My dancee

I learned a new thing in last few days.
People are always around success.
A smart one should understand to create success in order to make people be around him
I dont really understand these fruits
Most of them have something wrong with them
May be we still didnt figure out which ones not to eat
Anyways I will not worry all of them with that
I suddenly remember my dancee
Those crazy days. I miss them all
Focusing on your job is something
Its like your exams, sometimes needs complete dedication

And trust is the costliest thing in the world
It is time bound and can't pay for it..too costly matter ah

Today in a shop I tried a perfume..and then it was in four different colors, I tried them all
My hands still smell them all, and that moment I so very felt girly and its funny
I saw some cards too. Best sister card, some anniversary cards. Surprisingly they don't write much in the anniversary cards, they write something like 'another year and life has been exciting' and all stuff.
Love cards has so many feelings in them..

May be anniversary is something like birthday. Not about feelings but about year count. How does it matter!

But this august 15th is special to me.

It rained a lot today. I saw a old snail in the movie and thought if snails get old too. If they get grey hair and mustaches.

Some people lose their hearts easily. Some people with so much difficulty, after so much effort. But some people stop from both. They get fear of love. May be after losing once or may be after never having experienced once. But that fear is the greatest enemy. I know.

Don't stop loving. Balancing life come after it. I stop loving when I don't, can't balance the life. But I always thought, some love at that time could bring back my life.

The day, a dream of yours stops
Your hug with love wakes me without sadness
Smile on your lips shows me bright day light
Love you taught is making me every minute
Hard and good times are only mine
Your dream stops and I sleep like I am the only one.
Alone, but happy, as you want
There I heal myself by loving those few around me
All mothers should never die!

చలించే మనసు

మెదడు ఒక చక్రంలా పరిగెడుతుంది
ఆపే మనసే దిగువకు వీచే గాలిలా తోస్తోంది

ఒక వాన చినుకులా
కొమ్మ అంచున  ఆకులా
సులువుగా ఉండొచ్చుగా..
అలచనతో ఉబికే ఈ చేతి నరాలు
మనిషి వోడిన నిజాన్ని సిగ్గులేక చెబుతుంటే
నాలుగు పూటల తింటూ
ప్రపంచం ఉమ్మినా మనసుకు తాకనట్టు నటించి
ధనం
మిగిల్చే వేదనతో
రెక్కలు వచ్చిన మనసును
భoధించి, ముక్కలు అయ్యేదాకా దాన్ని పరీక్షించి
తరువాత మిగిలిన ఆ మొడుకు
వాన చినుకులు, కొమ్మ రెమ్మలు
కనపడవా అంత దూరానా
ఇలా నా కనులకు కలలుగా
 

(0) - (0) my eyes ...

Eye Muscles...
A week back I never even know they can bother anyone so much
I concluded to be a paranoid to myself, but I end up every time knowing something very interesting about me.
Have been exercising eyes a lot...seeing distance object from the window...they say see 20 meters, I called my sister to ask how much is 20 meters, then they say 20 degree angle to sit, then I again ask her, I learn non-biology also..I don't understand the light glare that falls on my computer...I many times in this process felt like just going to some place...I actually thought Bangalore...and rent a nice small room for myself, with a beautiful large balcony shaded by a tree, and then lying down on the floor with just a pillow and getting lost in the cool breezes with the movement of leaves...my eyes wouldn't ask for anything more..best part of the whole thought was, my village was not part of this thought.....I thought of some other place..That’s new!
I got this new room mate…yep once again..but this time it is really a news…becoz she actually reminds me of all my real sweet roomies..and I miss them even more…idiots all of them got married..never mind..they call me to give my share…of love…and then..thankfully…she is like as cool as my led zeppelin songs…
This crazy world..it is so complex to put up with each other…people come up in each others life with so many things…many friends, many past crushes, many goddamn rules and principles, and then …everyone want all of those things to be just there as they are and now want the other one to be knowing/adjusting/compromising/understanding/or whatever…its just super complex..so either leave everything and just go at your own pace, or take everything and become a great complex psycho with all feelings taken seriously and then forcefully learnt to take lightly and then again make sure that it is not applicable for your own problems…so perfectly complex…now the easy word for it is…just give it time… time to restart..lately this is the only observation that has been going into my thoughts…otherwise, eye pain has taken all my attention, I researched like I am an ophthalmologist…while saying this ..I just looked at top up left corner of my room followed by right…eyes feel so tired ah..! I then recall my favorite line I myself created...’this body is not worth so much research…it is just gonna melt like an ice cream…soon...before that day’s morning’
I feel like my bday is coming..but it just went.. :(
Ok goodnight …sweet crunch munch dreams……. <3 p="">

