Retire and do what..?

When do you all want to retire in life?
I sometimes wonder probably 40 yrs is a good time to retire.. so I can just laze around for another 60yrs (really optimistic of how long I would live). But I really think with the current speed of earning and no spending.. one can save enough to live forever by 40yrs.
So how much do we need to save to live 60yrs .. a simple life..in a village or in a city.. let's do the math..

So, for one person 5.4 crore is enough to live in a metro city for the entire life. Probably costs will go up, but imagine all the money 5.4crore is in a bank with a 7% fixed deposit, the inflation should be able to cover that up.
So imagine a person is able to save 40lakhs per year (giving a high amount by average year on year increase in a person salary for 13.5yrs), he/she can retire in next 13.5years from now. For example, if I take my case, I am 34yrs now, I can retire in the above scenario by 48yrs..

Actually, my calculations suck. Now I don't like this idea. 60yrs is probably too long you know. Cut short to 30yrs. Then I can retire in 7yrs.. which is when I am 41. Actually, that is perfect.

Retire and do what..?

Nothing really.. just get bored.. eat people's head...think of food all the time and hop on to past memories and kill time.... most of all maybe travel sometime.... none of the hobbies is long lasting so killing time might be so hard... maybe once I have kids.. I can be full-time mom.. but that sounds horrible and lazier.. taking naps when kids go to school.. pick them from school... feed them.. and what else watch serials..gossip with women around.. sucks...everything sucks.

Let us say if I go back to our village....maybe lifespan cutdown to another 10yrs i.e. total cutdown 60yrs/2-10yrs=20yrs...(villagers know how to kill you by making mentally weak..it is a skill)...I can retire in the next five years and get into that melodramatic life.. action packed.. weird gossips..sometimes life-threatening... What will I do in a village... go to some college in a nearby town and teach what I learnt while working... go to fresh farms to buy vegetables...wait for cousins to come to the village during holidays... decorate the house and make a cosy place..start Airbnb...
Or maybe just do nothing... cook, eat, watch tv and gossip (realistic scenario).

Or maybe.. travel the world after 40 and never come back.

It is too early to decide on all of this.. but when is the right time? Will I ever think of retiring in my life and do something which doesn't require a routine!

Love for Travel...

This morning after breakfast I watched a small documentary of a small tea stall old man from Kerala traveling around the world with his wife. They look like they are in their 70s and he was so passionately talking about traveling in spite of his fewer earnings.

Reminded me of myself in terms of passion. I see a lot of people being passionate about traveling around me. For me, it is quite different and each time I experience some series of events.

1. Before the trip: I will suddenly come up with a place... triggers could be anything...maybe I saw a show in tv and I thought the place is beautiful... maybe I saw some friend going there or maybe I know a friend living there... Then I propose this to Ravi. Ah.. he is not that much into traveling..mainly because he is traveling Monday to Friday throughout the year on business.. it is unfair to push him to travel for a vacation. After coming back from business trip.. he sees sofa at home like one sees sunset by the beach.
So there are times when I plan on my own. Frankly, it takes some courage to decide that, but again I always remember I am born to live my life.
Tickets booked.. and then I spend days not planning the trip but only looking at the accommodations. I basically clear out everything I am not keen on and finally choose somewhere I think a) I can create the memory for myself b) Choose a host in Airbnb from whom there is something to learn
Accommodation booked and if there are any visa stuff, I take care of them, at this point it pinches that I am spending a lot ;) But it is going to be worth it.

2. Few days to Trip:
All excited, I would have shown the place I am gonna stay to every friend of mine and everyone at work.

3. On the day of the trip:
Today is the day I scold myself for all the trip plans, mainly because I hate flying. It is so damn scary. Actually I kind of used to hate it but never scared. Ravi once told me when we were in a flight, he is scared of flights and he has picked this from his friend KC. WOw.. that shit got me. Since then I am shit scared..every flight entry is like "I am gonna die". Every touch down is like athiest saying "THANK god I am alive this time!"

4. During the trip:
Mostly do nothing if I am alone.. find some nice place to eat and hang out... talk to Airbnb family and just chill out.. if there is a beach or mountain I watch the sunset and roam a bit in the city.
Sometimes, I think how far I have come in my life.. always trying to understand in each place why locals like living there.. what is that so compelling.

