Tough Times Make You Tough Girls, Be Proud of Them!

Well
My mind enlightened today
I am in the edge of reaching wisdom
Felt great after sending my sister to new place
Proud that I manged well all the travel and accommodation
Not missing her..infact I dont want to miss her
Again Thanks to all my friends
I do all crap and they listen..love you guys
If there are angels you must be them
Now sitting at home..I feel good being alone
A feeling of missing someone is good..
Alone feeling makes me remind my sister and makes me long for her
Today I felt like an elder sister with responsibility

It was one of the day that I would remember whole life!

Meanwhile I collected some lines which some of them told me today...thanks to them for saying all this..they helps

"ee prapamcham lo entha mandhi mothers leru... fathers leru?
u r better than many...
as gud as any..."


"its just in ur head...
just a month cannot change wt u think about a 25 yr life...
think wt u have achieved...
many look up to u..."



"many wud be happy to have wt u have..."


"see u dont want 100 ppl to believe u..
u want only one..
first stop bothering about them...
they will be of no help.."


"Do u think that... a tank which has lost some water... wud instantly be full again?
it takes time...such a stupid thing takes time..
then this wud surely take time."


"dont behave like a damsel in distress... u r much better than that...
believe in urself.. and things will come to u...
ppl with much worse problems are living with much more hope...
dont change ur attitude like the wind...
have u forgotten... wt u got through...
and wt u have become...
does a 1 month change everything?


"so stop beating urself up...
its just a phase..."


"mujhe sukh na chaahiye, mujhe dukh na chaahiye...
mujhe sukh aur dukh ka milan chaahiye...
sad is part of life...
pull urself up..."


 "see u know all these...its nothing new...
controlling urself is the key..."



"really.. skills etc is all bullshit...
ovetime u get them...
but learning about urself... is the key to success..
and the difference btn good and gr8..."


"see...
it wud bother you for sometime...
but life doesnt stop...
thats the beauty of it..."

Gone out for a date :P

Gonna meet my sweety preethy today..uff after long time.
she asked me "are u really gonna meet?"...he he i guess she doesn't know how much I am dying to meet...
I sometimes wish shilpa is also here...we three were crazy...
I have to tell her today..how much hurt I was on her marriage day..I was feeling so bad that she will go to Australia and I hardly get to see her...and share so many things...our tempo matches all the time..if it wont match we don't care about that stupid tempo...we are far beyond that..

..........

There was power cut when I wrote the above and now I came back after meeting preethy...had fantastic time..see this pic of ours :)

heeee...this post is dedicated to u preetho...

Mom

Cant believe I am back here to speak to myself. Mom and dad are no more sad memories. They are my strengths. Mom the only thing now I feel so personal and sensitive is you, that is why i didn't come back to this blog.

There are many reasons why I am again writing. I wish I had you to share all of them.I miss sharing each and everything with you. Tears are touching my lips when I write this. There are lot of things happening in our lives mom...I love you

Its my year -->

Oh lot of things changed here in blog...they are trying hard to make me write :P its been some time..oh no..its been long time I wrote..lot of things happened ha..I cant believe my 1 year at IISc is ending in next 2 days..doesn't matter where I am heading to..but I treasure the feeling I got at this place. A year I heard, discussed, learn t of all the things which are imaginary for me. I thought people here live in small world of there own..but I came to know in that small world they created biggest possible world and they can do imaginary stuff possible.

Putting together a year, It was damn boring if I compare to my previous years. Mostly focusing on career, family..ohh its horrible if I am not writing the word 'Love' here...hmm..yup it was on gear but you see the other things dominated. W aah..I am making scene now writing a year as if some president who compiles his month or year...doesn't matter again..it was great year for my career..it took new path..falling into mainstream..I was very confused what I would do after Biotechnology masters..now after 3yrs I fallen in place. Now you know I have first few pages for my future biography :P (I wont ever write one till I decide telling all truths :P)

Beside all this, my daily problems with bus drivers, conductors & auto drivers never stopped. I couldn't change them, and they couldn't change me. But I tried and kept trying. I think 2 days back again another conductor yelled at me for asking to give the ticket by paying the right amount of money. He just gave back half the money I gave to him and left without giving me ticket. The other half goes into his pocket and I don't get ticket. This is happening from many months, with many conductors..hmmm..and then I call them back, and give the money again and ask for my ticket..that is where it hurts his ego and he tries to show by yelling on me. I yell back saying 'what is your problem to give ticket by taking money?'...you know all this didn't work. I tried talking to people in bus whenever I get chance that it is wrong to follow this process..surprisingly some are happy to pay less and not take ticket...

