Can someone take care of me.. I mean literally with everything!

I literally feel this way many times in a week.. especially morning and evening just before going to office and immediately after coming back from office.

Without a doubt I was a pampered kid. I should use the word pampered adult as my mother pampered us as long as she was alive and I was also always surrounded by people who cared and gave me things even before I asked.

So now all those things are no more there and I struggle on a daily basis for things like..

Wish I had some one to feed me once I am back from office...

Wish someone had taken care of my hair, oil them, wash them, tie them 

Wish someone can fold those sarees I opened out of enthusiasm and do not want to fold

I recently blamed any health concern I have after my parents left was all because of excess pampering.. I dont know to take care of me. I dont give myself nutritious food, I just eat whatever is convenient and not what is healthy..

I still manage with life even this way.. maybe most of us do..

I know to live independently like a modern woman but I dont know to live well, I only know to manage somehow..there is so much difference I guess.

I recently came across something called “village tourism promotor”.. can you believe how nice it would be as a job title. That I call a real job title. I am keen on making our village a touristic place.. not just our village surrounding places as well. Looking back at my few years of work experience.. I believe the most passionate things I did ever were looking at Airbnb website and travelling around Asia.  

My learning are more towards tourism industry and every time I see something around our village I just think.. wow!..people around the world would love to see this... we have rich culture at every corner of India.. what if my village is hottest place, it is muddy, it has no beach blah blah.. we still have beautiful farms, rivers, warm people, amazing food, historic temples.. and traditional houses.. 

I sometimes imagine, some foreigner travelling in our village and somewhere a small boy in village suddenly dreaming to go to far lands and doing great things in his life.. just doing that for one boy or one girl is an achievement itself.

There is a lot of awareness that villagers still need. some of the key things I would always think of brining awareness are they dont have to take antibiotics each time they get cold, also they should know that they can cause resistance. Women being aware that if there is some small problem in uterus they dont have to remove uterus, the rate of uterus removal in rural areas for small issues is so high. 

Anyway coming back to real life and all the dreams keep lingering in head...

Goodnight

Fond memory of clothes

I read my post twice some time back and realised I dont write much anymore.
I actually dont have anything interesting to write.
Although a lot of things happen around me, I dont see them sepcially anymore
Back then, when I didnt have enough money for day to day expenses, I had so many stories.
What do I write today? Should I write, I like a blouse today, I went to shop and got it. There is really nothing interesting in it. I wear the blouse couple of times and I buy another one. They can never be my favorites. I had so many favorite chudidhars back in college even in school. My first chudidhar was white dress with green sleeves. Green sleeves had bandhini dots and before buying it I saw it for six months displayed outside shop on my way to school. It was 500 rupees and I was not able to affort it, in fact my parents struggled to pay school fees each month. And my second dress was completely black with soft cloth and I was so skinny it felt like a cloth piece being hung to a stick.
I just had only these two for entire tenth standard. I loved them, even I made my mom wear them for a picture, she looked like a college girl.
And I had some favorites in 12th standard, a blue simran dress which I got for my birthday. I really liked that dress, infact I really like that birthday most. I recall how shy I was back then, with long hair. It was also last day of inter exams and my birthday in 2002.hmm
 Coming back to dresses, in degree I loved a yellow chudidhar so much, it had such a long lovely dupatta, my sister reminded me of that dress some days back. There was also one black dress when I was in final year of degree, plain black dress with a special shining dupatta.
I went to do masters in bangalore, all my friends were stylish, wearing jeans, t shirts and my pretty salwars suddenly looked different. My confidence was a bit shaken at that age like every small town girl and I started coping up and matching myself to my surroundings.
After many many years now I unlearn all these. I love wearing salwars to office, also love sarees, I hope to have same memories of my clothes until degree even now.