5. Coming back day:
Generally never sad to be back to Malaysia and home. I love Malaysia and it is always nice to be home. But again flying sucks. One thing I think in my mind on that day is..do I want to return to this place sometime again?

Finally what I hate doing during a holiday are....and what I say to people....
Trekking (you guys suck if you had made me trek), packed full day sightseeing plan (go yourself, I am not in)... Eating cheap bad food to just save on holiday (Not coming with you again)



Here are a few lines about places I went so far...

1. India: Hello I am born here. it probably is me.
2. Malaysia: Mic drop. I want to live here rest of my life
3. Singapore: Second most hated country... but I don't hate it now as much as I used to.
4. Indonesia: Bali will be my most favorite relaxing vacation ever.. been there 5 times and love it each time, especially people. Lombok is a special place too.. my first island solo travel.
5. Thailand: Amazing food, people are ok. A lot of shopping.. Do I want to return often... meh..not really..depends on the company..alone maybe not.
6. Philippines: Went there immediately after the wedding.. stayed in fancy places but have not been to beaches..which are popular.. anyways.. I never felt like going back there.. felt too crowded and expensive.. a lot of junk food
7.Vietnam: Been there more than 20 times in the last 5 years on work.. third most visited country.I have a love-hate relationship with this place.. I like the vibe in the HCMC city.. cute coffee shops.. nice food..but then I don't why I don't like it very much..
8. Nepal: I love Pokhara.. actually road drive between Kathmandu and Pokhara. I will never forget it. Beautiful. Although Kathmandu didn't attract me much. People were just ok.
9. Cambodia: I have some nice memories staying with an Airbnb family..opened me up.. a white guy living with local who has a child from other local (who is not living with them)..their son was full of love.. it made me think I should adopt children from cambodia..they are so cute..
10. Australia: It is the most scenic place I have ever seen. Unfortunately, I didn't go in summer to see many many stars. Passing by a lot of wineries and simply stopping the car in the forest to watch Koala bears was a priceless experience. Great ocean road trip and first time watching penguins, in fact, a lot of animals is something I cherish.
11.  Japan: This was our most waited trip in 2018 and we went for ten days..covered Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Osaka and all the way north to Iwate. I had a killer plan just because they had Shinkansen -  World fastest train. From one end to another end of Japan it took a couple of hours..so why stop at one place. Japan countryside is our favorite. We ate chickens satay and cheese rice in a small village, went to Onsen, met some really kind old Airbnb couple who I really call couple goals.
12. US: Went there multiple times and wonder how time passes by.. mainly because of Swetha and her friends. They all keep us entertained and feed us like babies. I would go there anytime.
13. Dubai: Don't ask me more, I hate this country the most. Lacks soul, there is visible slavery and finally, it is plastic without trees.
14. Srilanka: After, Bali Srilanka is my second favorite holiday..went there a couple of times and always fell in love to see how untouched some places are. I love their food.
15. England: Most impromptu trip ever after watching a tv show and that too with my sister. Covered so many village stays and stayed in the best Airbnb's ever. Did antique shopping. York is my favorite in England. My dream to stay in a house where they produce and sell country flowers was easily fulfilled there.
16. Scotland: Short 2 days in Scotland Edinburgh but can't stop thinking of that dreamy town. I can't believe it is real. England and Scotland's trips are special because of Swetha with me.
17. Maldives: Beautiful beaches and starry nights are favorites. Chased Manta Ray fish and saw how dead sea was inside...

I think I want to keep a small record here.. 17 countries in 5 yrs time are quite huge for me...but I learned I love traveling a lot...it is something that can keep me super motivated and excited to work at the office.

