another day at another school

 eroju arjun kotha school ki velladu.. not first day but 3rd time going to the school... oka one week break tharvatha he went to school.. morning antha yedchadu school ki vellanu intlone mummy tho sofa lo kurchoni thintanu, tv choosthanu and yedchadu.. papam... class room lo vadalataniki vellanu.. teacher bowl lo milk and cereal vesi immandi.. junnu nannu thana pakkana class lo kurchomani cheppadu.. vadi separation anxiety choosi badhesindi.. kids ki school asal undakoodadu. 

 french english bilingual school..bad luck eroju classes motham french lo untay.. asalemi artham authundav.. i miss him at home..his touch, kisses, hugs the way i can lift him and walk around the house. evening 4.20pm yepudu authundho.

ipudu vadini junnu mannu konda ani pilustham.. mostly mannu ani pilustha nenu.. nicks names avanthaku ave vasthayi pettakkarledu.. junnu ani pettam kani vere vere perlu pilustham..

recent ga pretend play start chesadu junnu.. doctor laga, airhostess laga, inka restaurant owner laga cute ga aduthunadu.. e madhya legs ki massage chesadu ravi ki naku... almost half bottle baby cream rasadu

tv lo peppa pig and trains ante inka chala istam vadiki.. 

food ayithe pasta, chicken, pizza, coconut water are some of his favorites.

Songs anni remix chesthadu chala cute ga... picchi lesindha preethy, thaggedhey le, lanti dialogues chepthuntadu...dance vibe automatic ga vachesthundi yekada music vinna..."I i love you like love song baby" song ipudu paduthu untadu natho patu.. last lo baby ni "babybaby ooo" song tho end chestham idharam.. it is so much fun..

i miss him more.. 

3 years old Arjun

 Na chinni arjun birthday eroju

Rathri 12.55am ayindi

Arjun na pakkane Ala padukunadu 

Baga pedhayaka college lo friends tho, inka pedhayaka partners tho inka pedhayaka thana kids tho celebrate cheskuntadu thana birthday 

Last two hours ga thana chinapati 1yr and 2yr old time lo videos choosanu.. yentha mudhuga unado…

Ninna couldn’t complete the post..

Eroju vadi actual birthday 

Actual ga Vadu puttina roju antha blurry ga unnindi 

Indhake mall ki theskella vadi cake pick cheskoni vacha 

He was so excited

Cake paina trains unnayi almost jump chesi melikalu thirigadu

Vadiki cable car lo vellali ani undi .. chodham eroju thesukellagalamo

Nanna tho kalisi balloons udhadhu

Cousins antha call chesthu unaru 

School lo ninna birthday celebrations chesaru shy or fear teledu chala quiet ga unadu

I wish there are no schools for children

2.6 years and some new changes

 I did cold turkey method and stopped breastfeeding this week precisely on 16 Mar 2022. Two years and 6 months of breastfeeding journey is the most heartfelt experience. Being close to Arjun is such a gift in my life. I felt this is a major milestone for him. He took it so well, asked couple of times but never forced or cried asking for milk. He just behaved like he understood everything when I explained and didn’t bother me after that. I on the other hand can’t sleep a bit since three nights. Maybe it is the rage of hormones with sudden stop of  feeding or full of surprise on how Arjun took this whole new change. I miss his hugs and cuddles a lot. He still gives them but while feeding we bond so close. I enjoy the confidence that I can put him to sleep easily and he is so calm.

We are going to india the coming week after 2.3 years.. it’s weird I wasn’t excited at all to go. With Suri babai gone I didn’t feel much to look forward. Strangely last few days feel different, I am excited. 

A lot going on at work.. more like new people, different work but even that came through the mind while lay down awake wat night looking at little one sleep. 

I am planning a trip to Madurai with my best friend during this india trip.. not sure if it will all happen but if it does it is something so exciting to look forward to.

We made more friends in last 6 months than we made in last 3yrs in Singapore. I enjoy all the chit chat with women now. Baby entering in life has made me realise how I crave to share all the baby life and stuff with other mothers. 

Arjun loves reading books. Now he is at that age where he reads books himself.. I mean not literally but he knows the story and he turns pages and keeps telling the story to the book itself. Peppa pig stories are his favorite and he always takes side of George pig.. he says George want this and that and peppa is not giving so he is sad. Last night I didn’t put him in swing, he told he want to go into the swing and I said it is not working anymore. He simply believed that and didn’t ask after that. This is what surprises me. He trusts me and when you trust someone it is so simple and plain. 