2018

Time is moving slowly
Memories are fading slowly
I know what I want for this 2018
I feel warm with the thought of new year
I like it that my wedding is now 4 years old
I like it that I will be 33 years old in this new year
Last year was such a fantastic year in my career, I don't think every year will be such way, but it is always nice to find a job which makes your life balance.
I traveled a lot last year, although I think I traveled less.
In 2018 I might travel less. It is just nice to be at home doing nothing. Although I feel I am trained a bit to think this way, it is OK if it is nice thing. Thought of excess travel is stressful as well.
I might have to work on new pastime and get rid of airbnb, skyscanner fascination.
I worked out a lot in 2017 than any year in the past, but I really didn't loose any of my extra weight. 2018 hopefully is the year to make some progress
Weather in Malaysia has been lovely in 2017, no hazy days, more rain, many starry nights, amazing sunsets and relaxing rooftop time
Surprisingly we saw so less movies in theater this year compared to last few years, I hope it is a good thing as well..
I might have taken flights more than 60 times in 2017 and hated it every time, but the most scary flight was at the end of December, turbulence like I have never seen, almost making people scream for a while. I learnt turbulence is ok over time, there is nothing much you can do once you are on flight.
My hunt for boutique hotels has not ended yet in each country I visit. I hope to continue this in 2018.
At the end of 2017, I did go for a solo trip, to gili islands. I landed at 12.30am in airport and driver of my airbnb stay picked me up, an old man, very nice to talk to, although I had my own doubts and being careful. We had to drive almost 2 hours to reach speed boat. When I reached speed boat, entire place was so quiet. It was just me, driver and he went to wake up some young boat drivers. They woke up and pulled speed boat just for me and the island was just 10 minutes away, I could see it from far. I heard many stories that it is not safe to drive at night in the ocean, waves can be strong, but luckily it was calm on that day. Driver left from the speed boat location and these two young kids probably aged 15 where driving the boat. It was dark, around 2.30am and I looked at the sky. So many stars, so many than I saw in Maldives, than I saw in Gangtok. In ten minutes we reached the island. Once I reach there, airbnb staff where supposed to be there, but odd time, no one was there. Boat guys want to leave, I insisted they stay until airbnb staff arrives. I didn't had local number and no way to call them, they arrived in 10 minutes time and local island people were smoking and singing kuch kuch hota hai song, I doubt if they even know the meaning of it, they were just funny not harmful. Sharukh khan is so popular there as well. I reached my accommodation safely, and felt I handled the whole thing without panicking. Next two days, entire island sang hindi songs when I bicycled around the island, I enjoyed all of them.

Here are some pics from island..

Arjun Reddy with blood red font

I wanna play this song when I read this next time..

Arjun Reddy

Where do I start.
I went mad with this movie.
I just cant say it is my obsession, it is just like myself, my version of a boy, my dream come true movie..you think sometimes things in your mind and bloody someone shows it in a movie. And you always thought that particular feeling of yours is so secretive, so sensitive, so hideous, so damn delicate and personal. Its no more the same, it is in movies man. Now people who thought their sensitive feelings to be on a different level, have to think at different level, feel things at different level to make them personal. It is like raising your bar of  feelings...bar to love more, love differently, love passionately and boom just love real. To all those fucking bastards who think their weak mean braveless love is love..movie says to shut their ass holes forever and know that they never loved.

The other day, I was looking at myself in mirror, with my curly hair back and hair tied on top of my head, I decided to stop my hair experiments. I liked me just the way I was, probably when I was in bachelors. And then I suddenly realized I fought with people to accept my change, just a simple example be it my hair style, hair length..anyway never mind it was such a big scene back then...I gave a damn and did what I liked and today same me want to be just the way I was back then. I moved my head from mirror and came out of the room and that one second something has stricken in my head.

"I was always fighting for my childhood", this was the word that came in mind, but I know what I meant was I was fighting for my age, my memories at that age. I cannot imagine if I listened to others at that age, what I would be feeling today, probably frustrated at myself.

I have a message for girls and boy until age 25 years. Let your girlfriend or boyfriend be the way they are. If you want them to change, probably you need to change your thinking to expect them to change. Mind you, world has changed, you cant control anyone and you shouldn't. And all the girls out there, leave any man at any stage you think is controlling you, they are not worth it, at least not worth your time.

Coming back to Arjun Reddy, I am officially a big fan of Viay Deverakonda. I never felt this way after Pawan Kalyan. What a movie, mind blowing lyrics, back ground score..the kind of kick and motivation I get with this movie is at different level. Some of the weirdest thoughts were that I probably should act in movies..another one was direct movies....feeling I can say is I wanted to do something in life..now that all feelings in love are open in the form of this movie.

e madhya telugu cinemalu baguntunnay

Dhooram dhaggara chesthunnadhi
Inkaa istam penchindhadhee
Malli malli kalise thondharaa
Kaalaannainaa tharimesthundhadhi

Aa dhikku ee dhikku
Maunamgaa okkataiyyaye…

Naa ooru nee ooru
Manalni vearu cheyleve…

Raa raa raa…
Kaugilai….