I gotta fly today

US Top 40 playing one by one
Weather so good heart's just blooming
Mind so fresh to get it overdose on thoughts of love
A feel good factor just swiped in me with all my Hamam baths
Rainy season onset is a new start for every living being on this planet..
Everything wipes off in rain...sadness, pain, anger and in those droplets of water sun shines
I just wanna see your face
Cannot wait to get your arm
Its exciting, its full of season and cool breezes
After a third round of walk in the park...I checked my arms...so fragile and when I close them and open blood flown like it is also enjoying the breeze..
Like I feel like dancing
Dance like I get lucky
Yeas, seasons are just popping as if they don't have any work...just to remind me about my previous years and gone seasons...
I am feeling like I am on a swing..push me..magical love

Today I just moved out of my room to the next lane for the first time in past 15 months of my stay in gurgaon.
I kind of got used to this place, but never explored any place just surrounding me...its nice...walking when the breeze is cool..


I was watching some South African song and came to know that, Malaika means my beloved angel...I have been thinking sexy gals are named after it..now I change my mind.

I want to now upstairs and enjoy the weather. I am lazy I guess. The day appears to be so long. I am a bit lost after this Monday.

So many thoughts...my mind is tired.. I again remember, mind goes in front of heart everytime and show all its performances, dance, sing, and convince heart. I convinced my heart not to go upstains and sleep lazily in this divine room. At least it makes me feel nice about the place I live. I have been eating mangoes so many that I cough all day. And then again my mind is playing in front of heart to eat more mangoes...dunno if it gets convinced.

What you want to give to this world? A little bit of peace in each one's lives...I should try working on only that. Nothing else matters.

I feel sleepy

I call it life..!

After rubbing that small swollen, itchy, little hard flaky bumps on my always revolving head…literally hair..I got up from bed and dipped the portions of my head in oil. It says “repair damage”. I don’t have damaged hair...looks like this is the one, causing one. That was not a bump or wound in the hair…they are grown as symbol of my mysterious intelligence. Yeah myseterious…it looks like it is growing..as my salary grows timely..atleast whenever I want…but that brain has proven less of its intelligence. Now coming to my head..take the literal meaning..I remember saints in olden days…their hair after remaining untouched for ages..it becomes hard and I am sure they had bumps like this. J Now you got me. I am in the starting phase of those saints..soon I will become one. I sit in office whole day..not in that romantic fancy mood in the office..never touch my hair…and I it remains as it is whole day and night after it is brushed once in the morning before I lazily kick off to the 21 days office..yeah the remaining 9 days are so..(oh my maths!) I lie down on the flowery blanket covered bed and never brush my hair…in between..I fight with roomies at times..but never it goes to a point she pulls my hair and we get all super cat fight..sadly even she never touches my hair…the head massage I took for 3 continuous weeks, made me bored of her same routine way and not so exciting..and then I gave up on that…finally I got this small falky bumps on head..which for sure is not dandruff..but something that needs regular combing and less sleeping ..oh em gee…oh em peee ;)

Today I went to Galleria market..it is a shopping place with all the shops you found in shopping mall..but this one is unlike mall exists in linear house like structures and not a big building..it got only two floors and multiple blocks..I kind of like getting lost in to those blocks and come out of it with the memory of remembering particular shops…

Thank god me and him both are Air conditioner haters..I don’t understand how this stupid thing works..if I keep it on, it makes me feel like I should off..gets all cold..if I turn it off then the hot weather challenges my hotness :P What is the need of it to keep it in minimum.. I better use fan..so it is just like me in the office..