For a while maybe I am not going to travel..but when I can I want to go to some places in India (Kashmir, Kochi(from there to Madurai)) and some parts of Kerala,  New Zealand, Turkey, Egypt, Ireland, Iceland, Venice, Bhutan are on my list.. :)

Below is the pic from my most recent UK trip.. me, Suche (my friend for the last 12yrs) and Swetha

Hello 2019! We have come long way

సముద్రానికి చాల దగ్గరగ ఉండటం అంత సులువు కాదు...
అలలు మనసును చిత్తు చిత్తు చెస్థాయని అనిపిస్థుంది..
సముద్రం నిషబ్దంగ ఉంటె మనసు షొరు పెరిగినట్టు ఉంది..
నెను వెల్లె బోటు సగం సమయం పడిపొతదెమొ అని అలొచిస్తె,
మరొ సగం ఇలాగీ సముద్రం లొ ఎంత దాక వెళ్ళొచ్చు...
కొన్ని ఎళ్ళు ఇలా వెల్ఠె ఎలా ఉంటుంది జీవితం
మనిషి మారిపొతాడు కదా అంత సమయం లొ?
ఒక ప్రశ్న...
ఒక సంవత్సరం ఒక మనిషి అన్ని వదిలి ప్రయానిస్థె.. మారిపొతడా?
నాకు తెలిసిన సమధానం.. మారిపొరు అని..మారాలంటె అంత సులువు కాదు అని...
అలా మారిపొవాలంటె వాళ్ళ జీవితం లొ ఉన్న కొన్ని ప్రశ్నలకు ఊహించని సమాధానం దొరకాలి...
ఉదాహరనకు
నెను దెవున్ని గుడ్డిగ నమ్ముతాను అంటె..
ఒక సంవత్సరం

చాల దేశాలు తిరిగాక 

వాళ్ళ నమ్మకాలు చూసాక నేను దేవున్ని గుడ్డిగ నమ్మనవసరం లేదు అని తెలుసుకుంటే అది మార్పు...

ఒక మనిషి ఇలాంటి ఆలొచనలు ఏవి లెకుండ, జీవితంలొ ఉన్న ముఖ్యమయిన సంధేహాలు ముందుగానె తెలుసుకుంటె.. వాళ్ళు ఎంత కొత్త ప్రదెశానికి వెళ్ళిన మారరు..

నా చిన్నపుడు అంటే డిగ్రీ నుంచి మాస్టర్స్ కి వెళ్ళినపుడు.. మా చిన్న ఊరు నుంచి పెద్ధ సిటి కి వెళ్ళినపుడు...
నేను చాల మారిపొయాను.. కాని ఎవరైనా మారావు అంటె అసలు ఒప్పుకునేదాన్ని కాదు.. మార్పు చెడ్డది అనుకునేదాన్ని.. 
కాని..చిన్న ఊర్లూ ఎన్నొ అంక్శలు ఉంటాయి..
అబ్బాయిలతో మట్లాడకూడదు...ఇలాంటి అలాంటి బట్టలు వేస్కొకూడదు..

వెరే అబ్బాయి పక్కన నడవకూడదు...బయటకు ఒంటరిగా వెళ్ళకుడదు...ఇంకా ఎవేవొ.. ఒక్కసారి సిటి కి వచ్చాక అందరూ ఇవ్వనీ నార్మల్ గా తీసుకుంటారు..ఊర్లొ మత్రమే ఇవి చాల సిరియస్ గా తీసుకుంటారు అని తెలిసాక.. మనసులొ పెద్ద కాంఫ్లిఖ్ఖ్ట్.. ఏది కర్రెక్ట అని

చాల నటించాల్సి వచ్చింది ఆ వయసులో.. ఊర్లొ వాళ్ళకు అనుకువగా ఉంటూ..సిటి లొ సిటి లొలా ఉంటు..

చాలా కాంఫ్లిఖ్ఖ్ట్.

రియలిస్టిక్ పాత్ చూస్ చెస్కున్నాను అపుడు చాల డిఫికల్ట్ ఉన్నాకాని.... అదే పాత్ లొ ఉన్నాను అప్పటినుంచి.. ఇపుడు మెజర్ చైంజ్ అయ్యే స్కోప్ లెదనిపిస్థుంది...

కాస్ట్ అఫ్ దట్ చైంజ్ వంచె వాజ్ ఎ రిలెషన్షిప్

ఇపుడు సిళ్ళిగా అనిపిస్థుంది ఇలాంటివి.. ఎవరికైన చెబితె నమ్మలేరు..

ఒక్కొసారి కొంచం బాదెస్థుంది.. ఎంటబ్బా నా ల్యైఫె లొ అంత పెద్ద చైంజ్ఆ ఏజ్ లొ జరగాలా అని..

ఎపుడొ ఒకసారి ఎలగైనా ఆ మార్పు వచ్చెది..

big dreams..at least they were considered big back then..I would have realized what is normal and what is abnormal sooner or later.. and all my thoughts were normal actually..