Raa raa raa…
Oopirai….

Raa raa raa…
Kaugilai….

Raa raa raa…
Oopirai….

Praanam rekkalu chaasthunnadhee
Neekai rivvuna vasthunnadhi
Neepai vaali nidhurinchaalani
Aakaashaanne Odisthunnadhi

Naadhaaka nuv vosthe
Needhaaka nenu vosthunte
Ee dhesham ee lokam
Inkinkaa chinnavainaaye…

Raa raa raa raararaa….

-----

Ninnukori, fidaa where best movies in recent times..they reminded me of thammudu cinema times..Nani is my new hero..I can connect to his movies, scenes, and every small gesture....and this new movie "Arjun reddy" is in must see list...I have fallen in love with above song.. also another is "unnatundi gundey" from ninnukori movie...

US song to Bangkok

I kind of have one or two songs that I get stuck with at times and they now become part of that place.
When I was in US I was so damn stuck with G-Eazy  "Me Myself and I" song. I heard it like many many times. Now when I hear it, I remember those long drives in US with this song on. It is a nice memory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSfpSOBD30U

Anyway not much to write.
Last week I was in Vietnam on a business trip and the city was so lit up for the lunar new year.
Each and every street feels like full of life

I am excited about my upcoming Thailand trip.
Cant get enough of planning it.. that is about travelling.. until the day of the travelling it keeps you very excited and to make you want to know more about the place...to try new things.. I like planning for travel very much and on the day of travel..I like it that we will go to airport and get so excited about going to new place..land in the new country late in the night..find right option to reach the accommodation...wow.. all these things are exciting.. Its been many months now that I wanted to go to Bangkok and see all those shopping my friends have been saying.. want to each the local thai food and thai massage for sure.. woww

Radha Manoharam

Few days back I was coming back from office
As I reached my house I noticed that the sky was dark and the sun set was in pink and orange colors filling the entire sky into magic
I dropped my laptop in the house and ran to the roof top garden to see the sunset
I just don't have words to explain what I saw on that day. I am sure there might have been best sunset days, but the one I witnessed is the best I have ever seen in my life.
I am quite happy that my phone was switched off by then and I couldn't capture any moment, so I saw at the skies so much to preserve them in my memories, that I came back with headache. Its alright, for that sunset anything is worth it.
Recently when I went to my village for my sister's engagement, I saw beautiful star lit sky. After all village doesn't have those many many lights everywhere like in cities. I envy all those people in the world who can sleep under starlit sky everyday and can see them with the naked eye.
I went back the other day to read my old blog posts and saw some words like "relax, where are we going, is this rat race" ..I didn't change a bit, I still think the same.
I have a new Radha manoharam plant in my little garden now and I am so fascinated at the speed it is growing. Every morning it has some new leaves, it stopped flowering since a week now, but I can't wait for my balcony to be filled with it's pleasant smell. A big forest is seen beside my house and this little plants in my house give me so much happiness.
What are you all doing these days?

Minimalism - Reactive

Reading about minimalism has itself making me very anxious
Because it is making me think of all the stuff I need to get rid off
There are sooo many things..just so many
But I know I don't need all of them
I need to accept the fact that I always have been someone who doesn't like to throw away things, I just keep them as memory or I think I don't have right to throw them, just because they are hard earned by someone you love.
I have really crazy stuff or may be usual stuff like everyone else that are just piled up which I really don't need and on top of it I keep buying especially clothes and shoes.
I am surprised for someone like me the minimalist concept is appearing so like my-thing
May be I reached to some stage where I don't need much
While I experiment this, I am gonna get rid of all those memories/materialistic things that I kept storing/piling for no reason.

Reactive is another thing running back of my mind
How good is being reactive to things
In work definitely not good, also in modern kind of living, people dont enjoy reactive people, rather they want someone who think carefully and respond
Unlike before, I argue within myself when I had to change as per the society, because, I always feel there is good side of each behavior
Does reactive behavior has any good side of it.. am I or any reactive person is like that for a reason?

Any second thing is random thought while minimalism is just the thing these days and I am reading just too much. Cant wait to do something about it.

Trip to tioman

It was long time ago that me, ravi and swetha went to Tioman trip. I just remember it like yesterday. So quiet and the best beach I have seen in my life. My first snorkeling and I still remember how reluctant I was in not coming back to the shore. There were billions of colors under water. So many colorful fishes and colorful mosses.