Again and again on the way back from office I ask myself..what is that one thing man could not find. What is that one thing that I can do without any stress and earn as much as I get with this complete pain in ass job. What is that..???  Oh let me turn on the AC..actually I now a feeling that all the travelers and people who goes to this hilly places and spend their time relaxing are the replicas of olden days saints or may be some of them have their tribal ancestral genes so strong..that it brings to forest and for god sake they have facebook now..otherwise we would never experience their vivid energies in roaming around..I think MS word still doesn’t know about facebook..it is asking to separate to ‘face book’..I donno about face..but it surely worked in making us forget about books..My sugar street book almost lay dead on my bed, desk, cupboard..on some exciting days even in my hug sling bag…I lazily love that book…for it is full of misery and a deep understanding of the Islamic religion…and struggle of a writer ..writing in spite of he knows that it might of interest to a different set of people alone.

Blaming my mood swings in last two days..I hurt few sweet souls around me…that two or three tiny ml of hormones does so much in each women’s life every month..that they either forget to realize they act so due to hormones and blame all the worst is caused by them and lose that bit confidence they gained in the rest of the days…its better all the women know about it and be aware when you are behaving so.

You don’t have to control yourself all. But try not to behave extreme…and that can be done only when you are aware of it…chee..I am talking so girly :O

While getting ready for bed..especially when no-roomie days..I get all sincere. I brush my teeth..keep the book in this location..check my nails, fill the bottle full and before hitting bed.. on the way back from one last visit to bathroom…I check the room for any cockroaches..and kill them properly...basically murder make me sleep I guess…ha ha..and then lie on bed..reach out for mobile and then hate a minute the time differences in each country and keep it aside silently and jump into miraculous sleepy gel in the brain..that takes me to dreams by passing through wires of my thoughts..though very far..connecting the years back like it was a super telephone and brings me back all of it for a while..just for a while…all the things that I never want to lose..never…they come to be bought back every day..and I call it life!

ఎంత దూరం !

మళ్ళి ఉదయించింది ఆకాశం
మరి కొంచం మెత్తగా, రాత్రి వెన్నల తోట లాలి మత్తులో నుంచి రానంటూ
కాస్తా వెలుగు నాక్కావాలని అడిగితే 
ఒక వెచ్చటి కిరణంతో నా నుదుటి తాకిన
సూర్యునికి
నే ఇస్తానివాళ ..
వెన్నెలను కాదనే అన్ని ముద్దులు

మెలకువ

చాలా రోజుల తర్వాత గీతాంజలి సినిమా చూడాలనిపించింది
మొత్తం చూసా
ఎపుడో కానీ ఇంత ఓపికగా సినిమా మొత్తం చూడను
సున్నితంగా అనిపించింది మనసు
కొంచం ఎక్కువగానే
మనషులకు బాష అనేది లేకుంటే బాగుండనిపించింది
ప్రేమ మూగగా బాగుంటుంది
మాట్లాడకున్నా, మాట్లాడినా ప్రేమ అర్థమవతుంది
మనషులు బతికివున్నా లేకున్నా కూడా అంతేనేమో..
ప్రేమ అర్థమవతుంది...
ఈ మాయ ప్రపంచంలో
ఎంత నలిగిపోతున్నామంతా
మనసుల  తపన ఎవరికి కావును
నోరు తెరిచి మాట్లాడని వాడు వోడిన వడైపోయే
కళ్ళు మూసి గట్టిగ శ్వాస తీసుకుంటే
జీవితం లో ఎక్కడ సోమరి అవుతామో అని అందరికి దిగులు
ఎవర్రూ  ఆపరు
నువ్వే ఆగు
ఆగి నిలుచొని చూడు
ఎలా తయారయిందో ఈ పిచ్చి లోకం
పడుకుంటే వచ్చేనా ఈనాడైన ఓ తియ్యని కల






 

silent obscurity

Blue skirt with pink, purple flowers and green leaves
As many colors those many thoughts
Life gives it all these only to women
I empahsise that among same age of both genders, women are more matured
Oh I stopped enjoying conversations with my female friends too if they are younger than me
This love for maturity is a tricky gene passed from generations
It comes to all of them
We all move in life in different phases
A phase where you are is not a phase the other one is
You might have gone through the same in past or may experience it in future
But not every time the phase might match
I am in confusion
Love, fun, relationship, commitment, tolerance, quietness
Just to live this one life
ha ha

Rabindranath Tagore

 I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power,---that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.

