Traveler's wife

Kuala Lumpur is a beautiful place

I have many favorite places around now

Many nice friends to spend time with

Last Saturday we had a 'Telugu families' get together at my house

We cooked lot of native dishes of South India

Played poker after dinner and late night went to catch chai at 'Pelita' and returned home late.

Some of our friends stayed back, and one man in the house is still active enough to play some village game of our childhood. None other than my husband. While I wrapped it there, I saw all those child like faces among friends and my partner going dull.

Next morning, we started the same game after breakfast, followed by mid day tennis, lunch and quickly rushing to catch 'Aagadu' movie. Again at movie we were 11 of them sitting in one straight row..was so much fun.

And then, last night while I was going to sleep, I thought I should write a book by interviewing the wives of all the travelling consultants, their ways to cope up husband's frequent travelling and all innovative ways making themselves busy for the week long...You think it is a nice idea? You think someone will be ready for such interview..?  May be I should give it a thought... 

Hidden in cold

I donno to write
Some feelings
Go unexpressed
I dont force myself to capture
Asking my brain less
Giving it comfort staying with me

Oye
Oye
What do I do now?
Who will teach me to express
To write
What comes like some word called abstract
I only know they name it for less understood objects

Am I so close
In reading my heart
Will this cold blow my head tonight
I suddenly see some empty thing in that blue ocean life
What is that?

(Wrote this some years back..looks like I forgot to post, it is hidden in drafts)

Don't forget to have fun!

I have been watching Lakhsmi Manchu talk shows for a while.

I dunno how people feels about her, but I find her a person who lives the way she just want it.

In my Xiaomi phone, the life is half spent these days

Since the arrival of mobile phones in life, all the time has gone with it.

Initially, they were used to not miss people who are far, slowly, they are so smart that they themselves help to forget the missing feeling, I basically feel they leave in a confused state of not knowing they are missing or not

Coming back to the day to day life, which is just going super fast, I get chance to see all new kinds of people, some are very interesting, full of energy in life. Some have energies just to the same level of what I had in college. I feel, sometimes, may be nothing happened in their lives in between, that could change their lives. I feel happy for them. 

My father would be 52 mostly by this year and mother 48

Increase in my age, is making my understanding of them more and as they age without being in my mind, I crave to take care of them

I somehow want the whole world to take care of their parents, so well, so well that, in case you are not very forgetful in life, you will still feel happy to think of them, when they are not there

Hmm.Sigh

Today we have usual Thursday market near our condominium. For me more than buying anything, it is fun to see many known faces each week at one place. Even, the shopkeepers remember all the faces. Near a small water fountain, a small western boy with his father plays guitar and I think it is similar to European cities. It was new addition to the market, along with a lady selling unique goods, like small storage boxes with popular american brands printed on them, some of her handmade ear ring collection and actually many more. If she allows me I should take a picture of them today.

A very busy fun weekend ahead. However, coming Tuesday being public holiday, it sounds more exciting.

My Little Brother

Yet another long weekend is here..
Next three days are appearing to me like, I am gonna be on a holiday all the time
Today is Vinayaka Chaviti, I miss my village and my home
Festivals are beautiful ways for family get together and I miss all my cousins all the more
I just cant wait to meet them soon again
I remember my little brother Vamsi, who just grown in our hands, has been heading sports competition in village and was collecting funds for buying the Ganesh Idol. I was so proud of him, just to think how big he has grown already, I might be shocked in next few years if he has to start a family
I am sure all of them will do very well, just with a little bit of street smartness

This morning was a bit unusual for me, as I forgot to carry money, after a lot of posing to my husband about how much I saved this month. I tried to ring couple of office colleagues but none of them were answering the call. The cab driver didn't sound very friendly too, so I again retried to call to a colleague. Ah..she took the call and managed to sort that out and first thing I came up and did was, just to go to more colleague's desks and note down their mobile numbers.

Here in this Malaysian office of mine, there are only 3 Indians, one from Chennai, me and the other from norther part. I am the only one who come to office in Indian attire most of the times and people around really love what I wear. I like the little compliments I get when I go to pantry or wash room. Its been a while, and I am extremely impressed with their friendly behavior.