Who knows they might think me mad for doing this..

In-spite of all, I tried to neutralize all the stuff around me..and fix my fast moving mind to go in slow pace.

Before starting another phase of life, its nice to remember all my well wishers, friends(pillars), and loved ones.

Love you all so much.
B!ndu

Updates:):P:?

I saw Nights in Rodanthe movie some time back. There was huge storm and rain in the movie in background during most part of the movie. I got a question in mind, why does people live in such a dangerous place? I again thought may be because they like the calmness after storm, or may be they don't fear for death...I dunno!!

Its been two weeks and I am able to think much better and clearer. When I write this I feel so funny as if I am a patient with some disease of 'no clarity'. I understand that I am lucky enough to get the best in spite of all my learning's.

I have no idea still what I will do in future especially when it comes to my career. I am now busy goggling the word 'Industrial Economics' all the time, actually "what is Economics?"...Let me see how I am gonna end up with it!

And yeah I am reading one fantastic book. It is 'Only the Paranoid Survive: How to Exploit the Crisis Points That Challenge Every Company'. This is my third book of CEO's. First one being 'Losing my virginity' by Richard Branson. Something very interesting exists in the books of CEO's. A problem & A solution. This is the books of CEO's about. No matter how interesting they take you through the book, first thing we need to fix before reading is, we are gonna read lot of problems and there wont be any obvious answer for any of the problem. It is always diplomatic. Who knows if I am taking it that way!

My sister said she sent me some surprise gift...I am waiting :)And I took one new mobile for my mom last week...I was so much proud :P

How are my updates?????????????????????????????/

tickling tickling :P

My tears were short lived and I soon fell asleep. Let me just make clear...my tears were after seeing Dear John movie :) I had a wonderful time watching it. My fabulous mind went to those fabulous memories. You can create unique experience in one's life just by doing something usual but with love. I woke up that morning outside my house, looking at the clean and new sunlight on my face. My mom came and gave a big hug when I was still on bed and asked me if I want to sleep more. I said 'yes' and went inside the house and slept again. This time I wont sleep generally. I keep listening to my mom, granny and people in the kitchen. It feels so good. Again I try to close eyes and focus on my beautiful dream. Why wont I dream in such peaceful place..my home! I dream of walking on a lonely road with him at night towards a cafe day in the corner of street...and speak about people somewhere who crush their cars, and those special little details that brought together of us..me not seeing into his eyes...hm..may be this is my first dream date..feeling lil shy and confused if it was right to walk on road at that time, still walking because may be I wont get back that day, it was a feeling mixed with excitement, adventure and somewhere budding love. No walls for this dream, it was silent heart tickling love. My mom again came to me and gave another hug and kiss and woke me!

Unfair world!

I was never so messed up like today in my life. In life we give up something’s, which we want. It is very unfair.
I tried to think sitting calmly with innumerable questions in mind. I hardly know answers for any. I just keep thinking because I don’t like the fact that ‘time solves everything’.
I went down to tea stall and had tea. I felt alone.
I didn’t miss anyone. I missed myself, my previous self.
Maturity is no fun. It takes all the fun.

T. S 3 mins

what is life's greatest treasure?
its nothing but pressure to think about the treasure..

What fills me with emotion?
your one moment thought..contagious

Sweet peace?
you aren't kid anymore..

Comfy, cozy?
keep dreaming till you get wrinkles..

Safe and study life?
I didnt get :( Did ya?

you are lost feeling...

You passed in my mind, when I was eating today at noon.
Mango trees in my campus are filled with annual flowering and I kept moving to them and smelt the fresh, soft, newly formed shimmering mango leaves. They again reminded me of you.
From you my mind went to our mango farm..
You took me and all the cousins in the bullock cart there..
I read in so many weekly magazines, stories of young people sitting under mango tree, eating raw mangoes with salt, and reading some story books...enjoying..
I dreamed of doing like that.
That day when you took me I remember.. I did the same in my own farm, while you went in search of insects harming trees.
Our mango farm was overflowing with mangoes..
We children played, jumped from trees, ate as many mangoes we want, packed a few to take home, and sat back in bullock cart which you drove. Did I ever thought I will miss you one day.
How wonderful relation it was..I wont get back that feeling. Its lost dad.

Master Piece

Days changed in her life. Sarcastic isn't it.
Who knows whether they changed for better or worst and who cares when a gossip is out in spite of what the hell in one's life is going.

Basically I am in a thoughtful mood though I am writing frustrating words, so you may consider this one.