Going to put him to sleep now. 

One year

 Wow telikundane one year ayindi blog lo rasi

Junnu gadu 2 and half year authadu soon..

Marriage ayyi 8yrs authundi

Time slow gane velthundi

Babu tho every moment bale undi

Mostly vadi hugs kisses and Ah twinkle in the eyes

Nenu paranoid mother yepudu vadi gurinchi worry authu unta

Maybe all mothers are same

Mommy daddy ni almost marchipoya ..atleast yevarina valla gurinchi matladithe emotional avvanu or badhanpinchadu 

Maybe it is the same with everyone who lose people.. time padthundi anthe

Emotional baggage ni vadileyatam logical minds ki easy nemo but emotional people ki time taking and slow

37 years rabothunayi but ippatiki yepudo chinnapati matters gurthucheskoni yedho feel authanu.. yedho just Indhake jarigina incident la.. 

Oka roju ravi cheppadu… I am shocked you cannot forgive yourself for what happened so many years ago ani..

Ha ha .. lopala alanti unforgivable stuff chala unnay ..anni bandh chesthe kotha person aypothanemo.. 

College days lo, new job time lo..money lekapovatam life antha athalakutham chesthundi.. ipudu money unte shares lo petti time pass chesthunte… excess money ki value ledu ani telustthundi.. ipudu problems vasthe money solve chesthundi but risk chesthene kada problems vachedi..annitiki achi tuchi vandasarlu alochinci adugu veyatam 30-40 age criteria anukunta..

Anyways yekado inka youth feeling untundi apudapudu.. face paina rendu dark marks vachayi.. aging vallanemo… potta cover chesa battalu most favorites ipudu.. nail paint lu, hair saloon lu, coffee shops, restaurants, food courts ilantivi thapa life lo panikoche pani yemi cheyatledu.. babu tho matrame meaningful time

Madhayalo koddirojulu naku prema kavali .. adhi idhi ani koncham thinking chesa.. tharvatha realise ayya yevarini vallu preminchukunte chalu ani..

No more hair color

 Somehow this feels like big announcement for myself

I decided to stop colouring my grey hair

I want to embrace my hair the way they are

There are many maybe’s but at the core I am not enjoying the dye usage and am always worried that I am putting junnu through harsh chemicals.. the residue always remain even after many washes.

Good luck to this new look which I always feared and I think am ready to embrace confidently.

Junnu gadiki repu 1 and half year

 Chuttu chala mundhi undevallu ..Parents, cousins, family.. vooru 

Ivanni e life lone na ani anipisthundi apudapudu 

Ipudu nenu, junnu, ravi, helper inka kondaru friends(plan cheskoni kalisthe)

Covid effect yemo e madhya e feeling chala sarlu undi

Pedhagayyekodhi mana tho unde circle Intha chinnaga authundi anukoledu... vidheshalalo undalante idhi pedha compromise

Junnu gadu repatiki one and half year old authadu. Vadu height choosthe ikada andaru 3yrs anukuntunam. Beautiful eyes ani adigithe.. eyes twinkle chesthadu.. oka chilipi smile vasthundi vadi face lo apudapudu.. manchi feeling..yekuva describe cheyalenu..

Junnu pedhayaka telugu chadavatam vasthe maybe enjoy chesthademo na blog... 

Giant wheel lo pothunattu undi life fast ga..  vadu nidraleyatam... aata...food.. kindaku ala theskelli thippatam.. then vadi sleep .. na office work.. Malli lunch time lo vadu thinatam... kindaku ala thippi ravatam.. then intlo aata.. vadi sleep nenu work.. evening lechaka snack thini Chinna hero ready to go to play malli.. esari kinda vediki friends untaru.. usike motham thala pai veskuni adatam favorite.. tharvatha balavanthanga intiki theskochi thala snanam.. dinner and then malli kasepu aata .. bed medha.. konni books chadivesi Ika nidra.. esari nidra chala sepu.. Udayam dhaka.. madhyalo ala ala lesi cute stuff chesthadu.. just indhake borla padukunna vadu lechi na potta pai thala petti padukunadu kasepu..Vadi smooth skin.. and ah baby smell mesmerising .. probably words describe cheyalevu.. 