15yrs back matter...

still fresh in mind..still leads to serious thoughts lot of times..still makes me emotional..

life until 25yrs felt like so precious...then, later on, felt maybe not so precious..it is supposed to be normal

2019 also may be a normal year

I want to write a lot in this blog in this year... importantly those things that I always wonder "if I can write or not"..

మన మధ్య దూరం

మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక తలపు

మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక ఆవేధన
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక ఆకాశం
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక నవ్వు
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక చిలిపి క్షణం
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక చూపు  
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక స్పర్శ
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక ఊపిరి
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక జ్ఞాపకం
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక పాట
మన మధ్య దూరం ఒక సుధీర్గ మౌనం

My little fish

A constant question I have is what is love?
Many times I conclude, maybe this is love and then I forget about it.
And what is home?
I think we all get confused about these things, maybe it is better not to define them.

A twinkle in your eyes
That is all I remember over the years
How different are we.. so different...
More and more I know about me, more and more I know about you..
Thump in the heart, what is that feeling..thick and deep


Did you see pictures of Hiroshima bomb impact?
When it was dropped there was a circular wave of destruction
If the feelings are also that way, are they going to reach so far to you from my heart's wave
Are they destructive? Yes they are

We travel far far lands
When I mean we the memories
We take them all everywhere we travel
How far you want to come?

Quiet mornings
Quiet noon
Quiet nights
Quiet moons
Like flowers in a meadow, we talk when the wind blows..

Caeser and Cleopatra!

After postponing series of tasks since morning at work
Being zero productive entire day (not totally zero though)
I pushed my tasks to 4pm in evening and it is 4.30pm, I haven't started the work I need to deliver by today 6pm nor I have any intentions to start them in next one hour. Sharp at 6pm, my legs just like my stomach works on time to leave office and reach home, although there is nothing much I do after going home. Just throw my bag on an unwanted green sofa and then lie down on another giant sofa, without switching on tv and just get lost in my world. This is the time I cannot remember anything, no office work, nor any family. I only can think of dinner. I run around the kitchen to find anything really unhealthy and most of the time I can't find any, as I don't buy them. It is bloody mind game I play on myself. Sad then, I call my husband, with a bit of nice voice, asking when he would come and where he will take me for dinner. If things don't go as I expected, I turn hangry. Somehow I fix my hunger and then watch television forcefully and exactly when I am sleepy I remember the work that I didn't start at 4pm today. With sleepy eyes, I open my laptop and just figure out things in that one hour time and go to bed.
So what do I do at work? On such days?
Today I read about Caeser for an hour
And I read somewhere he was in a relationship with Cleopatra
Then I read about her
And then I sat and wondered for more than 30 minutes at my desk, what would have happened between them. Such famous people, both of them in one room (I am not talking about sex stuff, I thought about that for a minute though), but just in general what do two most famous people do when they are together..I mean in one room.

Now I went and googled my last sentence of above paragraph.
I found that Aristotle was a teacher for Alexander the great when he was a child. Imagining they both in one room, probably he was just teaching normal stuff..ahh I really don't think so. He wouldn't be called Alexander the great by learning normal stuff.

And now coming back, I stopped searching and sat for a while and thought about how they teach social studies back in school. How bullshit it was! Why didn't they ever tell such juicy stories like who had the relationship with him? I spent so much time searching this stuff and feel like the genius (not a new feeling!).

I am turning slowly against classroom studies and one should just rely on google for everything. I wonder sometimes, should I buy all my school books and go through the syllabus and study one by one lesson. I think that is not necessary, there is no order to learn new things, no need of syllabus, just curious mind is enough.

Below picture is not actually of Cleopatra. But when I google there are so many pictures, many from movies and whatnot. I picked this one as she is closest to my imagination of Cleopatra. History says she is cunning, but I think she knows what she wants and how to get it.

Old Thunders!