Clear waters...more than anything star lit sky, nothing like that.

Love Tioman.

Chin Swee Caves Temple

An hour drive from my home can take us to this foggy Chinese temple with a huge Buddha idol. We take most of our guests there..especially guests with kids.. Kids love to run on those empty space and the weather is always cold.

Sunset sunset

Normal life of thick skins

I am back from India two days ago and it is so unfortunate that I wanted to come back to Malaysia all the time during my stay in India. The thought of regular office life has sunk so deep into me, I craved for it. Love, expectations, emotions, drama, food all those things come rushing in India, from myself and from people. I think they are too much to take. I find it funny, when I met a person and had teary eyes. Never happens back in Malaysia, no serious emotions.

I read sometime back below quote, found it so apt for myself.

I might have developed so called thick skin and also started liking people who have these thick skins. Less happiness and less sadness...a normal simple life. Not many sacrifice everything in life for a normal life. In small villages, there are still those innocent mothers who go through so many difficulties on a daily basis and dream for a normal life of their children. Normal life without any fights, without major money issues, without too many misunderstandings, without too much expectations, without drama...and when the children know what exactly their parents wished for them, that means they also know the value of the Normal life and they will just learn to wear the thick skin. Whose fault is this? Or is the best thing ever?

Another starry night dream

Since two days there is a pleasant breeze in the city and makes me remember my village. And my dreamy starry nights have become more and more wanted recently. Did I really see those billions of stars in the sky. How difficult are they to be seen after you move to cities. Does any one miss them at all. I crave to see them. I see each night at sky and am so disappointed. We don't see more than ten stars in KL. But back then in my village, when there is no electricity in the evening after 7p.m, lying on the wooden cot in front on the house, around small Jasmine plant bushes and giant coconut trees and looking into the fully star lit sky, always gave me sense of completeness and a feeling of belonging. Belonging to nowhere. When recently my close friend said she is sad and then I thought what can I do to make her happy. I thought for a long time, I don't have answer for you sweety. May be the calmness those stars gave me should give you some of their happiness to you. Chaos in life is scary sometimes. I always wish that I should get the problems only that I can handle mentally. And I always wish for you the same.

What can I say, how much I like to appreciate the life and people around me. You.

Fondly Jogja

So here I want to mark a post on my blog about my first solo trip to an unknown country with no one I know to meet while I stay there. My year end expiring leaves have made me think of spending time at home simply doing nothing. I decided I should get out of the house and do something exciting. I think I did more than exciting. I booked my flight tickets to Yogyakarta. I was definitely not worried that I am travelling alone..and was rather looking forward for the trip. I stayed in back packers. Although this is my second back packer stay (first one being in Australia port cambell), this one is solo stay. I stayed at Bhumi hostel, Kotagede. What a wonderful place it was. It took some time to figure out who is the owner, staff and guests. Female dorm room made me totally remember my college days in Bangalore and also few other hostels while I was working in Bangalore. I think I missed that kind of Dorm rooms and bunker beds with corner bed. I liked getting into my corner bunker bed and covering the blanket and just lazing in the afternoon. Bhumi has wonderful garden, just something I always dream to have in my own house. I woke up everyday early in the morning and spent some time wandering in the garden, smelling the leaves. Hostel had a great energy and a vibe of youth. People who were travelling there were adventurous and full of life. I strongly felt each minute of my stay how much energy I have and why it was hiding all the while. Life pushes each one in to some phase and I don't know if it can be reversed.  I want to travel again by myself, this time a bit longer. Lets see, how it will turn out. Although there are some risks travelling alone, as a female solo traveler...then there are many people who are just like us..The spontaneous life with office, work, home, regular meet up with friends..is nice..but is it lively enough?

Australia

I am quite excited about the upcoming bali trip.
In my free time, I sit and plan the trip and lost track of things I want to do there
Here in malaysia, people are crazy about travelling. Mostly becuase of cheaper flights that Airasia offer and secondly it is located conveniently to all major cities in the world.
While, in my list in last few years, I visited Vietnam, Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore, Australia, Nepal, I still have that push inside me to visit more and more countries. Not just visit but expereince the people, culture and places. Australia is the most beautiful country so far, while Nepal is the second most beautiful place. Vietnam is beautiful too, but in a different way. In terms of scenic, Australia and Nepal are the best. I recall the ten days of Australia trip so often, atleast once a day. The thought of penguins, searching for Koala bears, unending straight roads with just nothing on either side, silence of life in those places, sudden winds, strong winds, crossing Kangaroos, longest road just beside the ocean, small beautiful towns, cute little houses with pretty gardens in front..many more. It is just the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life.