Planning about weekend, the long one..not sure where we are going..but the best part of it all is.. can wake any time we want...yayayy

Moon Cakes

There are moon cakes everywhere in the mall at office
It is called Mid autumn festival and the whole place is decorated with the pink flowers and green leaves inside huge cages
Marriage has bought in life, the perfect days which are so complete, that I can't ask for anything more in this life.
I season change is visible and it rains everyday in the afternoon, with thunders and lightening
The sky looks like a pregnant woman, once it rains out its heart out..it is again peaceful giving the gentle, cool breezes and we sit there at our huge open window with the cute turtle beside and gaze at the far mountains
I lately realized spending time in kitchen is not completely waste and it is engaging enough and there are few times, when I felt, may be kitchen was the reason to keep women quiet, calm and focused. Also, I feel it is the alone time and time to relax and revisit yourself. I know, I am doing too much yoga these days and I can appreciate life completely in a different angle.
I am looking forward for the trip to Indonesia soon and on a busy working day, I explore few minutes about the places around and then close the windows and take the inspiration of little smile I get then..

Sun Born Love

The thing that I most enjoy on my way to office and back home by cab is the Sun
In the morning, the sunlight is just out and it falls on my face while I sit back in the cab
It feels so nice, that I wish everyday, if my office has a window where sunlight enters inside
And in the lunch time, I see outside wishfully, if I can go out and walk in sunlight
By the time it is evening, I get in to cab and wait for the sun to show some mercy on me
On Rainy days I weep sadly inside for the absence of sun beams
When it doesn't rain, the sun light just pours in to me through cab window, inside I adjust myself as much as I can expose to it, feel it, the evening mild warm rays, while I close my eyes, it feels great!
At that minute, I realized there is some thing called unconditional love in this world
I come back to my desk and sometimes try to research what it really means
I read this few lines..

"When you say “love,” it need not necessarily be convenient; most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. If you have to be in love, you should not be. The English expression “falling in love” is very significant. You don’t climb in love, you don’t walk in love, you don’t stand in love, you fall in love. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen. If your personality is kept strong in the process, it is just a convenient situation, that’s all. We need to recognize what is a transaction and what is truly a love affair." 

Everyone needs a letter

I wonder on how I manage myself to live with my mismanaged brain
I feel it like a bush
I wonder what happens inside
Surely some times it is a mess
But at times it can surpass all the nonsense and caress me
When it starts to express
It reminds me I am over expecting for the Brain I have
Then, I laugh
Wasn't you who knew to write pages and pages beautifully
How can I forget the 28 yrs of pleasant memories that you created
I fear sometimes of my life
Do you fear to?
I think you never are afraid
Its just me who always try to melt you my way
Stay strong as you are
You are the best
and my sweetest

A letter to my Brain!

Candy

I realize these days that memories are hard and I figured out to make as less as possible. I do not want to leave any of memories for people around me. It sounds so funny to me even and I learnt that it is not possible at all, as memories are tied with normal behavior too.

I feel my college life has just finished sometimes, as the memories are fresh in mind. The first day I joined masters in Bangalore, the way I felt about the city is so fresh in mind. The rainy days from the bunker bed were all so gloomy and made me miss my home. I then walk to the nearest telephone booth and call home with tears in eyes, though never told them I was crying. The solitary time I spent just walking nearby shop to buy egg puff and coming back home thinking of when I should go back again home. The feeling of missing people was so strong in my life. I realize that is why it took me ages to forget people. That is when I decided at a later part, may be I should call it second phase of life, with out any doubt, not to miss people. Just live in that moment.

But then, If I regret one thing most in life is, going to Bangalore to study. Though the college feeling was nice, I generally try to avoid those thoughts, mostly trying to forget them.

On last Friday, we friends at office went to the candy making shop and a man came to us and gave the sample candies. I was wondered that inside each candy there are the names written, like Brazil, Spain, girl etc. After eating half candy, when you check it, it still has the name in it. I dunno how they make it. And yeah main thing is I got the candy named "dad". I was so happy for a minute. The logical mind shut for a minute and I thought there is some meaning for me to get the 'dad' candy. I wonder in what little things I am trying to find happiness about them. It's ok I guess.