Sometimes heart can beat like a thunder to meet someone you love
Heart is a child always
Sometimes mind speaks to us louder and louder repeatedly
We need to listen to it
As people grow, heart often reminds you thunders and mind doesn't remind us much about the decisions made..
World might say put your heart over mind
I believed in my life to put my mind over heart when I have to make tough choices
I blamed situations in life would have made me do that, but why blame them, when life is good!
My parents always chosen to live with their heart, as I said heart is always a child, innocent, clean,  loving, also short lived.
At time I wonder what is the need for living long, unless I can go to Mars or drive straight into sky in a car for a joy ride.
Jokes apart, I don't see a reason for anyone of them in this world to live long. People say we do something for next generation, we create histories, we bring peace, blah blah. I think some day everything is useless.
Valentines day were so special back in college, now when I think of those days I vaguely recollect I was shy to go to college on that day, just imagining someone might propose to me. Actually that never happened. I tried so hard this morning to think if I can recall any moment or incident of any valentines day, I cant recall any, it is so weird and I claim always my memory is amazing. Probably Valentines day was never too important.
Going back to India today
Again I feel anxious each time before going to India... emotions trigger all the time and I always say to myself if I can handle them all. I think I am trying my best to learn and control all the emotions.
I have some guilt stuff going on at work lately..if I dont complete any task on time, rather than feeling anxious I feel guilt. Its weird anyways, I need to come out of that pretty shell of not working in guilt.

And here is a poem I once write in India for a small competition at work during Valentines day.

"I sit silently today at office desk,
You came creeping softly on my mind
Your seed in my mind have grown into a plant..
I am thinking like a silent well today..so still !
My thoughts are unnecessary words..
They are like drops falling from a old unused wooden roof...
Silently falling over...
I am growing your plant in my mind with that water of silence..
You know..
Today it gave a flower of love
and
You came creeping softly in my mind !"

And my new painting below..yayy.. I should paint more..

Can someone take care of me.. I mean literally with everything!

I literally feel this way many times in a week.. especially morning and evening just before going to office and immediately after coming back from office.

Without a doubt I was a pampered kid. I should use the word pampered adult as my mother pampered us as long as she was alive and I was also always surrounded by people who cared and gave me things even before I asked.

So now all those things are no more there and I struggle on a daily basis for things like..

Wish I had some one to feed me once I am back from office...

Wish someone had taken care of my hair, oil them, wash them, tie them 

Wish someone can fold those sarees I opened out of enthusiasm and do not want to fold

I recently blamed any health concern I have after my parents left was all because of excess pampering.. I dont know to take care of me. I dont give myself nutritious food, I just eat whatever is convenient and not what is healthy..

I still manage with life even this way.. maybe most of us do..

I know to live independently like a modern woman but I dont know to live well, I only know to manage somehow..there is so much difference I guess.

I recently came across something called “village tourism promotor”.. can you believe how nice it would be as a job title. That I call a real job title. I am keen on making our village a touristic place.. not just our village surrounding places as well. Looking back at my few years of work experience.. I believe the most passionate things I did ever were looking at Airbnb website and travelling around Asia.  

My learning are more towards tourism industry and every time I see something around our village I just think.. wow!..people around the world would love to see this... we have rich culture at every corner of India.. what if my village is hottest place, it is muddy, it has no beach blah blah.. we still have beautiful farms, rivers, warm people, amazing food, historic temples.. and traditional houses.. 

I sometimes imagine, some foreigner travelling in our village and somewhere a small boy in village suddenly dreaming to go to far lands and doing great things in his life.. just doing that for one boy or one girl is an achievement itself.

There is a lot of awareness that villagers still need. some of the key things I would always think of brining awareness are they dont have to take antibiotics each time they get cold, also they should know that they can cause resistance. Women being aware that if there is some small problem in uterus they dont have to remove uterus, the rate of uterus removal in rural areas for small issues is so high. 

Anyway coming back to real life and all the dreams keep lingering in head...

