Tender World

Ok this was for today.
I am worried if I sometimes write something that is too judgmental and then the next minute I realize, a long way of life I lived to think of people who judge me. Not only me, I have met enough people who give damn about judging.

Last Sunday was a completely new experience for me. A whole day spent with 4yr old baby girl and 2yr old boy. I am glad I made friends with some cute family and with those lovely two kids. I never realized I would be out that day taking more than expected lessons.

After playing sometime at their house, we went to a temple and in the car the girl kid was very excited to sit on me. I dressed her, and pleated her small tender hair and arranged puppy pins, so that they wont come up. She was such a sweet one, never shook during the whole hair tidying process. And in the car, when I was brushing her hair with my finger, she was relaxing enjoying herself on me, with her two legs on the front seat. I lost into the thoughts, which you can imagine..about my future. I suddenly realized she was talking to me and when I asked her about it, she took my hand and kept it on her hair...So much love I got on her, with that small act, she wanted me to brush hair with my fingers. I did the same holding her more and more close.

Its been so long I hugged someone. Made my heart free. I slept in the whole way home holding her and my friend beside me offered her shoulder to sleep.

I have seen the whole day the mother of those kids. She made me realize what it is to deal with a family. And she tried every minute to make best for her children and her husband. And to my shock, she comes to the same office like me and works at same pace like me. Just before we were leaving out of the house, she cooked few Idly in minutes and packed so that kids might be hungry in between. She knew the kids. She knew how to make her husband laugh in keeping herself occupied with kids. It was not just responsibility, it was more of love which is keeping her climbing.

May be it is much more than that. I think women finds solitude in doing somethings at some age. The best way of enjoying for her was keeping everyone happy around her. May be she fails to do it at times but she never quit. Yes she never quit!

I wake up in the mornings to read this book 'Green Well years'. It is a book on the author's childhood stories in the temple city, Madurai. I don't want to finish the book, so I read only few pages a day and then think about it whole day. Childhood is such a precious thing. And along with this, I bought another book 'Compromise'. Title sounds interesting, but the actual reason to buy it was my shock that people really know how to deal with it and probably I will share my ideas once I read it. I saw a beautiful dress this Saturday in the mall and then I came out and bought this two books. The dress was 6k, but it was something just meant for me...he he..I felt like this at many shops though :) And then, I had to buy this books to make me feel better for not buying the dress. Back there my sister is all excited about her trip to Gangtok and I who couldn't make it for the trip have readily sent my interest to the 5km marathon with some of my team mates. It is the first time I am participating in something like this and I am super duper excited. 

How random?

For all those beautiful girls
I found something very interesting today
May be if I found the same after few years I would surely regret
There is a style that everyone of you carry and would want to experiment with
I mean here with clothes, styling your hair, wearing some kind of shoe or any external thing
This style part of all of us doenst have any co relation with our age, state of mind.
You might agree with age, but not state of mind. Let me come to that after talking about age.
Irrespective of what age we are, we can always wear whatever we wish to. Clothes have nothing to do with age. In fact, you might want to try all the weird or funky clothes very soon before you even think about the age.
And yes state of mind..
Soon after some series of sad happenings in people's lives, they generally give up on everything, everything!
They realize some time later, may be after few years, they have changed after that incident.
But trust me guys there is no need of that change. The style you have and want to have is just gonna stay with you forever.You have to make that happen. And then only you will realize how beautiful you are, you will be always.

I would regret if I don't write it, though many know this.
Somehow, my blog says to me, what I am.
I love that fact.

ఏకాంతం

ఏకాంతం వింతగా 

వద్దు అనేంతగా 

సాయంకాలం నా వైపు రెండోసారి చూసిన తర్వాత

నవ్వుకున్న నేను చాలాకాలం తర్వాత  

సర్దుకుంటూ నా పై వాలిన జుట్టును 

మర్చిపోయా ఓ క్షణం నా ఒట్టును

ఈడుస్తూ నడిచా కొంత దూరం 

మోస్తూ కొంత భారం 

ఉంటుందేమో రాత

అనే గీత 

నాలోని చిలిపితనం 

మరిచెంత పిచ్చితనం 

రాలేని గెలుపు

ని తలపు

People want you to do useful stuff all the time.
Thats why they ask you to grow up.
Do not misunderstand them for they are taking away your childishness or WHATEVER!
Ok. I read somewhere writing in bold something means you are actually yelling.
Anyways, this post purely goes for one small change I decided to make in my profile i.e 'About me'.
And yeah I don't have to yell about it, but it means a lot. A LOT ;)

Almost four years back I wrote this line,
"I think myself sweet, honest and innocent. I take things in the most happy and amused way"

I just changed the word innocent to matured. A relevant substitution to the changing times. A must needed compliment I give for my swelling thoughts.