Bored..a new way to think

I sound so opportunistic when I write the title. I rather think it was just outburst of my thoughts. While I researched a bit and mixed it with my thoughts it turned out, boredom is good for a person. It will create a desire to do something. The more long a person is bored the more long are his thoughts in process. Don't just ask them to do something what u want them to do or just suggest a short cut to engage them, rather try to create interest in them. I always disagree when some asks me, are u bored. I don't consider I am bored. I think I got some free time and just think quiet. But here is the catch. If u just sit for long time idle, without social interactions, there are high chances u get something called loneliness. It has nothing to do with boredom.

Boredom creates desire to do something while loneliness requires some attention from people or may be it just needs someone around. While people mix up both these things and live in disappointment, I suggest to enjoy boredom. It opens new hopes and interests.  Don't just check your phones when the thought of boredom comes. As children my parents never engaged us all the time, while recently I see many parents very disappointed when thy cannot engage there kids. It's ok for them to be bored.

life is better today

I met the other day four of my bachelor college mates. After roughly 10 years...we were all bench mates. Another one was missing from the first bench.  Most of them were married. They were happy seeing each other. I suddenly caught their expressions while talking through something. ..like "is this bindu...is this siri..the same one from college". We sat in the first bench, for three continous years and heard, read and wrote hundreds of exams. They still see as the first ranker. When they realised I m just as normal as anyone, they had a bit of surprise on their nostalgic faces, they laughed at all the jokes I made, just like the old days. I remembered how dominating I was, and tried to understand why such feeling left a bit of guilt in me at that minute, seeing them un changed. I always feel I should have been better with people. I consoled myself that it is rather than guilt, I changed as a better person now and am able to reconsider those days when I was tough.  I remember exchanging my notebooks with them so often and the girl who's marriage I attended always shouted at me for tearing the pages in the books. I always smiled but never said why I tear the pages.  Back then my life was different. I suddenly think if all those things happened in a different life. I recalled the lines of Rusking bond. ..I might have stopped loving you, but I will never stop loving the days of loving you. I know how much these lines are meant for each and every soul. Ruskin bond again is someone like Rabindranath Tagore for me. Someone so close to nature and villages and little creatures.  I feel they have thoughts similar to me, and always felt if I could express so easily like them. They have never failed to inspire me at any point. I do not want to forget the author of Green well years. Books ought to be like that. All these people will not let me read a page in a stretch.  I always keep the open book on my chest and go into thoughts after each paragraph. I come back only to go back again. Sugar street book though is a sad one, the lines are power. Literature is a beautiful thing. The more I appreciate it, the more fearful it makes me, for that I know less of it to use while writing. I fear to remain with thoughts while my feelings doesnt know to hide in those complex words. One or two words reside in themselves more than a long page.

I see my sister running into sleep, to start her day early tomorrow. Relations are tender and always needed to be taken care of in a gentler way. That is one lesson I learnt after parents. In a week I would be in a different country and miss seeing her beside me.

Today while I was coming back from a friends place I stopped at mangoes shop and actively asked for all variety of mangoes. I sounded so funny and was laughing inside thinking of my new born or long back dead interests on seeing varieties of fruits. I took fruits for the whole week and was happy thinking of eating those mangoes everyday. I also thought how nice it would be if I gift a basket of these on my sister's friend wedding.  He seemed to be important somehow, he drove for us immediately after we heard about mother's death. But then the idea of sending mangoes did sounded funny, however I meant to say I found that minute what could be better than mangoes in this world.

I seem to be writing more today, in this midnight, I feel like writing about the village and my small brothers slowly growing older and going to college soon. One of them is in town now and I planned to show him the city tomorrow. I had to chose something inspiring for him. His name is vamsi and he still looks like the small boy whom I carried in my arms all his childhood.