e life ki vedu chalu 

Junnu growing up ..14 months

 Junnu is growing up daily

He can put legos on top of the other, he can spot identical animals on the mat, he takes our hand and asks us to repeat whaever we are doing. He shows his tongue out when we do it.. especially he plays with swetha like this. He has maximum attention on phone when swetha is on the call. It is nice how they bond. I dont know how it must be for her to know him from far while growing. And then Junnu enjoys a lot going out... I take him out in the evening to watch buses and cars at the bus stop.. he sits a bit sideways on the strollers and chill out watching passing vehicles.When we go out on brunches sundays.. he blabbers something on his high chair and enjoys his breakfast.. mostly sits beside ravi... its fun to watch them play and eat..Junnu's hair is beautiful.. we never comb them but they still fall in place always after shower. Although he sits well on high chairs in the restaurants.. lately he doesnt like to sit in high chair at home.. it is like two people job.. one hold on top and the other one pull his leg through the high chair leg holes.

We are taking a lot of videos, but I wonder if he can see them while growing up.. what if we lose them somehow.. I hope the google photos exists forever.. 

Today Ravi went to work after 8 months of work from home. It was hard.. for us and more for him. Covid has given us opportunity to spend more time with Arjun. Thankfully I can still work from home.. I cant imagine leaving him and going... atleast until he goes to school at the age of 3. Now he is 14 months and 13 days old....

We have not showed him any kids videos yet.. once i showed him baby shark and he loves it.. but he just behaved like crazy boy bending his head and trying to go inside the phone.. I just realised similar other kids and forced myself to not show again. It is hard, yes it is becuase I know he loves it and not allowing him to do. But maybe it is better if he loves to play with the toys than look into something.. but now when i sing baby shark he gets so excited... he has that memory of one video..

I and Junnu played with water bubbles the other day and he kept touching the bubbles.. I dont now what goes on in his head.. we keep wondering about it.. he loves water..he always tries to put his bath sponge in the mouth and when we fill water in bucket to shower him.. he splashes them until half the bucket is empty.

When I took him to the play area in the apartment..and put him on the slide.. he went in the opposite direction to play.. when I tried to read a book.. I turned pages one after the other and he sometimes turns it in the opposite side...I resisted once to move it one direction.. but then I realised maybe we dont have to read that way.. we are just conditioned to do so.. junnu can read anyway he wants.. A lot of such conditioning is something I am trying to get out.

It is simple, I have him with me, I am alive and I need to learn to enjoy my time in this world. Past future is something there somewhere.. I dont care.

Junnu is my life <3

 How much big should a problem be for a person to be worried big

I dont know

I feel I can worry big even if it is a small problem

For what I went through in life, shouldnt the current life feel like the most blessing

But I still worry big

Self introspection is so hard and to think why we think in certain way and to know why we act certain way is the most complicated inspection

I think someone out there can simplify this for me and just tell me why I am worried and why I shouldnt be

Life really doesnt work that way

All these ten years I had one strong wish to never become weak in life, weak I mean mentally

After mom's death and what I went through during those times that was only wish I had

I fear sometimes if I will go back again through such phase

It is scary, mainly because that phase feels like never ending...and so lost.

If people around you are not enjoying the way you are and you have to change and you bloody dont know how to change, then comes the real problem..

I wish to travel somewhere far and  just feel myself..hug myself out and say I will be alright.