A mind that works, always get its stake of respect and all the honor. It is wonderful to know, that people know to give respect to your acts of mind. Actually may be that is all we have to prove to get that piece of cake, I mean respect.

-

One colleague got black grapes in his box the other day and in them I got a jamoon fruit (black plum). I can remember its sceintific name (Syzgium cumini) too. Less compliments to me and more to my great biology teacher Alwyn Sir in 8th standard. And then, though I tried to convince that was a jamoon my colleagues were arguing it was a grape.

I went to the desk. Sitting there for a minute came that thought.

I saw a black plum (sounds much easy to call) seed in the bus, somewhere between seats and as soon as I reached home, asked my mom, if I can go to the house of my relatives who live a bit far from my house. It was evening and she knew why I generally go there. I didn't take any friends especially who can climb trees faster than me. Once I reached their house, politely I asked if they have some of those fruits (generally they pluck everyday). I know what to do next, I said I will try to find one if they are finished at home. They said fine, as one of their daughter was mom's classmate. I went on climbing tree, and when found one, ate it there itself, they were not ripe, still I ate. I can get down normally from the tree but I jump from so much height. 

I remember their house only for those fruits.

My parents have been famous for their acts of kindness and courage.

To my wonder both were. One was more sensible. The other has been a kid at heart till the death. Never wanted to know the bad in the world. 

My sister and me know very well and warn each other when we are not living the way my mother asked us to. When we laugh on phone at some things happening around, that is when I knew, we cherish the values of my mother. So internally! A warmth feeling of her surrounds me with the thought.

New office is very similar to new relationship.
Initially they create new expectations from either side and any one of them realize his/her standards should rise to match the other one. So, then starts this journey, people name it interesting phase. Because once you reach a saturation point, where you don't have anything more to learn you look for new job. Sadly, relationships work with slight difference after this point. You end up with tragedies and melodramas, which are basically bought to fancy the relationships further. People move to new jobs, they make great careers. People don't move to new relationships, they also make great lives. The last two statements are written very positively. Sometimes, they can be opposite.

However, my point is, do a person have to go through a interesting phase of job and relationship at a time. If he/she has to work hard both in career and relationships, how is his/her life gonna appear. May be they always beat head at office and after office. And I can't stop noticing but, it is worth going through whatever phase an office gives, new learning, new people etc. But in contrast, the relationships offer you some great challenges. And you can't make a CV out of it if you are well experienced, you can only make one much more smart step next time.

I am still in the process of learning how humans are making relationships work. I however, could not possibly find the reason for their well-being if I start enjoying one. So, I think this is the time to look more into them and learn as much as I can.

Human craving for something that will never be their own is very high. A high percentage of brain can drain in this process of craving. It takes one's simple logic moment to work with it. But craving kills all of it. The longevity of your character builds with the narrow focus on the craving which can alter your shadow. A vision of multiple thoughts can maximize your self control muscle strength.

Keep your mental muscles in good shape.

A reason to say Good Night!

Oops I am so blank now. Was flooded with thoughts some time back.
Yeah what I want to talk was about these girls and their brain usage.
I am curious these days that how often girls use their brains. The logical side of them is shut most of the time.
And the emotional side of them works round the clock shutting the so ever opening logical doors.
What is this emotional side? Do we really need it?
Yes I guess so, according to those old generations, woman with emotional side are found attractive, more feminine exactly.
The point is, how long. How long is the question of modern woman, who think logic is taking away their so called personal lives. May be these woman better live in the sun unseen world. I literally mean it. Because it is so very long that, the minute you stop using it, it starts using you. No better way to illustrate it, I bet you should try it. Once. It is worth it. ;) Moreover, you can give lectures to people like me.