While I miss my home and husband back in malaysia, I am trying to enjoy last few days of stay in hyderabad. When I think of next Monday I am totally looking forward to meet the person whom I can just have stable life with. Life has been better for me.

Jasmine nights

While I was working at IISc, my favorite thing to do is cycling and having tea at I forgot the name right now. Scientists inspired me so less in no time and I always was seen as sometime not bound to that place, but people did trust me that I am born for something else. Never mind what people think,  I actually remembered after office time. Once I reach close to my hostel, I felt everyday to eat a bread omlet and tea. With less money those days, that was the cheapest and my favorite thing before starting my part time job. Sometimes when the work is more in both the jobs, I used to cheer up myself with small chicken tikka biryani from a nearby and another favorite place of mine.  It was 40 rupees and I always craved for a larger one. Even now I remember the sense for happiness those little things have given me.

A few days back at my in laws place, in the middle of an afternoon it started raining. ..I think we cal them hay stones, they were the size of walnut and were falling sharply from the sky.  For a while all the people around me were happy, kids jumping,  I was also happy, though my mind wandered around my village and rainy days, it was happy. I suddenly felt, there is so much happiness in so much sadness among people. Life less known is more peaceful.

I dreamt last morning that, my sister saved me, while I was drowning in an ocean. I was being very nice to her in the morning.

I am recently stuck in 29 level of candy crush, I read cheat sheets, trick and tips, nothing is helping..I almost played 200 times same level. The game surprisingly gives me breaks..saying u r not allowed to play for next 20 mins.. but then it is addicting.

Flowers
Fragile flowers of my garden
While they named you jasmine
I saw you smiling at me, like you are mine
I walked with my phone in front of you
Where you playing with me sending some bubbles of your smell
They reached me, dont you worry I didnt notice you
After dinner, I came to you
In the dark night, in the moonlight,  between those green leaves, you were hiding with all those new born magical smell of yours
I pluck one of them and took it with me to my bed
You are not just a flower in front of my house
You are a memory of my teenage
You remind me of those days in a glimpse
Happiness slowly reached for a while
Jasmine, you are part of my fond memories

though for a while

Hey there
My fondest spirit raiser
Its been a while now
The summer sun is just over my head here
There are no clouds to burst and make some fresh mud air
I went to my village just few days back
Sorrow still tickles my brain on and off with the thought of parents
While I sit in an auto rickshaw, I hear the voices of people talking about my mother and her kindness
There is the string that holds me to that place
I see, I think, what I can and cannot do
While the wedding has demolished all the randomness in life
I relish the simple, not so surprising decisions of mine, like they slowly tell what I am
Like something is cleansing in the mind
I suddenly remember the days of the lengthy letters...more long more better
I want to tell about your quiet absence
Hoping to come back to you soon
Before the nights get longer and day gets shorter
Today I will sanction you a flying carpet today
Please drop by and lets go and have a cup of coffee
And talk about all the little deeds of our live

its the big day..stars and moon

A week more..and this day will be filled with tensed moments. I do not know if we can handle it just like that. Hope it goes smoothly. When I sit here at my cousin's house, I suddenly realize I am going to have my own house in next two weeks. Someone appreciates it only when they lose everything. A house is not a house until it has a family and love in it. All of a sudden lot of excitement comes and all of sudden a lot of tension moments.I am still trying to come out of all the paranoid things the Delhi life has built in me. A friend two days back said, I am stereotype. I came back home and read its definition in detail. He was right. I was thinking all the auto guys in the world are unsafe, just because I don't trust them in Gurgaon.
Again trust! I only think of ways to define it. Did I take too long to understand it? I dunno, its hard. Again I remember reading the title of a book "Only paranoid's survive", may be in success and not in health.
Never mind, I am hoping to be calm and start trusting people around, drivers on roads and think that good things too happen.
It soon is there
With the rings and garlands
The day o bright stars
While I promise to someone
To hold the cheek forever
o bright bright stars
let the life go slowly
let the moments sink in my small mind
like there is no day
that I could better think of
Its my wedding, may be moon is also happy
Will you come down too..