Going out is nice

I don’t know if I should call it kind of loneliness or just the times we are in
Staying at home is definitely not my thing
Today I went out with a friend and got hair washed, had lunch in a food court with my favorite ice lemon tea, it was raining outside and I felt soo good.
I bloody miss amazing company of friends in the past but I don’t want to complain.. I am happy I can go out, sit in a restuarant, sip favorite drink and stare at people passing by.
I kind of stopped reading books, listening to music.. after being addicted to them for few weeks or so. Maybe they are just corona lock down things.. once lock down is a bit relaxed I am going out and living life normal.. I really don’t bother now if Ravi gives me enough time or he plays his games... I seem to have my life back....
Junnu is now crawling and I have back ache bending all the time to pick him from pulling wires of tv and laptop. Ravi trimmed his hair with trimmer and he sat quiet all the while except for last few minutes.. he was bored by then. He doesn’t look very different without much hair. He got 6 teeth and two of his front teeth looks exactly like Ravi. I can’t stop wondering how capable is single cell of human is.
I am on one month leave and just chilling at home. Going out at times.. Not going out for a while might have made me talk less interesting stuff with people. It is practice I believe. Meeting more people gives us more interesting things to talk. Now staying at home I talk about junnu and myself.. somewhat about ravi.. nothing much other than that. I still keep wondering if singapore is the place I want to be for few more years.
Oh the other day I went crazy and been to post office.. got lot of envelopes, stamps, printed some pictures from insta and wrote notes in cute cards and posted them to many dear ones in India and US..
Posting letters felt good.
Back then I wrote so many letters to back then boyfriend. He had them saved in a big suitcase. I wonder sometimes what he would have done with it. Anyway I don’t think I can write like that again. I was super creative and so much in love. In love words flow free. I think I wrote this line before... in a post called blank.. patting my back for my memory..
So in the village all the nieces are back from city to avoid virus and are having so much fun. They keep calling me to see junnu and also they want to talk to ravi all the time.. he teases and plays with them and they love it.
I really don’t have interesting things to say.. I sing songs, read books to Junnu most of the day.. I sing an african lullaby “olele olele moliba makasi “.. he comes close to me when I start humming it.. he knows it is sleep time. He jumps on the bed and smiles sometimes...I lose my mind. I cannot believe my mind started to process this much happiness in a day with normalcy. It is overwhelming but I am used to overwhelming amounts of love load. Someone who is sad out there don’t be jealous...and sincerely wish every human on earth to be able to go through this parenting emotion. I even felt the other day if something happens to me.. I am ok.. I feel I am given everything in life and have seen many things so far. It is such a beautiful life.

Junnu will be 11 months this week

Junnu can now wake up from lying down position on his own.
The other day after his dinner around 6.40pm I went inside the kitchen to refill his food and by the time I returned he was in sitting position.. I was shocked because he was lying flat when I left him. Immediately went and check the video camera and just caught him in action.. he sat so quickly and easily that was amazing.
I keep thinking he will read these posts someday and probably ask if there is that video, I should remember to save it. But sometimes I also wonder if he will become someone who really dont bother about all these things. Either way I am excited for him.
He looks a lot like his father now a days..
Just before he want to sleep he tries to laugh loudly at any silly thing we do.. even just rolling eyes can tickle him, and then we know that he is sleepy
And when I put him to bed beside me, he keeps coming close and close I dont know how much more he can come because there is no more space between us and then he starts drinking milk, once in a while he looks at my face lifting his head and he does something so cute. He smiles from the right corner of his lips with warm eyes. I think I am going to miss that smile as he grows, it is cute, a bit funny and at the same time proud.
All his hugs, kisses, innocence is washing away any pain this heart ever had.
You will be my love for this life Junnu.

Cosy times

I went into the kitchen
Silently took the Japanese roasted rice green tea powder and turned on the stove.
Bent a bit to open the cupboard below the stove and took the tea making vessel.
Noticed it for a while, I have been using it since my wedding and ravi seem to have had it many years before that. I rinsed once with the water and filled half of it with the water and set it on stove to boil. While I waited for the water to boil, I turned away from the stove and looked into the kitchen window to see the nearby tree and wonder for a moment is this what relaxing means. I dont really know. I turn again towards the stove and put a spoon full of tea into the boiling water. While the tea was boiling I once again bent down, this time to just try and smell roasted rice.. I couldn’t smell anything yet but I felt hot water vapors on my face and suddenly it came to my mind, what if a person is very short and standing exactly where I am...maybe they will feel the vapors all the time. Thought it is silly to think like that and when the leaves are completely opened from boiling, I looked for a glass which has white background inside instead of black (I find it hard to see the contents in the glass when it has black color inside, strange but somehow I keep wondering black color inside porcelain glasses is a wrong way to make a glass. I poured my green tea in it and now I can smell roasted rice in it. Sipped it silently while reading a book in kindle.
I like this time.