But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders.

 

Practice regular breathing
Think of yourself
Let others live at their own pace
Close eyes and sleep before office
You only will close them again after many hours
Last night it was after 20 odd hours I closed them
Thoughts are like joints
They are connected
They are endless
Sometimes things can go devasting
How you bring them in place is a matter of your health and sleepless hours
Listening ears are always taken for granted
Everywhere
Patience is tested
Everytime
Life is questionable
Every single minute
Silence

Sunady Monday

Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.”
― Ernest Hemingway

It is true!
Why I don't live at all when I am not with you?

I kept this new nail paint
But not so happy as I cant show you...am I a saint?

I tie my hair with this colorful band
and why do I miss you pampering my hair with your hand?

Street corner new shop
I went to buy new top
I saw a boy t-shirt and then you pop
Am I a kid with lollipop?

My sister went to barbeque nation
I am planning always for my April vacation
We both are what a combination!

I like it when you call me mental
You rather are sentimental, eating always continental
And dreaming parental :P

I am sleeping now
my roomie saying meuw
ok she said bow :P

B!ndu: life and love

VeerJara and Rehna Hai tere dil mei..were today's hot things to mind. Nice movies. The music of RHTDM was resonating in my ear all the day. From morning I have been thinking about the same movie. Madhavan was kind of cute, with that lil dark chin he got, though the villain scenes didn't suit him well. One thing that clicked to my mind was, in a scene once hero and heroine meets at a lonely bench in front of the beach in some outskirts of the town. Then when they had were broke up, one went and sat at that exact place alone and the other one watches from far. Isn't that so loving? Though I got so practical in my life, I suddenly found that so close to me. So loving. How I imagine such kind of pure and empathetic love. I remember my old days of confusion in choosing mad love over practicality. Anyway I don't want to talk about it. It went on for years. And then, I am happy today :)

In a pair,
one knows how to love
the other knows how to live
they know how good they are for each other

I had fearing of living when I had to choose love
I have fear of fading love when I had to choose life
But the positive side of all of this was
I had the element of love in me

It is not easy to put these things in words. I think 27 years could make you feeling less by now if you are alone, especially without parents. I feel proud I could spare some for my future generations and my beautiful life ahead. Sometimes, it is journey that is important and sometimes it is just only the destination but, I always remember to myself that I am true to myself.

Living Never Pause

Quite sometime passed that I wrote. I kind of was a bit worried about something all these days and looks like the strings of mind have loosened a little, though I really was not able to figure out why I was worried. Have seen 'kai po che' movie today. In movies I go through emotions at times so real, will feel some characters in depth of me. Yeah..this crap often happens. Movie was good..I like the kid Ali. Always quite and focused! Something makes everyone focused. What is that to me? I thought about it in the movie. Even now. I am only focused while shopping :P oh..no jokes..
Actually nothing is going to change. I am in some kind of world, a dreamy phase and thinking that some big change is going come in life. How sweet of me to think so, but nevertheless, good to realize to catch the roots tight and keep with what I have intact. And then, one or two highly motivated people are actually disturbing me these days, making me remember that great living and great motivation I had for my life. How did it pass away! Did anyone notice? I certainly did not.

On the first day of my new school in 2nd class, I remember few things. Sisters (teachers are called so) gave me a cute story book and I was seeing the pages. Last week in a book sales, I bought such kind of animal story books with colorful paintings and little stories. I started reading them in the night before sleep. Oh..I have only one more left, I want to read more.

