreamt of him every night. He is with me always...

Don't tell me..'Don't do this'!

It is a teenage attitude. I do have still...someone may take my freedom and run away..
But a situation comes when we listen to someone we trust. A small realisation! And she grows.
We tend to be wid whom we can live ourself. And give a name of Love. And when they say 'Don't do this'....

Thursday Tattooo fever

One Thursday evening was a Tattoo day for me.....I am crazy about tattoos...In a mall ...in front of hundreds of people ..I imagine myself going n asking for a tattoo on my hand ...n once he is done...em ready for a pose to camera...Ofcourse!! I do have a company for the photo..two hands wid tattoos...I am dreaming about it since two weeks...very excited , I planned to buy a red T-shirt, so that i will make red tattoo..
On valentines day I saw boyz n galz wid tattoos...i was roaming alone in the mall...n happened to stand at the tattoo shop for more than half an hour, watching many things..All the people who were interested in putting tattoos must be there wid some other purposes...but on the Thursday I am going to mall only to make tattoo...I wish today be that Thursday...A day of my wish!!

A day...wid lazy thoughts

Last nite power wasn't there...I was wondering when my friend said that, she was on roof putting her dupatta on the floor and lying looking at sky.......that, why i never got this thought..it must be soo romantic to see like this...once i used to love to think all this. Now I changed ...they wont matter much for me. And today at office , morning to evening i think about my laziness.. thinking about laziness is the most lazy business...i always think about office nd people. I look at the way they dress, as all girls do, I look at the chappal girls wear, I am surprised... how all good chappals are already worn and when i go to shop i won't get any...i console myself saying 'i donno to choose proper chappal'....