Junnu sleeptime

Some days Junnu sleeps early
However I will not get to do much work as he doesnt go into deep sleep so fast
So he wakes up every 10-15 minutes once ensure I am around.. at times try to feed once again and otherwise just silently hold my top or put his leg on my leg and sleep
I have started reading books to kill time while I lie down those few hours until he goes to deep sleep
Most of the day I fall asleep by the time he enters deep sleep but when I am awake I read books
My preference lately is to read Japanese books. I am reading men without women by haruki marukami.. first story was so amazing in the book..you will take a break after each story because there is some thinking to do or it is heavy. Now after reading a few stories I feel some what monotonous although stories are new and engaging till the end.
When Junnu is awake I am so confused. I want to play and entertain him but somehow I feel Inam not doing it right. He dont look so engaged.. he enjoy more watching outside through the window and passing cars and buses.
The other day evening it rained so heavily. He was sitting on his baby cot and watched rain for sometime. It was amazing to watch him that way. I felt something different.. I thought how many rains we both will together right.. and even if I am not alive in future he will watch rain.. rain seem to be constant element and at that moment we both watched through the window and loved the rain.
In the middle of the night I am super sleepy but when I wake up I manage to change his diaper. It is a quick art, you need to put on fresh diaper before he starts to pee which I have no clue when. So I quickly take a wet wipe and wipe him, put on the diaper and put his tiny bedsheet on.
At that time of the night I think about my mother. When we were young (almost until we went to 7th grade) we used to wet the bed (both the sisters) and my mother woke up diligently every day middle of the night, took us to bathroom, remove our clothes, quickly shower and put on new clothes, changed new blankets and then put us back to sleep. And by the time we woke up we would again wet the bed. I cannot believe she did that for so long without complaining, and with so much love.
I dont know if I possess that kind of love. 

Uttaram

Manasauku hatthukunela oka uttaram rayalante manasu ah uttaram rase manishiki chala daggaraga unnattu oohinchali
Pakkane undi matladinatlu undali
Chadhive prathi padham dhani artham manasuni metha ga thakali
Chivari padham dagariki raakamundhe malli modatanunchi yepudu chadavala anipinchali
Padhe padhe chandivaka okasari gundeku hatthukovali
Kasepu nidrapogalagali ah hayi lo
Chinna chinna padhalu manushulani yentha anandanisthayo
Ne kaugililo, ne chethilocheyi vesi, yedhuruchoosthu untanu, gurthukuvachavu, choodalaniundi... lanti padhalu
Uttaralaa maaye veru
Malli ne rase uttaram kosam nene yedhuchoosthunna

An angel

It is a shame that I learnt so little from my mother
But then when I think of her she is not some one you want to become.. I mean it is too difficult or too big of a goal yo think of learning from her.. she is one awesome person
When we are fully broken financially and I should say mentally as well, she still has courage to be kind, gentle and helpful to other people. This is something I cannot imagine with myself or have not seen anyone yet with such great quality. Once when I was a a kid, in the nearby village there as fire and entire village was burning...a lot of people where coming back from the village passing through ours and I remember so many small children crying and some were even alone. My mother went to that village so brave, she invited a lot of people to our village, provided them food and more importantly she was always there in the school they are sheltered. Actually I dont want to continue telling what all she did to people, I can never finish.. she is just selfless and was there for anyone who needed help.
I have to accept the fact that I dont belong anywhere close to her great personality.