Goodnight

Fond memory of clothes

I read my post twice some time back and realised I dont write much anymore.
I actually dont have anything interesting to write.
Although a lot of things happen around me, I dont see them sepcially anymore
Back then, when I didnt have enough money for day to day expenses, I had so many stories.
What do I write today? Should I write, I like a blouse today, I went to shop and got it. There is really nothing interesting in it. I wear the blouse couple of times and I buy another one. They can never be my favorites. I had so many favorite chudidhars back in college even in school. My first chudidhar was white dress with green sleeves. Green sleeves had bandhini dots and before buying it I saw it for six months displayed outside shop on my way to school. It was 500 rupees and I was not able to affort it, in fact my parents struggled to pay school fees each month. And my second dress was completely black with soft cloth and I was so skinny it felt like a cloth piece being hung to a stick.
I just had only these two for entire tenth standard. I loved them, even I made my mom wear them for a picture, she looked like a college girl.
And I had some favorites in 12th standard, a blue simran dress which I got for my birthday. I really liked that dress, infact I really like that birthday most. I recall how shy I was back then, with long hair. It was also last day of inter exams and my birthday in 2002.hmm
 Coming back to dresses, in degree I loved a yellow chudidhar so much, it had such a long lovely dupatta, my sister reminded me of that dress some days back. There was also one black dress when I was in final year of degree, plain black dress with a special shining dupatta.
I went to do masters in bangalore, all my friends were stylish, wearing jeans, t shirts and my pretty salwars suddenly looked different. My confidence was a bit shaken at that age like every small town girl and I started coping up and matching myself to my surroundings.
After many many years now I unlearn all these. I love wearing salwars to office, also love sarees, I hope to have same memories of my clothes until degree even now.

2018

Time is moving slowly
Memories are fading slowly
I know what I want for this 2018
I feel warm with the thought of new year
I like it that my wedding is now 4 years old
I like it that I will be 33 years old in this new year
Last year was such a fantastic year in my career, I don't think every year will be such way, but it is always nice to find a job which makes your life balance.
I traveled a lot last year, although I think I traveled less.
In 2018 I might travel less. It is just nice to be at home doing nothing. Although I feel I am trained a bit to think this way, it is OK if it is nice thing. Thought of excess travel is stressful as well.
I might have to work on new pastime and get rid of airbnb, skyscanner fascination.
I worked out a lot in 2017 than any year in the past, but I really didn't loose any of my extra weight. 2018 hopefully is the year to make some progress
Weather in Malaysia has been lovely in 2017, no hazy days, more rain, many starry nights, amazing sunsets and relaxing rooftop time
Surprisingly we saw so less movies in theater this year compared to last few years, I hope it is a good thing as well..
I might have taken flights more than 60 times in 2017 and hated it every time, but the most scary flight was at the end of December, turbulence like I have never seen, almost making people scream for a while. I learnt turbulence is ok over time, there is nothing much you can do once you are on flight.
My hunt for boutique hotels has not ended yet in each country I visit. I hope to continue this in 2018.
At the end of 2017, I did go for a solo trip, to gili islands. I landed at 12.30am in airport and driver of my airbnb stay picked me up, an old man, very nice to talk to, although I had my own doubts and being careful. We had to drive almost 2 hours to reach speed boat. When I reached speed boat, entire place was so quiet. It was just me, driver and he went to wake up some young boat drivers. They woke up and pulled speed boat just for me and the island was just 10 minutes away, I could see it from far. I heard many stories that it is not safe to drive at night in the ocean, waves can be strong, but luckily it was calm on that day. Driver left from the speed boat location and these two young kids probably aged 15 where driving the boat. It was dark, around 2.30am and I looked at the sky. So many stars, so many than I saw in Maldives, than I saw in Gangtok. In ten minutes we reached the island. Once I reach there, airbnb staff where supposed to be there, but odd time, no one was there. Boat guys want to leave, I insisted they stay until airbnb staff arrives. I didn't had local number and no way to call them, they arrived in 10 minutes time and local island people were smoking and singing kuch kuch hota hai song, I doubt if they even know the meaning of it, they were just funny not harmful. Sharukh khan is so popular there as well. I reached my accommodation safely, and felt I handled the whole thing without panicking. Next two days, entire island sang hindi songs when I bicycled around the island, I enjoyed all of them.

Here are some pics from island..

Arjun Reddy with blood red font

I wanna play this song when I read this next time..

Arjun Reddy

Where do I start.
I went mad with this movie.
I just cant say it is my obsession, it is just like myself, my version of a boy, my dream come true movie..you think sometimes things in your mind and bloody someone shows it in a movie. And you always thought that particular feeling of yours is so secretive, so sensitive, so hideous, so damn delicate and personal. Its no more the same, it is in movies man. Now people who thought their sensitive feelings to be on a different level, have to think at different level, feel things at different level to make them personal. It is like raising your bar of  feelings...bar to love more, love differently, love passionately and boom just love real. To all those fucking bastards who think their weak mean braveless love is love..movie says to shut their ass holes forever and know that they never loved.