Focus, clarity and blah ..how many people in this world are having? If it is something born in person...I would avoid them in jealousy :P

All big things have a special locus in mind. I used to go to vegetable market in my village which is functional only once in a week i.e on Tuesday. I get ready well and go there, as that was a place where cousins, relatives, a group of my mom's friends, meet and help in choosing good vegetables for a vegetable illiterate (me). And all these people go back home and discuss about each one whom they met in the market. This was the weekly social gathering of whole village for a purpose, but I enjoyed it in many ways. I loved to observe when people bargain, when any shopkeeper gives an extra tomato or ladies finger I enjoy how people show victory on their faces and I would probably make a big story at home if it happens to me. When I was below 5 th standard, I used to search in the same market for something else. They were nothing but match boxes.

Even though I studied in a classic English medium school in town, my friends were all in the village who play with match box covers, custard apple seeds, marbles and many games with sticks. So my favorite game was matching "match box covers". I needed different types of match boxes with hero faces, dog, cat, pen marks on them. To collect them I used to wake up early in the morning and go to the market, underneath some small bunk shaped shops and look for empty thrown match boxes, then tear the corners and start playing in the evening. Mom hates this game, as I roam around collecting match boxes on roads. Everyday I played this game wonderfully and won box full of match box covers. One fine day my mom who was upset with my behavior from a long time, thrown my achievements in cooking fire. I didn't eat that day. I didn't play again with those master pieces.

"2" s can change India :P

I wanted to leave early. Just like that, to relax for some time in front of hostel common TV and sip some tea, and have conversation with the cook about today's menu..if in good mood ask the recipe. At 5.30 p.m leaving from lab is like doing biggest sin in my life, although my whole day went with just browsing all possible time passing sites. " Everyday doesn't come under working day"..I say this to myself when I don't have any work. Looking for my bag on the table, and also peeping a lil into boss room, I slowly walked out.

I stopped looking for the seats in the bus after the day one lady forcefully pushed me from the foot board on to road, as she found my little presence may bus burst. Fine I never get any place to sit. Today also the same. But I was in high spirits, I didn't care about it. On the way planned about what to do this evening.

As I walked form the bus stop towards hostel, I recalled if I have to buy anything form the shops outside. I relaxed. No need. My purse was already empty except for few basic rupees.

Just gave a thought ..will I need a recharge, at least ten rupees. Mm..yeah I will need today. In good mood people rush in mind. I love sharing happiness. Thanking Vodafone for understanding my basic rupees condition in mind, went ahead.

Watching TV become tiresome when remote doesn't work. I felt I am shedding my calories changing channels. Gave up anyways, came to room.

I have to execute the plan now. Damn!..she is sleeping..my roommate who is leaving the hostel in a day forever and who bought a new book in to the room just previous day. I have only a day to somehow ask it form her and read it completely and give it back to her. I dunno whether she would be ready to give or not..after all her new book.."2 states" by chetan bhagat.

I saw the book on her table. Books are irressistable sometimes..especially when I remembered how I finished "Five point someone" in some hours, I couldn't wait anymore. I have to wait till she wakes up. As I sat many things went in my mind.

Yeah there exists book addiction..

Finally got up and took the book. I think she understand how desperate I was to read it...she said nothing after she woke up.

Book was great, although I don't want to write reviews of books in my blog, I find "2 states" as a must read for a change in Indian marriage system.

Meanwhile being visiting IIMA a couple of times, it was very easy to picture the scenes the novel was describing.

Like "2 states" , I guess we need a book "2 religions" for better India.

Stone laughs aloud!

When he saw that stone inside a bush in some corner, he loved it.
He doesn't know to shape it. He never want to give it a shape.
He started giving love. Silently stone enjoyed the pleasure of being loved.
It was shaped in years.

"People shaped me, in their day to day life. Situations shaped me, your love shaped my heart, in that dead stone" the stone's words to that boy.

Polishing of stone!
He is different person now. A new stone owner.
Stone needs polishing. I think it needs some thing that keeps it busy whole life.

Love? stone laughs aloud!
!!
After all it is just a stone..

My frog..is "Well" "not Well" ?

Em in hurry..why am I hooked here? I have a light heart to lift heavy burdens.

You know guys I planned to write about village small girls and the way they learn dance without trainers, and I really have a sad frogs story. Both the things I thought on two different days, early in the morning. And its very common I think a lot of things to add to my blog and hardly I put something out.

Frog love story was ending a lil sad, Village small children learning dance ended with inspiration.

Those frogs out of their beautiful little wells, into rivers or bigger water accumulations are the most unhappy ones. If in a pair of frogs..which were deeply in love, one moving out of well and one staying in the well is painful. I feel humans do transform like this and those little frogs who want to stay still in well's are destined to live there. Anyway I am against this story at times, but this is the truth.