I still don't understand this money thing. All papers. Like I get bored of things soon and easily, looks like I got bored of money long back. Only once I was happy when I draw butterflies, hut, fishes, trees, flowers, chocolates, balloons and write the names in springs and decorate them..

Once in search of lotus flowers I went to so many small ponds around my village. I thought lotus is the king flower. In the shiva temple adjacent to the water canal, I saw few lotus flowers and always managed to get one in hand and feel proud. Bindu, that small little girl was proud with anything, every small thing.

I am confident, I will discover my interest and define myself as complete.

You are on game

I feel I am walking on a small bird wall surrounding a huge well. So careful life has gotten.
I know my sister would be laughing at this line. Probably in next few lines. She talks about my english in blog. I hardly concentrate on it. It is unlike office mails...I can scribble myself. And then, the reason for that carefulness is only to not to make few mistakes. Just not again!

Its been 18 hrs I have not lied down on bed. I still stick to this computer as lizard to wall. I want to talk a lot about 'confidence' today.

That very word brings in emotions in me. Arises the character, discipline and self-respect in me. If being confidence is showing up to the world that you have confidence, then being silent with confidence is above that to me. Agree or not, but it takes lot of courage to remain silent. But I question to myself when is that a person should be showing his/her confidence..is it necessary to show..the necessity of showing confidence comes from the lack of confidence in opposite person. Then, it is asked my the opposite person to show some confidence. You are on a game then..in fact a poppet show. I should be send to forests. Because I know all of you and most of the world agree with this. Never mind I still have to survive and will survive and my confidence comes from love and I will have to preserve it all my life.


May be I know less about confidence. Ha ha...I must be appearing less confident in knowing more about confidence.

Perhaps I should sleep. My roommate always says..I speak very weird before hitting my bed...Oh..she will come back tomorrow..such a relief..

In between my fingers the cold is like jandu balm on nose... :P

Spiritual Womb

Have downloaded payslips of my previous company.
Watching life of some tribals in travel trendz. Muddy faces of those kids. With Malaria and their parents take them to spirit curer. They draw trees, animals on mud..with two hands clearing the mud and starting to draw. I too made such houses in sand sometime. I couldn't recall when. I wish I had some one, some of my village friend who remember all of what I want to remember. Poor or rich all the kids in villages play same games. Village games. I in this world of cities wishing to understand but not comfortable with.
I have seen people like me living, creating something else, something interesting in this world, creative and my mind asks me with its all emotions what is that creativeness I want to give to make my life easy in this cities. These cities wants you to offer something in order to make you happy or easy to live with. I am happy for all the people in that race to offer it something. They are at least trying to give something. I am also giving. My frustration! Telling with kind words to my heart that, it only hurts when I think of myself. It doesn't hurt at all if we think from others perspective for themselves. Believe, trust, remember always you are only you...not all of others. Just you!
Last time I was in flight to Delhi, I had this strange feeling. To eat nachos. Cheese nachos! It was morning flight and at 7a.m eating nachos was so unhealthy as per my mind. I still was hungry and nothing else in menu interested me. I asked for Cheese nachos and she gave me jalapeno flavor or something and I cursed like it was some generic medical shop, where they replace your tablets with other alternative based on the availability. Oh my science!

Filled four page PF withdrawal form in last one week and every time I take a pen and fill each information on each day, I start feeling like I am some big man sitting at old age and claiming some pensions or something. Yeah I dunno why that feeling was. I want to ask someone to try the same and see if they feel so.


My room mate asked me few days back, what I am going to do with that ginger shampoo I bought from body shop. I told her that I am gonna save it. She reminded me of the eye allergy I got upon using it. I told her that happened in winter, so I want to check how the shampoo will work in summer, so I better save till then. Poor she...he he..like her reaction..shock, surprise...some look someone give to a weird scientist. Then I got this in mind..am I really gonna try. Ha ha...