 

On a Monday afternoon

Wondering why there is nothing much to write, while I am always busy exploring life.
May be I am not just exploring it the way I wanted.
Last night I could not sleep. I woke up many times and tried to go back to sleep. Night was not so dark, but cold. Hugging my blanket and closing my eye lids and I open them to go to wash room, come back and drink some water and again hug the blanket. Repeated the same for more than 4 to 5 times I guess. Apart from the body aches from sudden increase of exercises, something was really going on in my mind. I couldn't figure out what exactly though. Hmm..

After my xiaomi phone died due to motherboard crashing (hate the sound of it), I got another same phone, a baby version of it, which works exactly like the earlier phone. I got my hair rebonded, now I think of how far I came with my hair. From cutting it short after bachelor degree to losing it's chemical bonds to make them straight. Straight hair is cool, they are easy to manage, but curly hair like mom and sister, is more beautiful...and natural.

All my cousins are in whatsup now. I like it very much. All my close friends are too..

I have become a bit obsessed about travelling these days. May be it is Malaysian thing and I just picked it.

We went to few beautiful trips recently and stayed in nice places with a big group of friends. It was so much fun time.






 

Thinking of Mountains

Tiny pots of memories break in mind sometimes
While some stories remain in mind incomplete
I wonder why nothing is in control at all phase of the life
At some phases more worse.
May be it is just me.
Guilt is a shame word, I hate it.
Death of people can leave in guilt for a while, may be for few years
But other than that there is nothing in this world that one need to be guilty of, it is all phases of life that anyone has any control on.
At the end of the day, a strong man always works towards a stable mind and realistic life.
Beautiful are those thoughts that pass by and when you catch and introspect them, they disappear for the farthest distances, may be the dark farthest distances
While I always say I cant remember things, especially words people say, my long term memory can deposit the situations with tiny details
I can observe, I cannot remember. I hate stressful calenders, task bars, reminders, I might want everyone to understand there is no need to remember for everyone, it is a bit weird to think so, but what is the point of challenging your genes, except building up additional stress.
I have been thinking last night to start some mountain climbing series just as my friend in office started few months back. First to get back to shape, second to get out of my office work over weekend and finally to say to myself that I can.

To You

We always remember good days of the year
Like today..
Its my anniversary already
Already la...
Time flew like anything
Anything is my thing...
Must be a bit hard one for my best half..assuming that I am not an easy on to deal with
I had a beautiful year of my life...
A year full of fun, excitement and joy
Like those happy new year greeting cards wishes "full of fun, excitement and joy"..
For all those who think that life stops after your parents
Here is my token of hope, life is merrier than you can think...
So coming back to a year of wedding life
Nothing much to write..
Wishing myself good going forward along with all my friends and families lives
And wishing my partner soooooo much of patience to bear me :P..

Happy anniversary Raviiiiii.... <3 p="">

To Roger Waters + David Gilmour: Comfortably Numb

Its been a long time again I wrote
I probably am not understanding or not looking into it..
Life is going on at different pace itself
Those things which I was super worried before wedding or the same one's I am able to forget in just few hours
I come from a background of most soft and most violent people. Those both were just at extremes that, I am left with feelings that are either of them and just numb
Numb is the word used by all favorite singers of mine, while I decide to not use it
A pocket of memory filled with sad, painful, unwanted are trying to escape from my mind these days, and that last string holding it is probably the numb one as my singers call it
Teenage and especially early 20's is filled with so much drama and all of it actually is in bits and pieces movie replicas
What if I grow children in future without showing any movies, may be they will be numb at 16
Ok forget it

Xmas was a bit different this year
I never celebrated myself Xmas, although my mom want to take us to Church sometimes, I always tried to ignore and whenever few times I went with her, I behaved as if I did some favor. Festivals are so good for the good mood. No wonder we have so many festivals in India.

Always little cousins

Green happy birthday teddy bear is looking at me
All the duo pictures of us are staring at me with twinkle smiles
After browsing the historic gmail inbox for a while, with that happy face I write

Sad or happy, the past was always remains a beautiful memory
I feel sad sometimes, thinking and seeing that all my cousins are going through similar difficult phase which I went through
I know they will turn out strong one day, I need to be patient
Talking to them is always so close to heart