Wedding

I spoke to many many people today..inviting for wedding is very different. Same dialogue to be repeated more than 100 times...I speak to my fiance for hours and still we have billion more things to talk..its beautiful...the way the world tries to bring tow people together...I am wondering thinking of lot of things. The feeling of longing has now a bit smoothed and has turned to a sweet waiting. Looks like I have fallen like everyone else for this...it don't loo like just wedding anymore...the wedding is beautiful! As feb 9th approaches like its the day that will make it remember for all my life, I wait to hold the special hand forever.

A new chapter

Its only about wedding these days.
Every talk, every call, every minute something about it.
It is so much fun.
Though I am not counting days, but funnily I can feel how close it is, just by seeing my face in mirror...there is that excitement.
Unusually I recently thought for few days if I closed all the past life without hurting anyone. I guess yes I did, I don't carry any guilt now. Even it pains less to think of parent's death. Though like it is real, they come everyday in my night's dream land, and live their life as they wish. I stopped looking meaning's for them. Sometimes nervous, sometimes in pain, but always trying to protect and take care of us. I think of them and of their wedding days. May be they were also like me, excited about every little thing.

I keep saying to myself, too much anything is not good in life. Even love. I learned to keep it in control and manage it over the time. Marriage hopefully should help me keep everything in track. You can't plan much, looks like there are too may things, better go with flow.

Standing by a shadowed tree
Pip asked Allie "Keep coming again"
Allie with her usual innocent smile, never replying, only to think "Why again?"
The long seen road ended in a while, and the new turn never shown the old roads
There she saw in front, not the road, but.....the ocean!

At Ramakrisna degree college, Bsc 1st year

Is a dream of a person a tibetian singing bowl? I have been listening to tibetian bowl for a while and last night fallen asleep listening to it. Looks like man started hunting to the olden methods of reliviing tensions. These bowls, Ayurvedic therapies, I feel like I will open my third eye with wisdom of peace. I do have strong beliefs on ancient therapies of healing, not the physical diseases that humsn face, but the balance that mind sometimes misses. May be some wave kind of thing will normaluse this fragile human breath. A teenderly balance. I feel like escaping somewhere while I need that kind of balance. But then, I feel just an exchange of oxygen and carbondioxide. I see my hands and think about their delicate ways and how they are managing with me in this life.
I watched jayam movie sometime back. Back then in 2003 I went to college to start my studies in an exactly college kind of place. Many girls and boys were from surrounding villages, wearing loosest shirts and pants, and white chappal with dusty feat, and girls with long hair, pleated in the sincere ways. Thursday all the girls wear yellow color dresses and jasmine flowers on their long hairs, walking with bent head. I like the fact that I enjoyed very much in that place. Very focussed on studies. Sincere to friends, love and studies. The movie actually reminded me of what boys do to impress girls. I find that movie quite shocking now. Nothing I heard of such love in many years. Coming to the point, in my class there was a boy who was exactly like jayam hero, and I remember watching him silently, while he never knew this. Actually me along with my close friend we both watched him in every class and discuss in which shirt he exactly looks more cute..he only wore two shirts in 6 months. After 6 months, we never saw him again. Donno what happened and we forgot him slowly. I never spoke to guys much in college, not even turn back and see who sits at which place. The only diagonal guy vanished and I in that small mind made some space for another story like this, which he will never knew. Believing life is still cute. - Bindu

Going to be 2pm and I am waiting for second time DD at citibank. Luckily, I have a bank close to visa office. I went in and out of visa office 4 times since morning, I have been thinking if this guys will think I am crazy. No wonder I am having a crazy day, full of traffic jams, visa office all of a sudden say to pay by DD only, I have not eaten anything in the morning, went and had good lunch, while I return to visa office to know I have not typed some pvt ltd on the draft and they asked me to get last. Not exactly but I had this face on me. And I am sitting here writing this nonsense while my DD is getting ready. I have to hit on the same traffic road and reach office and work on elephant size work. No reply from my manager even after my long sad message. Nevermind, my last 5 days at office. Will through this DD on those poor faces and catch an empty train back home. In between, I also carried by mistake some passport xexox copies of others along with mine, and went once again in that old lift at international trade tower delhi.