The other day, I was looking at myself in mirror, with my curly hair back and hair tied on top of my head, I decided to stop my hair experiments. I liked me just the way I was, probably when I was in bachelors. And then I suddenly realized I fought with people to accept my change, just a simple example be it my hair style, hair length..anyway never mind it was such a big scene back then...I gave a damn and did what I liked and today same me want to be just the way I was back then. I moved my head from mirror and came out of the room and that one second something has stricken in my head.

"I was always fighting for my childhood", this was the word that came in mind, but I know what I meant was I was fighting for my age, my memories at that age. I cannot imagine if I listened to others at that age, what I would be feeling today, probably frustrated at myself.

I have a message for girls and boy until age 25 years. Let your girlfriend or boyfriend be the way they are. If you want them to change, probably you need to change your thinking to expect them to change. Mind you, world has changed, you cant control anyone and you shouldn't. And all the girls out there, leave any man at any stage you think is controlling you, they are not worth it, at least not worth your time.

Coming back to Arjun Reddy, I am officially a big fan of Viay Deverakonda. I never felt this way after Pawan Kalyan. What a movie, mind blowing lyrics, back ground score..the kind of kick and motivation I get with this movie is at different level. Some of the weirdest thoughts were that I probably should act in movies..another one was direct movies....feeling I can say is I wanted to do something in life..now that all feelings in love are open in the form of this movie.

e madhya telugu cinemalu baguntunnay

Dhooram dhaggara chesthunnadhi
Inkaa istam penchindhadhee
Malli malli kalise thondharaa
Kaalaannainaa tharimesthundhadhi

Aa dhikku ee dhikku
Maunamgaa okkataiyyaye…

Naa ooru nee ooru
Manalni vearu cheyleve…

Raa raa raa…
Kaugilai….

Raa raa raa…
Oopirai….

Raa raa raa…
Kaugilai….

Raa raa raa…
Oopirai….

Praanam rekkalu chaasthunnadhee
Neekai rivvuna vasthunnadhi
Neepai vaali nidhurinchaalani
Aakaashaanne Odisthunnadhi

Naadhaaka nuv vosthe
Needhaaka nenu vosthunte
Ee dhesham ee lokam
Inkinkaa chinnavainaaye…

Raa raa raa raararaa….

-----

Ninnukori, fidaa where best movies in recent times..they reminded me of thammudu cinema times..Nani is my new hero..I can connect to his movies, scenes, and every small gesture....and this new movie "Arjun reddy" is in must see list...I have fallen in love with above song.. also another is "unnatundi gundey" from ninnukori movie...

US song to Bangkok

I kind of have one or two songs that I get stuck with at times and they now become part of that place.
When I was in US I was so damn stuck with G-Eazy  "Me Myself and I" song. I heard it like many many times. Now when I hear it, I remember those long drives in US with this song on. It is a nice memory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSfpSOBD30U

Anyway not much to write.
Last week I was in Vietnam on a business trip and the city was so lit up for the lunar new year.
Each and every street feels like full of life

I am excited about my upcoming Thailand trip.
Cant get enough of planning it.. that is about travelling.. until the day of the travelling it keeps you very excited and to make you want to know more about the place...to try new things.. I like planning for travel very much and on the day of travel..I like it that we will go to airport and get so excited about going to new place..land in the new country late in the night..find right option to reach the accommodation...wow.. all these things are exciting.. Its been many months now that I wanted to go to Bangkok and see all those shopping my friends have been saying.. want to each the local thai food and thai massage for sure.. woww

Radha Manoharam

Few days back I was coming back from office
As I reached my house I noticed that the sky was dark and the sun set was in pink and orange colors filling the entire sky into magic
I dropped my laptop in the house and ran to the roof top garden to see the sunset
I just don't have words to explain what I saw on that day. I am sure there might have been best sunset days, but the one I witnessed is the best I have ever seen in my life.
I am quite happy that my phone was switched off by then and I couldn't capture any moment, so I saw at the skies so much to preserve them in my memories, that I came back with headache. Its alright, for that sunset anything is worth it.
Recently when I went to my village for my sister's engagement, I saw beautiful star lit sky. After all village doesn't have those many many lights everywhere like in cities. I envy all those people in the world who can sleep under starlit sky everyday and can see them with the naked eye.
I went back the other day to read my old blog posts and saw some words like "relax, where are we going, is this rat race" ..I didn't change a bit, I still think the same.
I have a new Radha manoharam plant in my little garden now and I am so fascinated at the speed it is growing. Every morning it has some new leaves, it stopped flowering since a week now, but I can't wait for my balcony to be filled with it's pleasant smell. A big forest is seen beside my house and this little plants in my house give me so much happiness.
What are you all doing these days?