This small children in my village, each from different schools, know different types of dances. Girls who go to town for school learn modern dance steps, while who study in my village itself dances on pretty cool folk songs. That day I just gathered a group of girls, may be for my entertainment and their interest to show me their talents..we all gathered. TO my surprise, Whenever a girl from village school starts dancing, the girl from town school also joins her and they both danced flawless, I could not spot their coordination. The same thing repeated when town girl danced, the village girl joined her with perfect coordination. I couldn't control asking them how they all know all the dances, in spite of being from different schools. They said, after coming back from school, the girl who goes to town to school, teaches what she learnt to other girls in village and in turn she also learn form village girls.

Perfect!

How keen they were in learning! A thought went for few days in my mind. I still love to think their ways of learning. They all are same in heart, village brings you this.

I am proud to belong there.

blank

Blank mind sits in front of a Blank paper
hand is opposite to mind..runs slow
They are not bits and pieces, out of love..
not even sentences out of fear..
they just don't come out of my mind to hand
because I stopped noticing!
In love my hand worked quick..
I never think while writing..
they are lovely words.
do u wanna read them?
people miss things!
girls hide them in their very dairies
I will show u soon,
when the world is Blank!

Pic Courtesy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jesper_hauge/2986401054/

with pen!

Yeah things are going on well I guess...
Cool job...lovely campus, lot of events, cancer clubs, seminars with prior snacks, enormous roof as soon as we step out of lab to refresh, chit chat, and murmur on mobile. On the same roof under a huge tree with orange flowers is our favorite lunch spot.

I was last night occupied with the thoughts of "background". Not those filmy backgrounds, it is about any individual's background, I mean a proper settled theme. At a certain age every person builds a theme in life, like gets grip on some values to practice in their lifetime, some passion to teach their younger ones which they feel very useful, tough times making them feel worth facing, stop thinking what is hard work really mean, able to recognize kindness, patience and fear in people, and a clear picture of certain distance in future. Just this is called background, which I was thinking and remaining all is falling into places accordingly.

And there I go with a small announcement, very informal but really my new thing I want you all to know.
I have taken a step forth with the thought of writing a Novel. My paper and pen are set.
I am in love with it.

Thanks for all your support for making me think, I can do this. With all your love and wishes moving ahead!

Balancing the mixture :)

With a pinch of time I got during recent days..I find myself engrossed in some orkut scraps..I don't remember that I have a blog and many of my feelings left unsaid, but always wanted to put them in a shape. And now I am at Indian Institute of Sciences, a land of trees, tall trees that I find myself as Lilliput. I am enjoying the feeling of new place, may be it has turned very soon a Lil routine but loving it anyway.

After finishing work..giving a walk slowly in the campus towards bus stop..looking for snakes in those bushes around..its like a evening walk in a park...I started calling the campus as forest.

I observed many things as I moved around everyday..I thought of putting them as secrets for sometime, to explore more. In new places there exists a confusion, whether to employ the ways of previous working or start with brand new ideas. I dunno how I am making it anyways, but the confusion does exist.

Getting into crowded buses, saying "no flu patients today in bus". And a lady with swine flu mask was sleeping in her seat yesterday, I saw her mask is out of the place falling on her neck. And she sleeps..happily in no dreams of swine flu.

People in this place are quite friendly, they have long hair, plaited evenly, with some nice smelling flowers. Young girls with a few chemistry or physics books (Like me they find these subjects tough I guess) and a head phone playing Kannada songs in FM, and conductors scared to touch any lady as they do in high locality going buses, where people are less questioning and busy moving. Here I am sure minimum three hands raises to beat him.

And again in new hostel, with just two more roomies, quite peaceful. I was thinking of some words to describe the feeling of mixture feelings, which I feel now. Whatever it is, I am just balanced, during all these happenings, which was great learning in recent days.

is this forever

Come to my dreams everyday
and I will be very fine all the day
Kindness! Dad when did u teach me this?
you don't answer me
I learnt it that day
My heart sinks when I think of your forehead,
haunting...never felt anything like that..
I touched your hair softly thinking to get any tiny hair fallen
to keep it as your precious last thing to see forever
I got one..hugging it in my hand I walked to funeral..
It is in my little purse along with your phone book and some of your scribbled papers
I never dared to open them after u
You stood once when I was leaving..at one moment I realized you was waiting for my kiss on that cheek
how many I kissed you on that day dad..you might be happiest when I did it to alive you..