And I realize that sometimes office can be a totally a different experience. I feel like I just started working, like a fresher all over again. May be the way they teach me things is making me think so. I am trained for every small thing. Being organised! Yeah I use this again. Looks like this will never leave me till it teaches me what it wants. Hopefully this time it gotta stuck with me for quite long time, because, not one but more than half a dozen people are trying to make me learn this. Not to mention but, that 'not one' is someone I really miss. So, then I have this reminders every where, in my calender, my phone, my inbox, pop-ups, post-it...I know what is so much remember? Yes! there are lot of things that my lil mind is stuffed with. Oh why is it lil now. My big mind is stuffed with!! Fantastically I desired for some awards over here. Yep you heard me right :) I have changed. So much that I dream them at times :P

Hee hee

Then, I ran over my excel sheet and strangely found that its been 12 days in this month and I haven't spend single penny on me, except those daily lunch expenses. I kept a watch on expenses but this is lil too way of my expectations. Nice though! And this weekend, girls are going on strike by not buying anything from anywhere in this place. How nice, I got another reason to not spend!

I watch this English serial everyday in TV. More than an hour, which fortunately even my roomie got interested with. And while watching we enjoy conversing on whatever they wear and talk, and that is when I remember those two gals..one is sitting in Bangalore and the other in Australia. On a week day, after dinner, we put blanket on the floor in the hall and put the TV on. And then, laptop is on, on the other side. Both sides movies are playing and we hold our hands and shout at scenes, simultaneously watching both, with some jokes and my loud laughs we go to sleep so late. We never used to discuss these things on the next day, probably we know we will discuss it on a day like this.

mmm.

Though I am a bit afraid of the cold weather, I am very excited about the planned Kashmir trip. I want to see those trees I studied in 7th or 8th standard 'Kashmiru pattana vishistatha' . Wow..I will see them all soon. And also excited to see all those Kashmir classmates of mine from Bangalore.

And I have a tip for all those gals, who get often emotional. Just when you think you are hitting that zone, turn off your lights and sleep off to enter into peaceful world. Goodnight all!

I saw sky totally dark at 5pm in the evening today. I came and stood in the same old place on the 6th floor of a tall building. A small place from where you can see everything outside including a circular fly over and red and white lights of cars as they pass in either directions. Standing there, everyday I miss something for sometime and today I didn't feel like that. Seeing the sky with full of clouds, clouds like they were once in my village, I felt easy. Easy to bare today's pain. People keep coming to that place, where I was standing and were all excited that it will rain. I felt like talking to everyone who were passing by. With some I tried.
Desperation is Strategic Way, in some terms.
I hear lot of things like this, these days.
And then, I miss my house in village. My old house. For years we had a wooden roof, which come from long trees. Among them two of the wooden sticks (I dunno what we call them, but they are huge..as huge as they can kill some one when fallen from that height), had cracks on them. My parents where always worried that they will fall on us. And we have to sleep under them every night as we don't have much place around. I remember they both were fighting to sleep under that cracked wood and I after I grew enough to understand the issue, started fighting for sleeping under the same crack. Ha ha..may be I thought it is fun to die like that. But never they allowed us. Sometimes, I used to think that if the roof fall on all four of us, there will be nothing. Same thing once happened near my village and everyone except one gal was no more. She used to go to school still. I gave her place in the bus whenever I see her standing. I thought we can come to school even without parents. How funny!! You can do anything. Anything can be achieved or you can also fall how deep down you want to. Possible!

And today I remember all these death things. Because my close friend, my first friend on this earth, swati, we were friends from Nursery to 2nd class, passed away along with her husband in a road accident on highway, the last I saw her was when she was writing her 12th standard physics record, in a place 'Tharthuru' near my village. I thought why did she take maths, when I took biology, I thought we both were so same. She left her only son who is born recently on this planet to live on his own. The day went thinking about her and her cute cheeks which I always admired. I miss her. 

Where r u?

A selfish pocket
A pocket for twinkling eyes
Mud removed for fishes
Eyes cried for known truth
A picture to see in real
Tree of your own
A mind you always dream for
Once those cherished are your values