Minimalism - Reactive

Reading about minimalism has itself making me very anxious
Because it is making me think of all the stuff I need to get rid off
There are sooo many things..just so many
But I know I don't need all of them
I need to accept the fact that I always have been someone who doesn't like to throw away things, I just keep them as memory or I think I don't have right to throw them, just because they are hard earned by someone you love.
I have really crazy stuff or may be usual stuff like everyone else that are just piled up which I really don't need and on top of it I keep buying especially clothes and shoes.
I am surprised for someone like me the minimalist concept is appearing so like my-thing
May be I reached to some stage where I don't need much
While I experiment this, I am gonna get rid of all those memories/materialistic things that I kept storing/piling for no reason.

Reactive is another thing running back of my mind
How good is being reactive to things
In work definitely not good, also in modern kind of living, people dont enjoy reactive people, rather they want someone who think carefully and respond
Unlike before, I argue within myself when I had to change as per the society, because, I always feel there is good side of each behavior
Does reactive behavior has any good side of it.. am I or any reactive person is like that for a reason?

Any second thing is random thought while minimalism is just the thing these days and I am reading just too much. Cant wait to do something about it.

Trip to tioman

It was long time ago that me, ravi and swetha went to Tioman trip. I just remember it like yesterday. So quiet and the best beach I have seen in my life. My first snorkeling and I still remember how reluctant I was in not coming back to the shore. There were billions of colors under water. So many colorful fishes and colorful mosses.

Clear waters...more than anything star lit sky, nothing like that.

Love Tioman.

Chin Swee Caves Temple

An hour drive from my home can take us to this foggy Chinese temple with a huge Buddha idol. We take most of our guests there..especially guests with kids.. Kids love to run on those empty space and the weather is always cold.

Sunset sunset

Normal life of thick skins

I am back from India two days ago and it is so unfortunate that I wanted to come back to Malaysia all the time during my stay in India. The thought of regular office life has sunk so deep into me, I craved for it. Love, expectations, emotions, drama, food all those things come rushing in India, from myself and from people. I think they are too much to take. I find it funny, when I met a person and had teary eyes. Never happens back in Malaysia, no serious emotions.

I read sometime back below quote, found it so apt for myself.

I might have developed so called thick skin and also started liking people who have these thick skins. Less happiness and less sadness...a normal simple life. Not many sacrifice everything in life for a normal life. In small villages, there are still those innocent mothers who go through so many difficulties on a daily basis and dream for a normal life of their children. Normal life without any fights, without major money issues, without too many misunderstandings, without too much expectations, without drama...and when the children know what exactly their parents wished for them, that means they also know the value of the Normal life and they will just learn to wear the thick skin. Whose fault is this? Or is the best thing ever?

Another starry night dream

Since two days there is a pleasant breeze in the city and makes me remember my village. And my dreamy starry nights have become more and more wanted recently. Did I really see those billions of stars in the sky. How difficult are they to be seen after you move to cities. Does any one miss them at all. I crave to see them. I see each night at sky and am so disappointed. We don't see more than ten stars in KL. But back then in my village, when there is no electricity in the evening after 7p.m, lying on the wooden cot in front on the house, around small Jasmine plant bushes and giant coconut trees and looking into the fully star lit sky, always gave me sense of completeness and a feeling of belonging. Belonging to nowhere. When recently my close friend said she is sad and then I thought what can I do to make her happy. I thought for a long time, I don't have answer for you sweety. May be the calmness those stars gave me should give you some of their happiness to you. Chaos in life is scary sometimes. I always wish that I should get the problems only that I can handle mentally. And I always wish for you the same.

What can I say, how much I like to appreciate the life and people around me. You.