Silk- Colorful- a tiny bit of History

My father along with my uncle once planned to start silkworm farming. It was more common those days. I was in my 8 Th standard, I guess. We had a new building in construction stage which was very near to my house where they planned to start Silk farming. I remember my dad calling me and showing those tiny eggs of silk worm..very tiny ones..I wanted to squash them, as they looked like lice egg (nits). Dad was telling they will grow very big if we give them food. From that day onwards, everyday evening after school, I run to that new building and see how much big they have grown. Sometimes when dad used to serve mulberry leaves (food of silk worms), I used to stand beside and ask him, "If you get any mulberry fruits in that leaves, give them to me, don't give to insects". When I go there with my friends..He was asking us to carry round wooden baskets of leaves into silkworm room in pairs. You should have understood one thing.. My show off..about silk worms to all my friends. I show them how they eat, move, slowly..I take them into my hands and show my guts :)..In school my stories followed everyday, till my dad took them to Bangalore to sell them. I remember they were worried about improper cocoon formation..Before dad took them, I took a small cocoon and placed it in a match box, I thought butterfly will come out of it.

I suddenly remembered all those today. I was traveling from my friends place to office, I have to cross a junction, which is named as " Silk Board" which is given after "Central Silk Board" located nearby.

That was in my Masters, when I got randomly chosen seminar topic on, "Advantages of Biotechnology in Sericulture", those silkworms came again into big picture.

I was fascinated to hear the history of silkworms..I controlled myself telling about the story while seminar as it is something to say in gene level..But I, at last told the story. Because I wanted to say.

You know silk is first discovered by Chinese people and secretly maintained for 2000 years. Many stories came out those days, that silk is made of leaves, soil layers, some plants...Its discovery was made a nice story.

One fine morning Chinese king came back form hunting and shouted in the palace, "My dear Princess! I want some refreshing drink". Those days tea is brewed under trees in palace garden. Queen was standing there while tea was made. Suddenly! In the vessel of boiling water, they saw glittering threads. Queen asked to take them out and observed its shiny nature. She was fascinated by that new thing. They came to know about the cocoons on the tree. She started sticking that shiny thread on her gowns. Then slowly they found more cocoons, and very soon they made silk gowns, veils, so on..And then rules came out in China. Any Chinese speak anything about silk is sentenced to death. It was symbol of royalty.
Once, a person from Japan came to China and stole a few maids who know about silk, few cocoons and plants where they grow. After that Japanese started producing silk too.

I find it interesting. All of them enjoyed listening to it.

We then speak about genetic engineering, and how silkworm genes are modified to produce more thick, fat cocoons. And I came to know, they started using the strongest silk produced using Biotechnology techniques in making Parachutes..

Silkworms have made me remember those colorful days!

Love Again

I am flying with my thoughts. Someone caught me and said why do you rush, we can sit and talk.
Feels better ha..
A long talk on phone with my friend..I am happy she calls me so frequently after I left my hostel. She miss talking to me. I am a big chatter box!

I again would like to speak today about “Falling in Love again and again”, which I spoken in my first post of this Blog.

Its quite normal and we all react in different ways. Especially girls pull this matter a lil too long and boys.. they limit the discussion. May be you can say me wrong , its my assumption.

Some of them think it as a big mistake, but I believe, it is as normal as we use our bathroom everyday.

If you agree that you don't suppress your love anytime, then you will surely agree you have fallen in love again and I do say you will fall in love again and again!

I feel we need to be open and let everyone choose their soul mates.

Under this sky, let me call it an Umbrella, I love the space that is left for a person, to share the rain and hot summer.

I love to listen those innocent buddies proudly arise and say “I am in Love again, Accept it!”

Love, Leadership , Entrepreneurship!
Last night I knew there is no definition to mean them. They are just there..as words and we do use them often, as they sound to be ultimate expressions..

how complex works ...

I had a stressful day. Still I do feel so.
Its about a Recommendation Letter.
I do not know how to ask someone to write good or whatever about me, or at least write about me. If a friend, Its different thing..I saw many friends asking each other to write testimonials..but its not quite OK to ask someone very elder than you, even though how close the relationship is, for a reference or recommendation letter..Mom never taught me this. I will not teach my children too. For me it is wrong.
Some rules, may be values which are inbuilt does all this.
But they doesn't work today.
Some tension covered my day. I struggled to do this. I want to relax and never think about this after today. I know it is not gonna end very soon , being in a research field, I have to get used to this..to move from one scientist to another, where my interest lies..or where the opportunity is.

I don't understand how people turn very complex quickly, its like going through many painful situations and coming to complex behavior. I mean to say its tough for me going through all these..I don't know how everyone learn things. May be I don't want to learn.

And I know it is boys who can teach girls to face hard situations. They actually teaches them softly. Boys teaches girls!