Sugar street I am still reading. Kamal has becoming my favorite and I started liking him as the story moved. Conversations are the best way to pass the historical knowledge and olden lifestyle. I want to have a spiritual friend with whom I can talk some philosophy that comes to my mind so often and be like a silent wave in a womb. Many friends are giving babies..no wonder I use womb to describe philosophy. I strongly like something in a person. I strongly hate something in the same person. Neither I want to change any nor I want the person to change any. What does I want from people!
When my ideas and thoughts are easily understood and I am never treated as alien then I only am called a person that everyone finds easy and likeable. There is honest and unsentimental heart inside.

Eras will pass away and I would think of something and say this is life..nothing much is really important!!

I wil post it!

Not so odd feeling to watch movie alone in a theater.
Except that I was a boy it would have been much easier...to make up people's mind that lonely bum roaming around..but thankfully I booked last minute ticket and made sure I am sitting alone after an empty row. Not to be safe, just to avoid passengers with popcorn.
Thanks to my extra enthusiasm on that day, otherwise how I would miss harper and madeleine..thanks to geographic channel. They made me remember my old past which I now hardly could remember. Those old days when I wrote everyday a letter and posted in the post box in front of temple and prayed every time to reach safely. Ha ha...once my friend raji, when I asked her to post the letter for me..she also did the same..she told me later in college. I felt safe that day that the letter will reach. I did grow up so much to take them so quite enough that they do not even make minute impact on the present life. I had to accept in this life that I would never have loved writing so much except for them. I was creative, I had fallen in love with words, I do remember opening dictionary and going through each page especially the page starting with letter "B" and finding some precious word in that. And then, it continued..I happened to follow the same for quite some years..may be till last two years...not so creative..but much more emotional, much easily conveying feelings..then only I realised...I was always alone and far from the people I loved all the time...all the time...even now..ha ha. Never mind I got this blog. But I still love writing to show some love in letters..mm..When two people create a world, through an imaginary way and could get lost in to that through letters..they often can easily get away to worldly tensions and just be two small frogs in their small letter pond...I still don't understand how and when painful elements arise and bite the relationships..especially the most loving ones. Better we all know to fall in love again and again with our loving ones. Though this glittery world around shows those colorful boats in front, the boat that takes you home and waits for you may not necessarily be as fascinating as you dream of, but surely its all worth it. Wait for your boat and also make sure you try those colorful boats for a short distance..because you only appreciate things better later for one million reasons. One million reason! it is so funny! I sometimes feel this number are just like money...even when I want to describe something in numbers..they sound like money and the more big I tend to write the more worried I feel. May be there is number phobia with me.

I then opened my notebooks, I kept collecting unnecessarily spending my excess but never enough salary. All books are empty except for 2 or 3 pages. Some with scribbling of huts, river, fishes, some lines drawn in some mood..I dont remember when.

To whom should I write a letter? Who would want me to write? Who would wait for one?..
m..........mm.....ahhh...haaa!

Then I write with same enthusiasm bending into the book. I look lovely!

Abstract kind of thoughts
Again
Cold as brain damager
Lost count on degrees they only drop everyday
Yet another day
Spoke to Pip and kissing him goodnight
I turned into loneliness back, dark sack!
My CV infront
Weirdly they show me two souls
Did they die for this?
I live with it now
I can live without it too
Guilt kills me till today
Every minute may be
I am going home in week
Two pongals went quickly after you slept in mud
But I still freshly think of my drawings with muggu infront of our house
On pongal
I stand less confidently after seeing other kids muggu
And you come and stare at it for so much time
With mesmerising eyes
Do you think how your daughter has grown?
And you say you want to take a photo and send it to news paper next day
My datura flower drawing was such a blissfull thing for you
I want it all mom
come back
tonight
just tonight
get up and come
 

K & Q - Forever!!

Its like a BIG STOP for all the questions in mind and start for all fresh new life that is ahead!
What a lovely day..what a lovely night..
Angels must have all landed at once on to earth to tell me this news..
May be while returning back their homes..they showered this Christmas gift on me...