Trust me this note is for self

How much I know myself
I am a sucker for nice smells... I am damn particular about my shower gels, shampoo and perfume.
I keep changing shower gels and shampoos but perfume it is rare I like something.. I have two favorites 1. Lacoste femme and 2. Bodyshop white musk
I love travelling and I love researching airbnbs
I also like floral stuff.. especially clothes in floral..
I love kids doll dresses..sounds a bit weird but I follow many doll dress designers in insta..some day I want to have a collection of those and also show them to little girls who visit our house as my collection
I love flowers...lillies are my favorites..not indian tuberose but actual pink or white broad petal lillies..they smell divine.. I also think I should decorate flowers and take classes. Once when I took classes I got so bored I mean felt the whole thing so slow.. I want a flower garden in backyard though.
i also think I might be an architect in future..sounds weird right ...but I have this thing in mind for almost 4years now and I love watching certain designs especially those sustainable and basic designs which trigger sense of calmness. i probably think I should join an internship somewhere and see if this is really my area of interest... but then two years ago ravi constructed a house in our village and I have given zero inputs into it.. so yeah I am not sure of this architect them.. probably I might b someone who admires these things
Coming to food..list is not too long but I do have favorites...gongura is the first in the list. I recently realised I love cowpeas..red and black eyed peas, avacadoes, red rice pudding, sesame balls, mango dal, mango instant chutney, tamarind leaf dal, pachimirakkaya pachadi our village style, gutti vankaya.. ice lemon tea.
I think I am simple person and have no expectations from others.. but that is so wrong. I have a lot of expectations and I impose on people even without my understanding..back of mind I keep realising that
My behaviour changes depending on the person I am dealing with..over the years I learnt and realised some people really trigger wrong side of me and I sincerely make effort to avoid them and it had worked out fantastically.
I over promise most of the time, it is just genetic maybe.. I recall my dad doing somewhat like that...people loved him though...anyway I struggle to keep up the promises..both at work and friends/family.
I can save like crazy but at the same time I can spend like hell... so I need to watch out money carefully, plan ahead every month and stick to certain amount of expenses. I still keep missing the agreed amount to myself but I try a lot. Quite stressful and irritating to control this when you know you have something and you dont want to use that money to indulge..
it is sick but I check currency conversion and bank accounts everyday..such middle class habit..but makes me proud always...but sometimes I know nothing changes everyday until my payday but stupid to just check everyday
One thing I do sincerely is genuinely care about cousins.. most of the time I go beyond notmal helpful steps..have been doing this for couple of years now and somehow think back in my mind they will miss me in the absence of this..maybe not
I like pavan kalyan..still always likes his pictures when I see them online.
I always go late to work it..i changed jobs but this hasnt changed. I dont like it myself but I am learning to make peace with it..
My childhood wasnt rosy..my parents had crazy life...involving so many events that all the normal city based people wouldnt understand.. I don’t generally care to explain to most of them
There are scars if I look back but then I dont look back much
I had a few boyfriends before meeting ravi.. I still think only one of them was serious relationship. Even after breakup I was emotionally dependent on him for many years before my marriage..most of them who were very close to me during his time still strongly believe I never got over it and keep asking me if I remember him.
Yes I do, I also talk to ravi about him... its hard to forget someone who was there for significant part your life and if I say I don’t remember I am cheating myself..and why would I do that. Just sharing incidents as I remember feels nice a bit relief. I also wonder sometimes if I see him suddenly how would I react...maybe we both will look old..and I will definitely say hi and ask how he is been all this while.
I consider myself very lucky as well. This strong, independent, gogetter, traveller, multitasker in me wouldn’t have been possible without Ravi.
Like overpromise, act differently with different people, I also think I say something and do something..mostly change myown  instruction. For example I think something, say it but then I forget it after a while and by then I would think something else. The whole chain would be confusing for others but in my mind I think it is super clear..I realised this sometime back and I am working on it. These kind of knowing myself, my weaknesses and working on it has bought it so much confidence and pleasure of being myself. I am loving this exploration.
I have no clue about this whole parenting thing and am constantly doubting myself if I am doing things right..initially I went crazy and slowly getting better..
I have really a few friends over the years and none I can call whenever I want to
I have weirdest relationship with my sister. We love each other when we are far, she is also my best friend and I rarely hide myself to her. But when we meet we are total contrast.. cant tolerate each other for very long... we just know each other too long and annoy hell out of each other. But then once again we go far.. I regret everything and miss her a lot...I think I am working on thus each time and always fail. Some old habits are really hard...
Anyways I hope I learn to change all those things I hate in me one by one and like myself  more with each passing day
If I cant love myself I have no love left for any.

Yentho prema kavali

E lock down yemo kani mari mind ki chala time undi
Kaali ga unte leni ponivi alochistham
Kani 35 vachay kada last month koncham budhigane alochanalu vasthunayi
Age is just a number antaru kani vatitho vache health problems chepparey
Anyway birthday na bujji junnu gaditho cheskunna...naku ravi ki idhariki birthday celebrations antha nachav.. just lazy ga untam but esarendhuko celebrate cheskovali anipinchindi... ala brunch ki velli evening chinna cake cut chesam friends zoom call lo unte...
Chala dhachestham manashulam manasulalo
Nenu kooda
Konni yevariki cheppaleka mari konni cheppataniko siggu padi..
Nenu chala closed person ani e madhye telusukunna
Naku yem kavalo nake teledu
Including prema kooda.. naku prema kavalani nake teledu...yentha stupid kada
Asalu alantidi accept kooda cheyaledu na mind i mean naku prema avasaram ani..
Perigina paristhithulu yela undevante prema secondary.. survival first laga..
Ipudu survival easy avagane yedho missing feeling...
Na friend okammayi cheppindi.. matladethapudu... ninnu college ayaka hostel lo choosa yentha loving person la undedhanivi... anni love stories ye..exciting times ani..
Manchi reminder laga anipinchindi... kodhi rojulu sathayincha love kavali love kavali ani ravitho
Papam yemanukunnado yento chala effort pettadu...pedthunadu...but koddirojulaku stupidity anipinchindi nadhi...you get what you subscribe for.. thanu yepudu antha emotional type kadu.. i knew it..ofcourse kind hearted..and warm to live simple peaceful life.
Anyway love ane need yentha strong ga ye time lo yevariki vasthundo teledu kada
Na junnu gadu ilantivi anni gurthu theppisthunadu
Eroju amma birthday... ravi dinner cook chesadu.. yedho spicy chesadani chalasepu feel kooda ayyadu..
Junnu ki ninna first tooth vachindi... yedho nobel award vachinattu nalo nene murisipoya
Tharvatha kothaga nenu dhooram velthe yedvatam dhaggariki raagane apeyatam chesadu..pichekkipoyindi.. office pani yentho usharuga chesesa..
Yentha andanga unnay days veeditho
“Can u handle this cuteness” ane onesie veskoni bujji bujji ga nidrapothunadu
Vadi hair style vere level.. by birth stylish hair
Intha chinna jeevitham lo inni anandala
Junnu ammaki pedhayaka kooda ipudila yenno mudhulu pettali sarenaaa