December 2013

I am writing first time from my new mobile, which I finally managed to buy a few days back. 14 more days to go back to Hyderabad, and almost bidding farewell everyday to friends here in Gurgaon. I am little too much, otherwise who feel bad like this, for the loss of all this friends, by me going from this place. Just hoping that they find some way to see craziness in life. I will sign off soon from here and gonna live jobless for a while. I called gati couriers this morning to ask. About luggage courier, and now I feel like shopping more. I open calender a lot. Again I think to myself, what is that I am so excited about going there. We are going Chandni chowk this Saturday, to eat food at karim's. It is a famous place I guess for non-vegeterian.
The Sun has climbed above my room window. I cannot see it now, but can feel its heat. It is an awesome feeling. Evenings are cold, very cold. I always miss Sun. But feeling seasons is a beauty of life. Happiness and sadness is also felt with changing seasons. I think of my Christmas in Bangalore. Wearing christmas cap, walking on mg road with some close friends. The whole road filled with colorful lights. People in cheerful moods, and I with craving for cake and some good food, hopping into some costly restaurant with no ir less money and coming back seeing the menu and prices, then I remember, we all say this line seeing the restaurant face..."we will come some day" and walk again with pride and fun. Life is so free. Do not complicate. Keep all the things simple. Don't give or take tension. Afterall, its one life for all of us.

Trees till the blue twig makes its dream

9.30 A.M and I busily opened my laptop to play "tonight's gonna be goodnight"
that to night's gonna be a good good night..

Ok let me tell, I woke up this morning, feeling sad for person...almost felt like uff shit what did I do in my life...
Then I gotta feeling
Damn, I have dreams in life..
Real dreams, which I want to fulfill, want to fulfill, so strongly, that I had chosen people accordingly..I had dreams!
There I wake up realizing that not only I have done good thing in past to focus on something I really want, but also this dead brain, all of sudden got how much it's dream meant to me.

Drowning in the trap of myself
Feeling like feeling the heaven's feet
Ashamed of living
For that I laugh
Like there is piano or guitar in head, and god knows who is playing it
Mind in itself plays all nonsense pressing every crap button
Like a bombarding wave it freakishly evolves and there I keep that sheepish face
And face this god damn world, whose beauty is lying on the other side of the world, just like the other side of my brain
Either it turns or I keep my head the other side and walk
To seek, well not, to believe I am seeing the beauty side
That tiny little blue flower twig crawling over head and waist of all the trees and creepy making its space it the world...
Like a twig, which bends and curls when there is an obstruction for its growth, how far I reached crossing all those bends and curls..
Zipping the head, zipping the pants, zipping the writing fingers
I crawl another bark

"నా కలవైన నీ హృదయం" - 3

"నీ ప్రేమ కాదనే ధైర్యం 

నాకు లేదని 

నా మనసుకు చేత కాదని 

విసిగిపోయిన మెదడును పదను చేసుకోలేక 

నీ అవేదన నాకు పట్టదా ? అది నాకు అంతుపట్టని మరో వేదన 

మనసు కాదు నలిగింది ఈ ప్రపంచo 

ఈ బాధను దిగమింగే శక్తి నాకు ఈ ఎర్రటి వేదన నాడు దొరికేనా 

సంతోషాన్ని పంచె శక్తి  లేని నాకు 

సంతోషాన్ని పంచె వ్యక్తీ అవసరమా 

తెలివేలిలేనితనం అన్నిటికంటే భాధకరమయిన జీవితం 

నీ తప్పు కాదు అది నా మూర్కత్వం 

స్వార్ధం నా నరనరాన వూరి 

నీ మనసు గోడలను హేళన చేసాయి కాదు"

రాసి పుస్తకం మూసివేసి కళ్ళుతుడుచుకుంది ఆ వర్ణ సిరి 

మనసు గట్టి చేసుకొని ఆగని ఈ ప్రపంచపు నదిలో మరోసారి దూకింది ఈదుటకు 

వెలకట్టలేని ప్రేమను వెనకాలకు తూస్తూ....