<3 br="br">

Never Washed

A bit cranky from sometime. Now its gone.
Have been obsessed with body shop products, body scrub, body polish, nail cream, face foam..peppermint leg gel, horse chestnut cream..so much to make me feel good. Its nice to know I started liking myself so much again..ha ha again and again. To make me happy I remembered all that I have to do. Each one's strengths needs to be awaken many times in their one life. Each one's I tell you. Otherwise they are often mistook as 'Once I used to be, Once I used to do'. Someone who know you can always make you realize those lovely qualities or strengths of yours. I kept my head towards right side inside my comforter and it took me sometime to realize that a tear drop has just dropped from my eye. Though I was thinking something usual, my mind has not still forgotten to think of those days of her absence. Those strings in mind always crawl towards her thoughts bringing those single painless drops from my eyes..like same how I started to write something else and started of something.

Village, Office, PG, some malls around.. being one small part, life has some meaning with love in heart. A chance to love. Sometimes we do not crave to take love, but to give love. This might also be fundamental, but I agree all these things are illogical. I don't understand how logical mind doesn't catch these things. Actually good for me. I don't care if it is logical or illogical as far as it keeps my mind in peace. And then, I have to tell my mind when it is alone, that it is happy. I have to tell it, not always worry about any painful thing that might come up, that might hurt this little heart. I have to tell it, I can deal with all of it. My lips smile and I forget that thoughts and get back to my phone.

I first planned to write about Jammu visit last weekend and as it turned out to be one of the scariest and painful trip of my life, I just don't want its space in my blog. To keep in simple words, if I had to stay another day more than three, I would have turned god hater. I better be a non-believer. Trips are also about people you are with. I remembered my Nepal trip all through the journey. Nepal was one of the best place I visited. I enjoyed my journey to Pokhara from Nepal so much, that I can recall many houses, landscapes, waterfalls, schoolkids..lake adjoining thick mountain with full of chirpy noises from one kind of birds..lot more. The only think that made me curious all through my journey is the thought of being close to some country which we always here as our enemy. The thought how people living there are dealing with that pressure everyday. May be they ignore it most of the time..may be not..may be it is beyond my thoughts. However, I lived just like a perfect beggar for two days, eating only food available, lying on a 2inch common wooden table where all the world without home is sleeping and beating myself with himalayan freezing cold in a never washed rented blanket....I am sure no one want to hear more...!

This tataphoton plus customer care lady calls me in the morning and asks if I want to change to post paid. In deep sleep, I told her 'first of all prepaid is working bullshit, gmail opens after an hour and I stopped recharging prepaid itself, why the hell should I take post paid?'. Taking a moment she hung the phone loudly..may be she just bashed the receiver on to something. But, I liked it. So much, that she had an attitude. She can say all bullshit like, sorry for that ma'am, we will look into it..and non-sense. She just hung..like it.

OKay my new ant-dandruff ginger hair spa shampoo is waiting..time to be fresh and get out my lazy mind out of this bed...

Arugu

I am surprised to know that I have feeling for stones. Yeah stones. I think we all does have. I tried recalling some stones which I came across in life. I am doing this from yesterday night. Finding me mad...really it was interesting. First thing I remembered was a stone in the center of my village (botrayi). It is a small stone in the centre of the road, which is almost very close to the bus stop in my village where I generally take bus to school. It has a small curve on one side and the whole village offer prayers to it on all important occasions like weddings, festivals and even on deaths. I have feelings associated with it..surely.
I thought of more..a big horizontal slab of stone (Arugu) without uniform shape and one edge protruding a little out infront on my home..infact inside our house fencing was so important and so much favourite of mine. I remember from the time my mother was feeding me food sitting on it and we playing jumping from it, and once or twice snakes were under it, and they moved the slab to kill them and again kept it back...my clothes were washed by maid on it, in summer we dried rice papads on it, I have billion memories associated with it. I love that stone. It is still there, may be this time when I go home I will hug it :)
And then, yeah I have now so many stones in mind...I wondered if I get to have same memories in this modern building with uniform shapes and sizes, may be I will bring these stones from my village wherever I go <3 p="p">
I suddenly remembered me, my mom, my sister sleeping on that arugu with both daughters legs on her. Angel she is!