Junnu gadi favorite things to do

First he loves to keep everything in his mouth
We started to let him eat by himself, so it is so much fun to watch him keep things in his mouth
His favorite is avacado, safely we can mix it with anything we want to feed, because he loves it
And then, oranges, banana, watermelon, mango and blue berries are his favorite
He is just 8 months old and he wants to stand always..
While drinking milk from amma, he keeps pushing my hand that tries to cuddle him..sometimes he pushes it even with his legs
He has this new jumperoo from swetha pinni and he loves jumping on it
Junnu is teething and his favorite thing to keep in mouth is our fingers..
It is so hard to say which is his favorite toy.. becuase he really doesnt play with one in particular.. a small white rabbit toy from Preethy and hungry caterpillar are his favorites. Also he loves LLama LLama book..somehow he keeps flipping pages and at times he starts to eat it.
His new favorite is watching shadows.. he is so amazed at them...
Not a big fan of video calls, he conveniently ignores anyone on the phone
His grandpa and my sister sings for him to grab his attention
He loves to play in his bath tub.. when there is any toy in it..he doesnt splash water but without toys suddenly he starts splashing..ravi and me lost count of his splashing videos
We got him those small puffs to eat and they stick to his palm center and it is funny how he tries to get rid of them to the tip of his hand..
As soon as he wakes up he gives a big smile.. sometimes he is quiet and doesnt cry after waking up. He just gazes at the sky from window. I feel amused to watch him like that.
He licks my nose and cheeks and I think he is kissing me :D but I might be just a toy..
Oh one more thing.. he loves to watch at my long hair.. makes me not cut them forever.. when I am tying my hair he watches with some kind of amazement...
He always watches leaves moving at the window..
ooooh.. how did I forget how much he loves watching buses and cars from the window.. whole world stops for him when we go to window.. before COVID lockdown..me and ravi used to take him to bus stop and park his stroller so that he can watch moving vehicles on the road for a while..he moves his head right and left along with the vehicles.. I almost worry if he gets neck sprain

The list seems endless.. I will take a break and write again..
Junnu babu...is growing so fast...
filling our hearts with so much warmth and love

Junnu babu

I read somewhere that someone kept a weekly record of the baby and all the cute things they did
I am amazed that someone can do that so easily
Everyday junnu does so many cute things I really cant recall what he did yesterday.. there are just so many..
I just feel lucky every second I see him.. do I even deserve so much happiness!
I dont know what and how kids become when they grow up and when they are small they are nothing but born to make parents so happy..
For all the people whom I was upset when you asked about having kids.. I am sorry I really didnt kno what you meant.. now I know.

It is the corona virus time every where but who cares, I can work from home and be close to my junnnu. After my whole emergency during pregnancy made me learn one thing to live today. I really don't give a shit about tomorrow.

Even today around 5pm I was thinking I have no regrets if something happens this minute. I am super happy with what I have in life and have been this way for quite sometime.

Call me weird but I think, mothers fight so hard to make their children eat, sleep and just live. I think me being 35yrs old should have made my mother happy or maybe content. If I am there on Junnu 35th birthday that would be craziest thing and so much fun.

I actually wanted to write some other stuff but now I cant recall it.

Junnu is holding my dress and sleeping beside me. He just learnt to hold my dress while sleeping so I wont go anywhere. He also puts a leg on my leg just to ensure I am around. Since this morning he was fake crying to get attention and his daddy was laughing entire time taking videos. Sundays are Junnu favorites.. because both mommy and daddy are constantly around and giving him all the attention.

Anyway the whole experience is so surreal.. I kind of feel there is parallel world now. How on earth these kids can come and make life so beautiful.. what was that all before they come? Is it like another world in those parallel words..

Junnu amma loves to the farthest star and back! I also dream by the time you grow up space travel would be just a normal thing and we both can go around and visit some planets!

naa Arjun

Clock is ticking in the background..going to be 2AM soon
I just checked tenth time if there are any mosquitoes in Arjun's net
I can't fall asleep easily today..infact for some days
I am too happy to sleep I believe
Our little Arjun arrived on 06th of August this year.
What a beautiful journey since his arrival
Such new joy life brings
As he stretches his hands and sleeps beside me, I feel so content and at the same time amused at his cute ways
He is 4 months two weeks now and can smile.. sometimes he smiles at people as if he has to smile becuase of expectation.. I wonder how he knows that
I could have never imagined such a cute boy in my stomach.. he is a peaceful boy...
I read to him "the hungry caterpillar" by Eric every day and he looks at the book so carefully
Going to office is the tough part of the day..somehow I am managing home and office
When I see him in video camera at work, I just close my laptop and run home..
It is like teenage love... unable to stop...I miss him even when he is sleeping on my lap..
Ravi is also madly in love with this boy and I cant stop admiring the way they bond...it is special.
I try not to dream his future, infact not even mine. I just want to live this minute.
There are days I thought about my mother and how she would have felt having me as her first child...I think that she would have stared at me at night while I slept..just like how I do now with Arjun.
Giving birth at 7th month and going through the emergency room for the first time in life, did give me new perception to life. Doctors in Singapore say "you will have fits followed by stroke if we dont do c-sec and remove the baby", just like "hey how are you".. When I first heard that sentence, I was all alone and I remembered shivering for 5 minutes. I had some time to prepare myself, but then what was I preparing for. Death was easy thing, living is hardest. I didnt regret anything that moment..infact I felt like women are prepared somewhat mentally they could die during delivery. After surgery, I didnt had a connection with the baby.. when I went to see him in NICU two days after his birth, I cried..I cried with guilt of not being able to give birth to perfect child..he had so many tubes around his body. One month in NICU went on somehow, swetha being in town, then pavithra, geetha.. sister made my life easy. I started working 2.5 months after delivery. Although I didnt sleep continously atleast 4hrs in last 4 months, I love it.

Retire and do what..?

When do you all want to retire in life?
I sometimes wonder probably 40 yrs is a good time to retire.. so I can just laze around for another 60yrs (really optimistic of how long I would live). But I really think with the current speed of earning and no spending.. one can save enough to live forever by 40yrs.
So how much do we need to save to live 60yrs .. a simple life..in a village or in a city.. let's do the math..

So, for one person 5.4 crore is enough to live in a metro city for the entire life. Probably costs will go up, but imagine all the money 5.4crore is in a bank with a 7% fixed deposit, the inflation should be able to cover that up.
So imagine a person is able to save 40lakhs per year (giving a high amount by average year on year increase in a person salary for 13.5yrs), he/she can retire in next 13.5years from now. For example, if I take my case, I am 34yrs now, I can retire in the above scenario by 48yrs..

Actually, my calculations suck. Now I don't like this idea. 60yrs is probably too long you know. Cut short to 30yrs. Then I can retire in 7yrs.. which is when I am 41. Actually, that is perfect.

Retire and do what..?

Nothing really.. just get bored.. eat people's head...think of food all the time and hop on to past memories and kill time.... most of all maybe travel sometime.... none of the hobbies is long lasting so killing time might be so hard... maybe once I have kids.. I can be full-time mom.. but that sounds horrible and lazier.. taking naps when kids go to school.. pick them from school... feed them.. and what else watch serials..gossip with women around.. sucks...everything sucks.

Let us say if I go back to our village....maybe lifespan cutdown to another 10yrs i.e. total cutdown 60yrs/2-10yrs=20yrs...(villagers know how to kill you by making mentally weak..it is a skill)...I can retire in the next five years and get into that melodramatic life.. action packed.. weird gossips..sometimes life-threatening... What will I do in a village... go to some college in a nearby town and teach what I learnt while working... go to fresh farms to buy vegetables...wait for cousins to come to the village during holidays... decorate the house and make a cosy place..start Airbnb...
Or maybe just do nothing... cook, eat, watch tv and gossip (realistic scenario).

Or maybe.. travel the world after 40 and never come back.

It is too early to decide on all of this.. but when is the right time? Will I ever think of retiring in my life and do something which doesn't require a routine!